Mikefromsanan Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 i've never been one to believe in fate, meant to be or "theres one person out there for everyone" but up until now nothings made me feel this way or believe. This feeling was almost instant & uncontrollable. Things have progressed over time and everything is good i guess but it doesn't feel like it should. I find myself holding back all of my emotions because she isn't ready to hear them. She fights me tooth and nail about this being something special even though i feel like she knows it as well. I don't know how much longer i can go on pretending this meaningless relationship isn't so much more, but i'm afraid to bring it up incase it abruptly ends from the conversation alone. She seems to be afraid of something serious, where i am not one for meaningless relationships so its making me nuts. Im at the point where if this is what i think it is and she feels the same way, why is it at such a dead still. And if its just "i dont want a relationship at this time" when i feel like this is the love of my life how can bad timing be overcome or is it just her nice way of telling me im not the one for her. I feel like at times she can admit everything that would add up too us being perfect for each other without realizing what it adds up too. Do i press the issues and chance pushing her away ? 1
Chunky Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 I recently had a talk with my girl and I told her that I loved her and wanted to be with her forever. She told me she wants to slow things down. She said she cares for me but doesn't want to risk getting hurt again. I'm nuts over her so I'll take it slow. We are both divorced and she thinks I'll take my ex wife back. Nothing could be further from the truth! That is a closed door. Maybe your girl is the same way. But you are right, you risk pushing her away if you talk to her about this. Personally, I had to find out the truth. I couldn't stand not knowing anymore. It was making me too depressed. Take it for what it's worth but when it comes right down to it, it's a risk.
Author Mikefromsanan Posted August 6, 2012 Author Posted August 6, 2012 it's a bad combination im a really nice & honest guy who pretty much lets women walk all over him she's sweet as can be but lets guys walk all over her and has never been with anyone who treated her well at all my poor relationships make me want to run to her and her's make her want to run from me.... but im old school and still believe love trumps all especially bad timing no??
Chunky Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 It's hard telling not knowing. But there is risk in every relationship. I chose to be upfront about how I felt...and I was lucky. I wasn't looking for a "take it slow" speech. I was looking for an "I love you too and want to move forward with things" reaction. I'll take what I can get. I know it'll just take time. You may be in the same boat as I am. Be there for her and show her she can trust you.
todreaminblue Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 it's a bad combination im a really nice & honest guy who pretty much lets women walk all over him she's sweet as can be but lets guys walk all over her and has never been with anyone who treated her well at all my poor relationships make me want to run to her and her's make her want to run from me.... but im old school and still believe love trumps all especially bad timing no?? I am a woman who loves sneakers they make for a fast getaway..I would wear them with everything if I could... In your case if the girl is running because of past relationships then she probably doesn't feel good enough for you.You sound like a good guy.I am a bit of a romantic, so I would say pursue and dont give up your hope and persistence.Let her see that she is good for you, make her laugh, let her see what it might be like to have someone who loves her.That is your biggest hurdle.To make her see she can be loved. I think bad relationships are damaging to the soul, they take everything away your heart, your belief, your strength, you can even lose faith, and then, even sanity goes flying out the window,bad relationships are the reason to wear sneakers constantly to get ready to take off . When faced with someone who could ultimately make her happy her first thought is "Yikes im not good enough" I Better get "sneakering" (my new word of the day) Keep your persistence, your patience and your pride, the three P's(I say pride because if you are good and honest, be proud of that is what you can offer her those two qualities are precious, a true gift) and I hope you get the girl.Hide her sneakers.........good luck and best wishes....deb
spiderowl Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 How long have you been with this girl? In my experience, guys tend to fall quickly and dramatically and expect the same response. Within a week they want you all to themselves with declarations of exclusivity and introducing them to all your friends when you still hardly know them. A month later, they calm down and stop being so interested (apart from the few who were friends first). If the girl is saying slow down, she may be wise and talking from experience. If it's been more than a few months and she's saying she doesn't want a serious relationship yet, then I think that's not so good. Either she's a very independent person who is unlikely to want anyone to be a major feature in her life or she's not as certain of you as you are of her. Putting pressure on her won't help; in fact, stepping back a bit and giving her more space and time to miss you might be a better move. If I was with someone for months and they showed no sign of wanting a serious relationship with me, I think I'd be extricating myself. Either they are taking me for granted or they are not attracted or attached enough.
Author Mikefromsanan Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 we're both 28 , and i feel like the p's will pay off and i know i just need to be patient, and i'd wait forever but thats not the hard part, it's tempering my enthusiasm and holding back about 75% of my emotions and feelings. Its been a few months and i don't care to make it anything more than it is now for me to be happy i just want her to stop fighting what this is, and thats 2 people that were meant for each other and shouldnt have even met
2.50 a gallon Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 I was once in your shoes. After my marriage died I swore I would never fall in love again. The minute I felt myself falling, I was off and running. Fifteen years later I was still enjoying my second bachelorhood, when the inevitable happened, and I fell so quickly I didn't have a chance to run. She was like your gal, had been in an abusive marriage and was very independent. Also at the time we started dating, she was only temporarily separated from the love of her life, while he went off to drug rehab. And she let me know that there was no way that she could ever love another man like she loved her former BF I could tell from the start that we had so much in common, the problem was finding a way to let her discover it for her self. Like you I had to remain patient, the love word, was never used. Also for the most part, romantic dates were a no-no. Our dates were fun, and I did a lot of listening, finding out more or what she liked, and doing those things. I never pressured her for us to become exclusive, it just sort of happened, she was having such a good time with me that she never accepted dates with other guys, and when her Ex live in BF got clean and wanted to reunite, she told him it was over. I do not recall when we began exchanging I love you's, but it was a good two years after we started dating. We have now been together for comoing ujp on 17 years, and there is not a smidgeon of doubt that she is totally in love with me, and me her. So it can work, but you might have to be patient for a year or two.
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