Wishy-washiness

[ThaWholigan]

Thawholigan, don't you think Tigress needs a Leo? They are very loyal when they make a commitment and strong enough to deal with Aries. Or perhaps a Pisces with Leo or Aries somewhere in the chart.

I think the latter.

 

Leos are normally loyal, but it depends on other aspects in the chart. This particular Leo is a bit of a Klitschko (Circle & jab) rather than a Tyson. A Pisces guy would have his Sun in her 12th house, that would be attachment to the nth degree. I'd go with the latter.

[weallfalldown]

Thawholigan, don't you think Tigress needs a Leo? They are very loyal when they make a commitment and strong enough to deal with Aries. Or perhaps a Pisces with Leo or Aries somewhere in the chart.

pisces and cancer = scorpio.......hey are you really that fit?....send me a plane ticket...

[tigressA]

I called him and we talked. He said what I had kind of been expecting ("I haven't messaged anyone in weeks, was going on it just to go on it, really", etc). I told him what had led me to that discovery and acknowledged my own action as passive-aggressive and unhelpful. I communicated that I was disappointed given all he had said to me, and even though the person whose profile it is knows they haven't contacted anyone in awhile, the person whose profile it is not doesn't know that--and the look of being active invites unpleasant speculation. I asked him what he thought about it and he's going to take it down.

Edited August 6, 2012 by tigressA

[EasyHeart]

Thawholigan, don't you think Tigress needs a Leo? They are very loyal when they make a commitment and strong enough to deal with Aries. Or perhaps a Pisces with Leo or Aries somewhere in the chart.

No one needs a Leo. No one!!!

[tigressA]

I feel like things are at a stalemate. And I'm at least partially to blame.

 

We are in that 'gray area'...there's no one else on the horizon and we agreed that if there ever were, we would be honest about it. We're not officially together. We still call each other 'friends'. I was crystal-clear with him that if he ever became interested in someone else, I absolutely would not wait around for him; I would not lower myself by entering into a competition. I would send him on his way.

 

All I'm feeling is dizzy from going around in circles. I'm partially to blame for this because I am pretending that I am fine with where we're at--I play off his comments about 'what we are' with jokes, etc. I am starting to go back to 'playing it cool' because I can sense him sort of pulling away--I think he might be a little scared. I don't really know what he wants out of this or what he sees in it because I never asked him. Again, playing it cool. I don't want to be his girlfriend right now, but I do want to feel like we are moving toward something meaningful. It's been two months. I feel like we are both holding back.

 

My question is...how do I bring this up with him? Someone give me a script . I want to be succinct, logical, clear.

[mortensorchid]

I hate reading things like these, because I see myself in them as well. We've all been there with people who are going back and forth on things. Trust me, they are like this in all aspects of their lives - they only dedicate their time and energy to things that they know will benefit them and preferably those that they will not have to lift a finger doing.

 

Bail out now before you get even more hurt than you already are.

[Kamille]

I feel like things are at a stalemate. And I'm at least partially to blame.

 

We are in that 'gray area'...there's no one else on the horizon and we agreed that if there ever were, we would be honest about it. We're not officially together. We still call each other 'friends'. I was crystal-clear with him that if he ever became interested in someone else, I absolutely would not wait around for him; I would not lower myself by entering into a competition. I would send him on his way.

 

All I'm feeling is dizzy from going around in circles. I'm partially to blame for this because I am pretending that I am fine with where we're at--I play off his comments about 'what we are' with jokes, etc. I am starting to go back to 'playing it cool' because I can sense him sort of pulling away--I think he might be a little scared. I don't really know what he wants out of this or what he sees in it because I never asked him. Again, playing it cool. I don't want to be his girlfriend right now, but I do want to feel like we are moving toward something meaningful. It's been two months. I feel like we are both holding back.

 

My question is...how do I bring this up with him? Someone give me a script . I want to be succinct, logical, clear.

 

 

TigressA says: "I really like you." Or "I'm really into you".

 

TigressA's guy reacts the way he wants.

 

 

You know you can handle anything he throws your way. Why walk on eggshells? You clearly like this guy and are getting attached to him. Let him know so in a very overt, easy-going way. If it scares him off, it scares him off. On the other hand, it could be just the move one of you needs to do so that you can both allow yourselves to open up more.

