mickleb Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/339505-do-i-still-have-chance-her-if-not-how-did-i-mess-up http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/339618-why-dont-i-ever-get-friendzoned The other two threads of yours were started TWO DAYS AGO. There's your username, and now this. Sorry to go off-topic a tad but seriously, OP - WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU??? I have concerns.
Author Failboy Posted August 9, 2012 Author Posted August 9, 2012 (edited) Hey guys, I appreciate everybody who made a serious comment on this. I can't address all of them obviously, but be sure I have read them all. You're a better man than I am Failboy...that or just extremely dumb for even wanting to stick around! two perspectives depending on who you ask But look, you really need to make this decision for yourself...you're the one that's going to have to be around, however let me enlighten you to a few perspectives. [....] Thank you for your elaborate post. I always appreciate when people take their time and write something worthwhile for a stranger. I agree with what you say, but at the end of the day a lot of things come into play for me here, so the situation is just not as easy as it might be for most other people. Exactly. Even CONSIDERING to continue to date her is completely insane. You have to have some real self esteem issues or be incredibly lonely to try and work with her after two dates and already discussing how you plan to "help" her through this and assist with the kid. If there is level below beta, that's what this would be... I somewhat agree, although I find it sad that some people virtually ignore the possibility that a person can be caring, empathetic and "good" without being a complete loser. I've helped males a lot in my life, without being gay or getting anything particular out of it. This situation is a different animal though obviously, and I admit that things would probably be different if meeting women who like me back came easy to me. This, however, simply not being the case at all, I have to think twice before I run away from one of these rare women. But still, I am not as desperate as you might think I am. First and foremost, it genuinely is about helping someone who needs and deserves it. Whether she really needs or deserves it - that is of course debateable. Holy crap is this for real!?!?! Of course it is. What makes you think it is not? Is it really so hard to fathom that a decent human being might struggle with the thought of instantly abandoning a girl who is just going through a VERY tough time? Failboy, the answer "RUN" seems so common sense here that I really want to know what makes you want to stay. First, see all of the above. In addition to that, the situation also offers some interesting aspects one could be intrigued by. For instance, I could find out what it is like with a pregnant woman, without ever having to actually commit to being a dad and so on. I believe many people are getting kids without even knowing that it is actually like. I could glimpse in a bit and find out if it is something I'd consider in the future. Just an example, obviously not the prime reason for considering this. Sigh. And all the smart, responsible young ladies who wouldn't let themselves be caught dead in a situation like this grumble, because guys just don't seem to ever notice them. Oh, not at all. I notice them.. a lot. And they ignore me.. a lot. Or reject me.. a lot. So... I feel my parents lied to me! I thought guys hated baggage? I think I should get pregnant- it seems it would increase my options rather than not? Not at all... I would have happily been with her if she wasn't pregnant or carrying any other type of baggage. Just because it's not an instant dealbreaker, it doesn't mean that it's a plus. Also, consider what that tanned muscular guy said... you'd probably reject me like most women do, so don't beat yourself up about this. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/339505-do-i-still-have-chance-her-if-not-how-did-i-mess-up http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/339618-why-dont-i-ever-get-friendzoned The other two threads of yours were started TWO DAYS AGO. There's your username, and now this. Sorry to go off-topic a tad but seriously, OP - WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU??? I have concerns. I honestly find this rather offensive. To me, those are two perfectly normal threads, I even like them. Good threads in my opinion. Why would there be anything wrong with me, other than the fact that I struggle succeeding with women? The girl from the first thread is a different girl, but yes, this all happened very recently. But feel free to PM me your concerns, unless you are not actually having concerns but rather feel entitled to disrespect a good guy who struggles with attracting women. Edited August 9, 2012 by Failboy typo
mickleb Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 I honestly find this rather offensive. To me, those are two perfectly normal threads, I even like them. Good threads in my opinion. Why would there be anything wrong with me, other than the fact that I struggle succeeding with women? The girl from the first thread is a different girl, but yes, this all happened very recently. But feel free to PM me your concerns, unless you are not actually having concerns but rather feel entitled to disrespect a good guy who struggles with attracting women. Hey Fb. Well, first of all, please accept my apology for causing you offence. That was certainly not my intent. My intent was to convey my surprise and (genuine) concern. Sorry it came off as rude. And thanks for telling me, honestly, how you felt. I can see that you're a very considered, sweet person, who is trying to do the right thing. But this seems to always be at your expense. I genuinely believe you're giving too much of yourself and I'm wondering why. I'm presuming you've heard of Nice Guy Syndrome? It just feels something will have to give with you. I can't honestly believe you can be satisfied giving so much with no significant benefit for yourself. Even if you can, I'd suggest putting your love into your family or friends before these random women who have done nothing to earn your respect. And would you mind explaining why you chose that username? Thank you.
SmileFace Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 Why do women always let those types lay them? Why do guys go for chicks who get layed by these types of guys?
