Emilyduare Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 I was hoping you would give me some advice, ive been dating a man for about 8 months now. Hes the polar opposite to me, I am quiet, happy with what ive got and would describe myself as the average person in terms of what I want in the future, I have no massive plans or goals I just want to be happy, have a good career and a family in the future. The man I am seeing is ambitious, driven to the extreme and is always working, he is very self assured and out going. In the beginning I loved how different we were, how we disagreed on everything and how we lived totally different lives, (he doesnt understand mine, and I dont understand his life choices) But now we seem to be in a place where it is creating arguments... I have an example, a few nights ago after I finished working for a good few hours, constantly on my feet...he asked if I wanted to go out with him and his friends, I hadnt seen him in a few days so I said yes. I get to the bar, and he basically ignores me, he's chatting to his friends and so I tack on the end of the bench and start my own small talk with his friends, Im tired and I havent eaten so I want to leave at a reasonable hour that suits us both so I tell the man i'm seeing that this is the case. Its a further 3 hours until we leave and we only leave because he's decided that he's had enough. But we dont leave and go home, we get into a taxi and he takes me to his friends house, its at that point where I tell him in super tired, I have work in the morning and I need to eat. I end up walking back to my home by myself and he stays at his friends house. The next morning I call him and ask if he wants me to come over and look after him as he has a hang over, and instead he tells me that hes just going to go to sleep instead (at 1pm) I dont know if this is acceptable and I should just understand or if im right by thinking he should want to see me on a weekend. This is a constant problem of mine with him, he doesnt seem to think about me at all, to the point where there have been times we have been out and he's been drinking and hes told me something which has made me upset and now I wont touch alcohol when im with him because otherwise I end up crying about it on the shoulders of his friends, who scarily enough always seem to expect it, they give me this look which sort of says "im sorry" or constantly ask me if im okay, because 9 times out of 10 ill be on my own while he is off talking to someone else...its almost like they feel sorry for me? My past relationships i've always been the one to' made things happen (going out on trips, getting the groceries etc) and I always felt like I was needed and that the balance was right within them, but with the man im seeing now I dont feel like he needs me at all, in fact I kind of feel like a friend with benefits to him. He calls me and asks me to come over - i do, no matter what im doing I go. If I ask him if he wants to do something he says no most of the time, because he is working. He works only one job, he is in the film industry and I know he has long hours so I make sure I ask only at times when I know he is not working, but he likes to do his work out of 'office hours' at the weekend and this means that I almost never get to see him, I see him twice through the week, and Saturday nights. To me, this doesn't seem like much. Ive spent the last three hours in tears because I just dont know what im doing wrong, I try my hardest but it never seems to get anywhere, I can't talk to him about it because he will say something along the lines of "I thought we were going well, whats happend to make this happen now?" Which sounds like a nice thing to say but its with this tone of voice that pretty much tells me that im being stupid and making something out of nothing and inevitably I end up apologising for feeling uncared for, so much so that I no longer know if what im feeling is ridiculous or not. I just need someone to tell me wether I am okay to feel sad about having to walk home by myself because he doesnt offer to go with me, or wether its okay that Ive decided that if we go out on a night out that I shouldnt drink because it will only turn into an argument...he is very argumentative and says whats on his mind, brutal honesty all the way from him, and if I am tipsy or drunk i will cry, right there and then and make a fool out of myself from something which he said thats upset me, and whether its okay that he always turns down my plans and I jump at every suggestion he makes, because I just plain don't know anymore. In all honesty I feel like ive been pushed down into a tiny version of myself and I just dont have a personality anymore.
MCMLXXXIX Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 It seems to me your man wasn't very nice to you. It doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate you, but, clearly, he doesn't show it. It was disrespectful of him to drag you around for so long that night when you went out with him. If you think it was disrespectful, you should let him know. You say you guys are almost FWBs. Perhaps that is what you are to him. Did he tell you he liked you especially? If this relationship brings more bad things than good things it might be a good idea to think about whether or not you should keep investing yourself emotionally in this man. Discussing the matter with him could be a good start.
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