Starting NC. So freakin hard!!!

[outofgoodbyes]

Day 1 of no contact. Very, very hard. All i want to do is text him have a great day, because thats what we always do. Even before we became anything more than friends. I know he will respond, because he always does. He may even say something flirty that will give me some false hope but I just have to remember that he does not want me and he broke up with me.

 

4 hours into the day and I havent texted him. Woke up this morning missing him so much and hoping there was a text from him.

 

!&@^&!@ going nuts.

 

Would appreciate some support.

[Tree_Salmon]

It gets much easier with time.

 

It also gets really bad before it gets better.

 

Be prepared for your mind to play tricks.

[Crila16]

Did he end it with you?

[outofgoodbyes]

We dated for 3 months. He told me from the beginning that he doesnt want any titles but things turned serious over time. Met his parents, met my friends, went on roadtrips. He said his heart was in it in the beginning and now its gone. He says he wants to be single and find what hes looking for - which he said i didnt have with him. He broke up with me. He still wants to be friends, we were great friends before all this turned sour. He kept texting me how my day is going, what im doing, wants to hang out still but i "should be aware that its just friendship".

 

Decided to cut ties because everytime i went to "hangout" i find myself having to restart healing again.

 

so freaking awful. i just want to text him. stupid routines!!

[Crila16]

OMG...no brainer. You NEED to cut ties with him completely. You also can't ever let him see you sweating him...or BIG mistake. If you even want a shot in H E L L of him seeing that maybe he felt more for you than he realized, or maybe even got a little spooked (yes it's been known to happen, especially when the guy is really young), then you need to cut him off like you don't care, absolutely no whining, be a confident woman like you don't need him...and it will bother him down the road. He'll actually be a little shocked by it, because he knows you're whipped and more into him at this point in time.

[Mike_d]

... wants to hang out still but i "should be aware that its just friendship".

 

friend-zoned, yuk. just take the day in 2 hr blocks, or whatever works for you. try to remember that this is temporary - I know, seems insane, like it will never end, and that it will *always* feel like this - that your mind is doing this to you. it is temporary

 

2 hr blocks strung together become 6 hours, 6 hours becomes 1 day, repeat the next day, then that becomes 4 days, keep on keeping on. you can do this

 

and just to keep it real, as others have noted here, it will get worse. just do your best, at times your best won't seem like enough but it is. hang in, keep posting here, lots of help/support for those who are willing to take the journey to much better things on the other side. there is a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to walk a bit to begin to see it

[outofgoodbyes]

Secretly hoping he would text me to say anything. That would calm

Me down and I can be ok again and this anxiety would go away... But I know I shouldn't even want that.... I shouldn't hear from him..

 

Why is it that I feel my only source of comfort is my source of pain?? Fahhhhhh this sucks

[Xestenz]

We dated for 3 months. He told me from the beginning that he doesnt want any titles but things turned serious over time. Met his parents, met my friends, went on roadtrips. He said his heart was in it in the beginning and now its gone. He says he wants to be single and find what hes looking for - which he said i didnt have with him. He broke up with me. He still wants to be friends, we were great friends before all this turned sour. He kept texting me how my day is going, what im doing, wants to hang out still but i "should be aware that its just friendship".

 

Decided to cut ties because everytime i went to "hangout" i find myself having to restart healing again.

 

so freaking awful. i just want to text him. stupid routines!!

 

This is almost exactly like my situation, only I'm a guy and my ex girlfriend cut things off. Amazing the feelings and memories that can be generated in such a short time!

 

May I ask, is there any chance that he was on the rebound when you met? Once I learned about rebounds, and how very frequently these are 'accelerated' relationships that then end suddenly, I more fully understood why my ex did what she did (although I was disappointed and heartbroken nonetheless).

[outofgoodbyes]

I honestly think hes a relationship jumper and never got a chance to be fully single after he broke things off with his fiance last year (8 years they were together). He dates one after another and i dont think he gave himself the time to figure out what he wants. Well now, he wants to be friends while he finds himself...

[mike588]

Day 1 of no contact. Very, very hard. All i want to do is text him have a great day, because thats what we always do. Even before we became anything more than friends. I know he will respond, because he always does. He may even say something flirty that will give me some false hope but I just have to remember that he does not want me and he broke up with me.

 

4 hours into the day and I havent texted him. Woke up this morning missing him so much and hoping there was a text from him.

