dannyhep Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 Hi. I have never really payed much attention to these kind of websites but I don't know where I can turn to. Up until about a month ago everything was perfect and I was madly in love and happy. However, the past month it has been going down hill. I started to become lonely, having no friends at university (where i go a few days a week to work) or at home. I started to depend on her for everything and she became fed up of it. I started to not like it when she went out with her friends because i felt like i had nothing myself. As a result shes started to feel like she wasnt free anymore to act like a 19 year old. yesterday my girlfriend of 2 and half happy years ended it. Basically begging me to let her go. I love her so much and I know that we can be happy. When I ask her why she doesn't want us anymore she replies saying she does not want a relationship anymore. we have been through so much together and we have been really happy. I don't want to lose her and it's killing me. I keep randomly bursting into tears throughout the day everytime I realise that its over between us. Please help in any way you can. I don't want to lose her. I really believed that we were going to be together for the rest of our lives. she just felt like it was too serious or something. I tried to change her mind but she said that she wasnt going back on what she wants. At the moment im trying not to message her or ring her. I did message her friend asking if she could speak to her but I now regret that because I think her friend would have told her and it would have made her feel worse. please help, thanks
Car10e Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 She probably felt overwhelmed. Depending on someone that much at the age of 19 is not good. Not letting her go out with her friends is definitely not good. What I have learned from my past relationship, is that my ex and I needed a life outside from each other. He would go with his friends often and I went with mine. But we also switched hanging out with each others group of friends. Its not healthy to see your significant other 24/7. Thats when you become dependent on each other.
Author dannyhep Posted August 9, 2012 Author Posted August 9, 2012 I know why it got like it did. I just need to know how to fix it :/. I know I was stupid with what i was doing and i forced her away from me. I just need to get her back. she means everything to me. any suggestions on what I could be doing? at the moment iv just stayed away from texting her or anything
Car10e Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 I know why it got like it did. I just need to know how to fix it :/. I know I was stupid with what i was doing and i forced her away from me. I just need to get her back. she means everything to me. any suggestions on what I could be doing? at the moment iv just stayed away from texting her or anything Right now all you can really do is not say anything to her. I know its sounds horrible, but especially in your case, no contact is the best thing. Keep yourself busy, even when you don't feel like doing anything, you have to force yourself. I've been jogging every morning to keep myself busy before work. Work on yourself as well. Learn to not be so dependent on her. Maybe she will see it, and reconsider.
Author dannyhep Posted August 9, 2012 Author Posted August 9, 2012 okay. i am just worried that if i dont contact her at all then she will be getting over me rather than missing me. I feel so stuck and desperate to get her back.
YorickBrown Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 I know why it got like it did. I just need to know how to fix it :/. I know I was stupid with what i was doing and i forced her away from me. I just need to get her back. she means everything to me. any suggestions on what I could be doing? at the moment iv just stayed away from texting her or anything First off, welcome to the club kid! You've certainly arrive at a great place to begin your uhmm...long journey to recovery. Second, congratulations! You've already recognized & taken the first step in the process...cut off any contact from your ex as immediately and as completely as possible. Lastly, and certainly not least, ACCEPT that it is over (for now, at least) and that some...or most relationships are not really meant to last (especially at this time of your lives). That's just the reality. Nothing you can do about it. In fact, the more you try to fix it...the worse it gets.
Car10e Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 okay. i am just worried that if i dont contact her at all then she will be getting over me rather than missing me. I feel so stuck and desperate to get her back. Thats pretty normal for you to feel like that. But trust me, contacting her will just push her away more. It will get easier as the days go by, you just gotta get through right now.
Author dannyhep Posted August 9, 2012 Author Posted August 9, 2012 okay. I just know i cant lose her. i know that we are meant for each other and until a month ago it was great. Im scared if im honest. ill try not to contact her and just keep my hopes up for now
Chi townD Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 okay. i am just worried that if i dont contact her at all then she will be getting over me rather than missing me. I feel so stuck and desperate to get her back. You're not going to like this, but let her go! She doesn't want to stay and you can't make anyone stay. Therefore, you need to work on you. If you're not a social guy, then get out there! Join some clubs! Join a mens soccer league! Cycling club! Meet other people! Leave her alone. Start to heal and move on, sorry dude.
