youdunsay Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 All of a sudden I remembered my guy friend (platonic) who told me when I was grieving that when a man wants you, he will contact you or in any case get you to respond to him. Another female friend of mine said that when a man is in love, he will do anything for you. It has been quite sometime since we are NC, I suppose he never like me afterall. Don't you guys think?
Canadian731 Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 It doesn't mean that he never liked you, maybe he just doesn't see a future with you at this point in his life. If the relationship was a longer one I'm sure he likes you and still loves you.
fucpcg Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Every girl I ever loved, still has a piece of my heart. Even the first love from 20 years ago.
blue_jay_bird Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 I myself have been struggling with this concept myself. And i have found that i get two response's: 1) He has fallen out of love with you/ he never loved you as much as thought. If you where the one he would go to the moon and back for you. You are not the one. 2) As Canadian731 says: At the moment doesn't mean that he never liked you, maybe he just doesn't see a future with you at this point in his life. If the relationship was a longer one I'm sure he likes you and still loves you. I bounce between these two alot when thinking about my relationship. The first one give's me so much pain, causing me to cry. The second response, seems like a bit of a cough out sometime. Because if he loved me he wouldn't be acting this way. You can dance around in you head for hour's and hour's. But i try to think it's a bit of both, everything in life is gray. To me it's simple if you love someone you do anything for them. But they are doing the opposite of climbing mountains to get to you. They are running the other way. So does that mean they don't love you? The only one that can answer that question is you ex. So in the mean time take care of yourself. Make yourself happy. Grow, you are a free woman, have some fun. Just set him free, "if you love him let him go, if he's yours he'll return". 2
GLDheart Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 My ex crossed a boundary. What she did was a "deal breaker". I have not spoken to her since and ABSOLUTELY will not go to her. But I love her. I ache for her. I think about her everyday. I am so sad now with my life without her and hate the thought of moving on. Sometimes, no matter how much you love someone, tough love and self preservation are more powerful than fairytale "climb any mountain" Baloney. 3
blue_jay_bird Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Btw, don't take anything i say to heart, im as lost and confused as you.
Samilia Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 When a man wants you.. My ex walked to come see me in the middle of January when his car was down. He walked, more than once, when it was freezing cold outside, 30 Fahrenheit and the wind chill on top of it... but he did it, for me. He also invited me to the restaurant recently and clearly stated that he wanted to be back with me. Clearly.. no "I miss you" or "let's try and see". Nop, he just said "I want to be with you". So I'd say, yes, if a man wants you, he'll make it happen and he'll clearly state it. 2
blue_jay_bird Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 (edited) When a man wants you.. My ex walked to come see me in the middle of January when his car was down. He walked, more than once, when it was freezing cold outside, 30 Fahrenheit and the wind chill on top of it... but he did it, for me. He also invited me to the restaurant recently and clearly stated that he wanted to be back with me. Clearly.. no "I miss you" or "let's try and see". Nop, he just said "I want to be with you". So I'd say, yes, if a man wants you, he'll make it happen and he'll clearly state it. I'm with Samilia. I want to know more about this story, im so jealous. and yes i'd say this seem's like a good chance to try the relationship again. Only take them back if they are on their knee's. Edited August 4, 2012 by blue_jay_bird
Author youdunsay Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 My ex crossed a boundary. What she did was a "deal breaker". I have not spoken to her since and ABSOLUTELY will not go to her. But I love her. I ache for her. I think about her everyday. I am so sad now with my life without her and hate the thought of moving on. Sometimes, no matter how much you love someone, tough love and self preservation are more powerful than fairytale "climb any mountain" Baloney. Sorry but may I ask what's the boundary? What's tough love? What's self preservation?
Shaun-Dro Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 (edited) Sorry but may I ask what's the boundary? What's tough love? What's self preservation? The question I want to know is do you want him? Or do you only like the idea of him wanting you? Edited August 4, 2012 by Shaun-Dro needed more
Author youdunsay Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 Yes I want him. But I also want him to want me.
Sav Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 I'm a guy and I'm speaking from what I went through before. I broke up with my 1st love (4years relationship) 2 years ago. And when I did it, I was truly hurting. I loved that girl with all my heart and I truly wanted her. But I could not envision a future with her anymore and even though she wanted to get back with me, she wasnt willing to change. What I'm saying is, BOTH parties have to try. You cant just wait for him to come to you, because people do get tired of holding on for too long. Let it be known to him, whatever happens, at least you tried and you would not have any regrets in the future 1
not-a-drive-by Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 I'm a guy and I'm speaking from what I went through before. I broke up with my 1st love (4years relationship) 2 years ago. And when I did it, I was truly hurting. I loved that girl with all my heart and I truly wanted her. But I could not envision a future with her anymore and even though she wanted to get back with me, she wasnt willing to change. What I'm saying is, BOTH parties have to try. You cant just wait for him to come to you, because people do get tired of holding on for too long. Let it be known to him, whatever happens, at least you tried and you would not have any regrets in the future Do you think you would have given her another chance if she was willing to change?
