Sameold Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 Well guys, briefly: - 4 year LTR lost to GIGS (new job, friends syndrome, another guy maybe too, whatever...), living together etc....horrible angry mess. - Now around 10 weeks post BU After a few double dates with the same girl last night I took her out for a meal and cinema ourselved. We had a good time and got to know each other quite well. We both like each other and enjoyed a nice kiss in the car as she left... 1. My query to you guys is how long do you think you should take dating someone before seeing if they want to make it more serious as in bf/gf? I don't even know if I want that now, I have a guys holiday booked end of month and it seems like the ideal place to let off some steam. At the moment it looks like we can only really see each other at the weekend due to work so things will move quite slowly. 2. Lastly despite me really feeling like I'm making unbelievable progress in getting over the girl I believed was "the one". I'd be lying if I said it didn't hit me on this date that this girl was different and I guess sub-conciously I must have been comparing her to the great times and the genuine love I had built over my LTR. Is this normal? Cheers all, Sam e Old
weallfalldown Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 yea normal.......just tell her you wana take it slow.....
Mike_d Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 posted this a couple of times today already, must be what is up for me today: I'll know I'm fully healed and ready to move forward when I meet someone and there will be no need or desire to compare her to my ex, I will work on accepting that this may take awhile
Author Sameold Posted August 6, 2012 Author Posted August 6, 2012 Interesting Mike but with that logic are you saying stear away from girls until you are fully healed? Personally I am finding the time I am spending with single ladies since the split is helping me rather than hindering me. I believe my ex will be in my head to some extent even when I'm in my next relationship..but I'd say that's the same for most people. I think it's called baggage.
Mike_d Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 (edited) no, not at all. I'm all about the brutal honesty right now,even at my own expense. I'm fully upfront. I really enjoy women, think they are the most awesome species on the planet, they make me happy in their presence. I try to reciprocate in kind, I treat them awesome, I compliment them, I work to make them emotionally happy, when they are happy they make me feel great in return. And while I come in with lots of confidence and am a blast to be around and fun, I am totally honest that I am damaged goods right now. I push them away, I date them but I'm just out to spend some time with someone who's company I enjoy, but I won't go any further, for a couple of reasons. And I talk about this, lol some would say too much, but: 1) I have a friend who wants to be more than friends, and I loathe myself when I slept with her a few weeks back after loving the attention from her that I've been so desperately craving from someone else instead. The time isn't right for me right now, as much as my friend wants me to keep things going. I won't do this again with her, ever, and I've told her this and I won't put myself in situations where I will cave in the future. I still like spending time with my friend, but I've friendzoned her. 2) I am not at a spot where I can handle the post-event responsibilities that come along with sleeping with someone in a normal hook up situation. I get that women want some of my time/interest/attention/a level of consistency from me/etc after a bedroom romp, and right now I'm just not capable. If I can't live up to it I shouldn't be doing it. 3) hot naked sweaty rolling around deep sex totally f*cks my head up. I deeply love someone who is so toxic for me that I can't see straight right now, I in turn will hurt others if I let myself out of the box. I don't want that. Within all that I still feel like I have a way to not deny myself the company of some awesome women, and do it in a way that honors them and myself without hurting anybody. Honesty Honesty Honesty Edited August 6, 2012 by Mike_d
Floored Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 Interesting Mike but with that logic are you saying stear away from girls until you are fully healed? Personally I am finding the time I am spending with single ladies since the split is helping me rather than hindering me. I believe my ex will be in my head to some extent even when I'm in my next relationship..but I'd say that's the same for most people. I think it's called baggage. Ack, I got that today; a coworker said I had baggage merely because I had been in a relationship for so long. I think I'm going to have to agree with you on that point, that the best times I have (and the farther she is from my mind) are when I was on my two 'dates'; both were with just female friends I've had for a long time, but it was nice to learn something new about someone and laugh about something unlaughed about before over drinks/food. At the same time, I don't want to ruin anything of great potential with my recent breakup, and don't know how to start with someone fresh. I suppose that is baggage. ****
Canadian731 Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Don't rush into anything with this girl, I'm certain you are still hurting from your breakup and that as much as you don't want to believe it, she is atleast a fraction of a rebound. I would give it a decent amount of time before you get into another serious relationship again, it's not fair to her or yourself if you rush into it and find out you want to be single again and either end up stuck or hurting someone's feelings.
KatZee Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Ack, I got that today; a coworker said I had baggage merely because I had been in a relationship for so long. I think I'm going to have to agree with you on that point, that the best times I have (and the farther she is from my mind) are when I was on my two 'dates'; both were with just female friends I've had for a long time, but it was nice to learn something new about someone and laugh about something unlaughed about before over drinks/food. At the same time, I don't want to ruin anything of great potential with my recent breakup, and don't know how to start with someone fresh. I suppose that is baggage. **** Yuck! My ex (one from 10 years ago whom I'm platonic friends with to this day) was listening to my drama with my current ex and he actually told me I was "damaged goods." I was like.. >!!! The hell?! Who says that?! Just because I was in a relationship for 3 years and got burned, now I'm damaged? Why? I don't feel like I'm damaged and feel I'm perfectly capable of dating someone new!
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