Failboy Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 Hey! I'm new here so let me give you small introduction on who is sitting behind the monitor here. I'm in my mid-twenties, always had little success with women and girls since ever, even back in the 3rd grade girls were never into me that much. Although I'm not comically unsuccessful, meaning I have 2 ex-girlfriends (one of them surprisingly hot, it didn't make sense to a lot of people including myself) and I have been physical with about 5 or 6 other women/girls throughout my life. So in other words I have little to nothing to brag about, but still at least enough experience to have an idea about sex, dating and relationships. The prime reasons why I have so little success even though I tried VERY hard until I finally lost my virginity at 21 are probably the fact that I can be quite socially awkward at times and I am also only 5'6''. But I won't bore you with complaining about my life, so let's get to the story at hand: We went to a cocktail bar tour. "We" meaning me and my best male friends, together with some female friends of the girlfriend of one of those male friends of mine. But we aren't the overly social or player type of guy group, so we mostly kept to ourselves and we were basically 2 seperate groups of people for most of the time really. We talked to each other about who of those girls we'd like, and everybody of us basically agreed who of them was the most attractive. But we also agreed that noone of us had a shot in hell at her, and most of my friends have serious relationships so they didn't care for her. Shockingly, exactly that girl blatantly hit on me during our stay at the 3rd bar we went to. She pretended that she made out with one of those bartenders in the past and wanted to have a fake boyfriend to show to him so he wouldn't try to approach her again and immediately literally threw herself at me. It was pretty weird at first for me, because she was clearly much hotter than me. But her interest was genuine and not a joke, I could tell that much. I'm pretty sure I could have made out with her if I wanted to, but I'm not really that type of guy. I prefer to get to know the girl first, to really look her in the eyes for a long time, see her smile, cuddle her face and stuff. Don't get me wrong, I like sex as much as the next guy, but I also really like to hold hands with girls I feel attached to and those things. And I feel it is kind of decadent to just make out like that when it doesn't even mean too much ... I also would never have sex on the first date, unless I really don't care about her as a person. So all went well, really. I felt really, really good. I was extremely comfortable being touched by her, talking to her, watching her facial expressions etc, I really liked her. And so did she like me back. Probably not quite as much, but that is normal I guess. It all came to a halt when she asked her female friend about me, what I do for a living and such. She then was told that I am currently unemployed and was extremely turned off by it. The male friend of mine who is with that girl who told her that got quite angry at her for ruining my chances like that, and she also was quite embarrassed for being so dumb. She felt really sorry for me, and my guess is that she talked to her friend and told her to not totally give up on my because of that and at least be nice for the rest of the evening to me. Either way, from then on things were never quite as close as in the beginning, but after I explained my situation to her a bit better she got a bit more physical again and we had a very nice time together. I don't want to bore you with the details.. fact was, she definitely still liked me, just with an asterisk to it so to speak. After a few hours she said she was tired and wanted to go home, I asked for her number and I kissed her on the cheek as goodbye. It felt really good and I was very happy. As you can tell, this story really does not have a happy ending, though. Far from it, actually. My friends and I went to the train station about 15 minutes after she left. Because trains don't come by too often during the night, she was still there with some friends of hers, while we were looking to get to the next bar, she was heading home, as she said. Only thing was... right next to her, there was some random guy who had his arm around her. What the ****? That was completely insane to me. I acted as if it was the most normal thing in the world of course, because I knew if I complain about this I make a complete wuss of myself and will never have a chance in hell with her ever again. But deep inside, I still can't believe how crazy that **** is. Apparently she met a stranger within like 5 minutes of leaving for home. Took him with her and ****ed him. I don't know if the latter part actually happened, but I assume it did. Why else would a stranger sit right next to her with his arm around her, right when she is waiting for the next train to take her home? Anyways, I tried to move on like I had never witnessed this, because we obviously aren't even dating yet and just had a good time and she is entitled to have casual sex with any scumbag she likes. But it still hurts of course. So I called her the next day, she didn't pick up and didn't call or text back either. Then I called her 2 days after that, she still didn't pick up. So I wrote her an SMS that went like: "Hey, is this the part where you play hard to get to make me even more interested