long post but I am devastated

[Leigh 87]

Hi.

 

I was seeing a guy, since last February. We fell in love, but now I am not where I want to be with him.

 

We both want the same things, in terms of our time spent together: we are both crazy, we want to party as much as possible, ( weekends only haha), get jobs ( we are early 20's, not working atm), and go on roat trips to random places every weekend, try new things like rock climbing and other activities; we want to also travel and just have the time of our lives.

 

Unfortunately, I had an eating disorder which I recovered from, and was left with no personality, job, friends, or anything much happening in my life. I had my fitness and " hot" body, however, this is all I had.

 

HOwever, I am a kind person who is very caring, and my goal is to just have a job, save, travel, get more friends, and be a fun and positive person to be around.

 

Andrew met me when I had never partied or gone out. My eating disorder ruled my life before then, and I had not really explored the way on which I want to live now, that I am a normal healthy women.

 

In spite of the fact I was different to the guy I met; had a life before me, he had gone and partied a lot, had fun, had a lot of friends... we talked online, and " felt " a strange connection. A vibration, something parculiar. We both felt it, and told one another later about it.

 

We met, and he wanted to help me move forward in my life; he wanted to help me learn to have fun and live my life again. In the process, we fell in love. I fell in love with him, and he fell in love with the damaged, incomplate girl he found.

 

I know the person I am right now, and I know the things I would like to do in life, however; I do not have the cash do do them right now. When I hang out with the guy, I just want to have as much fun as possible.

 

PROBLEM; Because I had not previously gotten my life together, after I met ANdrew, I stopped studying, as I needed to heal mentally and just learn to live a normal life again. My marks for University are valid for ten years, and I plan to go study part time next year.

 

 

WHAT HAPPENED: we started to go to bed late, stay yup all night, and sleep all day. The house, his house which I moved into, was a disgusting mess. We just slept all day and left the house disgusting. I could not be truly satisfied or respect myself.

 

Even at my very worst, he still loved me deaply. He obviously saw enough potential in me to love me, and enough to fall in love with. He has truly seen me in my very worst state.

 

Unfortunately, I have taken a while to just grow into the person I know I can be, largely due to not living mhy life, and being lazy and not doing anything.

Sleeping all day and not doing enough with my life, made me insecure. I even stopped working out. I did not feel I had anything to feel worthy about. And yet, for a while, we had enough fun together just hanging out every day, for him to love me.

 

 

The thing is: because I do not have my own busy, fulfilling life going on, I could not feel happy, truly. His love alone is not enough, I need to feel good about myself as a person more.

 

I know I have great potential; I am a good person, a lovely friend, and all i want is to be happy with friends, and have a job so that I have enough money to do things, like I outlined above.

 

I am also crazy and will try anything ( once perhaps haha). I have caused a lot of drama with my boyfriend, because I did not like who I was being, and did not feel good within myself. I just instigated drama, because I had nothing else to tallk about. I didnt have a freakin life, really.

 

 

Things seamed to have died now, between us. Today I went for a jog, and will do pilates later. I am eating very well, and my fitness alone is one aspect I have of mysself, for myself.

 

I am also looking for work now, and will do every day until I find a job.

QUESTION:::

 

My QUESTION is: If this guy fell in love with me at my worst, do you think he could fall in love with me when I am in a MUCH better state? He was not in love with the drama, after all; it was the kindess and funny, quirky personality traits I exibited, as well as my very carying nature.

 

 

I have had my time lazing around, after my mental illness, and now I am picking up the pieces and mocing on with my life. At one stage, me and this boy were very much in love.

 

We still love one another, however, it is not where I want it to be. We have not been having fun together, doing the things we want to do; We have been sleeping all day, being lazy, and while we have some nights mucking around, laughing a lot together, I was too busy feeling bad and scared about starting my a life again after my illness, that I just caused drama.

 

 

We had enough to be very, very close and in love before. Now I have realized I need to start getting my life together, there should be more to go on, for the two of us to truly be in love again?

