Bobibble Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 It will be two weeks since our break on Saturday. I slipped after everyone telling me he's "not himself and is distant and keeps saying he misses you" and called, only to find out that he still feels the same way he did before. That he loves me so much and wants to be with me so badly and misses me but doesn't know if we're compatible. I told him that we both changed in our relationship due to fear and my lack of trust due to my insecurities prior to meeting him and that he is doing what I used to do. Doubting the relationship due to us fighting more a couple of months prior to the break, you doubting scared you, and now you're psyching yourself out and trying to find things that could be wrong. He said he needs more time and I told him that's fine that I would leave him alone. I am extremely close to his family and we have the same group of friends. I have been told by one of our close friends that he does not want to talk about things because he's been thinking about it too much. His mom and I are going to get dinner tomorrow night and she told me that she had told him that he is clearly unhappy and that this isn't the way to live and that he should ask me to go to the movies. He said he would like to but it wouldn't be just that and that I would want to talk about the relationship and get emotional over it...which he was right unfortunately because later on that night I made the emotional call trying to talk about our relationship. She told him the next day that she told me that I should "move forward with my life" to which he blew up and said that he "didn't want to talk about this I already think about it too much". She asked him if he is even interested in anyone else and he said "no! I wouldn't do that to her I would tell her if I was". He has apparently been moping around the last almost two weeks and has only gone out with friends once and has been hanging out with family the rest of the time. Him and his family (minus his mom) left for camping this morning (which I was supposed to go with them) and won't be back until Monday. My question is, when will he decide to say something? I know we both have made mistakes in this 15 month relationship, and I know we both have a lot of personal growth to go through in order for our relationship to become healthy but is it possible at this point? I know how much he loves me and he knows how much I love him, and his family keeps telling me "it's not over" (yes I know it's weird that I'm close with his family but he always liked it and so did I) and his friend said "when it was over with my ex, I knew it was over for good because I didn't care that she broke up with me. You guys aren't over because you care about each other and the relationship too much for it to be over". Also, if we do decide to work on things, would it be smart to try to start slow and build the friendship up first and then after awhile start talking about our past relationship problems that we need to solve in order for our future one to work out and be healthy?
Author Bobibble Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 I'm gonna go ahead and bump this up
phil00 Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 You have a reply to mine, so I'll do my best to reply to yours. I'm going to admit that I don't give the best advice when I'm going through something myself... After reading what you wrote, it sounds like he just doesnt want to thing about it anymore. He's tired of people asking him about the situation, whether it be you, his mom, or mutual friends. He doesn't want the stress of having to deal with it. It seems like he would be happy having this limbo for a little while to give him an opportunity to de stress. Unfortunately. This isn't what you want. You want straight answers from him, which stresses him out. Now him own mom is questioning him, which is stressing him out more. If there was a possibility that you guys can hang out without you putting any pressure on him, I'm sure he'd be happy with that. My advice, leave him alone to figure stuff out. Don't send friends or his mom to question him, because that will make him resent you, if he doesn't already.
Author Bobibble Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 Thank you for your response. I'm not sending anyone to ask him things, they're kinda just doing it on their own. I'm going to have dinner with his mom tomorrow night and I will tell her to not push him for answers. I know he doesn't resent me I just think he is stressing himself out and is psyching himself out due to fears. My own family is telling me to be patient and stick with NC and everything will be fine so I'm trying to be patient. It's hard for me though as I'm an impatient person.
muzik_lvr Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 That he loves me so much and wants to be with me so badly and misses me but doesn't know if we're compatible. I told him that we both changed in our relationship due to fear and my lack of trust due to my insecurities prior to meeting him and that he is doing what I used to do. Doubting the relationship due to us fighting more a couple of months prior to the break, you doubting scared you, and now you're psyching yourself out and trying to find things that could be wrong. He said he needs more time and I told him that's fine that I would leave him alone. Honestly, I wouldn't hang on to those false words of hope. That will likely cause you to be hanging in the balance for a long time down the road only to come and find in the future that nothing has changed on his end. The truth is that if someone truly wants to be with someone, they will do whatever it is in the world that they have to do to be with that person. You should never ever ever (ever lol) have to convince someone to be with you. You deserve someone who would swim across the ocean just to be with you for 10 minutes. If I were you I would set your heart to moving on and finding someone like this. If he comes around sometime in the future crawling back, then let him do it on his own.
Author Bobibble Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 Honestly, I wouldn't hang on to those false words of hope. That will likely cause you to be hanging in the balance for a long time down the road only to come and find in the future that nothing has changed on his end. The truth is that if someone truly wants to be with someone, they will do whatever it is in the world that they have to do to be with that person. You should never ever ever (ever lol) have to convince someone to be with you. You deserve someone who would swim across the ocean just to be with you for 10 minutes. If I were you I would set your heart to moving on and finding someone like this. If he comes around sometime in the future crawling back, then let him do it on his own. Thanks for your response. Problem is that a lot of things happened in our relationship. My insecurities led to me constantly doubting our relationship and my feelings and thinking that if nothing was going wrong, something HAD to be wrong and would tell him and basically ask him to console me and reassure me. I would constantly think he was cheating on me for absolutely no reason and no proof and we basically were not fully intimate until this past May (so for only two months). I think everything overwhelmed him to the point where we started to argue more and he is now doubting things. Basically my pointless fears manifested into real ones for him. I know he wants to be with me but he is scaring himself and when I tell him he doesn't respond because he knows it's true.
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