Going through a divorce and a new breakup at the same time...

[Hindsight_is_20_20]

I was married for 4 years to a musician. We have two kids together. Long story short, he'd go on tour and cheat on me and we grew distant (obviously) and called it quits in the last year of our marriage. When he wasn't on tour he had a day/night job and we almost never saw each other. We both grew out of love with one another but were living together as it was easier financially.

 

Well, back in the summer of 2010 I met my new ex boyfriend (we went to middle school together). We hit it off instantly, thought he was the love of my life, yada yada, until he just broke up with me in May. I'm starting to pick myself up again. I thought I found someone that I could REALLY spend the rest of my life with this time and he ended up being a controlling, self-involved jerk.

 

Anyways, so here I am married and fresh out of my last relationship. My divorce was never finalized because both my ex-husband (for lack of a better word) and I found another relationship around the same time. I have filed for divorce and he has responded but i wasn't sure what happens next. Now he's trying to speed the process up to marry his new girlfriend and the court set a date for August 28th!!! We talked about keeping it civil and working this out without a lawyer but now that the court date is nearer he is changing his story.

 

I have the kids 80% of the time and now he's trying to change it to an arrangement that he would have them 40% of the time. He chooses to live an hour away and has only seen them every other weekend for 2 years. I think this is about the money now.. not about wanting to see the kids.

 

So my main question is, can I push the court date back and according to the website he has filed a declaration of disclosure but I have never received this???? I also am required to fill one out too, there are so many factors it feels like I should just suck it up and get a lawyer. Should I? What are my options?

 

Sorry this is long, I tried to sum it up. Thank you for reading..

[wow04]

You need a lawyer

[Hindsight_is_20_20]

Thanks.. I came to that conclusion last night too. Makes you never want to get married.

 

Getting married is easy, and then they suck you dry when you want to get divorced and there are kids involved.

[M30USA]

He's going to find out thru disclosure that you had an EA. You are technically married still so it's considered EA and courts frown on it, especially with kids.

[2sure]

Regarding custody when the parents have lived apart for a lengthy time prior to the custody hearings....the courts almost always go with what is already in place , especially since it has been 2 years and he hasn't felt the need to see them more than every other weekend. Because that program is already what everyone is used to, and because it is a typical visitation schedule...the courts will realize he just wants to pay less. They see it every single day. People that want to see their kids more...don't wait 2years to ask.

[M30USA]

Regarding custody when the parents have lived apart for a lengthy time prior to the custody hearings....the courts almost always go with what is already in place , especially since it has been 2 years and he hasn't felt the need to see them more than every other weekend. Because that program is already what everyone is used to, and because it is a typical visitation schedule...the courts will realize he just wants to pay less. They see it every single day. People that want to see their kids more...don't wait 2years to ask.

 

Let me ask you this:

 

My wife and I have lived 2.5 hours apart for 6 months since the temporary orders, which gave us exactly 50-50 with alternating weeks. She is pressing for a modification to temporary orders and asking for the right to declare primary residence. She obviously wants to take the kids back to her hometown with her parents. I want them here. What do you think will happen? (She had a domestic violence charge from 6 months ago but it's been dismissed.)

[2sure]

First, understand that I am not a legal professional . My experience comes from volunteering with an organization that helps women. Plus, I am only familiar with NY. The courts here definitely prefer to see kids have a primary residence.

If the kids are school age, they will consider keeping them in the same school. If the support system they grew up with , like grand parents are all in one town they will consider that too. 2.5 hours is too far to share. If she is choosing to move and the courts want to give her primary they will probably Put the bulk of the transportation on her and give you more holidays and entire summers.

Fact is, moms almost always get primary.

[M30USA]

First, understand that I am not a legal professional . My experience comes from volunteering with an organization that helps women. Plus, I am only familiar with NY. The courts here definitely prefer to see kids have a primary residence.

If the kids are school age, they will consider keeping them in the same school. If the support system they grew up with , like grand parents are all in one town they will consider that too. 2.5 hours is too far to share. If she is choosing to move and the courts want to give her primary they will probably Put the bulk of the transportation on her and give you more holidays and entire summers.

Fact is, moms almost always get primary.

 

That sucks. My children need me so much. I am the more emotionally stable parent. I can provide a good life for them. It's not fair.

[2sure]

No. Not right and not fair. Being female doesn't automatically make you a better parent. If I were you, I would focus on legally requiring her to live closer to you.

[DuckSoup]

Let me ask you this:

 

My wife and I have lived 2.5 hours apart for 6 months since the temporary orders, which gave us exactly 50-50 with alternating weeks. She is pressing for a modification to temporary orders and asking for the right to declare primary residence. She obviously wants to take the kids back to her hometown with her parents. I want them here. What do you think will happen? (She had a domestic violence charge from 6 months ago but it's been dismissed.)

 

It's hard to tell the geographical issues from what you posted.

 

If where she wants to move is across state lines from where the divorce case is filed, or from where the family home is located at the time the divorce was filed, that's a definite "no no" because it means she takes the kids out of the jurisdiction of the court which is in charge of the divorce.

 

Are you a good dad? Then STICK TO YOUR GUNS and insist on your 50 percent share of custody. She is obviously just trying to do it so she can dump the kids with her parents to take care of, yet get more child support from you, AND cut you off from regular contact with them.