 

 

We honestly had something very special; we just did not get to hang out and hanf the fun we wanted, due to me being down on myself, as I became too lazy to live my own life, basically.....

 

 

Right now, I have not been the amazing, awesome person; the most fun person he could think to be around; my drama I cause ( fights, insecurity, blablabla), due to me not growing as a person, hindered us having the fun we wanted to. Yet we still fell in love based on the little bits of me he did truly see, the real me that is slowly coming out, and will only further develope once I anm actively living a responsible, productive life each day, with friends of my own that I see often.

 

 

 

 

A few things; he says he wants me badly. I knwo he has previously, however.. as it stands, me REVEIVING oral sex from a guy is essential for me. I cannot get off from sex alone.

 

This guy hated giving oral and never did before me besides with one other girl. He told me it was not his thing, but his love for me made him try it, and learn to like it sometimes.

 

 

WHen I am myself more, and having fun, without being upset about not having much of a life, when I am a good version of myself; he HAS actually wanted to go down on ; onme. However, I have never been constintantly hasppy enough for him to always feel a deap desire for me.

 

 

We had a fight a few days ago; he is going on a cruise for ten days, and will party every night.. The thing is... I sudenly realized " hang on.. I have a good body and am attractive, but I do not work out much, do not study anymore, do not work, and leave the house dirty; what's worse, is that I let it depress me, rather than take action to counter it.

 

 

Why the heck would he want to stay with me and stay loyal, when i am not being an amazing person to be around? I have made him very happy at times, but not consistantly.

 

I told him this and he said jealously is a turn off blabalad and had a fight. The thing is: this time, the love and feelings have not felt the same. Is is because enough is enough, I need to start to feel better about myself?

 

 

He wants to remain close, and get back together when I start to feel better within myself. Then I can come over, be with him, and smile most of the time, as I will feel complete and more sdatisfied with who I am and what I am doing each day.

 

He does not want us to be with other people. He wants to try to have fun with me, when I am the real me and not the lazy depressive me, and see where it goes.

 

 

I am unsatisfied currently, as we have not had a good enough time together, on account of me not liking myself enough due to my daily life: this obviosuly does not make him attracted enough to me, to sexually want me badly.

 

 

He says he still wants me badly, sexually, and the more amazing I am as a person, the more he wants me. As it stands, we are picking up the pieces of my past, and the drama I cause.

 

 

I loved him an awful lot, and still do love him; it is just on hold, the very deal love part; we planned a future together, we wanted to be together for a long time. He saw the real me and knew I would become a great person as a recovered from my illness and got better.

 

 

 

At the moment, he is going in 4 days on the cruise. Last time he went away for a month, I cried every day and missed him terriblly. Our love became very strong, we felt we would be together for a long time.

 

 

he wanted me so badly when he was away, always asking for sexy pictures; saying I was so beautiful in them... glad ' your mine": he said... However, now, he does not act like he wants my body sexually at all.

 

 

 

Things are broken for now, so I cannot expect him to fully crave for me sexualy. He says he does, however; I he had not gone down on me for over a week, so I asked him if I could get myself off, and if he could finish me off.

 

 

He said ok. When I asked him to start going down on me, he barly touched me... this was enough. Seriously - he barly brushed my skin, barly touching it.

 

He told me it was because there were a few stray hairs on my cllit area ( it was freshly shaved, with a few lone hairs). He said he would love doing it in the shower, as he prefers it there, and also he likes thelight on a little so he can see what he is doing. I always make him do it with no lights.

 

 

 

 

*sigh*. I just want our relationship to grow into mutual admiration and love towards one another. We had a veryt special love, I was a damaged and desperately lonley person, and he came and helped me.

 

I was not happy until I met him. I do not want to los ethe love we had, thruogh him helping me and falling in love with the strange, different girl that he helped. It felt like a very special love.

 

 

 

I am heartbroken, to say the least; to have laid next to him in bed, knowing we were not in ahappy place and not feeling the love from him. To lay next to a guy who I do not feel adores me or loves me. The feelings did not feel there. I lay next to his body, without " us".

