Single and heartbroken

[KatZee]

You also posted this in another thread you started:

 

"I do trust him. He has gone out partying, drinking, and clubbing without me, in a hot spot for gorgeous women. He is not able to cheat on me, because we are too attached. I have zero worry with him in this regard."

 

 

 

Do you really think this is the truth?

 

You also posted this:

 

"I don't like the idea of having sex with the one person for my entire life. "

 

So you have double standards now? It's OK for you to be out with whoever... but the second your boyfriend goes out... you throw a sh*t storm that is this thread...

 

I'm really quite confused. I also agree you should be evaluated for something other than an ED.

Edited August 9, 2012 by KatZee
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[Leigh 87]

Was this before or after you allowed him to fu*k a hooker while you watched?

 

 

Hey - look, this is just what I thought was acceptable to me. I thought that if a guy was in love, then what the heck was wrong with him having meaningless sex, with some hooker?

 

If your going to mock the way I do things, go away if your not going to be suportive.

 

You should only try to help people and wish them well - not come onto their threads and tell them how much they suck.

[KatZee]

Hey - look, this is just what I thought was acceptable to me. I thought that if a guy was in love, then what the heck was wrong with him having meaningless sex, with some hooker?

 

If your going to mock the way I do things, go away if your not going to be suportive.

 

You should only try to help people and wish them well - not come onto their threads and tell them how much they suck.

 

A guy being in love doesn't mean he goes around getting his rocks off with prostitutes.

 

Not mocking you, just showing you the reality of the situation and how easily your boyfriend manipulates you into doing anything he wants.

 

"Thank you for letting me experience another body" ??? Really? He cheated. You gave him the free pass. But now you're not OK with it? but you don't think you should have one partner for life? It's like you let people dictate what you should believe but don't really have any clear thoughts of your own. You thought it was OK because he told you it was normal. That's not normal.

 

Reading all your threads I'm really not getting a sense of what it is YOU want and what YOU believe.

[Leigh 87]

You also posted this in another thread you started:

 

"I do trust him. He has gone out partying, drinking, and clubbing without me, in a hot spot for gorgeous women. He is not able to cheat on me, because we are too attached. I have zero worry with him in this regard."

 

 

 

Do you really think this is the truth?

 

You also posted this:

 

"I don't like the idea of having sex with the one person for my entire life. "

 

So you have double standards now? It's OK for you to be out with whoever... but the second your boyfriend goes out... you throw a sh*t storm that is this thread...

 

I'm really quite confused. I also agree you should be evaluated for something other than an ED.

 

 

 

 

No,I do not want to be with other men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

I only wish to be with the man I love.

 

I just think it is not always necessary at age 25, for a guy to have sex with that same women for many years.

 

I literally thought a guy could be in love, and have meaningless sex every year or two...And not have to go without something a lot of them would still enjoy, even while with a loving partner who they adore.

 

Also - I have let him go out and party without me and never got worried. It is just THIS TIME I am worried.

 

 

 

Also - your quiet a nasty person. Where as I am a lovely, warm and friendly person. Unless you genuinely wish me well and want to help me, you should really f*ck off.

 

 

Thanks:)

 

 

 

And no, I do not have anything wrong with me.. I am a normal person, who is normal around the people I encounter.

 

not trusting my boyfriend, while at the same being really in love with him, is a paradox and confusing, as are m views and the way I think about my relationship....

 

but it does not make me crazy in my day to day life.

[Leigh 87]

A guy being in love doesn't mean he goes around getting his rocks off with prostitutes.

 

Not mocking you, just showing you the reality of the situation and how easily your boyfriend manipulates you into doing anything he wants.

 

"Thank you for letting me experience another body" ??? Really? He cheated. You gave him the free pass. But now you're not OK with it? but you don't think you should have one partner for life? It's like you let people dictate what you should believe but don't really have any clear thoughts of your own. You thought it was OK because he told you it was normal. That's not normal.