[tigressA]

TigressA says: "I really like you." Or "I'm really into you".

 

TigressA's guy reacts the way he wants.

 

 

You know you can handle anything he throws your way. Why walk on eggshells? You clearly like this guy and are getting attached to him. Let him know so in a very overt, easy-going way. If it scares him off, it scares him off. On the other hand, it could be just the move one of you needs to do so that you can both allow yourselves to open up more.

 

I know I can handle whatever comes from him. I'm not too worried about scaring him off. I do think he likes me--he seems to be struggling with that. He probably isn't sure of what he wants out of this. I just feel like I'm at a loss for words, unsure of how to say things. I tend to forget that something simply said is best.

[mickleb]

I know I can handle whatever comes from him. I'm not too worried about scaring him off. I do think he likes me--he seems to be struggling with that. He probably isn't sure of what he wants out of this. I just feel like I'm at a loss for words, unsure of how to say things. I tend to forget that something simply said is best.

 

None of us can give you the script. That depends on what you want to say to him. What do you need to know?

 

If, on the other hand, you can put it out of your head and enjoy it for what it is, do that.

 

Put up or shut up sounds rude but it's kind of what I'm saying! Sorry.

[EasyHeart]

Good gravy, it sounds like you're both doing some kind of silly push-pull dance.

 

Tell him how you feel and what you want from him, then let him decide if he's good with that.

 

But it's only been two months; that's nothing. Do you really need to define the relationship and make a roadmap for where it's going? Can't you both just relax and have some fun for a few months?

[FitChick]

They both sound immature and insecure.

 

Search for the thread on this forum about the Five questions you need to ask.

[tigressA]

So I told him I like him.

 

He said it's too early to use the 'like' word. He said he still is deciphering how he feels about me, that I'm 'just a friend' and he's 'not my keeper'.

 

I said, well, okay then. You're 'just a friend' to me too. And I don't have sex with my friends.

 

So I think this is done.

[eleanorhurting]

So I told him I like him.

 

He said it's too early to use the 'like' word. He said he still is deciphering how he feels about me, that I'm 'just a friend' and he's 'not my keeper'.

 

I said, well, okay then. You're 'just a friend' to me too. And I don't have sex with my friends.

 

So I think this is done.

 

I wish this would end well but he can't even say if he likes you???

 

I don't know about this TA

 

I am glad you set up the boundary that you are not going to sleep with him anymore.

 

He reminds me of a jerk I used to know by saying that.

[Kamille]

So I told him I like him.

 

He said it's too early to use the 'like' word. He said he still is deciphering how he feels about me, that I'm 'just a friend' and he's 'not my keeper'.

 

I said, well, okay then. You're 'just a friend' to me too. And I don't have sex with my friends.

 

So I think this is done.

 

He's over-thinking 'like'? Well, time to move on. You know, to someone who's not freaked out by being liked by the person they're banging.

[Kamille]

Writing again to say: I'm sorry tigressA. And shocked. I never imagined he would be that skittish about it. ((tigressA))

[ThaWholigan]

So I told him I like him.

 

He said it's too early to use the 'like' word. He said he still is deciphering how he feels about me, that I'm 'just a friend' and he's 'not my keeper'.

 

I said, well, okay then. You're 'just a friend' to me too. And I don't have sex with my friends.

 

So I think this is done.

Sorry Tigress...

 

This is a new realm of wishy-washy so far, his "head's gone". I don't think you jumped the gun either, you've looked for clarity the whole time and he hasn't given it at any point. I'd probably slip away from this one.....

[tigressA]

He gave me this BS about how 'somehow I managed to mess with his head'...but he said it's mostly him, realizing things he doesn't like about himself.

 

I said, "I don't understand. How am I messing with you? I'm only being honest. I do like you, but if you can't figure out your feelings I can't be around that, for my own sanity. Boundaries. I've decided to open up my options again."

 

And there it rests...

 

I never imagined he'd be so skittish about it either. But them's the breaks. There's better out there. Much, much better.

[threebyfate]

tigress, passive, low self-esteem guys are trouble. Avoid them like the plague.