Author dannyhep Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 Thanks for the replies and the advice. I'm trying to focus on myself and try ignore my feelings. It is difficult and I do just occasionally break down. Im not going to just get over her. she means too much to me and I know I love her. I know that my feelings are't just because ei have been with her so long. I know its real love. Was slightly difficult last night, she was having a house party that i was meant to go to but obviously i didnt go given what happened. I half expected her to drink too much and miss me, perhaps message me in someway. I woke up in the morning with no messages from her. The reason i say this is because when she used to go out she would sometimes drink too much and get really emotional and miss me. I feel that as long as she has her friends and things to do then shes not going to have the chance to miss me. Im not texting her although i have come close to doing so. Reading other threads and the replies other people have got has inspired me to keep up with not contacting her. Im hanging on the off chance that she will miss me and I can go from there. Im not ready to give up on her. I will go through hell if it meant that we could be together again.
Matt145 Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Hey danny, Im in the exact same situation as you are right now. Only difference is me and my ex where both 17 and your 19. My ex told me she doesnt want a relationship anymore, she wants to live her life and be free and not be tied down so young. I was a bit of a clingy boyfriend, and by the sounds of it so where you but thats the past now and its gone. Its been nearly 7 weeks since we broke up and she has broke NC 4 times and lead me on TWICE to only **** me off again so ive gone through a bit more pain than i should have. But you feel crap now and you feel like you would go to hell and back to get her back but i felt like that and it will pass by. 7 weeks after breaking up with my ex i still want her back sometimes, not all the time. But you just gotta handle the situation good from now, DO NOT contact her. Tell her your going NC for good and the only time she should contact you is if she wants a relationship, which wont be anytime soon believe me thats from personal experience, if they say they want to be free and single ect they mean it and its over you just gotta accept it. The truth is your ex has been thinking about doing this for a long time so her mind is set and she probably wont turn back. I can feel your pain bro but you just gotta let her go and accept its over and heal. Your ex is likely to go on a rampage of partying and getting **** faced nearly every night from now on, shes going to do the things she felt she couldnt do when she was with you, just like mine did. But you have gotta not think about stuff like that, block her on facebook or if you dont want to delete her go on her profile and hide her activitys on your news feed like i did and the same goes with her friends too. Sorry about your loss bro.
Author dannyhep Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 sorry that you're having to go through it too man. Im know that shes going to want to do all these things and I want her to, i want her to enjoy herself. Im not going to give up yet though. its possible that she wont want me anymore and never will. but its possible that she might miss me and we could fix it. Ill just have to see what time brings :/ 1
Author dannyhep Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 I texted her yesterday. I was missing her so much and i couldn't bear it. I texted her saying 'hey how was your party?' just to try start talking again. she replied saying how it was okay but added that she thinks we shouldn't talk for a bit so we can get over each other. I don't want her to get over me. I really don't want to lose her. It led to me texting her again last night, telling her that i miss her and that im sorry she feels the way she does. I told her i wouldn't text again unless she wanted me to. I feel so lost. i love her to pieces and cant stand to lose her. shes my 'baby' and there are so many good memories together. we would have such good laughs together and go out to places and just enjoy each others company so much. I miss her and the hurt feels like its just getting worse. what can I do. I felt like ringing her mum to talk to her about it, thinking maybe she could ask her about i feel like her friends will be telling her to get over me so she doesn't have the chance to think of the good things we had or to miss me. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose her :/. I feel like i am losing control of myself. she helped me through some hard times and she became my lifeline, i wouldnt have got through the bad without her. she helped me go through depression and i have help her go through the bad that has happened to her. I can't sleep, can't eat, just keep breaking down and my head is rushing so much, thinking of every memory I have with her, everything we have done together just makesme hurt so much. she would surprise me when I was in a different city on my own, she would just turn up to surprise me. she would leave notes around her and my flat each telling me a reason why she loves me. I just want it all back. I love her so much. I need a miracle. clearly after the text she sent me she still wants to be by her self. I just hope she misses me and starts to want me back again. she is just so motivated to get on with it and not come back to me :/. please somebody help me
Dblock10 Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 i will bring the facts, also the pain :/ basically, when a girl decides 'thats it' its very very very rare if borderline impossible for you to do anything to get her back. the best chance you have is to give her the space, as the more you push the more they pull away. all you can do is to focus on you, make yourself a better person, meanwhile keep her on fb, dont go on her profile or stalking, but go out, join clubs, meet new people, go out for drinks, get in pics with some good looking girls and post them on your fb, do this in about 3 weeks time, until then dont go on fb at all. ultimately if she wants you back shes got to want it for her self and right now she wants the freedom and to meet and explore whats out there. its to do with her age more than to do with you. it would happen eventually either now or a few years from now. if she does come back, then that is obviously what you want, plus you will be a better person by then anyway even if she doesnt.. dont phone txt or call her or her mum.