 

Reading all your threads I'm really not getting a sense of what it is YOU want and what YOU believe.

 

 

 

 

No no no. MOST guys who are in love do not see hookers. I just thought I would let my boyfriend, while he was still relatively young, before he settled down with me. i did not think there was any harm in it.

 

He says he is happy to never do it again any way. It is not a big deal to us at all. He knows I may not be okay with him doing it again.

 

 

ANyway - he acts like he is in love with me, and I do not think he would find another girl and think " wow, even if she let me and was cool with it, I would physically not be able to have meaningless sex with that hooker on a rare occasion"

 

I do not think it was ME; I think it is just HIM being ABLE to be in love, whilst having meaningless sex.

[Kamille]

Leigh, you constantly contradict yourself. Your relationship does not need to be blissful all the time in order to be healthy.

 

You say you were not jealous the last time he went away. Meanwhile, I found a thread, posted in 2011, where you were jealous and were also ready to break things off.

 

We had a fight a few days ago; he is going on a cruise for ten days, and will party every night.. The thing is... I sudenly realized " hang on.. I have a good body and am attractive, but I do not work out much, do not study anymore, do not work, and leave the house dirty; what's worse, is that I let it depress me, rather than take action to counter it.

 

(...)

 

At the moment, he is going in 4 days on the cruise. Last time he went away for a month, I cried every day and missed him terriblly. Our love became very strong, we felt we would be together for a long time.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/304909-long-post-but-i-am-devastated

 

I couldn't find the one about when he left for Northern Australia, but I do remember that you also felt abandoned and lost. You even mention as much in this thread here.

 

So, how about this: how about you allow for the possibility that you might sometime get jealous? Jealousy can sometimes be healthy because it alerts us to what is important to us. Maybe by accepting that you do get jealous, you can start to work on why you get jealous.

 

From following your threads on LS for years, I have come to care for you. I am often concerned for you. We've discussed episodes in your past that likely contribute to your perceptions that men's sexuality are out of control. I think this is the core of your focus on body image and your insecurities about your relationships. You experienced something traumatic and I hope you seek continuous counsel to help you deal with the sequels of it. In the end you're the person in charge of your well-being. Your decisions are the only ones that matter.

[Leigh 87]

And he certainly does not think that being able to see hookers once in a blue moon is normal.

 

 

He knows it is very different, and hesitated at first, and was more like " Leigh, really, are you sure your okay with that?"

 

 

I think he knows it is not the norm, and if he wants to be with me badly enough, I doubt I will be letting him do it again, now that I have heard other people's opinions.

 

It is not like it was his idea, and he said if I put a stop to it, there is no way he would leave me for it... as he would be much happier with me, than being abe to have other girls.

 

I have told him if I decide to retract my view on hookers, that he is free to walk away if he is not satisfied and very happy with having just ME for sex for our time together.

 

He was not phased and just matter of factly said " Leigh, I just want to be happy with you, either let me or don't let me, I do not care, lets just be happy"

[Mme. Chaucer]

Hi, Leigh.

 

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad right now.

 

The truth is that you really do have a lot of serious issues that you can and need to work on. The relationship and a lot of other parts of your life are mostly serving as "band-aids" to the issues.

 

You need a strong core so you have a place to go within yourself when your feelings start to lead you on an emotional binge. You could develop that, and I truly and very sincerely believe that you really NEED to, for your essential well-being.

 

Your entire relationship is riddled with YOUR control issues. I kind of get the feeling that Andrew is mostly a callow good-time boy who has no interest in anything besides having fun and feeling good in the moment. And so you try to make yourself that kind of a girl so you'll be "right" for him.

 

But the whole thing is riddled with your attempts to keep a rein on everything.

 

If you "allow" him to see a hooker one time a year, you DO HAVE AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP. I don't believe that your relationship is evolved to the point where other "open relationships" are; i.e.: to where boundaries are clearly and maturely discussed and laid out and both people are accountable for upholding them. You are trying to arrange things that you cannot control - into a form where you do have control. And it won't work.