[tigressA]

He's over-thinking 'like'? Well, time to move on. You know, to someone who's not freaked out by being liked by the person they're banging.

 

Those highlighted words were among my last to him.

[kaylan]

So I told him I like him.

 

He said it's too early to use the 'like' word. He said he still is deciphering how he feels about me, that I'm 'just a friend' and he's 'not my keeper'.

 

I said, well, okay then. You're 'just a friend' to me too. And I don't have sex with my friends.

 

So I think this is done.

Wow homeboy is an idiot.

 

Ten bucks says hes chasing you down again after you friendzone him. Its one of two things.

 

1. He obviously likes you based on what you told us about him in the past...especially with how he was coming back after you after you first put him at arms length. Im thinking hes insecure and cant figure out what he wants out of this and is scared to get hurt.

 

or

 

2. He was just having a good time and only chased you more after your first hookup because he didnt want to end things as a bad fling. He wanted some legit enjoyment out of your relationship together but also keep his options open and not get tied down.

 

In either case OP, the dudes a dumb ass. And even if it was scenario number 1, who the hell wants to be in a relationship with someone who is obviously super insecure, unsure of what they want, and super weird about someone simply liking them. I mean...whats so bad about telling the girl you spend time with and have sex with, that you like her. He def sounds like hes scared of things moving fast, but is totally shooting himself in the foot and has no idea how to handle women.

[tigressA]

Wow homeboy is an idiot.

 

Ten bucks says hes chasing you down again after you friendzone him. Its one of two things.

 

1. He obviously likes you based on what you told us about him in the past...especially with how he was coming back after you after you first put him at arms length. Im thinking hes insecure and cant figure out what he wants out of this and is scared to get hurt.

 

or

 

2. He was just having a good time and only chased you more after your first hookup because he didnt want to end things as a bad fling. He wanted some legit enjoyment out of your relationship together but also keep his options open and not get tied down.

 

In either case OP, the dudes a dumb ass. And even if it was scenario number 1, who the hell wants to be in a relationship with someone who is obviously super insecure, unsure of what they want, and super weird about someone simply liking them. I mean...whats so bad about telling the girl you spend time with and have sex with, that you like her. He def sounds like hes scared of things moving fast, but is totally shooting himself in the foot and has no idea how to handle women.

 

Agreed...I was really open with him and let him know I was hurt by what he said. He said he understood if I wanted to take a break but he didn't want me to lose touch, he doesn't want me to be hurt, he just wants me to be happy and enjoy whatever it is I'm doing, etc...whatever.

 

I said to him that I can't see myself continuing to associate with a guy, even as a friend, who can't decide how he feels about a girl he's boning, and gets freaked out upon being told she likes him. He responded with this gem: "I know we didn't have one yet, but relationships are crazy." Um...okay.

 

We had recently become friends on FB again, and so I would feel like an idiot deleting him again. I'll just keep him there. His latest update says 'tragic'. Losing me could certainly be called that

[kaylan]

If he put that FB update as a reference to you...then WOW...plz delete him and just move on and not even be friends. Who makes statuses about their love life in their 20s? Thats just drama queen stuff.

 

Thats the crap people used to do when I was in high school. Back when you used bulletins on MySpace, or when people complained on their live journals or xanga journals.

 

Dude acts like a child imo. How old is he again?

[Ninjainpajamas]

Agreed...I was really open with him and let him know I was hurt by what he said. He said he understood if I wanted to take a break but he didn't want me to lose touch, he doesn't want me to be hurt, he just wants me to be happy and enjoy whatever it is I'm doing, etc...whatever.

 

I said to him that I can't see myself continuing to associate with a guy, even as a friend, who can't decide how he feels about a girl he's boning, and gets freaked out upon being told she likes him. He responded with this gem: "I know we didn't have one yet, but relationships are crazy." Um...okay.

 

We had recently become friends on FB again, and so I would feel like an idiot deleting him again. I'll just keep him there. His latest update says 'tragic'. Losing me could certainly be called that

 

Honestly TigressA, he sounds like he hardly cares. And the only reason he's even throwing you a bone is so he doesn't have to see you hurt...not because he's worried about how you feel but because men hate to feel guilty. He doesn't want you to know that he already knew where this was going but he has to come up with an excuse that puts the blame on himself rather than you...that's why his explanations make no sense.

