Eternal Sunshine Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 The dynamic with this guy seemed "off" from the very first time you mentioned him. I wish you didn't proceed further. Having said that, I envy your ability to feel something for most of the guys you meet. I haven't been able to feel a single emotion for any of the guys I met on OKC in the last few months. The unbearable mehness is almost more painful than getting hurt
Author tigressA Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 I didn't read the entire thread just mainly the last comments on this page, my comment was more to express that process and what it looks like from his point of view...not exactly what you would do but what consequences you would face in giving into that emotion. It never seemed like you had much from the beginning in terms of emotional connection/openness but I've seen women hang on to much less and progress forward with it anyway in hope things would change. Not sure however why you'd give him the luxury of your presence and attention at this point...he burned you pretty hard to the point it makes me feel bad for you in just being apart of this so long and even giving him the satisfaction of not giving him a real piece of his mind...I'm sure he'd be surprised to know how you felt from the beginning with all of this and where your interest level was at as I'm sure he assumed it was much more and probably thinks you are hooked to him to a degree after a comment/jab like that. I didn't even start liking him until 2-3 weeks ago--and he knew it. I was always honest with him about how I felt, even when I had thought him uninteresting. I had flat-out told him a couple of times that I wouldn't want to date him and thought of just using him as a sex toy. I told him at one point I didn't give a sh*t about what he wanted; I only cared about what I wanted. I was very condescending toward him. So my feelings from the beginning would not be a surprise at all. I probably should've known his keenness during that phase was indicative of some self-esteem issue. He liked me more when I didn't treat him with respect and started to subtly back off when my demeanor toward him changed. I had sensed that when I started this thread.
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 I didn't even start liking him until 2-3 weeks ago--and he knew it. I was always honest with him about how I felt, even when I had thought him uninteresting. I had flat-out told him a couple of times that I wouldn't want to date him and thought of just using him as a sex toy. I told him at one point I didn't give a sh*t about what he wanted; I only cared about what I wanted. I was very condescending toward him. So my feelings from the beginning would not be a surprise at all. I probably should've known his keenness during that phase was indicative of some self-esteem issue. He liked me more when I didn't treat him with respect and started to subtly back off when my demeanor toward him changed. I had sensed that when I started this thread. I have observed that acting this way draws insecure guys in. Almost like the more you "abuse" them, the more they want you. However, once you start being nice to them, they lose interest. Who needs that s^&*! 1
Author tigressA Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 He gonna be a loooooooonely man. Ehhh...probably not. He's too good-looking to be lonely for long (and I am too ). I'm sure he'll find someone among his many orbiters.
mickleb Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Ehhh...probably not. He's too good-looking to be lonely for long (and I am too ). I'm sure he'll find someone among his many orbiters. No - I mean, one day, he's going to wake up and find that he's a lonely man.
Chocolat Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 I have observed that acting this way draws insecure guys in. Almost like the more you "abuse" them, the more they want you. However, once you start being nice to them, they lose interest. Who needs that s^&*! To be fair, a decent guy with his **** together wouldn't stick around for this kind of "abuse." The dynamic here seems to have been off from the get-go. 2
Author tigressA Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 To be fair, a decent guy with his **** together wouldn't stick around for this kind of "abuse." The dynamic here seems to have been off from the get-go. Agreed, and I should've known better to sense that earlier. I was only being honest with him; it wasn't calculated. I just said what was in my head and he stuck around for it, even though he had, at one point, said he 'wasn't that attracted to me because I didn't seem into him'. His actions said differently. He was significantly more interested when I wasn't.