 

Also, your relationship appears to be based mostly on drinking and partying together. I don't think that's wrong for young people whose main priority is having fun, but there is no depth to it. Also, you can't be "fine" with it just when you are present, and then freak out when he does it with his buddies.

 

If you were to break up with him because he is doing things that he probably has heard and experienced with you are "fine," he'll be very confused.

 

I do think that he is remiss in not being in contact with you. But it also seems pretty predictable, since he's "having fun" and that's what he's about. Right?

 

I don't mean to lay anything on Andrew's character, or on yours, or on your relationship here. I just want you to see that this is part of what you have created, and to realize how NOT OKAY you really are, at your center, with it.

 

I hope and pray you will stop trying quick superficial fixes for what troubles you so deeply within yourself and get therapy - and stick with it even if you don't feel like it's "working." I think it will take a pretty long time and some perseverance for you to get to the root of all this stuff and to learn how to rebuild.

 

You are a great girl, you're worth it.

[Ruby65]

 

And no, I do not have anything wrong with me.. I am a normal person, who is normal around the people I encounter.

 

not trusting my boyfriend, while at the same being really in love with him, is a paradox and confusing, as are m views and the way I think about my relationship....

 

but it does not make me crazy in my day to day life.

 

 

No one said you were crazy, but you should get yourself to a doctor or therapist for evaluation. A "normal" person wouldn't just brush off that kind of advice.

[KatZee]

I don't think I'm nasty at all.

 

I'm not going to sit here and sugar coat what's going on and hold your hand through this situation which is WAY more screwed up than you realize.

 

No one here is going to "wish you well" either. It seems you're in a highly dysfunctional situation based on this thread, and others posted. Instead of seeing what is in front of you, you see what you wish to see, while harboring deep insecurities and feelings of paranoia.

 

I'm not the only person to come read this thread and see that there is something wrong on a deeper level. Several have suggested counseling and therapy. You completely went off the deep end with this thread and we saw it from post one.

 

If you're so happy and so in love with each other... what fueled this post? Why are you jealous NOW? And not all the other times when you claimed you had no issues whatsoever? And were totally fine with him being out drunk and partying?

[Leigh 87]

Hi, Leigh.

 

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad right now.

 

The truth is that you really do have a lot of serious issues that you can and need to work on. The relationship and a lot of other parts of your life are mostly serving as "band-aids" to the issues.

 

You need a strong core so you have a place to go within yourself when your feelings start to lead you on an emotional binge. You could develop that, and I truly and very sincerely believe that you really NEED to, for your essential well-being.

 

Your entire relationship is riddled with YOUR control issues. I kind of get the feeling that Andrew is mostly a callow good-time boy who has no interest in anything besides having fun and feeling good in the moment. And so you try to make yourself that kind of a girl so you'll be "right" for him.

 

But the whole thing is riddled with your attempts to keep a rein on everything.

 

If you "allow" him to see a hooker one time a year, you DO HAVE AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP. I don't believe that your relationship is evolved to the point where other "open relationships" are; i.e.: to where boundaries are clearly and maturely discussed and laid out and both people are accountable for upholding them. You are trying to arrange things that you cannot control - into a form where you do have control. And it won't work.

 

Also, your relationship appears to be based mostly on drinking and partying together. I don't think that's wrong for young people whose main priority is having fun, but there is no depth to it. Also, you can't be "fine" with it just when you are present, and then freak out when he does it with his buddies.

 

If you were to break up with him because he is doing things that he probably has heard and experienced with you are "fine," he'll be very confused.

 

I do think that he is remiss in not being in contact with you. But it also seems pretty predictable, since he's "having fun" and that's what he's about. Right?

 

I don't mean to lay anything on Andrew's character, or on yours, or on your relationship here. I just want you to see that this is part of what you have created, and to realize how NOT OKAY you really are, at your center, with it.

