libraamour Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 I’ve been dating this guy for about 3 years. He’s practically my best friend. I eventually got fed up with him lying about stupid things and his anger, I left. I went to college and the year I was there, he practically begged for me back. I received apologies, love letters, texts, and calls about getting back together. Every time I came home for break, l’d end up spending majority of my time with him and he would continue to try to get back together. It came to a point where he broke down in tears to get back together, and although I love him dearly I just wasn’t ready. Finally, I come down for summer and right when I think we’re both ready to start dating again, he starts dating someone else. I lost it. I cried, begged, and somewhat harassed him to be with me, but ultimately he chose her over me. I would’ve just shrugged it off and declare her a rebound, but he told me he’s in love with her after 3 weeks and that he no longer has those feelings for me. I call he doesn’t answer. If he does answer he’s angry and comes up with an excuse to call me back and never does, and he never texts back. I’m left obsessing over the fact he just dropped what we had for a girl he barely knows. As much as I want to move on, it’s hard. I always have this hope that one day he’ll miss me and come running back, but from what I’ve heard and seen his feelings for her are so strong. Should I just move on or is there a chance he might come back?
weallfalldown Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 I call that a taste of your own medicine....... 1
Author libraamour Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 Well, I guess I should have just took him back when I wasn't ready. That's fair I guess.
weallfalldown Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 who knows.......no one has it wriiten out on a list. Just imagine what it did to him, when he begged you? well i guess now you know.. it just wasn't meant to be..
Author libraamour Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 Trust me. I've apologized a million times now that I realized how terrible it feels. I know apologizing doesn't justify it, but I just wasn't ready. The pain hurts so bad. I just don't understand. A week before he started dating her we were talking about getting back together and now he's already in love? Hope keeps me thinking we'll end up together, but I feel like I should let it go.
weallfalldown Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 Ok...so after a while he says ok "we'll try again".......all your gona be thinking about is him and the other girl?........that would do your nut in
weallfalldown Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 this is for you......... U2 One Lyrics - YouTube
Sav Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 I’ve been dating this guy for about 3 years. He’s practically my best friend. I eventually got fed up with him lying about stupid things and his anger, I left. I went to college and the year I was there, he practically begged for me back. I received apologies, love letters, texts, and calls about getting back together. Every time I came home for break, l’d end up spending majority of my time with him and he would continue to try to get back together. It came to a point where he broke down in tears to get back together, and although I love him dearly I just wasn’t ready. Finally, I come down for summer and right when I think we’re both ready to start dating again, he starts dating someone else. I lost it. I cried, begged, and somewhat harassed him to be with me, but ultimately he chose her over me. I would’ve just shrugged it off and declare her a rebound, but he told me he’s in love with her after 3 weeks and that he no longer has those feelings for me. I call he doesn’t answer. If he does answer he’s angry and comes up with an excuse to call me back and never does, and he never texts back. I’m left obsessing over the fact he just dropped what we had for a girl he barely knows. As much as I want to move on, it’s hard. I always have this hope that one day he’ll miss me and come running back, but from what I’ve heard and seen his feelings for her are so strong. Should I just move on or is there a chance he might come back? Well, he just got tired of trying and pestering and moved on. When you didnt care about him, someone else did. And that mattered to him. I would say rebound too but hey, it's too early to tell
N64 Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 Now, I want to stress I'm not advocating "taste of your own medicine", because I believe you were right to not get into the relationship when you weren't ready. You would've probably just resented him if you got back together prematurely. However, I do think there had to have been some miscommunication on your part and that, yes, for now you should move on. I hate that phrase when it's too soon. "Move on". It hurts to say. So, how about instead, you just think about yourself. Not in a selfish sense, but a better yourself kind of way. Anyway- you broke his heart. The way you feel now is a lot how he felt. It's terrible. It changes a dynamic even when there is lots of love. He made it clear for so long he wanted to be with you, but did you not focus on that? Did you choose to ignore that topic as a way of showing him you weren't ready? I think a lot of people do that, but when they know for certain they don't want to be together. Maybe you got too confident with the fact he'd wait forever and assumed you could go a little longer without bringing up being in a relationship until you were ready, because it's the friendly thing to do? And it's not to say you were being cruel on purpose, but you can imagine how it felt for him. Waiting and wanting you to accept his love and for you to give him yours on terms that you didn't make clear. Did you ever go "I want to be with you, I do, but just not quite yet"? Or did you think the fact you guys hung out even after breaking up that it was enough implication you wanted to be with him? Because it isn't, unfortunately. If anything, it just shows indecision and cuts deeper for him, because imagine how he felt. He kept in touch with you for so long, broke down when you guys finally saw each other because he was obviously hopeful, and you still said no. I'm sorry you feel this pain now, but now you need to think even longer about what you want and let him take this time to see that maybe he isn't supposed to be with you. This can be good for each of you. He may end up realizing he doesn't like this girl the same way he does you and you guys might rekindle a friendship and rebuild. Or! He realizes he waited a long time for you, but that it turns out he likes this new girl better, and while for you that is in the top 5 worst feelings a person can experience, the reality of it still does say it wasn't meant to be and that there is another person out there you can connect with where you both want to share each other's love. I'm not saying sit around and wait and be hopeful and keep throwing yourself into a pit of sadness. Just do what you have to do to make yourself happy independently and let it run its course, because that's all you can do. You guys can't keep playing a game of break-up and take turns proving how terribly awful the other feels without the other one. It's unhealthy.
