Breck Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 (edited) I've read a number of posts with conflicting advice on reconciliation. What do y'all think? Be a challenge or be honest and direct? In the thread more-flip-flopping-than-mitt-romney The advice is just to admit: "I made a huge mistake and want to get back together." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the thread when-man-wants-you The advice is: "If a man wants you, he'll make it happen and he'll clearly state it. No 'I miss you' or 'let's try and see'. Nope, he just said 'I want to be with you'." "To me it's simple if you love someone you do anything for them." "Only take them back if they are on their knee's." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the thread old-member-telling-my-story-reconciliation-questions-welcome The advice is: "Once you take them back without a fight, they will no longer respect you. Don't get me wrong, they care about us a whole lot but just don't see us as real men, as challenges. They get back together with us because they're comfortable with us and because they're lonely." and.. "People that truly want their ex's back need to follow 3 things ----------- 1) Patience - to move forward and continue focusing on your life 2) Discipline - to keep NC and reinforce the idea that you have worth more then being a doormat and that its ok for a person to leave you at any time and they can come back whenever they want. 3) Control - not to chase your ex and realize that you are the prize, not them." What are your opinions and experiences with this? Edited August 7, 2012 by Breck
Car10e Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I think it depends a lot on the situation. Some couples break up on a bad note while others its mutual
Ruby65 Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 The advice to focus on improving your own life, don't chase after them and sticking to NC is usually given for people who have been dumped. If you are the dumper, the advice is to make contact and say you want to get back together and work things out. And yeah -- in this case, you'll be expected to do some work to prove your feelings are genuine and regain the trust of the person you've dumped. But I'm guessing in this case you're the dump-ee and not the dump-er?
Author Breck Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 The advice to focus on improving your own life, don't chase after them and sticking to NC is usually given for people who have been dumped. If you are the dumper, the advice is to make contact and say you want to get back together and work things out. And yeah -- in this case, you'll be expected to do some work to prove your feelings are genuine and regain the trust of the person you've dumped. But I'm guessing in this case you're the dump-ee and not the dump-er? I was the dumpee but she reacted out of fear of being rejected. Ex was in a 3 year relationship with someone else. Was single for 2 years and then we met. We were together for 3 months. The relationship moved really fast! She said I was the first person to make her forget about her ex and she hadn't been this happy in years. We were really happy together. Then insecurities kicked in and she would get upset because she started to feel "not good enough" and unappreciated, just as her ex made her feel. After a stressful night where she didn't feel accepted by me and we miss communicated, she broke up with me over the phone in tears and told me she wanted to end things before either of us get too hurt.
Ruby65 Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I was the dumpee but she reacted out of fear of being rejected. Ex was in a 3 year relationship with someone else. Was single for 2 years and then we met. We were together for 3 months. The relationship moved really fast! She said I was the first person to make her forget about her ex and she hadn't been this happy in years. We were really happy together. Then insecurities kicked in and she would get upset because she started to feel "not good enough" and unappreciated, just as her ex made her feel. After a stressful night where she didn't feel accepted by me and we miss communicated, she broke up with me over the phone in tears and told me she wanted to end things before either of us get too hurt. I understand you're in a lot of pain about this, but the circumstances of this breakup wouldn't change the advice I'd be giving you.... which is what I think is the best course of action for almost everyone who's been dumped, which is to move on, focus on YOU and your healing, and stick to NC. IF she eventually changes her mind, she'll contact you. Contacting her is probably just going to push her farther away at this point. In the meantime, work on yourself and doing everything you can to feel better!
Author Breck Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 I understand you're in a lot of pain about this, but the circumstances of this breakup wouldn't change the advice I'd be giving you.... which is what I think is the best course of action for almost everyone who's been dumped, which is to move on, focus on YOU and your healing, and stick to NC. IF she eventually changes her mind, she'll contact you. Contacting her is probably just going to push her farther away at this point. In the meantime, work on yourself and doing everything you can to feel better! I appreciate your response Ruby. I am definitely not in any pain over this. I've been able to completely step away from the relationship, but I recognize some of my faults (trying to make her jealous, etc) and that we are really compatible. Here is the rest of my story: We have mutual friends so over the next 3 months we've run into each other a handful of times. At first she was friendly. Then she tried to make me jealous on Facebook (posting photos of her with every guy she could find which is completely unlike her). Now she will say hello in person but follows that up by being distant and avoidant when we hang out in groups. What doesn't make sense is we'll have friendly conversations via text. I want her back, but I'm also the dumpee which makes my position more difficult. I hate how we avoid each other while out with the same circle of friends and how she moves as far away from me as possible only to have a friendly conversation over text. I should also mention that she has never once told me to move on or that we should move forward, date other people, etc. She just avoids me and the 2 times I asked her to meet up, she was busy with good reasons (out of town).
Author Breck Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 2 month relationship and you are hung up on her 4 months later? What? Come on. Go to the gym, stop logging on LS, get a therapist, move forward with your life. She's not going to take you back. That was someone else Wilsonx. I'm a dating machine.
Recommended Posts