 

I hope and pray you will stop trying quick superficial fixes for what troubles you so deeply within yourself and get therapy - and stick with it even if you don't feel like it's "working." I think it will take a pretty long time and some perseverance for you to get to the root of all this stuff and to learn how to rebuild.

 

You are a great girl, you're worth it.

 

 

 

 

OH.

 

 

I do not party or drinK!

[KatZee]

I've just read Mme. Chauser's post and that is spot on. I would read, and re-read that.

[Leigh 87]

ALl the time ANdrew and I spend together, is sober; we do not go out drinking and partying together, because I refuse to go out and drink until I work out my issues.

 

I LOVE partying and getting a little drunk now and again, but because I have personal issues, I am waiting to resolve them before drinking. We did, for a couple of months, try to go out and drink, but I ended up getting silly and upset, because I had issues in my life that alcohol did not agree with. We did have a couple of fun times, but more bad ones.

 

Our relationship is based on just hanging out. Getting home from my study course and his job, and getting to just watch TV, talk, play with the dogs, hug, and laugh.

He is rarely drunk around me, apart from once a week when I pick him up from his " guys" night out.

We also love learning new things, trying to get fitter and healthier, and he especially loves challenging me with new things.

We try to bring out the best in each other. I started to eat normally, and got to a healthy weight and recovered from my anorexia afte rmeeting him, because he made is very apparant that he loved me for me, and being thin would not ammount to anything fulfilling; where as having a loving relationship, and getting to love his dogs like they were my own, DID lead to a contentment I never experienced before, when all I had was the gym and my body:sick::sick:

 

With him, I pull him into line and point out bad friend he has had, and tell him when he is too mess that it is not acceptable, and try to work with hi to better himself.

 

He knows I have serious problems, yet he has put up with it in the hope I will change and get help.

And we do love each other, which is why we are so intent on wanting to be together. We feel how close we are abnd what we have together, is something we want very badly.

I have no doubt I am wrong to have let him see those hookers, and also have no doubt he will not have a issue with never seeing them again.

 

 

I am a girl who can have meaningless sex; I can very well like a guy, but just have casual fun. So I thought ' hey, he is young, why not let him have meaningless sex"

[Leigh 87]

ANd Chaucer - Andrew is not just a good time boy. He says he loves me enough to marry me, and would very much like for us to stay together. For a long time, if not forever.

 

He does not talk about just living in the moment with me; he talks about our future he wants together.

 

When we first met, he was all about wanting to travel the world; he wants to travel a lot, be young, hook up with a lot of hot women whilst he travelled, and whe he met me, he did not want a full on, serious relationship. And neither did I.

 

Yet, he had this strange urge to help me. He knew I had serious issues. I was socially isolated for years; years alone, with no friends and minimal contact with people.

 

He really felt compelled to help me, just as a friend, and had no intentions of settling down or finding a long term girlfriend.

 

Neither of us felt ready for a relationship, it just happened. Now we see our future in terms of us being together. It just happened, and neither of us.... did or said anything in particular.

 

It just went from us both wanting to be young and have fun being single, to us both wanting a future together..

[Tree_Salmon]

Sounds like there are massive emotional issues in this relationship.

[Leigh 87]

OH - and he absolutely KNOWS he cannot go hooking up with other girls!

 

 

He knows the hooker arangement was just that. He knows it is not okay for either of us to be with other people. To both of us, it feels liek cheating and it feels wrong.

 

 

 

If course, after reading peoples advice regarding hookers, I will not allow for it anymore. I just thought it would be harmless letting a guy in a long term relationship have fun on a rare occasion.

 

I do not see how a hooker once a year or so, amounts to the guy wanting to have more. Andrew acts and appears the opposite of greedy. The two hookers have not made him want more than a hookers more often, or girls that are not hookers.

[Mme. Chaucer]

OH.

 

 

I do not party or drinK!