Author libraamour Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 I guess I should just move on. Lesson learned.
weallfalldown Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 You guys can't keep playing a game of break-up and take turns proving how terribly awful the other feels without the other one. It's unhealthy. too true
Author libraamour Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 Now, I want to stress I'm not advocating "taste of your own medicine", because I believe you were right to not get into the relationship when you weren't ready. You would've probably just resented him if you got back together prematurely. However, I do think there had to have been some miscommunication on your part and that, yes, for now you should move on. I hate that phrase when it's too soon. "Move on". It hurts to say. So, how about instead, you just think about yourself. Not in a selfish sense, but a better yourself kind of way. Anyway- you broke his heart. The way you feel now is a lot how he felt. It's terrible. It changes a dynamic even when there is lots of love. He made it clear for so long he wanted to be with you, but did you not focus on that? Did you choose to ignore that topic as a way of showing him you weren't ready? I think a lot of people do that, but when they know for certain they don't want to be together. Maybe you got too confident with the fact he'd wait forever and assumed you could go a little longer without bringing up being in a relationship until you were ready, because it's the friendly thing to do? And it's not to say you were being cruel on purpose, but you can imagine how it felt for him. Waiting and wanting you to accept his love and for you to give him yours on terms that you didn't make clear. Did you ever go "I want to be with you, I do, but just not quite yet"? Or did you think the fact you guys hung out even after breaking up that it was enough implication you wanted to be with him? Because it isn't, unfortunately. If anything, it just shows indecision and cuts deeper for him, because imagine how he felt. He kept in touch with you for so long, broke down when you guys finally saw each other because he was obviously hopeful, and you still said no. I'm sorry you feel this pain now, but now you need to think even longer about what you want and let him take this time to see that maybe he isn't supposed to be with you. This can be good for each of you. He may end up realizing he doesn't like this girl the same way he does you and you guys might rekindle a friendship and rebuild. Or! He realizes he waited a long time for you, but that it turns out he likes this new girl better, and while for you that is in the top 5 worst feelings a person can experience, the reality of it still does say it wasn't meant to be and that there is another person out there you can connect with where you both want to share each other's love. I'm not saying sit around and wait and be hopeful and keep throwing yourself into a pit of sadness. Just do what you have to do to make yourself happy independently and let it run its course, because that's all you can do. You guys can't keep playing a game of break-up and take turns proving how terribly awful the other feels without the other one. It's unhealthy. You're right. I didn't let him know how I felt about things. Honestly, I wanted to stray away from the subject every time he brought it up because every day we'd have the same exact talk. When he broke down, I felt bad so I took him back. Afterwards, I felt bad for taking him back because I just wasn't ready. After he started dating this girl, for the first two weeks he kept messing with the both of us. He would try to please me and her, but ultimately chose her while telling me "We'll always be connected. We're each others weak spot. Who's to say if things don't work out with her, we won't be together again?" I took that as him telling me I'm a second option. He proceeded by telling me that I will never stop loving him when I told him I'm moving on. I'm not going to lie when we were fooling around while they were dating I thought, "he can't really be that interested if he's keeping me around", but then I realized I'm getting played too.
N64 Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 It's good of you to recognize. Again, I'm sorry for it all. It's a terrible mess with a person you never want to feel such hurt from. And being each other's weak spot is a great way to put it and it's like each of you wield the one weapon that really deals a critical blow to the other. So, just for now, cool off. It's wrong for him to accuse you that you won't be able to move on though, and I can't tell if he just wants to make you suffer by almost suggesting you should love him while he, like you said, essentially plays you. Or he thinks you are going to keep pleading on your knees until he's done being satisfied and then takes you back with him in control. Either way, it's wrong. It's not the way a person who respects and appreciates you should treat you. You can't predict the future, though. He could be dealing with a rebound, but I think even if they break up, he should still take his turn in experiencing some things on his own. And maybe he'll be back. But not everyone can pull a Forrest Gump and possibly wait years and years for that to happen- if it even does. So, that's where it's important for you to just take a breath and give him what he wants. Which, at the moment, seems to willingly not want to be in your life as a lover. Anywho- Good luck. You seem smart, and while some here might think your situation has an obvious answer, I feel like you're really stuck in the reality that life isn't so black and white and you can't just tap out and call it quits on how you feel. So, take a step at a time and appreciate every little thing that makes you laugh and gets your mind off it.
soccerrprp Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 Some people just don't pay enough attention or are concerned enough about other people's feelings...it must be a power thing...