Sav Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Do you think you would have given her another chance if she was willing to change? Definitely. And I can say this confidently without thinking. If she was willing to change (and of course I have to change too), I think it shows that she's willing to put in effort and since I love her, why not give both of us a chance? That's why I think it's really important to SHOW the person you are willing to change and not just saying the cliche "I will change" 1
Sav Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 What did she need to change? Well, she was very materialistic and thought it was natural for me to buy her branded bags and whatsnot.(even requesting for it regularly) Even though I love her, I can't see myself marrying someone like that. Other than that, it's just everytime we quarrel she wouldnt want to talk things out and it just accumulates till one of us explode. Such a relationship isn't healthy and isn't what I want. Everybody wants different things from a relationship and for me I just want someone who understands the importance of communication in a relationship and not shove everything under the rug
not-a-drive-by Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Well, she was very materialistic and thought it was natural for me to buy her branded bags and whatsnot.(even requesting for it regularly) Even though I love her, I can't see myself marrying someone like that. Other than that, it's just everytime we quarrel she wouldnt want to talk things out and it just accumulates till one of us explode. Such a relationship isn't healthy and isn't what I want. Everybody wants different things from a relationship and for me I just want someone who understands the importance of communication in a relationship and not shove everything under the rug In regards to the communication problem, did you address that with her? Was she given a chance before the break up to attempt to fix this? Or you just had enough one day, and let go?
Sav Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 In regards to the communication problem, did you address that with her? Was she given a chance before the break up to attempt to fix this? Or you just had enough one day, and let go? Of course I voiced it out. And we had several breaks and patches till I realized it's going nowhere because everytime she said she would change and she didn't. Truth to be told, a small part of my heart will always be with her even after all these. I never truly let go :\ but I had to do what is best for me 1
Sav Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Did she want to change? After 4 years of relationship and several breaks as well as patches, it was apparent she wasn't going to change. But now (2years after we broke), me and her are friends (NC for 1 year+). So anything can happen and anything goes. But right now just trying to get over my recent breakup which happened 12 days ago
BooBoo1982 Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 After 4 years of relationship and several breaks as well as patches, it was apparent she wasn't going to change. But now (2years after we broke), me and her are friends (NC for 1 year+). So anything can happen and anything goes. But right now just trying to get over my recent breakup which happened 12 days ago Do you feel like she has changed at all in your time apart? And who initiated the NC for 1 year+ was it a mutual thing that you both stuck to? (sorry for all the questions)
Sav Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Do you feel like she has changed at all in your time apart? And who initiated the NC for 1 year+ was it a mutual thing that you both stuck to? (sorry for all the questions) She still likes to keep things to herself. But other than that she has grown to be more independent I guess? The NC for 1 year + was done by me. She didnt try to contact me after that too. So I guess it was kind of a mutual thing? Recently I initiated contact with her and she's fine talking to me and all. Sometimes I do regret breaking up with her, but it's just sometimes. I don't know if I'll truly be able to forget her (heck I even remember her phone number) but I just need to know I learnt something out of my heartbreak
BooBoo1982 Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 After 4 years of relationship and several breaks as well as patches, it was apparent she wasn't going to change. But now (2years after we broke), me and her are friends (NC for 1 year+). So anything can happen and anything goes. But right now just trying to get over my recent breakup which happened 12 days ago She still likes to keep things to herself. But other than that she has grown to be more independent I guess? The NC for 1 year + was done by me. She didnt try to contact me after that too. So I guess it was kind of a mutual thing? Recently I initiated contact with her and she's fine talking to me and all. Sometimes I do regret breaking up with her, but it's just sometimes. I don't know if I'll truly be able to forget her (heck I even remember her phone number) but I just need to know I learnt something out of my heartbreak How did she react when you got back in touch? Was she happy to hear from you? Was it a bad break up? How old are you?
Sav Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 How did she react when you got back in touch? Was she happy to hear from you? Was it a bad break up? How old are you? How did she react? Normal I guess? We talked like old friends and there was no awkward-ness between us. We talk about the past sometimes too and laugh about it. It was kind of a bad break up, lots of tears and so many things hanging. But I'm glad to say both of us has put them behind us. I'm 19 now (kinda young huh )
blue_jay_bird Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Definitely. And I can say this confidently without thinking. If she was willing to change (and of course I have to change too), I think it shows that she's willing to put in effort and since I love her, why not give both of us a chance? That's why I think it's really important to SHOW the person you are willing to change and not just saying the cliche "I will change" I'm ex didn't even ask me to change. He told me "it's just who i am" I don't know how to interpret that. I can change, should i break NC to tell him?
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