 

Well, sorry to do this but it's for your own good:

 

We both want the same things, in terms of our time spent together: we are both crazy, we want to party as much as possible,

 

My partner and I like to party and are in a party phase... We do not do it every week, more like once every couple of months, but if we had the money we would go out every weekend, and go hard.

 

I have blacked out before, whilst drinking, and the fact I cannot remember things ...

[Kamille]

Leigh, I feel like you are getting defensive. This is perhaps leading you to misperceive the advice you are getting here.

 

Demonstrating that we have the details of your relationship wrong only allows you not to face the core of what the posters here have said. Here is the jist of what I feel is important:

 

- Events in your past have lead you to believe that men cannot control their sexuality.

 

- This belief leads you to put in place various practices that make you feel like you are able to control your boyfriend's sexual desires. This includes: Intense focus on your body and sexual desirability; allowing him to sleep with hookers; having fun talking about how sexy other women are.

 

- When Andrew leaves, you can no longer monitor is sexual behavior, so you end up feeling anxious.

 

- The way to deal with the insecurity you feel every time Andrew leaves is to face the events in your past which make you think men cannot control their sexuality.

 

 

You say yourself you want to deal with your issues in order to make your relationship better. We do not know your relationship as well as you. It doesn't mean that we haven't observed some important patterns in your relationship. Some of the advice you were given on this thread could help you with your issues and make your relationship better. All it requires is that you allow yourself to consider the advice before reacting to it.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Leigh, please stop getting sidetracked. The whole point here is that when things are feeling out of control for you, you totally freak out and it is HARMFUL to you to do so.

 

Your eating disorder was about this. Your efforts to be the kind of girl you think you need to be for Andrew to be happy with you are about this. Your fears are, the "hooker" thing is, and it's all a potential landslide just waiting to bury you when things start to slip out of your sense of having control of them.

[Leigh 87]

I need to get myself some help. I tried with my old psch, but she just could not figure out what was wrong with me or how to help me.

 

Plus I did not see her regularly enough.

 

I need to print out these posts. without them, the shrinks look at me and cannot, for the life of them, figure out wtf is wrong with me. I am serious.

 

 

I guess my next step should be to fix myself, and to let Andrew wait for me if he wants to.

 

 

He has encouranged me and urged me to get help, and that he wants to wait for me, because he wants to be with me, and he said he is 100% suppotive of me getting help and taking time off from any relationship.

 

He made is clear he wants to still be close if I decide to go and get the help I need. We just always keep seeing each other and being very close. Our actions and feelings towards each other sta the same, whenever I have suggested " going and fixing myself, before resuming a relationship with him"

[Kamille]

I need to get myself some help. I tried with my old psch, but she just could not figure out what was wrong with me or how to help me.

 

Plus I did not see her regularly enough.

 

I need to print out these posts. without them, the shrinks look at me and cannot, for the life of them, figure out wtf is wrong with me. I am serious.

 

 

I guess my next step should be to fix myself, and to let Andrew wait for me if he wants to.

 

 

He has encouranged me and urged me to get help, and that he wants to wait for me, because he wants to be with me, and he said he is 100% suppotive of me getting help and taking time off from any relationship.

 

He made is clear he wants to still be close if I decide to go and get the help I need. We just always keep seeing each other and being very close. Our actions and feelings towards each other sta the same, whenever I have suggested " going and fixing myself, before resuming a relationship with him"

 

You do not need to leave him. You can get counseling while in the relationship. It would likely even be helpful because the therapist could help you manage the moments when you are feeling anxious because of the relationship.

[dreamingoftigers]

I think that you are getting a bit of a strip taken off of you here, largely Ayer of the hooker thing.

 

Honestly, I think it's an extension of other issues, but it also need not be the end of the world if it's in context with your relationship.

 

Your bf actually seems like (my impression) one of those easy-going guys that reminds me of how my husband was when we first met. I had a lot of pain and what made me feel so close to him was how he would listen so kindly and just say, "you know S, it's okay, everyone's got issues, right?"