 

!&@^&!@ going nuts.

 

Would appreciate some support.

 

Don't do it!! My ex. g/f dumped me a year ago for her ex. and I felt the same way your feeling...I soooooo badly wanted to text her just to let her know I was thinking about her....that I still cared.

 

Thanks to so many people here and their advise I did not and am SO GLAD I didn't. I know what your going thru but hang in there..it gets better with time.

 

It's a matter or re-adjusting... your so used to texting him and him returning the text. You have to just let go...I know how VERY DIFFICULT it is believe me.

 

He broke up with you now let him go....contacting him just tells him your hanging on. Disappear... be mysterious..let him wonder about you...what your doing...how your doing...maybe you have found someone else?

 

Take some time to heal....take care of yourself..spoil yourself...go out with friends and try to have some fun.

 

If he wants to contact you he will...believe me and the power will be yours...don't come across as needy and desperate by contacting him..I'm sure he knows how you feel...you don't need to remind him by contacting him and crying..begging or pleading with him....you will come across as weak and pathetic.

[outofgoodbyes]

Day 2. A tad harder. I drank two Coronas last night and took my anxiety pill to ensure that Im knocked out all night with no nightmares of him. Of course that didnt end up happening. Dreamt about him and woke up every hour or so to check my phone to see if there was anything from him. Of course, nothing. I slipped and liked a picture of his on instagram that he was at the racetracks. We used to go to the race tracks on Thursday nights. Of course, I hated going - he would stay on his phone and ignore me while I pull teeth making conversation with him. But when I saw that he was there - questions flooded me. Who was he there with? Does he wish I was there with him?

He hasnt tried to contact me either. The last text I got from him was two days ago, where I think he got the hint that I am busy and Im not interested in currently talking. Secretly, I wish he would say something. Anything. I wanted to text him to have a great day because I knew he would respond. Because thats what we do. But I let it go all day and settled with just liking a pic on instagram.

 

Some hours I get moments of clarity where I knew it wouldnt have worked out and I am getting depressed over something so worthless. But at the same time, I cant help but miss him. Tonight, i have tickets to the Angel game and I want to so badly text him to come... but I have made plans to do something else and hope he doesnt cross my mind tonight...

 

Day 2 of NC. Lets see how I do today.

[goodbyesunshine]

Good luck with your NC, because you'll really need it! Even when my ex showed repeated signs of needing time and not wanting any form of contact with me, it was SO HARD. Waiting for a text, secretly hoping things might be different. Slipped on Day 20 and texted him (2 days ago), BIG mistake! Still no reply. I have since deleted his number and any possible way I can contact him.

 

Everyone here knows how hard it is. It's going to be a rough ride for maybe weeks. Be prepared for a strong desire to betray yourself and just hit "Send" (everything is so easy now, it works to our disadvantage. I can throw all my dignity out in less than a minute with a simple, quick text message).

 

If you are truly determined to cut all ties with him, I think it might be good for you to remove him from all social media sites, Instagram, anything. The littlest thing will spark your curiosity and before you know it - BAM. NC broken.

 

Stay strong, be determined, do all the safety precautions necessary for when loneliness hits so even if you want to, you can't find out what he's up to or contact him!

[Xestenz]

I'm approaching week eight of no contact, and I can tell you that while there are ups and downs, it does get easier over time.

 

It is funny how our logical brain tries to trick us with this -- 'He/She is right there! It wouldn't hurt to know you're thinking about them and missing them right? Just one little text? Just call to hear her voice, right? Go ahead, she wants you to!' Lol!

 

It is one of the few situations in life where we really can't or shouldn't talk to someone -- really where else is this the case? It is foreign and strange to us, especially after you've shared JUST THE OPPOSITE with them for so long.

 

Hang in there! You can and will do this.

[goodbyesunshine]

It is funny how our logical brain tries to trick us with this -- 'He/She is right there! It wouldn't hurt to know you're thinking about them and missing them right? Just one little text? Just call to hear her voice, right? Go ahead, she wants you to!' Lol!

 

Haha. Xestenz, your brain sounds more logical than mine when it's on the verge of breaking NC. Usually when I wake up feeling the need to text him, my mind stops working, goes numb, and all I hear is my heart screaming "TEXT HIM! TEXT HIM! TEXT HIM! BEG HIM! BEG HIM! BEG HIM!" And like a zombie, I lift my fingers to type the dreaded message I will come to regret.