Author dannyhep Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 Thanks for the advice. Ill try and do as you say. Finding it so difficult. I'm scared to go out with my friends incase I pump into her or see her with a guy or something. She's my little baby and I feel like I have lost everything that's keeping me together. I'm worries I'm going to slip into how I was before, when I used to not be right in the head basicly. Ill try my best to not text or anything. I hope she does change her mind. Thanks a lot for the help
Dblock10 Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 you need to be the man mate. go out. your be the one turning into the baby otherwise! yeah just keep it real, stay calm
Author dannyhep Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 Hi, I need some advice quick. I plan on going out tonight to try and get on with things and focus on myself. But i am so scared of bumping into her. She goes out every saturday night so i know she will be out. What should i do if i do bumop into her. moreover, Im scared that ill see her with another guy. it will break me. please reply quickly. i go out in an hour an im not sure what to do. Thanks
Canadian731 Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 Don't live your life around what she does, if you do end up seeing her just look the opposite way and don't pay any attention to what she is doing or who she is with. You can't let her control your emotions anymore man.
Author dannyhep Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 i just dont think i will be able to just egnore her if i see her with somebody else
Author dannyhep Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 my friends are taking me to the club she goes to quite often. I just dont want to see her with anyone else. if i see her with just her friends i wont be that bad. just if i see her with somebody
Jono85 Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 my friends are taking me to the club she goes to quite often. I just dont want to see her with anyone else. if i see her with just her friends i wont be that bad. just if i see her with somebody you're in serious denial and not fooling anyone. you WANT to see her tonight. otherwise u would never let them take u there. gl with all that..
Author dannyhep Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 No. I don't want to go round all my life in fear of seeing her or seeing her with someone. I don't believe I am weak as that. I wont let her stop me living my life. I just know that if i was to see her then it would mess with me. i want to enjoy myself and be with my friend. maybe even meet new people
Jono85 Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 No. I don't want to go round all my life in fear of seeing her or seeing her with someone. I don't believe I am weak as that. I wont let her stop me living my life. I just know that if i was to see her then it would mess with me. i want to enjoy myself and be with my friend. maybe even meet new people so then it doesn't sound like you're ready to randomly see her. no one's saying ur gonna live in fear ur whole life of seeing her etc. but right NOW u don't seem to be ready as u've admitted it will mess with u. so why not goto a diff club until u get to that point. u've said she goes out every saturday, and usually goes to this club...put 2 and 2 together..
libraamour Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 so then it doesn't sound like you're ready to randomly see her. no one's saying ur gonna live in fear ur whole life of seeing her etc. but right NOW u don't seem to be ready as u've admitted it will mess with u. so why not goto a diff club until u get to that point. u've said she goes out every saturday, and usually goes to this club...put 2 and 2 together.. I completely agree. Who are you kidding? You want to see her, but you're just going to hurt yourself if you go to that club. If you really want to go out and have fun without worrying about bumping into her, just go elsewhere. Don't think of it as her having too much control over you, think of it as you knowing better.
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