 

Now granted everything became a disaster after marriage and my pregnancy, but at the core I could still see that man and I still do now. In fact it's really nice to have him back.

 

The reason I bring it is twofold:

 

1. You need to set your boundaries with this guy. He's a nice guy and a fun guy, his picture kindof says it all (I'm assuming that's him in the avatar). The reason you set your boundaries is as much for him as it is for you. So he knows if he's doing something breakup worthy, or something that's really going to trigger an upset. You also set those boundaries so that you set something reasonable and then you know if it's reasonable to take your upset feelings to him or not.

 

Some things in a relationship are more damaging if they are projected outward than others. Setting a boundary that he respects shows a) he is trustworthy b) he respects you and c) if you are still upset, whether you need to change the boundary or if it is something that is a personal insecurity that you can recognize and deal with.

 

2. I known my early relationship with my h that I was broken or at the very least down. He gave me so much to look forward to everyday. He was very kind to me and listened so nicely. He also tried to help me clean up my emotional mess. That last one is a problem. He couldn't help me clean up that mess because he couldn't reach inside me and fix me. I was a sad little girl and he tried really hard to make me happy. And he did actually, but it was a lot of work I should have been doing myself. The fact that he was doing it was reflective of his own issues. Most healthy people don't make it a full-time job to ensure their partners happiness, they give them the freedom to be and make themselves happy. It's really really hard feeling like you have to keep someone happy because they are fearful and you NEVER know when things might go South.

 

I've somewhat dramatized it. But I was pretty hooked on that husband on mine because he did make me so happy. A relationship should not have a "drug-like" quality about it. You shouldn't go through "withdrawal" be side he is gone for a week or so. I know that feeling. A LOT. After we were married and my husband's issues came up, he took off a lot and that withdrawal feeling was just BRUTAL. UNREAL. And the worst case scenario loops through your mind over and over. Has he been in a car wreck? Is he with an OW? etc etc etc. Granted my husband did have actual severe issues so those were kind if valid concerns. But even if they weren't, it still would have looped through my mind.

 

There was a great book to help me called: How to Break Your Addiction to a Person. It is NOT about breaking up. It's about not having those withdrawals and everything like that.

 

You see now if my husband went away for ten days or what have you, I wouldn't be waiting by the phone or computer with the worst-case scenario running through my head for him to PLEASE PLEASE just contact me.

I'd be like, "hey I got some time to myself, cool."

I don't feel encumbered by the black and grey abandonment feelings.

 

People who DON'T have this abandonment trigger DON'T understand it. They don't feel it and the impact of it. It is VERY painful. And it feels like it will go on forever and they only way to cut it off is to cut off the relationship, and that's only to DULL the pain.

 

I get the feeling you post up on LS (the tough threads) when you feel the trigger so most people can't understand how you would go fro

Happy to unhappy to happy again. Because you're okay - until you get triggered, than it feels like WWIII, than when you get some assurance: you are back on top.

 

Imagine how much less stressful things would be if you could prepare and know that everything will be okay when you get triggered? It's pretty good now. I haven't had to deal with it in a bit, (my husband has been very consistent since reconciliation) but the last times I've been having to deal with it, I can recognize it, somewhat label it as "mine" and deal with it. Then I can get my day to day stuff done. I even look forward to my alone time now. I get more stuff that I am behind in done.

 

I hope this helps a little.

 

I hope you feel better soon. I know it seems like time just stretches when your partner is away and you have this trigger.

[Leigh 87]

You do not need to leave him. You can get counseling while in the relationship. It would likely even be helpful because the therapist could help you manage the moments when you are feeling anxious because of the relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He is a person I love spending my day to day life with - issues aside, we are most ourselves around each other than with anyone else, and have a special sort of dynamic that makes every day much more satisfying.

 

He has constantly urged me to start resolving my issues. He has point blank said " Leigh, your issues are getting too much for me to handle" but he has ever been able to walk away, despite the fact he has had ENOUGH of my issues.

