truth_seeker Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Would a girl reject a guy but then encourage one of her friends to go after him?
Arabella Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Yes, I don't see why not. I would encourage a friend to go for a guy I wasn't interested on, if she liked him. -A
Author truth_seeker Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 Even if the guy clearly liked the girl who rejected him? What would make the friend think she would have a chance? What if the guy said OK and went for the friend. Wouldn't that cause conflict, jealousy between friends?
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Would a girl reject a guy but then encourage one of her friends to go after him? No. I've never heard of or seen that happen.
RedRobin Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Would a girl reject a guy but then encourage one of her friends to go after him? Yes, if I felt they were a better match than me and the guy... and I knew him well enough to recommend him to one of my girlfriends. If he's some random guy, then no.
Author truth_seeker Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 Yes, if I felt they were a better match than me and the guy... and I knew him well enough to recommend him to one of my girlfriends. If he's some random guy, then no. This I get. What I don't get is the friend. Why would she be so open to taking her friend's "scraps" so to speak. The guy has clear feelings for the girl who rejected him. Why would he want her friend all of the sudden? The guy gets hurt and the friend is setting herself up to get hurt.
ThaWholigan Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 This I get. What I don't get is the friend. Why would she be so open to taking her friend's "scraps" so to speak. The guy has clear feelings for the girl who rejected him. Why would he want her friend all of the sudden? The guy gets hurt and the friend is setting herself up to get hurt. It depends on the nature of the emotional investment - at least I would think so. I've been palmed off on a few friends myself . In my younger days though...... I would say it's quite rare to see it happen. It will only happen if she (or others at large) genuinely thinks highly of you and would date you if attracted to you. It also depends on the demographic of the girls social circle in question - if a girl doesn't think too highly of you, she will "protect" her friends and her status with them by not exposing them to you. 2
Emilia Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I tried to palm one guy off once but he protested so I dated him instead
Author truth_seeker Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 I don't get what would make the friend think she could get the guy? Delusion? If the guy is into a girl, the girl passes, why in the world would the guy settle for her friend? Sounds like arrogance on the girl who is rejecting the guy.
Emilia Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 It's not settling I don't think. It's just that sometimes people from the outside can see better who would be suited to the other. Not better or worse, just different. 2
RedRobin Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 This I get. What I don't get is the friend. Why would she be so open to taking her friend's "scraps" so to speak. The guy has clear feelings for the girl who rejected him. Why would he want her friend all of the sudden? The guy gets hurt and the friend is setting herself up to get hurt. I dunno about all of a sudden... I guess the issue of timeline wasn't discussed.. Prior feelings would have had to be sorted out and left behind... I agree with that. ... as far as 'scraps' go... all of us are someone's 'scraps' if we've ever been with someone else before... I prefer to get some insight about the person from someone else I trust. Sure, I imagine my friend would wonder why I wasn't interested in him for myself. For me it would come down to not being physically attracted to him, or our values/life goals not being in line. TBH, I see it as no different than giving any kind of recommendation. I want my friends to be happy. ... but like I said... I don't pass on 'random' guys to my friends. No matter what the circumstance.
Author truth_seeker Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 When a man tells a woman how he feels, she then gives him feelings she is into him, but nothing happens between, I would take that as the woman deciding to not pursue the man for whatever reason. Why then would her friend approach the man and talk with him. She has interest? She trying to feel him out for her friend?
Author truth_seeker Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 I dunno about all of a sudden... I guess the issue of timeline wasn't discussed.. Prior feelings would have had to be sorted out and left behind... I agree with that. Timeline: 1-2 weeks.
Emilia Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 When a man tells a woman how he feels, she then gives him feelings she is into him, but nothing happens between, I would take that as the woman deciding to not pursue the man for whatever reason. Quite possibly. Would probably need more details about the conversation. Why then would her friend approach the man and talk with him. She has interest? She trying to feel him out for her friend? Depends on what she is saying I suppose. I've never been in this situation. the only time I tried to 'palm someone off' was when there was no conversation like you are referring to just some mild flirting.
Author truth_seeker Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 This wasn't mild flirting. This was a very personal conversation.
RedRobin Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 When a man tells a woman how he feels, she then gives him feelings she is into him, but nothing happens between, I would take that as the woman deciding to not pursue the man for whatever reason. Why then would her friend approach the man and talk with him. She has interest? She trying to feel him out for her friend? ooo! Yea, not sure. When you say 'talk' and 'approach'... I'm not sure if I understand. Her friend has called you? Has made some moves toward you independently? When I 'set up' a couple of friends, I make it clear to both of them that I think they might be a good match and then leave it be. But my role in it is clear. Timeline: 1-2 weeks. yes, that sounds awkward. Very soon. Sounds too like you haven't really gotten clarity from the girl you are interested in. Maybe clear things up on that end first...
Emilia Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 This wasn't mild flirting. This was a very personal conversation. I've never tried to set anyone up with a guy that had a very serious chat with me so I can't speak for her. It would be somewhat... inappropriate on her part to set you up with one of her friends after that, that's just my view though.
Leopard Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I wouldn't encourage, but I would suggest if he was a nice guy that was suitable for her, and if she was looking for someone.
Author truth_seeker Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 I've never tried to set anyone up with a guy that had a very serious chat with me so I can't speak for her. It would be somewhat... inappropriate on her part to set you up with one of her friends after that, that's just my view though. Inappropriate, I agree.
carhill Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Would a girl reject a guy but then encourage one of her friends to go after him? Haven't experienced that. IME, a rejection such as that has eliminated the entire social sub-circle.
Radu Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 There was this scene from a Simpsons episode where a hot girl goes past one of Moe's talking billboard signs. She is saying 'well, he does have billboard money', his jaw falls off from the billboard and she goes 'he's just right for my friend mandy'. As we all know, once you go yellow you become real, so it has to be real.
Author truth_seeker Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 ooo! Yea, not sure. When you say 'talk' and 'approach'... I'm not sure if I understand. Her friend has called you? Has made some moves toward you independently? When I 'set up' a couple of friends, I make it clear to both of them that I think they might be a good match and then leave it be. But my role in it is clear. yes, that sounds awkward. Very soon. Sounds too like you haven't really gotten clarity from the girl you are interested in. Maybe clear things up on that end first... That's funny as I thought I did but evidently didn't. The friend has thrown me for a loop. I have no interest in the friend, and can't see how the friend would think I would have such interest, when she knows how much I like the other one.
Author truth_seeker Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 There was this scene from a Simpsons episode where a hot girl goes past one of Moe's talking billboard signs. She is saying 'well, he does have billboard money', his jaw falls off from the billboard and she goes 'he's just right for my friend mandy'. As we all know, once you go yellow you become real, so it has to be real. This would be true for some, but when the "hot girl" shows interest in you, then what?
Radu Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 This would be true for some, but when the "hot girl" shows interest in you, then what? You check for insecurity and baggage, if none of this you have a brief existential moment in which you pinch you cheeks, nose and slap your balls, and then you go on a date with her hoping for the best.
RedRobin Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 That's funny as I thought I did but evidently didn't. The friend has thrown me for a loop. I have no interest in the friend, and can't see how the friend would think I would have such interest, when she knows how much I like the other one. Hmmm... I'd try not to read too much into the 'friend' right now. You don't know what the nature of the 'friendship' is between them and you will cause yourself alot of unnecessary headaches. I'd suggest not responding to her for now. Take care of things first with the woman you are interested in. Get clarity on that. Then you can decide what to do later.
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