 

 

I am going to do my own thing in life, and hope that as I move forward in my life, that we can hang out as close friends, and perhaps we will fall in love again. We still love one another, however; it is not so much in love anymore.

[USMCHokie]

Gadzooks, haven't seen you in a while. Having just briefly browsed your post, I'd say that this guy was truly dragging your life down...not a healthy way to live...and not someone who really wants the best for YOU...

[somedude81]

I think she just needs to start being productive to build up her self-esteem.

 

Cleaning up the house would be a good start.

[Leigh 87]

Let me tell u about this guy; He is actually lovely, he is intelligent and very affable.. He is a very positive and wonderful person to be around!@ He never causesd problems with anyone. he is such a joy to be around.

 

His mother died last year and he has been a little upset over that; NEITHER Of us WANTED to lay in bed late all day and lazy about. We just went thruogh a bad phase. He absolutely did NOT enjoy it much, either.

 

 

OF course, he plans to get work very soon, in a fulfilling job, and save and travel. The "lazy" phase we went through was NOT something either os us wanted to continue with.

[Leigh 87]

We just chatted on the phone... I told him that the way we lived made it impossible for me to feel good about myself, and in turn, be loved by anyone.

 

 

He can see how things are, and what hinderd me and us being happy all of the time. He thinks we are together still, but that we just need to be productive with our days, and happiness will come when we improve our lives.

 

 

He basically thinks we are together and he would like to see if we can continue to be happy and in love and close. I guess I will see how I change when I get more friends, a job, and really change for the better.

 

He already is a more complete person; he has a great personality, and has great people around him. I know he is worthy, partly because the previous girl he saw spoke 4 languages, was gorgeous, and an amazing women.

 

I am his first serious relationship, hwoever; that was while he travelled; he travelled with a hot, intelligent, and amazing Germanim chick. They parted ways before fully falling in love, but she was a perfect grirl for him, if they remained together ( they live other sides of the world and had to leave).

 

 

I am the longest relationship he has had, and he seams very keen to for us to just get on with our lives, from the lazy patch we had together, and see wher things go with us. He is in no way ready to call it quits until we try harder with our lives.

 

 

I am just going to focus on myself, and use his time away to build my confidence up. That way, I will be happy with or without him . I am hoping it is with him, as I would very much love to be with him, but ultimnately, I need to focus on ME and MY life, before any guy.

[Leigh 87]

This is pretty much a dead thread, however, just wanted to update to say that everything is okay now.

 

I was very devastated, as we had fight and there was a total losws of closeness and feelings, seamingly; I lay next to him at night, and I hated how we did not feel like " us" and good like usual...

 

 

We have since spent time together, and we have the best time together. HIs relationship style is such that, even if he is totally in awe of a girl, he siomply prefers to be best friends with them and have a lot of fun being together, and not constantly kiss and make out.

 

I always was bothered that he did not want to full on make out with me enough. However, he does kiss me a lot, and he does hug me.. however, he likes to have a lot of fun with the girls he loves or has deep feelings towards.

 

He needs to have the best time with a girl that he is in a relationship with. They need to be the most fun person to be around.

 

Luckily we do have great fun together. We cannot even go to a restaurant without having a food fight; we cannot even go to the beach without him stealing my pants and making me walk around half naked in front of everyone.

 

 

I had expectations of a guy in arelationship; that he would need to make out all the time with me, and show affection all the time. The thing with my guy, is he is affectionate, but when we are just hanging out, he prefers to have time to just have a lot of fun like the best friends do, withotu having to be all about kissing and the " relationship".

 

 

I have let go of my expectations of what seams normal, and learnt that he does things his own way; the girl before me, the only otehr girl he has liked a lot........ she was amazing to him, and yet he said that he prefered to just be best friends with her, and cuddle and kiss at night, nto while doing activities during the day.

 

We have pretty much sorted out everything, and both want to be with each other, and want to give it a good try. it is never hard, it is only ever me that questions certain things.