Eloise31 Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 Hey First off I'll apologise forthe length of my post (and typos - doing this on my phone!) I really do need some advice though, so if anyone can take the time to read through my ramblings and relate or help in some way; I'd be forever grateful! I've been with my man almost 2 years. We had a gap of about 6 months where he decided he was still harbouring baggage towards his ex - and needed some space to work on this but also his ongoing depression and other life issues. We got back together and things have been fairly good. He's a Gemini (for any of you into sun signs) and we often joke that he has a split-personality. Very much so! One minute he will be close and affectionate: the next distant and cold. Things started going downhill when I got a new job at the start of the year - we rarely saw each other on weekends anymore (previously we would see each other once a week and I'd usually stay over at his on a weekend) and our time together was limited to the odd lunch break at work - which I wasn't happy with. This cause quite a bit of tension. We've since been on holiday together - the most amazing holiday ever and both of us had a great time. Whilst we were away he was like a different person - much more like who he was when we first met. Kind, caring, so affectionate and everything seemed Rosy. When we arrived home, he was the same for a few weeks and then reverted to being cold and distant. He very rarely makes plans with me or asks to see me. He tells me I'm clingy and smothering him if I call him first or send multiple texts (which ok, I know can be annoying!) and he makes me feel guilty if I tryto ask for time together - once a week - which I don't feel is unreasonable. It was my birthday recently and he spoiled me with lovely gifts and a thoughtfully written card, which really made me feel he cares. But again, lately he's been distant. One of my issues is that he won't respond to my texts for hours and yet will be messaging someone on an app - I've told him this made me feel jealous & insecure but he brushed it off saying had I ever considered he was talking to friends about his problems? We see each other once a week, but generally only if I ask, and his calls and texts have become a lot less. We've argued lately and he has told me to f*** off a couple of time's - which he did apologise for but I found very hurtful, and told him So. We talked about why he has been so distant. And why he feels I am clinging to him. He said that he has so much work, chores & things to do for other people piled on top of him that he just doesn't have any more to give and that he never has any time for himself to just relax. Which is partly true - he lives at home with his family and so never has much space or time. But he gets two days off a week and seems to struggle finding any time for me at all on any of his evenings or days off - his time is filled with doing washing, relaxing playing games, catching up with his friends or doing DIY for various people. I feel like if he WANTED more time with me, he'd make time. At the same time, I know he is still depressed and also exhausted with his shift work as wel as being unhappy in his job and I'm trying to support him on that front. I feel like I am always supporting him, cheering him up, bringing him little gifts and wanting to see him whilst he could take me or leave Me. I don't know if how I feel is a in my head, As I am seeing a therapist for depression too and have suffered from very low self esteem in the past. When we talked at the weekend, he hugged me and said he was sorry he'd been so snappy and moody, but he was really struggling to manage everything in his life at the moment and still have time for himself. My concerns are that he may be interested in someone else (the 'friend' he chats to 24/7), or that he has lost interest in me. On the other hand, I don want to jump to conclusions if it really is just that he is having a hard time juggling work and life and also struggling with his depression and mood. I really do love him to bits and have supported him through depression and all the other things that have happened since we met - and I'll continue to do so, BUT, I don't want to be taken for an idiot. If he has genuinely just lost interest And/or is chatting to someone else behind my back then I will leave. I just wondered if anyone else had experience of similar - busy boyfriend or seeing someone with depression. Or just someone who blew hot & cold and was at time's emotionally unavailAble. Any advice or help is gratefully received
Recommended Posts