KatZee Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 Was any of this communicated between you two? When he was trying to get you back, were you being upfront and honest that you weren't ready to be back with him? Did you give him any indication whatsoever that you WOULD be ready to take him back down the line? I feel there was a HUGE communication barrier between you two during this time apart. He was begging for you back... and every time you came home from college, you'd hang out with him 24/7! Hows that for mixed messages? You can't say one thing, and then do another, and then keep turning him down when he's trying to hard to get you back. I think it was unfair of you to lead him around like that, having great times, spending time together, and then shrugging and going... "well sorry. I'm not ready." It must have been incredibly painful for him, and he kept at it for A LONG time. He finally got sick of things being un-reciprocated.
Author libraamour Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 It's good of you to recognize. Again, I'm sorry for it all. It's a terrible mess with a person you never want to feel such hurt from. And being each other's weak spot is a great way to put it and it's like each of you wield the one weapon that really deals a critical blow to the other. So, just for now, cool off. It's wrong for him to accuse you that you won't be able to move on though, and I can't tell if he just wants to make you suffer by almost suggesting you should love him while he, like you said, essentially plays you. Or he thinks you are going to keep pleading on your knees until he's done being satisfied and then takes you back with him in control. Either way, it's wrong. It's not the way a person who respects and appreciates you should treat you. You can't predict the future, though. He could be dealing with a rebound, but I think even if they break up, he should still take his turn in experiencing some things on his own. And maybe he'll be back. But not everyone can pull a Forrest Gump and possibly wait years and years for that to happen- if it even does. So, that's where it's important for you to just take a breath and give him what he wants. Which, at the moment, seems to willingly not want to be in your life as a lover. Anywho- Good luck. You seem smart, and while some here might think your situation has an obvious answer, I feel like you're really stuck in the reality that life isn't so black and white and you can't just tap out and call it quits on how you feel. So, take a step at a time and appreciate every little thing that makes you laugh and gets your mind off it. Thanks so much for your imput. It's not so black and white. It's hard to just call it quits. As much as I would love for him to come back, I can't sit there hoping for something that might not ever happen. I mean I go back to college in a week. Hopefully, it'll give me the push to get over things. However, it would be unfortunate if I moved on from the situation and then he decides that he made a mistake.
Author libraamour Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 Ignore the idiots who responded to your post. What they said was wrong, their advice was wrong and their attacks on you were uncalled for. What you need to understand is you are in a break up forum and it's full of dumpees who are hurt and angry at their Ex for dumping them. All they are really doing is PROJECTING and taking it out on you. Your story is what a large majority of people on here FANTASIZE, HOPE and DREAM about for hours and hours on end. Which is... Their Ex didn't want them, Ex finally comes to their senses and wants them back. They get to rub new awesome person they met in their Exes face. It's pity, childish and immature. If they actually loved their Ex, they would respect their decision and not wish them harm or revenge. So now that we got that out of the way, let's address your situation from an objective point of view... You are / were kids. Nobody is a bad person and nobody is right or wrong. What happened: 1. He was young and immature when you dated him so you broke up. 2. Like most kids, he didn't know what he had till it was gone, took you for granted and learned some valuable lessons from it. 3. You were having your "college experience", wanted to be single, date around, focus on school or whatever. Perfectly normal and natural. Had you two still been together and he was a good BF, I will bet my life that you two would have broken up anyway. 4. Your feelings changed and what you wanted changed. 5. By the time this happened, he met someone else. Moral of the story and 80 - 90% of why break ups happen when you are young... Age Everything that goes along with that like immaturity, not ready to settle down, little to no dating / life experience, take things for granted, selfish, want to "sow your oats", etc. Timing Had both of you been on the same page at the same time more than likely you two would be together. You both are still very young and I highly doubt that this new chick will be "forever" relationship. You both will date around more, have several more relationships and who knows... Maybe you two will be on the page at the same time down the road and end up together. In the meantime, respect him and his new relationship, grieve your loss and when ready... Get yourself back out there. Your intro made me crack up. I thought many of them had insightful things to say besides the whole "taste of your own medicine" thing. Minus point 4 of your what happened section, you were spot on. I was out enjoying college trying to focus on school. I tried to move on since I thought he took me for granted, but I still had feelings for him so none of my dates got far. And even though I had feelings for him, I just wasn't ready to be with him quite yet. So I stayed contently single throughout my year in college. Yes, we are very young. He is immature and I know I can be too at time, but you must admit three years is a long time for the young. I don't think she'll be forever, but it will bother me if their relationship makes it to six months or perhaps over a year. The more they're together, the more paranoid I would be if we were to get together in the future. I don't know right now. I felt like this summer, he's had so much control over me, I just want the control back in my hands and focus on becoming a better person. I want to move on, but I'll be lying if I say I'm not holding on to the hope that he'll come back.
