newmoon Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 So... I found out recently that most of the interesting places and things I've done with my bf (of over 1 year) he has/had already done with a prior gf. I wandered on to facebook a few days ago and in her profile she has tons of pictures of herself standing outside at least 10 places my bf has taken me. I gave him a lot of credit on those dates he planned for being unique/creative because the places are very out of the way and interesting, but I'm of the opinion now that it was her that selected these places and that he takes me around to them now for ... well, I'm nt sure why. Guys (or gals) is this common for you as well? To take your new date/gf/bf to places you have already explored with another significant other? I guess it bothers me some because I never do it - we live in a huge metro area (Los Angeles) so there is really no reason to ever revisit something with a new person, but to keep exploring. I don't plan to mention it to him, but it does say something about his character don't you think? And it weirded me out to see her posing in the exact spots he pointed out to me on dates.
AlexCross Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 So... I found out recently that most of the interesting places and things I've done with my bf (of over 1 year) he has/had already done with a prior gf. I wandered on to facebook a few days ago and in her profile she has tons of pictures of herself standing outside at least 10 places my bf has taken me. I gave him a lot of credit on those dates he planned for being unique/creative because the places are very out of the way and interesting, but I'm of the opinion now that it was her that selected these places and that he takes me around to them now for ... well, I'm nt sure why. Guys (or gals) is this common for you as well? To take your new date/gf/bf to places you have already explored with another significant other? I guess it bothers me some because I never do it - we live in a huge metro area (Los Angeles) so there is really no reason to ever revisit something with a new person, but to keep exploring. I don't plan to mention it to him, but it does say something about his character don't you think? And it weirded me out to see her posing in the exact spots he pointed out to me on dates. Maybe you don't think it is special because another girl has been in your shoes? I can understand how you feel. I dont think he is doing it on purpose. I think you should communicate how you feel with him. Let him know. Maybe he is comfortable doing what he knows best or maybe he can be unique for you (although I know your thinking he should of already done that). 2
mesmerized Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 Well, to me it just shows that he's not very creative (unlike what you thought) and he probably doesn't see anything wrong with what he's doing. I can see why you're upset but I don't think you should hold it against him. 1
ThaWholigan Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 Probably it's because you've never been there, so he thought taking you would be nice. Also, could possibly be trying to erase old memories with new ones? 2
Lonely Ronin Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 A few things you might want to think about. First you might be a tiny bit jealous, because you didn't experience certain firsts with him. Second, you might consider they are just places to him that have no significant connection to his ex. 3
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 I would think it's a bit odd If she was posing in the same exact places...but a lot of these places he may have very well went her first with over the course of the relationship. He likely feels they were good places, and is being kind of lazy about it and wanted to easily impress you...which it did. As far as never going to the same places with anyone...even in Los Angeles, that's asking for a lot. I try to do somethings unique with every person/relationship but there are just some things you cannot avoid and I understand that they may have likely been to the same places as well with their SO because that's just the way it works...Los Angeles may be big but people generally go and do a lot of the same crap. Plus people are more comfortable with things they have done before or went, it makes them feel like they can show you around instead of get just as lost which may frustrate some. So unless you're a foodie that just enjoys eating all around Los Angeles and consider that unique, the "fun" or entertaining, more outdoorsy stuff may be limited. There are always new ideas though in LA and places you can travel together outside of LA, so you may want to go that route as I think that's more appropriate as you get older. I think you should just simply voice this to your BF that you would like to avoid doing all of the same things he did with his ex and you'd like to branch out and come up with new ideas that are unique to your experience. But then he was probably running out of ideas at this point anyway As far as myself, I am more like you in wanting a different experience with someone new (which it is regardless If I've been there before with someone else but I get it)...although after a few long-term relationships that definitely becomes more a challenge and I've become a bit numbed to LA's "glam"...place is more a dump to me now
USMCHokie Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 As far as never going to the same places with anyone...even in Los Angeles, that's asking for a lot. I try to do somethings unique with every person/relationship but there are just some things you cannot avoid and I understand that they may have likely been to the same places as well with their SO because that's just the way it works...Los Angeles may be big but people generally go and do a lot of the same crap. Plus people are more comfortable with things they have done before or went, it makes them feel like they can show you around instead of get just as lost which may frustrate some. I can't believe you took us to a place you'd already been to.
SmileFace Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 How dare he not create new places to take you too? Why can't it be that these places are special to him and he wants to share it with someone who is special to him. It isn't about the place anyway but about you two being together. I have had places guys took me that I took other guys. Because this places were kick ass and I wanted to share it with others. 1
Star Gazer Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 As far as never going to the same places with anyone...even in Los Angeles, that's asking for a lot. I try to do somethings unique with every person/relationship but there are just some things you cannot avoid and I understand that they may have likely been to the same places as well with their SO because that's just the way it works...Los Angeles may be big but people generally go and do a lot of the same crap. Plus people are more comfortable with things they have done before or went, it makes them feel like they can show you around instead of get just as lost which may frustrate some. This. I used to have the same dates and hangouts in L.A. all the time. When friends visited, I took them all to the same places. When dating, we often wound up at the same restaurants, museums, beaches. There really isn't THAT much to do in that city.
tigressA Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 How dare he not create new places to take you too? Why can't it be that these places are special to him and he wants to share it with someone who is special to him. It isn't about the place anyway but about you two being together. I have had places guys took me that I took other guys. Because this places were kick ass and I wanted to share it with others. There was a hole-in-the-wall Vietnamese restaurant that I was a sort-of regular patron of along with a guy I dated. I took at least three other guys after him to that place. Why? Because the food is amazing and it's rather cheap. Don't worry over it. Besides, if you hadn't gone Facebook-creeping, you wouldn't even know, would you? It's not like he said "Oh I took my ex here too." Don't go looking for stuff if there's a possibility of not liking what you find. 3
SmileFace Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 There was a hole-in-the-wall Vietnamese restaurant that I was a sort-of regular patron of along with a guy I dated. I took at least three other guys after him to that place. Why? Because the food is amazing and it's rather cheap. Don't worry over it. Besides, if you hadn't gone Facebook-creeping, you wouldn't even know, would you? It's not like he said "Oh I took my ex here too." Don't go looking for stuff if there's a possibility of not liking what you find. Exactly. Now if you went there and he was like "I remember all the good times me and "Amanda"" had here" or "Oh,"Amanda" loved this place".