 

I guess he is really, really, really holding out hope and giving us every chance he can.

 

And I do not think it isbecause he is desperate and has nothing better to do, lol! I do think it is because he must love me and want to be with me very badly.

 

Which makes it clear that he would not cheat, in all likelyhood; why would he put up with my sh*t for many months, when he could walk away and have free reign of the hot girls out there? Obviously, he would be happier if things worked out with us.

Although you can never trust someone 100%.

 

I guess I did over react. BUt I will talk to him about the hooker rule; and the fact it is not healthy for me to allow for it.

 

 

I was just very easy going at first and casual about the whole relationship - it was clear we only wanted to be with just each other, yet we did not want to label us bf and gf until 5 or 6 months down the track.

 

I also thought it would be better if he saw hookers, once things got serious. I had always wanted to have a threesome so I had one with him too. I grew up with mostly lesbians and bi girls, so always wanted to try it. I disliked it though and will not do it again.

 

I just thought meaningless sex with hookers was a good idea for SOME long term relationships. I have now re assessed this, and it WOULD mean more to me, if he were to give that up.

 

I am not scared he will have to end up " leaving" me, because he needs other women sexually. I just do not sense it - I do not feel in my gut, that he would rather have other women, than be totally monogomus with me.

 

Besides - I have talked about my uncertaintly about hookers with him, and he has said at times " geez Leigh, if it is so hard for you to get your head around it, I wont ever do it again, it is not an issue do stop making it one"

[Mme. Chaucer]

Leigh, there certainly are mean people on LoveShack and there are people who can be harsh (like me), but I think you know that there are quite a few people here who really care about you and who KNOW that you can help yourself to come to a place where this devastation doesn't have to be a regular part of your cycle of life.

[Leigh 87]

dreaming of tigers - THANKS for your long and informative post:)

 

I do not know why I have abandonment issues. I had a great life - an only child, two very loving parents.... Always food on the table and a lot of toys and materialistic things....

 

My mum moved to China when I was about 10. I had a sick, bad feelig for about a year, but got over it. I became totally immune to her absence. But would cry at the airport when saying goodbye or when greeting her. I have since stopped that. I do not get emotional seeing her or saying goodbye at all now.

 

But I have not really had a hardship that I can think of? My parents were very loving. However, I was ugl growing up and had a HELL of a time in high school. As in, utter hell - constant bullying, no friends...

 

 

That is why I go anorexia, partially - to say a big " EFF YOU, I am not fitter, thinner, and hotter than YOU @ssholes, hahahaa the jokes on YOU"

 

 

So I had a hell of a time in high school, having no friends at all, eating lunch in the toilets daily, crying every single day, and the thought of dying comforted me.

 

I have not though had anything REALLY terrible happen to be that I can think messed me up?

 

 

My dad hit me because I made him really angry, but it is not hsi fault, because he has a VERY bad heart condition!!!1 he had a 6 tuple bi pass at age 38. He is a very sick man and could die any minute.

 

I was so troubled and such an @sshole as a teen, that he could not deal with me and hit me a few times. He hated it though and felt awful. And was clearly a loving and good father.

 

My mum never saw him act violent towards anyone besides me.

 

 

 

 

Um, so yeah. I have not ever had any big hardships, besides my father almpst dying when I was about 7, him hitting me a little, and my mother leaving and moving to another country,l and being depressed and suicidle when i ws a teenager.

 

 

 

 

 

People go through way worse and come out of it totally fine, with great relationships?

 

 

My boyfriend lost his mother recently, and is totally devastated all the time, yet he holds himself together and manages to EVER project ANY of his issues onto me.

 

 

I guess I am VERY vulnerable; I love him more than I thought was possible, and the fact we are so close, makes any sort of cheating unfathomable...

Maybe that is why I lesson things in the relationship and try to find ways it is not working - because we are VERY close, to the point where I cannot fathom our bond ending, and so try to ruin it before it finishes naturally?