 

Usually what follows is the same - watch screen for 20 minutes to see if it will become marked as "Read". Nope. He doesn't read it. Lose appetite for the entire day. Hands cold, heartbeat dangerously fast. Jump every time the phone so much as reflects light. Get disappointed when I find out it's not him. Let the hours pass by while I mope and lock myself up. Cry. Hate myself. Sleep. Star NC day 1 again, feeling sh*tty.

 

NC just sounds so much better.

[SilentAllTheseYears]

OutofGoodbyes, I'm on Day 2 of NC as well. Funny how I feel like the shakes are getting ready to start...

 

It sucks. Believe me, I am here with you feelin' how terribly it sucks. But, if you have a relationship that isn't working and you're experiencing the obvious DTs that I am...here's a hint: SOMETHING WAS REALLY, REALLY wrong with that relationship!

 

Was it an addictive thing? Was it codependent? Whatever it was...it may not have been healthy. So, let's move on together, shall we?? Let's be healthy and give up something that just doesn't work.

 

He said "no more," right? Well, respect that. Respect yourself. Resist the urge. The three R's, yes?

 

Day 2. Be strong!

[outofgoodbyes]

day 2 failed. texted him this morning to have a great day.

 

i fkn suck.

 

no reply whatsoever. fk.

[outofgoodbyes]

Haha. Xestenz, your brain sounds more logical than mine when it's on the verge of breaking NC. Usually when I wake up feeling the need to text him, my mind stops working, goes numb, and all I hear is my heart screaming "TEXT HIM! TEXT HIM! TEXT HIM! BEG HIM! BEG HIM! BEG HIM!" And like a zombie, I lift my fingers to type the dreaded message I will come to regret.

 

Usually what follows is the same - watch screen for 20 minutes to see if it will become marked as "Read". Nope. He doesn't read it. Lose appetite for the entire day. Hands cold, heartbeat dangerously fast. Jump every time the phone so much as reflects light. Get disappointed when I find out it's not him. Let the hours pass by while I mope and lock myself up. Cry. Hate myself. Sleep. Star NC day 1 again, feeling sh*tty.

 

NC just sounds so much better.

 

This is absolutely me. the smarter part of my mind, the logical, the rational, the reasonable for some reason is overpowered by the "TEXT HIM TEXT HIM TEXT HIM TEXT HIM!!!" knowing that he will always answer as he always have before... and when i have, i feel like ****, i wait for a reply and i get absolutely nothing. i jump everytime my phone vibrates.... this feeling is so unhealthy!

 

so gotta restart nc again.... this day is so long and just needs to end already.

[outofgoodbyes]

OutofGoodbyes, I'm on Day 2 of NC as well. Funny how I feel like the shakes are getting ready to start...

 

It sucks. Believe me, I am here with you feelin' how terribly it sucks. But, if you have a relationship that isn't working and you're experiencing the obvious DTs that I am...here's a hint: SOMETHING WAS REALLY, REALLY wrong with that relationship!

 

Was it an addictive thing? Was it codependent? Whatever it was...it may not have been healthy. So, let's move on together, shall we?? Let's be healthy and give up something that just doesn't work.

 

He said "no more," right? Well, respect that. Respect yourself. Resist the urge. The three R's, yes?

 

Day 2. Be strong!

 

gotta remember the 3 rs.... gotta remember to let go... gotta remember there was something wrong or else it would have worked out.

 

gah

[LostGirl11]

Haha. Xestenz, your brain sounds more logical than mine when it's on the verge of breaking NC. Usually when I wake up feeling the need to text him, my mind stops working, goes numb, and all I hear is my heart screaming "TEXT HIM! TEXT HIM! TEXT HIM! BEG HIM! BEG HIM! BEG HIM!" And like a zombie, I lift my fingers to type the dreaded message I will come to regret.

 

Usually what follows is the same - watch screen for 20 minutes to see if it will become marked as "Read". Nope. He doesn't read it. Lose appetite for the entire day. Hands cold, heartbeat dangerously fast. not him. Let the hours pass by while I mope and lock myself up. Cry. timJump every e the phone so much as reflects light. Get disappointed when I find out it's Hate myself. Sleep. Star NC day 1 again, feeling sh*tty.

 

NC just sounds so much better.