in you? Or is it rather the part where you regret giving me your number and decide to completely ignore me and just hope I will stop calling soon? Do you want to see me again, or not? Please tell me honestly, as I hate playing games." She immediatelly texted back: "Hey, I really missed your calls, I didn't reject them on purpose. But still, I don't know if I want to meet up with you... On the one hand I find it really sweet that you are interested in me and I enjoyed the evening at the bars that we had and I would like to do something again with our group of people.. but I'm really fine without a boyfriend and men in general right now, and really not interested in dating at all right now.. Sorry.." That was obviously a load of crap on her part. If she wasn't interested in men, why be so close to me a few days back, let alone take some random dude home with her the same day. Even if she was all about sex, it doesn't make sense because in that case my current unemployment would not have affected her as much as it unfortunately did. Let's be real: It was a very uninspired rejection method to just tell me she's not interested in dating anyone right now. Which is also the reason why she didn't pick up her phone, I figure that much. What I don't get, though, is why she really doesn't seem to give the slightest bit of a crap about me, even though we were really close. It was really a warm feeling when we hold hands or looked each other deep into the eyes, laughed, etc. Of course, one might argue that I was simply feeling that way and she was just having a good time. It might be the way, but when girls just want to have a good time they usually are more into making out or acting a fool etc, and not be so deeply involved with someone who wouldn't get super lustful with them. It's just very disturbing that she would get with possibly the literally first dude on the street after saying goodbye to me. That's insane. Not just slutty, but insane. She obviously was embarrassed that I later witnessed this, she didn't expect our group to leave the bar so soon I guess. But I never addressed this, so it's not like it stood between us. Either way, in the end I replied to here text rejection like this: "Okay, if you say so. Although you do come of as if you are afraid that I might hopelessly fall in love with you or something. I'm a grown up guy, not some sweet boy whose heart you will break after going out on a date. Alas, we might indeed see each other again some time, who knows" Well and of course she didn't reply to that. And that's the current situation. Any advice, thoughts, comments? Not just on what I am supposed to do regarding her, but maybe also in general. I also would really like to have a deeper understanding as to why in God's name she would behave that way.
madjac74 Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 That was obviously a load of crap on her part. If she wasn't interested in men, why be so close to me a few days back, let alone take some random dude home with her the same day. Ummmm dude...please read this back to yourself
Author Failboy Posted August 6, 2012 Author Posted August 6, 2012 Ummmm dude...please read this back to yourself My apologies, but I am not sure what you are trying to tell me? Please elaborate... as I have initially stated, it's obviously just a "nice", albeit uncreative way to tell me she doesn't want to date me and not the actual truth. I'm pretty sure she'd date someone she's into, someone as outgoing as her wouldn't refrain from that even while being happily single.
madjac74 Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 My apologies, but I am not sure what you are trying to tell me? Please elaborate... as I have initially stated, it's obviously just a "nice", albeit uncreative way to tell me she doesn't want to date me and not the actual truth. I'm pretty sure she'd date someone she's into, someone as outgoing as her wouldn't refrain from that even while being happily single. The exact same day she was flirting with you...she went home with a random guy. It isn't impossible that she would date you but would you really want to get in a relationship with her?
Author Failboy Posted August 6, 2012 Author Posted August 6, 2012 The exact same day she was flirting with you...she went home with a random guy. It isn't impossible that she would date you but would you really want to get in a relationship with her? The thing is, I don't know for sure what was going on with that guy, I could have been her brother. Of course it was not her brother, I know that - just saying, it don't know any details. But let's say worst case scenario it was indeed some random guy who she banged half an hour later... it would put me off, but I'd still want her... simply because I rarely have options for a date, let alone with some as good-looking as she is, and simply because I really felt a deep emotional connection with her that wasn't just based on looks. I agree it might seem pathetic that someone would lose sleep over a girl who behaves like this, but it is what it is.
madjac74 Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 Nah don't beat yourself up about it. There is nothing weak about being captivated by a woman on the first meeting. It happens to the best of us. And it's possible that she didn't have sex with the guy she left with. Many women that are so compelling to men often have a tremendous amount of guy friends.
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