La Cerveza Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 I had a 2.5 year relationship end close to a month and a half ago. It was a mutual breakup but also ended very poorly. Right away I knew things were over for good and that I would not get back together with her if the situation ever presented itself (and it has not). I've spent my time since the breakup doing everything I can to get to a place of happiness and self-improvement. Exercising, making efforts to meet new people, re-connecting with old friends, re-dedicating myself to my job, taking up new activities. I've felt healthier and happier than I have in many years. My issue now is that I've met someone and I want to make sure I'm handling the situation delicately. I didn't expect to date, even casually, so soon but she is smart, funny, beautiful, we have many similar interests and our conversations come as easy and natural as possible. We've gone on several dates, and she seems very interested and so am I, but my friends and family keep throwing the word "rebound" around which has led to much internal strife. This woman is aware I am recently out of a relationship and I have reiterated that there is no chance of me getting back with the ex. I have tried to take things slow but she has started to throw out future plans (let's go to a baseball game, etc.) Is it really a rebound even if it hasn't even been two months since my break? What is the best way to approach and continue this? It is less time than I wanted/expected before starting to see someone but that is my only hangup, and mostly for her sake and not mine. I am being cautious but truly want to continue to pursue and see where things go with her but I also don't want to hurt her.
Forever Learning Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 I don't think every dating situation after a recent break-up is necessarily a 'rebound'. It really just depends on the person and where their head is at. You sound pretty balanced and stable, I think you should go for it with this new girl and see how it unfolds over time.
mortensorchid Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 It doesn't sound like you are in the "rebound state of mind" when you talk about this woman, which is a good sign. Those who are in a true state of rebound do it for a few reasons: 1) Revenge - Many jump into the next thing because they want to get back at their former bf/gf. They are fueled by a sense of "I can get a new bf/gf before he/she can". 2) Masking - Many instantly jump to the next person and have it be serious because they do not want to face things that broke up the previous relationship. They think "this time it will be different". But, you are still the same and chances are you will bring whatever it is to this next person. 3) "Being ready" - Most people I know, despite what they may or may not say, really want to be with someone. When one ends an LTR they will go into the next one "ready" to also have it long term. I hope that you and this new woman are happy together, it sounds like you are so far.
SJC2008 Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 IMO it's not a rebound unless you think being with another women will ease the pain of missing your ex. You have not mentioned this at all or seem to be in that frame of mind but I am concerned with the fact that after a 2.5 yr r you're already ready to get back out there. Were yall not in love or something??
SJC2008 Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 IMO it's not a rebound unless you think being with another women will ease the pain of missing your ex. You have not mentioned this at all or seem to be in that frame of mind but I am concerned with the fact that after a 2.5 yr r you're already ready to get back out there. Were yall not in love or something?? Has their been a grief process? Anger, guilt, rationalizing, thinking you're over it then it hits you in the gut out of nowhere like it just happened etc? If not you should be ok IMO.
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