 

What you're doing right now is just devaluing yourself in his eyes and he loses respect for you...why? because he's flat out told you he doesn't even like you anymore than a friend and you still hang out on his FB and still cling for any shred of emotion and feedback from him...this tells him you're a pushover, someone he can drag through the street and will still stick around. You're embarrassing yourself by being with this man, you think he was shocked when you said you wouldn't sleep with him because you said you don't sleep with your friends? why don't you think he told you sooner? why don't you think he made things clear to you earlier?...because that would have meant you shutting your legs...he wanted them open as long as they could be and now that you've pushed for clarity in the relationship and to find out where its going he has to back away...even though he probably still wants to keep banging you now you've crossed that line over "seeing where it goes" and he knows that saying something he doesn't mean or giving you any indication of him wanting more is only going to get him into drama...which is not what men want, they want the vagina and everything else but not the drama...which are your emotions.

 

If you don't back away and keep pining for some kind of emotions and interest level then eventually he'll just try to get back in your pants offering the same terms...because now he put it out there and is testing you, now you know where he stands...that way he can back out at any time and pull the "i dont know how i feel, its my head or whatever" and you know exactly what to expect....he's setting you up for a FWB unless he's just completely done with you and ready to move onto something else, all that other crap he spews to you is BS...it doesn't hold any weight, he wouldn't change his life or anything in it that was important just to be with you when it comes down to it...you're just a source for intimacy and affection and he's keeping you around to see how far he can stretch you....whether you back off in the end is no skin off his back, he just wants to play the innocent card and avoid any responsibility, because chances are, most women will continue to sleep with the guy and we know already know that...women don't run away easily even If they know what they're getting isn't enough or good enough, any experienced man knows better than to believe a woman's words when she's still sticking around...she'll be hurt and pissed for a little while but she'll be back in your bed eventually...and this is how some men survive off of women in the meantime.

[tigressA]

I do appreciate your perspective Ninja, but you've jumped to some conclusions. I calmly let him know I was hurt and that I didn't plan on associating with him further; he responded, and I have not answered him. I don't plan on answering him. I know all that he said to me is mere BS; why do you think I put after it? I know what he really means. I'm not stupid. I've faced this before. I was naive then, but I'm not now. I wanted to end it with a clear conscience, knowing I said everything I wanted to say to him, and I got that. There were no tears, no frown-y faces--just calmly stated honesty. I have already backed away, and I'm staying away. I have no shame in how I conducted myself--indeed, I'm rather proud.

 

And I'm not deleting him from FB. I'm going to live my life like he is not there. If he wishes to delete me, he can do that. I just couldn't help but be amused by that update of his.

Edited August 17, 2012 by tigressA

[Ninjainpajamas]

I do appreciate your perspective Ninja, but you've jumped to some conclusions. I calmly let him know I was hurt and that I didn't plan on associating with him further; he responded, and I have not answered him. I don't plan on answering him. I know all that he said to me is mere BS; why do you think I put after it? I know what he really means. I'm not stupid. I've faced this before. I was naive then, but I'm not now. I wanted to end it with a clear conscience, knowing I said everything I wanted to say to him, and I got that. There were no tears, no frown-y faces--just calmly stated honesty. I have already backed away, and I'm staying away. I have no shame in how I conducted myself--indeed, I'm rather proud.

 

And I'm not deleting him from FB. I'm going to live my life like he is not there. If he wishes to delete me, he can do that. I just couldn't help but be amused by that update of his.

 

I didn't read the entire thread just mainly the last comments on this page, my comment was more to express that process and what it looks like from his point of view...not exactly what you would do but what consequences you would face in giving into that emotion. It never seemed like you had much from the beginning in terms of emotional connection/openness but I've seen women hang on to much less and progress forward with it anyway in hope things would change.

 

Not sure however why you'd give him the luxury of your presence and attention at this point...he burned you pretty hard to the point it makes me feel bad for you in just being apart of this so long and even giving him the satisfaction of not giving him a real piece of his mind...I'm sure he'd be surprised to know how you felt from the beginning with all of this and where your interest level was at as I'm sure he assumed it was much more and probably thinks you are hooked to him to a degree after a comment/jab like that.