 

I love this! I have done all of this! I actually laughed at the 'Jumping every time the phone so much refects light' Thought I was the only loon that did this.

[LostGirl11]

day 2 failed. texted him this morning to have a great day.

 

i fkn suck.

 

no reply whatsoever. fk.

 

Oh no Don't beat yourself up, learn from it, remember how you're feeling right now every time you want to text him.

 

Edit his name to DON'T TEXT HIM!

[outofgoodbyes]

too late. had a panic attack cause i havent heard from him and hes been online on his phone all morning. he actually put the song mumford and sons - i will wait on his fb... (yes, i am fb stalking blah) which i dont think could be about me because what would he be waiting for if he knew i was his if he woulda just wanted me...

 

he likes to always play victim, told me to move on and a guy friend tagged me at the gym yesterday without my knowledge and i think hes all butt hurt about it and just not telling me, so hes not texting me back and its driving me nuts...

 

so i ended up texting him asking if he was mad at me... and i understand if hes doing the NC because we both need to move on but i hope hes happy blah blah blah..

 

feeling pathetic right now... having to restart NC.... wish there was a pill we could take to be stronger, more rational, and more will power... this freaking blows

[LostGirl11]

too late. had a panic attack cause i havent heard from him and hes been online on his phone all morning. he actually put the song mumford and sons - i will wait on his fb... (yes, i am fb stalking blah) which i dont think could be about me because what would he be waiting for if he knew i was his if he woulda just wanted me...

 

he likes to always play victim, told me to move on and a guy friend tagged me at the gym yesterday without my knowledge and i think hes all butt hurt about it and just not telling me, so hes not texting me back and its driving me nuts...

 

so i ended up texting him asking if he was mad at me... and i understand if hes doing the NC because we both need to move on but i hope hes happy blah blah blah..

 

feeling pathetic right now... having to restart NC.... wish there was a pill we could take to be stronger, more rational, and more will power... this freaking blows

 

You NEED to delete him from your facebook! Delete any mutual friends ect. It's actually the mature thing to do. You will feel so much better! As soon as I' deleted ex's in the past I felt instantly better. The wanting to look feeling vanished! Probably because I couldn't. I don't want anyone having that sort of power over me.

 

You really need to stop texting him. I know too well how hard it is! You want his name to flash up on your phone, blah blah blah. I know, really I do. But come on, its a text.

 

Ok, so picture this... You: *You feel like crap...You text...You feel even crapper*... Him: *Phone vibrates a new message... He reads it...Tosses his phone to one side and carrys on with his day* You: *ARGH!! WHY ISN'T HE TEXTING BACK?!... PLEASE TEXT BACK...PANIC!... Hmm maybe I should text once more...

[goodbyesunshine]

Outofgoodbyes, I know how you feel, I've been there. My question is - is it your true, ultimate goal to move on, or are you still hanging on? Because if your ultimate goal is to move on knowing there is no future, then you have to act on it immediately, cut all ties and burn all bridges. Because there will be moments when you feel so lonely that you will break all promises you made to yourself, and once it's over you will regret contacting him, and the aim now is to prevent your ability to do ANYTHING to him while you're in those lonely moments.

 

For me, I stayed in denial for 3-4 weeks. I didn't delete him or block him or anything, I thought I could be strong enough to stay in NC (he "needed time". An excuse. He just didn't want to be the dumper, wanted to fade away). I wanted to give him time. The whole ordeal was worse than painful. I stalked him on facebook, every night before I sleep I'd see when he was last online on whatsapp, and when I wake up I'd do all the usual stalking routine. It became an addiction. A very unhealthy one. It held me back from moving on.

 

After 20 days I slipped. That was 3 days ago. Since then I have deleted him, blocked him, erased every trace of him ever being in my life. I felt like I was released from the chains that weighed me down and pulled me back. Even in my sad, lonely moments I had no way of knowing anything about him, and it made me realise I have nothing to do with him anymore, he's out of my life - his loss, my (soon-to-be) pleasure.

 

There is no pill to help you stay NC, but there is a method to do so - block and delete. Block him or delete him from anything - whatsapp, contacts, facebook, instagram, twitter, anything that might cause you to be involved in his life. There's only so much we can advice or encourage you about, the rest is really up to you hope it helped you, because it's really what I'd say to myself 3 weeks ago when I first started NC.