confusedforlife Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 hello, this is my first time posting here, after reading posts for months. i have been dating this guy for five months now. well, was. for the first four months everything was amazing. well sort of. there was one day i had the gut feeling to go through his phone, and found messages to other girls, some including pictures of his junk. when confronted he was truly upset over his mistake and stated "i always f* up the good things", i ended things and he came back the next day. forgive and forget is my motto, so i gave him another chance. time went on for another couple months, things were going well then one day out of the blue he broke up with me, saying he was not sure what he wanted out of our relationship, if he even wanted one at all. he said he felt "numb" inside. okay...so i gave him some time. the time we spent apart was the WORST. i felt broken inside. i was an emotional wreck - the worst i have ever been over someone. i seriously could not eat (ahh the heartbreak diet - i lost seven pounds!) ..after about two weeks he came back, stating he realized what was important in life and i was it. cool! i gave him another, a little apprehensive but willing to work things out. mistake #2? things were going fine for the last three weeks, then four days ago - bam! it happens again. he ends things because he still "doesnt know what he wants - hes emotionally in the dark regarding if he wants to be in a relationship or not"... how he felt like he didnt have enough space because he still enjoys his alone time and time with his friends..which doesnt make sense because we would see each other twice a week at best because of our work schedules. "theres only so much time i can stand being around a woman" he said. (wow, typing that out really just made me seem like a fool for posting this). he could not give me a straight answer - either dump me or work on things. i asked if this was it, if we are done for good - no direct answer. its almost like he is scared to commit to me, and scared to commit to not being with me. so once again i ask if this is another "i need time" thing or if its a "dont bother" thing, and he gives me no direct yes/no answer, just that he needs to work on himself. okay okay, after typing all this out, after hearing myself read all this, its apparent i need to leave this guy alone...but obviously i can't. i am the WORST at no contact. there are so many things that i miss, so many times i want to text him just so i have some sort of communication with him. i guess i am posting this for some support and advice. any past experience with similar situations would be helpful. is he afraid of commitment, period? is it because of his past crappy relationships that he doesnt want to get hurt again? ..ugh any help (how about a literal slap to the face please) would really help me along. i feel like a basket case
Matt145 Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 He probably doesnt want to be in a committed relationship. My ex didnt either, and theres nothing atall you can do when people feel like that. He has screwed you over a few times now maybe when you feel like contacting him just think of them times. When you split up u only tend to think of the good times and not the bad times. When my ex split up with me i thought we had the worlds best relationship and that she was the best person on the planet and she had no faults. But you soon realise there just *******s. Ive been screwed over by my ex more than i can count on both hands i know how u feel. What he has said is complete bull**** aswell, he probably just doesnt want to be the bad guy or sound bad so he has made up a stupid excuse. When people our like that u just need to go strict NC and get over them, dont take them back unless they come begging for you otherwise they dont truly 100% want you back.
durentu Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 First glance, this guy sounds like a player who knows that emotionally entangling women keeps them around longer/on a string.
Ruby65 Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 No Contact takes self-control and maturity. So even if you KNOW intellectually it's the right thing to do to protect yourself from further pain, it's still very, very difficult. Nevertheless, this is what you must do to protect yourself from ever being hurt again by this major douche. Because he's not someone who's ready for a relationship. Certainly not with you, maybe not with anyone. He's going to continue to torture you emotionally, cheat on you, string you along, dump you over and over, flirt with other girls, use you for sex, take you for granted, and on and on.... until you eventually get tired of it and walk away. Whether he'd do this with any girl or if it's just that he's not that into YOU doesn't even matter. Just walk away. Go NC. Read through old threads here and post away and let the people here support you through it -- but stop wasting your precious time and your precious heart on this total waste of space. You deserve SO MUCH BETTER!! 1
Author confusedforlife Posted August 6, 2012 Author Posted August 6, 2012 you all are right, and thank you for replying. deep inside i know this guy is a complete idiot and waste of my time, but i still cant help but to wish i had him around. its like one minute ill be fine, the next ill feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness.
Author confusedforlife Posted August 6, 2012 Author Posted August 6, 2012 ...this is what you must do to protect yourself from ever being hurt again by this major douche. ...but stop wasting your precious time and your precious heart on this total waste of space. You deserve SO MUCH BETTER!! i have found myself reading these lines over and over makes me feel a little better 1
Mike_d Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 ... i know this guy is a complete idiot and waste of my time, but i still cant help but to wish i had him around. its like one minute ill be fine, the next ill feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness. totally normal, part of the process of letting go, of disengaging. comes with the territory.
Appleness Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 I think you need to evaluate what exactly it is about this guy that you actually want. He doesn't sound like he's worth you spending even another micro-second of your time thinking about him. In his mind, he was probably never even in a committed relationship with you. Who sends nude pictures of themselves to other people while they have a boyfriend/girlfriend? If people didn't tolerate Brett Favre's bullsh*t, what makes this guy so special? He doesn't know what he wants? He needs time to decide? PLEASE! Do yourself a favor and give him all the time in the world by walking away. This guy is going to do this again and again. Every time another girl turns his head, he'll get the urge to get with her and put you on the back burner or break up with you. If you lay down in front of someone, they'll wipe their feet on you. Have some dignity, say "thanks but no thanks", and RUN!
KatZee Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 (edited) Yep. Walk away. My ex played this yo-yo game at the end of our relationship. Always flip flopping. He loves me and doesn't want to lose me, then he needs to be single and isn't sure we're meant to be together, then he doesn't want to throw out what we have and he loves me, then he has no time for me and wants to see his friends more, but still loves me, but... but... but... Good lord. I have a headache just reading that. He strung me along like that for 9 months because I was the "forgive and give people a second chance" kind of person. Now I realize I can't be that way anymore. When someone "makes a mistake" believe me, it's not a mistake. It's a choice. At that point in time they chose to behave as if you were nothing, they chose to treat you disrespectfully, they chose to go behind your back, it was not a mistake but a series of conscious choices. My ex finally just dumped me and left. What the post below says about back burner stuff is true. When my ex left, he actually told his friends that the split was "temporary." Temporary? TEMPORARY!??!? You don't get to dump me temporarily after we've been together for three years. Come to find out he met a chick at his job. He wanted to see what it would be like to be with her, and after we went NC for 2 months, he essentially told me to F-off out of no where. Turns out he thought this new chick would be something special. They were done with in 30 days. Now he probably feels like the biggest douchebag on the planet but it's not my problem! I was so sad, but I realize now that we never would have worked out at all. He has nothing to offer me. He's a juvenile, immature little boy. All the "mistakes" he claimed to make were not mistakes at all. He make conscious decisions to do everything he did to me, and I'm past the "forgive and forget" stage. No one else will ever use me that way again, or lead me on. Edited August 6, 2012 by KatZee
Author confusedforlife Posted August 9, 2012 Author Posted August 9, 2012 ugh i wish i had access to this board at work - couldve used the pick me up after what happened. we work together. i have to see him many times during the day. yesterday was the first time i saw him since he dumped me. he smiled and winked at me at least three times. next time i saw him, he brought me my keys...was acting as if nothing wrong had happened, was just being normal. i was so fumed i had to tell him its not right for him to come up and act like nothing had happened, it gives me false hope...why im even have hope for something i dont know. i then told him he needs to tell me that we are done with, that it is over so i can accept and move on, because giving me the "i dont know"s does not help. again, false hope. what did he say? "i dont know what to say". HELLO!!! i asked to either tell me we are done or tell me we arent!! not another damn I DONT KNOW!!! IM SO FRUSTRATED!! its not even over him anymore, its over the whole situation.
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