PoopHappens Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 First I'd like to say thank all of you who have taken the time to answer my posts. And to those of you who have answered other people's posts, which I found very valuable. This forum has some very good members. Without coming out and calling myself wishy-washy I'd like to say that although I feel like I have a game plan, the more I look into the various options the more I realize I still need to do a lot of thinking before I act. I plan to see a lawyer in a few weeks. Layout my concerns and see what they recommend. My concerns lie with my daughter. She is a very astute 11 year old. I almost feel like I need to tell her about an impending divorce before I tell my wife. I'd feel badly her finding out once the fireworks start. Should I talk to her about this? As for my wife, I want to give her every opportunity to stop this madness but I honestly don't hold out much hope. I think if we have come to a point in our relationship where I have to threaten her with divorce to modify her behavior then we have come to a point in our relationship where we need a divorce. I'm a diplomat and don't like confrontation. I love a spirited discussion but not much of a fighter. Yet I view the upcoming saga as a war and as such is there any tactical advantage to the first strike scenario where I serve up the divorce papers without consultation from my wife? Just a simple "here you go"?
jwi71 Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Under NO circumstances should you tell your daughter before you tell your W. Only once you and your stbxw have come to terms with it, in private, then you BOTH tell your D. If you suspect your W will react poorly after being immediately informed then contrive some excuse to get your daughter out of the house. Sleep over at a friend or grandparent...essentially plan for your stbxw to freak out and create that amount to be alone. 1
Gunny376 Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Under NO circumstances should you tell your daughter before you tell your W. Only once you and your stbxw have come to terms with it, in private, then you BOTH tell your D. If you suspect your W will react poorly after being immediately informed then contrive some excuse to get your daughter out of the house. Sleep over at a friend or grandparent...essentially plan for your stbxw to freak out and create that amount to be alone. Nothing more to add other than strongly agreed. Indeed I would plan on doing this anyway. I also wouldn't drop the D on her without having the D paperrs in hand ~ otherwise its just and empty threat and cheap talk. You need to work from a position of strength and reslove ~ i.e. "I'm serious and I'm not playing with you about this."
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