Author Failboy Posted August 9, 2012 Author Posted August 9, 2012 Hey Fb. Well, first of all, please accept my apology for causing you offence. That was certainly not my intent. My intent was to convey my surprise and (genuine) concern. Sorry it came off as rude. And thanks for telling me, honestly, how you felt. I can see that you're a very considered, sweet person, who is trying to do the right thing. But this seems to always be at your expense. I genuinely believe you're giving too much of yourself and I'm wondering why. I'm presuming you've heard of Nice Guy Syndrome? It just feels something will have to give with you. I can't honestly believe you can be satisfied giving so much with no significant benefit for yourself. Even if you can, I'd suggest putting your love into your family or friends before these random women who have done nothing to earn your respect. And would you mind explaining why you chose that username? Thank you. So far, all I have given her was an understanding phone call and a text ... it's not like I'm already collecting baby equippement, driving around town knocking some sense into the jerk's head or something. I haven't really done much for her so far as of yet. It's just that I don't abandon or harshly judge her like many other guys would in my situation. I spend time with my family as well - for instance, I do a lot of stuff with me 11-year-old nephew who loves the crap out of me and basically considers me a friend, not an uncle. But even my family gets on my ass for not pulling girls. My sister even bought me a personal hour with a dating coach, for christ's sake. You can imagine how embarrassing it is when one's lack of success with women gets so omnipresent in family circles that such things happen. So in some way, one could argue that I'm even doing this partly for my family It just kinda sucks having a straight, normal looking son who is womenless all his life, you know? I believe most mothers would rather have their son in jail or something. As for my username... you were the one who also read my other threads, right? Well... wouldn't you say the name is fitting? I love self-awareness and self-irony. It's not a self-pity thing, I can laugh about it. Which is a great step forward, actually. As back when I was a teenager, I sure as hell couldn't love about it and tried to hide and deny it however I could. Has gotten me nowhere. Now that I am sort of accepting the fact that I fail a lot, I'm a far more confident person.
Author Failboy Posted August 9, 2012 Author Posted August 9, 2012 Why do guys go for chicks who get layed by these types of guys? I don't specifically go for them. I only found out about this half an hour before I posted this on here. She was a very "nice" girl before the first date, always using smilies and so on. Really not the type of "bad" or even "naughty" girl one would expect when reading this about her. Therefore I was surprised, too. I told her that it's party her own fault for even getting with those types. She didn't disagree, but made it clear that this is not helping and everybody is telling her this now anyways. I later on during the conversation asked her what's so attractive about that type, and she just ran away from the question claming that he was "totally different in the beginning". I personally don't think she is typically looking for jerks, if that was the case she would never even have talked to me in the first place, much less dated. I don't know her very well so I can't say what exactly is going on with her. My current plan is to give her some space to sort things out, and she told me she'd call me when that is done. Maybe she just never calls me again, I don't know. Either way, I'll keep this casual now, no romance.
SmileFace Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 Sorry I was just projecting. I am a tad bitter. However think about yourself in this situation. She may be the one for all you know but please take into consideration how her situation effects you. Just remember yourself in this. Do you think you can be with someone during a time like this? Can you really see yourself staying in this situation and not stepping up? Do you know how that will be for her? Anyway just think about this as a whole.
mortensorchid Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 Wow, that's a terrible situation you have landed in. But I would get out now while the getting is still good. This promises nothing but drama and tragedy for her and the baby daddy, don't get caught up in this. It's ok that you like this woman, but I would find someone with a little or a lot less drama than this will unfold to me.
FitChick Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 I think the OP is desperate for a date. Maybe he feels he can't do better. Sad. Maybe if he dumps her she might feel really alone and decide to abort so she can date again. Otherwise he is enabling her in her dysfunctional lfie. God help that baby if she decides to keep it. Utterly selfish. 1
Author Failboy Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 (edited) I think the OP is desperate for a date. Maybe he feels he can't do better. Sad. Maybe if he dumps her she might feel really alone and decide to abort so she can date again. Otherwise he is enabling her in her dysfunctional lfie. God help that baby if she decides to keep it. Utterly selfish. So you're saying a human being is better off dead than raised by a single mom? That's quite extreme. I am no major right-winger who hates abortion with a passion, but I can understand why women would be reluctant to abort their baby. Society as a whole has lost that family structure during the last decades... it's all about single moms, patch work families, ugly divorces and so on right now... it's getting rare that people meet, marry and have kids and live happily ever after as a functional family. I wouldn't call it THAT crazy to be a single mom at 23. Far from ideal, yes. But not insane. Lots of women get very depressed after an abortion.. some don't... I can't comment on this as a man but I would never ask a woman to abort my child, no matter the circumstances. Luckily it's not mine. This story further told me that I was right in never, ever, EVER trusting a woman to handle that baby pill stuff on her own, no matter how nice and responsible she seems. Condoms all the way, shame I really hate them... Edited August 10, 2012 by Failboy
fishtaco Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Bail out. Not your problem. You are on date #2. You barely know the woman. If you are willing to step in and resolve a serious, long term, and committed problem for someone you don't even know, well, then I have things I need maybe you can help me with too.
The Way I Am Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 (edited) Failboy, you do seem like a caring person, but you have to be particular about who you offer your help. This girl is practically a stranger. You don't owe her anything, and you don't really know her well enough to decided if she deserves your help. It's noble to help someone you don't know, but when that help puts a major strain on you, nobility turns to foolishness. Helping a single mother who has a douche ex through her pregnancy is a huge burden. I wouldn't even recommend you be friends with her. You take the risk of feeling obligated to help and protect her which can skew your thoughts and emotions. That can get you sucked into the ex drama and a commitment that you're not really prepared for. If she's a great person who's worth helping, she'll have other friends to help her. In addition to that, the situation also offers some interesting aspects one could be intrigued by. For instance, I could find out what it is like with a pregnant woman, without ever having to actually commit to being a dad and so on.There are guys who can bang pregnant chicks and not have feelings or obligation toward them, but you don't seem like that type of guy. Let me correct this for you: For instance, I could find out what it is like with a pregnant women without actually getting to be a father but still being saddled with all the same commitment, burdens, and responsibility as if I had gotten the girl pregnant myself. I believe many people are getting kids without even knowing that it is actually like. I could glimpse in a bit and find out if it is something I'd consider in the future.I don't think you've considered the actual repercussions. You don't get to just walk in and out of a child's life to test out being a dad. I know the baby's not born yet, but you have to think long term. That stuff gives kids abandonment issues. Edited August 10, 2012 by The Way I Am
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