Bestcheerleader Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 Hi there, if anyone recalls my crazy story, I previously had a crush on my boss for about a month. The same feeling created ton of mixed emotions and confusion on my part, within my marriage. As a result, I realized how little of my marriage there is left to salvage (after 10 years). I should add that a miscarriage with husband was also involved in my decision to leave(few months prior to boss-crush) thru an unplanned pregnancy. I have no future plans for children (even though he does) so i believe the miscarriage was a traumatic experience that pushed me over the edge. Husband and I have agreed to trial separation period of 90 days, up to 1 year. I asked for this so he shows me everyday how upset he is at me. Marriage appears to be over and I am ready to leave now. I am a career driven woman living in a big city, financially stable and will need to divide jointly owned assets soon. I am 30 and he is 36. For the record, I have never cheated. Both of us married young and stayed faithful to each other. I am struggling because I am still very confused... want to date in order to find Mr Right but know I shouldn't jump in. How can I cope with the loneliness? I know this is only the beginning... Any insights on what's ahead? Should I start preparing/planning anything? Am I doing the right thing here? I can start all over, right? Any feedback is greatly appreciated. No judging please!
dinosaur Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 If you don't want to stay with your husband - don't. Obviously you want different things and you don't feel the same way about him. Of course you can start over; my aunt recently divorced (w/o kids) and she was pretty down at first, but she admitted she got out before she had kids and she's much happier and dating someone else now. But note that you may just be feeling the way you are because of a traumatic experience, so perhaps try some counseling to see how you really feel too? You don't want to get a divorce and think it was a mistake. I would talk to a lawyer/counselor and explain to your husband you were thinking about divorce especially since you need to divide up your assets (after you talk to professionals). But please, please take some time to heal so you can figure out what you want in Mr. Right and don't see anyone until you are fully divorced. If you're feeling lonely things that helped me were staying busy (work, if work isn't enough volunteer or something), hang out with your friends/family, take up a hobby and make new friends, go out and have fun, get a "low responsibility" pet like a fish - basically just fill up the void until you can decide what you want and go for it. You need to take some time to think about your feelings so you don't end up with something disastrous.
Ruby65 Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 I think there's LS forums on surviving divorce, isn't there? That might be a more helpful section! Also I'm pretty sure there are specific websites about recovering from divorce and moving on. Speaking from personal experience, I left a 20 year marriage and while it took several years to readjust, I'm much happier now as a single mom than I was in the marriage. I have a bf now that I really love and am much happier personally. But it's a long process. Just be sure you don't string your ex along with any vague hopes at reconciliation somewhere down the line. Don't keep him as a Plan B, because that's not fair to him. Don't let people tell you when to start dating again. If you feel you're ready now, do it. Most people don't understand how you can be in a dead marriage for years and be completely over it by the time you finally get the divorce. Follow your own path, that's my advice.
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