NE-Mike Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 All, This is part 2 of a multi-part story/confession. You can catch up on part one at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/340211-just-going-through-motions As a quick recap of part 1, I am 48 been married for going on 21 years and have 2 children in their mid and late teens. I am in a sexless marriage (not having been intimate in over 8 years with my wife), but we still get along. There is this girl at work (of course, there always is). She is 34, been married for 9-10 years and has 2 younger children. Last year a position opened in my department, she applied and was hired. I really had nothing to do with the selection process because all the people that applied I knew of and did not want to seem impartial, however, she was absolutely the best person for the job in terms of her skills and experience. In the beginning, we were flirty with each other and you could tell there was some chemistry between us. Then one night she started txting me. We txted for over an hour and during that time we discussed how we liked each other more than just coworkers and enjoyed being around each other. Over the course of the next few months, we txt'd each other every night and all weekend. We told each other everything (and I mean everything) about each other. She told me stories about her that she had told no one and the same here. We typically did not sit in the same building, but found excuses for one or the other to be with each other. I really think we both found that something we were missing in our marriages, attention. I gave her attention, compliments, was always there for her and she returned the attention just as much. She confided in me that she loved the sound of my voice and that she would get turned on when she was in a presentation I was giving, listening to me talk with confidence. We were so happy when we were together and we hadn’t even had sex. We talked about that too, but she was not sure she was ready for that. She felt guilty enough about what we were doing and that she thought of me all the time. For my part, I did not push this and even told her that she was the one that would control the direction of this relationship. My biggest fear was that I would push her into something that she was not ready for, she would get so guilty that she could not stand to see me anymore, have to leave work and confess all to her husband ruining that relationship. We finally got the opportunity to take a business trip together in March. It was going to be a 3 day, 2 night trip. As we planned this, we were really excited at the prospect of spending all that time together. We reserved our hotel rooms as connecting rooms and even talked about what we would wear to bed (conservative sweats lol). The day of the trip finally came and as we drove up we talked a little about expectations. I actually initiated this again reaffirming that she was in control of what happens here and not me. That I would respect whatever she decided. She said that she was not ready to do anything other than lay next to each other and hug, which I was fine with. And the 2 nights, that’s exactly what we did. We fell asleep in the same bed holding each other. However, on the third morning, I woke up first, and started rubbing her neck, shoulders and back through her t-shirt to help her wake up. As I did this she started to softly moan and whispered that it was ok to go under her shirt. I did this and continued to rub her back and shoulders, my hands moved down and started rubbing her butt (over her sweats). At this point, she was moaning a bit more and her legs were squirming. She was definitely turned on. She was bending her head away so I could kiss her neck and I did. And then it happened. The voice in my head came back about the conversation we had over dinner the night before. All I could hear is her voice about saying how she felt guilty and then I started thinking about that if I went further, would she feel guilty later when she came to her senses and all the problems that come with that. I just couldn’t do it. So I stopped, gave her a playful tap on her butt and said let’s get ready for work. At work, during a quiet moment when we were alone, I explained myself to her and she understood. She did tell me that she was not wearing any underwear. Not sure why she did this, but maybe it was to tell me that she planned for something to happen. When we got back from the trip, things continued on as before for a little while, but then they started to cool off. She wanted to pull back a bit and focus more on her home life. So we stopped being so physically at work and stopped showing up together at work. Then the txting started to slow down to the point now that I almost never get a txt at night or on the weekends from her and if I send a txt to her, not only does it rarely goes answered, but in many cases she doesn’t even read it (for those that have BBM you’ll know when someone reads your bbm). I had always replied to her txt’s almost immediately and was somewhat frustrated that mine were going unread. This has hurt me greatly. I know what we were doing was wrong and probably wouldn’t have lasted anyway, but the way this has all stopped has me wondering if there was something I did wrong. I don’t want this to be weird at work, so I put on a happy face, and smile around her. We IM and talk as needed for work and she’ll still IM me about things that she is doing (like getting ready for one of the kids bday parties, etc). She will still txt me once in awhile at night / weekend and I find myself still responding quickly. Maybe I shouldn’t. Anyway, this all happened recently and I am still hurting from it. I know, I am a 48yr old man acting like a teenager, but this is how she made me feel. I have asked her once if everything was ok with us and she says yes, just she has pulled back. I am wondering if there was something I did, or didn’t do (did I screw up on our trip by not going further) to cause this? So I put it out there for comments. I know the whole cheating thing is wrong so I am sure I will get beat up over that, but read my first post and you may see something in there to cause pause. Do you think that I did the right thing during our business trip? What do you think I should do at this point? Should I; A) Confront her one last time, ask if there was something I had done to cause this pullback, exactly where do we stand right now and maybe we should stop txting each other for non-work related things. B) Return my thinking back to a strictly work relationship. Stop all communications with her outside of work and just forget about the entire relationship. But do I tell her to stop communicating with me or no? C) Start looking for a new job. Thanks all for reading this and your comments both positive and negative.
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