Author libraamour Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 Was any of this communicated between you two? When he was trying to get you back, were you being upfront and honest that you weren't ready to be back with him? Did you give him any indication whatsoever that you WOULD be ready to take him back down the line? I feel there was a HUGE communication barrier between you two during this time apart. He was begging for you back... and every time you came home from college, you'd hang out with him 24/7! Hows that for mixed messages? You can't say one thing, and then do another, and then keep turning him down when he's trying to hard to get you back. I think it was unfair of you to lead him around like that, having great times, spending time together, and then shrugging and going... "well sorry. I'm not ready." It must have been incredibly painful for him, and he kept at it for A LONG time. He finally got sick of things being un-reciprocated. I can't explain it. I knew what I was doing wasn't fair so I didn't tell him that we'd get together when I'm ready because honestly I wasn't so sure. There was lack of communication. I admit it. I understand how much he was hurting after the fact. I literally broke down in front of him and apologized for what I put him through. Still not trying to justify what I did, but I forgave him for all the hurt he put me through. And it always made us stronger. Now, the one time I made a mistake he just moves on to the next girl? I don't think that's fair.
Mike_d Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 I don't think that's fair. not to be cruel, but it kinda doesn't matter what you think at the moment. time to work on you now, be the best you can be
Tree_Salmon Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 Well, he just got tired of trying and pestering and moved on. When you didnt care about him, someone else did. And that mattered to him. I would say rebound too but hey, it's too early to tell She may be a rebound and it might eventually end but he might have already moved on from you. Sounds like you didn't want him until he moved on. I think it's just a case of "you want what you can't have" Let him go and find someone new. This doesn't sound like it could end well for either of you. If it's meant to be you'll see eachother again.
Author libraamour Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 She may be a rebound and it might eventually end but he might have already moved on from you. Sounds like you didn't want him until he moved on. I think it's just a case of "you want what you can't have" Let him go and find someone new. This doesn't sound like it could end well for either of you. If it's meant to be you'll see eachother again. Yeah, but we were just about to get back together right before they started dating. Maybe that's why I can't grasp the fact that he moved on.
Tree_Salmon Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 Yeah, but we were just about to get back together right before they started dating. Maybe that's why I can't grasp the fact that he moved on. It's hard to say what really changed for him but it doesn't sound like it was going to work out anyway. I went through a similar situation at one point. I think you might be stuck on a bit of a "what if". If he truly is in love with this new girl (which could just be lust or puppy love) it will show later on. Chances are he never moved on from you properly and thought he found that intense love in someone else. It might come crashing down for him. Either way you need to stop wondering "what if". Is there a chance you just liked the idea of someone loving you so much and now that you don't have it you feel empty?
Author libraamour Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 It's hard to say what really changed for him but it doesn't sound like it was going to work out anyway. I went through a similar situation at one point. I think you might be stuck on a bit of a "what if". If he truly is in love with this new girl (which could just be lust or puppy love) it will show later on. Chances are he never moved on from you properly and thought he found that intense love in someone else. It might come crashing down for him. Either way you need to stop wondering "what if". Is there a chance you just liked the idea of someone loving you so much and now that you don't have it you feel empty? No because there's another guy that is ready to pursue something with me. I thought about it for so long because it would be nice to move on to somebody who's showing that they care, but I would just end up making him a rebound. I'm not the type to use someone like that. I just can't. It's so hard letting go of someone you invested so much time and love to. But it seems that I just have to.
Tree_Salmon Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 No because there's another guy that is ready to pursue something with me. I thought about it for so long because it would be nice to move on to somebody who's showing that they care, but I would just end up making him a rebound. I'm not the type to use someone like that. I just can't. It's so hard letting go of someone you invested so much time and love to. But it seems that I just have to. Of course its hard. That's why this site is full of members. You have many relationships ahead. Use this as a learning experience and move forward. It really is that simple, but incredibly hard also.
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