Emilia Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 And I'm not deleting him from FB. I'm going to live my life like he is not there. If he wishes to delete me, he can do that. I just couldn't help but be amused by that update of his. I'd advise you to delete him off facebook. Why would you want poison in your life? You have nothing to prove. Certainly shouldn't feel that way. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Another victim of sex too soon. It has nothing to do with sex 3
Kamille Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 I had flat-out told him a couple of times that I wouldn't want to date him and thought of just using him as a sex toy. I told him at one point I didn't give a sh*t about what he wanted; I only cared about what I wanted. I was very condescending toward him. So my feelings from the beginning would not be a surprise at all. Wait, hold up... Whaaa? I didn't know this. I struggle to understand why getting involved with someone when you were in this headspace made sense to you. The way I see it, starting by introducing this much distance in the relationship sure as heck explains the wishy-washiness on his part. 4
Imajerk17 Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 I didn't even start liking him until 2-3 weeks ago--and he knew it. I was always honest with him about how I felt, even when I had thought him uninteresting. I had flat-out told him a couple of times that I wouldn't want to date him and thought of just using him as a sex toy. I told him at one point I didn't give a sh*t about what he wanted; I only cared about what I wanted. I was very condescending toward him. So my feelings from the beginning would not be a surprise at all. I probably should've known his keenness during that phase was indicative of some self-esteem issue. He liked me more when I didn't treat him with respect and started to subtly back off when my demeanor toward him changed. I had sensed that when I started this thread. Tigress, did it occur to you that the reason why things turned out the way they did was because of how you set the table with him? You can't insult a guy as you did above and then expect him to come around when you start expressing feelings. 3
SmileFace Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 I really wish you would look at this situation from his POV. How do you expect him to treat you any different than you treated him? You call him insecure but he is only doing to you what you did to him. I don't think you are upset over this not working out but mad it didn't go your way. It seems to be a control matter with you. 2
veggirl Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 It has nothing to do with sex It kind of does. After all the sexy times and whatnot, she got attached and started liking him even though she found him uninteresting and told him so to his face when the sex was bad.
RedRobin Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 I agree with pierre about the sex too soon thing.. but not for reasons people might think.. Clarity in intention and purpose...for both men and women greatly reduces stress, drama and hurt feelings... it is totally ok if you went in telling him you weren' t looking for something serious. The confusion starts when people try to renegotiate the original contract... which it sounds like you are. It isn't fair to paint the other person as bad if they are just going along with the original deal. If you are looking for a relationship.. one is always taking a risk if you jump in head first with the sex and 'hope it works out'. For both men and women btw... Be graceful with this man and yourself.. Both of you seem to be struggling with figuring out want you want. Good luck...
Author tigressA Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 All of what's been said did cross my mind, and it's likely that I confused him. It really wasn't a total 180--it was a pretty gradual change. I had been warming to him from the time that we reconciled after the awkward sex (the things I wrote that I said to him were prior to that incident) because I had started to feel like there was more of a connection. My words and actions lined up consistently throughout. He sent me another message today designed to provoke a response; I wonder how much time will go by before he realizes he's not going to goad me into answering him.
kaylan Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 (edited) I didn't even start liking him until 2-3 weeks ago--and he knew it. I was always honest with him about how I felt, even when I had thought him uninteresting. I had flat-out told him a couple of times that I wouldn't want to date him and thought of just using him as a sex toy. I told him at one point I didn't give a sh*t about what he wanted; I only cared about what I wanted. I was very condescending toward him. So my feelings from the beginning would not be a surprise at all. I probably should've known his keenness during that phase was indicative of some self-esteem issue. He liked me more when I didn't treat him with respect and started to subtly back off when my demeanor toward him changed. I had sensed that when I started this thread. Given everything you said to him...did you ever expect him to truly open up to you and not be insecure? Tbh...If I was him I would never give you a chance either. I didnt know you flat out said all those things to him. In which case I take back what I said about him You caused him to be insecure, not to trust you, and not to want to date you. Sorry OP. Next time know exactly what you want from someone going in to things. And for the love of God have more tact and courtesy next time in what you say. Even if I want to just have a good time hooking up with a girl, I dont act all disconnected, condescending, and selfish towards her. I still want to make her feel like a good person whos on my level. This seems like a classic case of the nice guy who likes the bitch...a gender role reversal of the good girl liking the bad boy. He saw you as a challenge...conquered you...and because of your previous behavior towards him, already had it in his mind not to ever date your seriously...or not until after some time where he could trust your feelings and intentions. Also, in this situation OP, if you really ever did like this guy a lot...you should be the one fighting for him...not him messaging you for a response. I dont think homeboy is wrong here anymore. And if I was him I would have ignored you earlier....but if I did say what he just told you about where things were going for him, I would have said it to see if youd fight for me and truly show me what you wanted. Why trust a girl so easily who could disrespect me to my face the way she did not too long ago? Edited August 17, 2012 by kaylan
Author tigressA Posted August 18, 2012 Author Posted August 18, 2012 We ended up talking more and basically, you all are right. Happy? He never trusted me because of everything I said to him in the beginning; he was convinced I had never been interested in him, and he said he feels sad telling me it's not going to work. I guess to an extent I agree. We both made a rather unholy mess of things and I have little faith that there could ever be a clean slate. And I don't even know what I could say to him now in order to try. I am also a little too prideful to try, and run the risk of being ignored. I am rather sad now too.
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