Chips24 Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 Hi all, I've been broken up with my ex of a year for 3.5 months. Him 28, me 26. I went NC from the very beginning- 100% recommend. Reasons why we broke up - he told me he had nearly cheated on me and thought the grass was greener single. He said he thought it was just a faze and wanted to go on a break. A break? What an fing idiot. I said no and we straight into nc- deleted fb, phone numbers and emails. The monday just past I recieved an email from him asking to catch up for coffee sometime in the future. I feel good about the situation so i said, "yeh, sure I told you I'd play nice" I recieved an email back saying " cool how about Saturday 11am at astro" this is a cafe we use to visit frequently as a couple so I thought it slightly odd. Any way Saturday has come and gone. And now I'm just confused. Why did he want to see me? The catch up was really nice, we got along really great. He was definitely flirty... There was obviously a reason he wanted to catch up but now after seeing him I am non the wiser! Speaking with my male friends they say this is his strategy back in or he just wants some ex action but my girlfriends think he is just being nice. In your experience LC'ers what is the common reason an ex gets in touch only to have it be really casual ... There just didnt seem any point to it? He didn't ask to see me again or anything about missing me? I didn't think males caught up with ex girlfriends just to " see how they are "
Confused cookie111 Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 I feel like he is testing the water and is wanting to know if your still available and if you are and you are open to his contact and friendly/flirty towards him then, he can assess the situation and see if he wants to pursue this and try for another chance. If you weren't receptive of his contact after all this time, then he would back off. You cut him off and he knows you have done it once and you will do it again if you need to protect yourself. So my read is he is testing the waters...
TaraMaiden Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 that's a stereotypical description, and it's definitely not a "one size fits all" thing... Maybe he was just testing the waters... maybe he was just being nice. are you open to a second try? Is that what you're hoping?
leoc1973 Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 Males usually don't want to catch up with ex's. This sounds to me like he's playing the reconciliation by "the book". Go read all the things online to get your ex back and I bet he did them. Flirty but not telling you he misses you is because thats what all those books tell ya to do. I bet he acted confident and told you how he was bettering his life too. He picked the cafe because it was supposed to bring up memories. As a male it sounds like he was trying to show you he can be fun and flirty but not needy because he wants you back. Its what I would do. Just be careful that he's not looking for ex sex. He will play it cool for a while and wait for you to contact him I will bet.
Author Chips24 Posted August 12, 2012 Author Posted August 12, 2012 Thanks all, I appreciate the unbias pov. Cookie- so I guess if this is the case you'd assume he'd be in contact again? I'm going straight back to nc... TM- I think I would be up for giving him another chance, but I'd need to be certain he is ready to make the changes that ended us. Talk is cheap. I was worried that meeting up with him would take me a couple of step back, but I'm actually feeling really good. Leo- thanks for the male pov. I don't get Why he'd be trying to prove he isn't needy? He broke up with me? Well really he didn't give me a choice. I doubt it is sex with the ex... He is a good looking guy, his brother recently brought a club which attracts mainly 21-25 old girls so really it is on tap for him.
Jono85 Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 In your experience LC'ers what is the common reason an ex gets in touch only to have it be really casual ... There just didnt seem any point to it? He didn't ask to see me again or anything about missing me? I didn't think males caught up with ex girlfriends just to " see how they are " In MY opinion, they don't. i wonder if he had 2nd thoughts after the meet-up?? i really don't know here, kind of weird. how did u guys end the meet-up? just said it was nice to see eachother and left?
Author Chips24 Posted August 12, 2012 Author Posted August 12, 2012 Jono- the goodbye was really general - in one of the emails he sent me Monday he said he'd been at a club (same one I went to for my bday) and run out because a girl was stalking him (not sure why he needed to share that) .. So I made a joke as we were leaving and said " it was good to see you, I'm sure We'll run into each other out while your being stalked by several females" he laughed and we waved eachother off.
Jono85 Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 Jono- the goodbye was really general - in one of the emails he sent me Monday he said he'd been at a club (same one I went to for my bday) and run out because a girl was stalking him (not sure why he needed to share that) .. So I made a joke as we were leaving and said " it was good to see you, I'm sure We'll run into each other out while your being stalked by several females" he laughed and we waved eachother off. wait, not even a hug though? honestly, i'm not really sure. i haven't had many situations like yours, so i'm not sure whats normal and whats not. i would think though that there would be at least hugs shared at the beginning and end between exes reuniting? anyhow, u did mention he was flirty. so maybe he's just planting the seed here and plans on pushing things in the near future. either way all u can do is not take any action as i'm sure ur aware of.
Author Chips24 Posted August 12, 2012 Author Posted August 12, 2012 Oh no sorry, yes there were hugs and kisses at the start and end. He greeted me with a huge excited smile. I know he missed me, that is obvious but he just didn't make it known why he missed me- friend wise or lover wise
Jono85 Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 Oh no sorry, yes there were hugs and kisses at the start and end. He greeted me with a huge excited smile. I know he missed me, that is obvious but he just didn't make it known why he missed me- friend wise or lover wise kisses on the lips? lol if so, then i would think he is wanting to see u as more than friends? otherwise, still, just gotta wait and see i guess. again though, guys don't just want to meet up with ex girlfriends for platonic reasons. maybe some do, but i would guess not many. that being said though, he may just be looking for friends with benefits situation while he's lonely and still looking for someone else. so be careful and don't let him get anywhere further without some sort of talk.
Author Chips24 Posted August 12, 2012 Author Posted August 12, 2012 Oh no no, just a friendly cheek kiss! Yes I guess I'll wait and see- itll be interesting how he ( if he even does) suggests a second catch up...
Recommended Posts