RedRobin Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 (edited) So... I found out recently that most of the interesting places and things I've done with my bf (of over 1 year) he has/had already done with a prior gf. I wandered on to facebook a few days ago and in her profile she has tons of pictures of herself standing outside at least 10 places my bf has taken me. I gave him a lot of credit on those dates he planned for being unique/creative because the places are very out of the way and interesting, but I'm of the opinion now that it was her that selected these places and that he takes me around to them now for ... well, I'm nt sure why. Guys (or gals) is this common for you as well? To take your new date/gf/bf to places you have already explored with another significant other? I guess it bothers me some because I never do it - we live in a huge metro area (Los Angeles) so there is really no reason to ever revisit something with a new person, but to keep exploring. I don't plan to mention it to him, but it does say something about his character don't you think? And it weirded me out to see her posing in the exact spots he pointed out to me on dates. Why do you care? Are you both virgins? Odds are pretty good both of you have done something with your new SO that you did with someone else in the past. Even if it is some of the same places he's taking you to, I'd like to think the experience and dynamic would be different... At least he is making an effort (sounds like). I just stopped seeing a guy (in part) because his idea of a great 3rd date was a movie at his house. ... and I'd suggest quitting with the facebook-trolling of exes... or any of that kind of thing. All it is doing is depriving you of enjoyment of the here-and-now. Edited: It might be kind of funny to take the one of those gnomes along on the next date he suggests... Like the movie 'Amelie' or the Travelocity gnome. Instead of you in the pic... it's the gnome. On second thought... naah.... that wouldn't be nice. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Travelling_gnome_prank Edited August 12, 2012 by RedRobin
TheFinalWord Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 So... I found out recently that most of the interesting places and things I've done with my bf (of over 1 year) he has/had already done with a prior gf. I wandered on to facebook a few days ago and in her profile she has tons of pictures of herself standing outside at least 10 places my bf has taken me. I gave him a lot of credit on those dates he planned for being unique/creative because the places are very out of the way and interesting, but I'm of the opinion now that it was her that selected these places and that he takes me around to them now for ... well, I'm nt sure why. Guys (or gals) is this common for you as well? To take your new date/gf/bf to places you have already explored with another significant other? I guess it bothers me some because I never do it - we live in a huge metro area (Los Angeles) so there is really no reason to ever revisit something with a new person, but to keep exploring. I don't plan to mention it to him, but it does say something about his character don't you think? And it weirded me out to see her posing in the exact spots he pointed out to me on dates. I can see why it annoys you, but what kind of thoughts would he have if you gave him full access to your past exes? There's an interesting line in a superman comic from years ago. When Clark Kent first learns about his x-ray vision as a teenager. He can see everything, even into secrets of people's lives. Many things hurt him that he sees. He asks his mom, "Mom if you could see anything how would you handle it". Ms. Kent: "I would choose not to look". Cheesy, but I think you know what I mean. Yes, you have this new ability to find out about his past, but what good is going to come of it? I would recommend focusing on the fact he's with you and not her. For me it's always less of "what" we're doing, but the joy of the interaction. For me, if it's the right woman, I could be in the most boring environment and still have fun. Environment just adds icing to the cake. So I guess it's how you view the context of these dates. But for him those places have sentimental value perhaps? The fact he's sharing that with you is what is special.
xxoo Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 It makes sense, if he is taking you places he likes to go, and doing things with you that he likes to do. It isn't like he is going to change into a completely different person, with different interests and different favorite spots, with each new relationship.
sally4sara Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 I lost count of how many time I took a guy to The Book Loft in German Village, Columbus. 24 rooms of an old victorian house with books from floor to ceiling. Or to the Columbus Conservatory. I took this guy who ended up being crazy jealous to the conservatory. I also ended up taking my husband there too. Guess which visit was more memorable and stands out in my mind? I can barely remember going with crazy jealous guy. It wasn't being lazy. I loooooved these places. I took friends and relatives because it was another chance to go myself. Think of it like your favorite movie or song. If you meet someone new and you find out they've never seen your favorite movie or heard your favorite song don't you want to share it with them? So he went some place with his ex and then took you there later. I'm sure other people have gone there and had a better time than they did. Some went and had a crap time. Are you going to sulk when you go out now wondering if he took his ex, making sure that if he did they sure had a better time than the two of you will with you sulking and him wondering what your damn problem is. Think of all the things that would have to go out the window if you did them with someone you dated and then later found out that person sucked and you dumped them. "You mean you spent Xmas with THEM and exchanged gifts with THEM too?!" "You actually had missionary position sex with HER too?!?!" "What do you mean you use to walk down the street holding hands with your skank ex?!" Come on; pick your battles. This is not something to quietly grow resentful towards someone over.
yongyong Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 What's the big deal? Didn't he have sex with you on the same bed that he used for banging other chicks too?
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