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Posted

Hey everyone,

 

This might be kinda long, but please read and help me out.

 

I'm going to college this month and I know things will probably get easier for me when I leave. I've been in love with a girl for the past four years; all of high school. We've always been attracted to each other and been kinda back and forth, and we dated for close to a year my sophomore year in high school. I know it's my first love and I don't know what's out there, but it doesn't change my feelings. For the past year and a half, she's had a boyfriend. It just so happens that one night while she was dating me, she kissed this guy (pretty sure no coincidence that they ended up together though). Her reasoning was that she wanted to make sure of her feelings for me, and stupidly I accepted that.

 

After we broke up a couple years back, she had promised to me that we would go to our school's proms together and end up together again till the end of high school, she just needed some time off and some space. But during her space, she made sure to keep me interested so that she wouldn't lose the affection of someone she "cared" about. Obviously, seeing that she's been in another relationship for a while now, this didn't happen. I've been heartbroken ever since our break up, and haven't been able to get over her even when truly trying. She was in three of my classes this past year which didn't make it easy.

 

It's hard to explain, but I care about her a lot, and I believe that she cares for me too. I don't understand it, but I know she does. At the beginning of this summer, I realized I only had a couple months left to get closure for myself and try and spend some time with her. She started coming onto me more and talking to me and said she was going to break up with her boyfriend near the beginning of summer, which only fueled my goal to spend time with her more. After going to lunch with her a couple times it was obvious that she wasn't going to break up with her boyfriend until the very end of summer, making it impossible for me to get what I wanted. Realizing this hurt me a lot, but unfortunately didn't change any feelings I had.

 

The part that really gets me is I know that she cares about me a lot. But I don't understand why she doesn't want to spend time with me before we leave. These are the last few weeks we'll ever have the chance to really be close again until we drift apart and then just become memories. I went to a therapist thinking that would make me feel better, but it really didn't. I hope I'll feel better when I go to college, but it really hurts me that she won't spend any last time with someone she cares so much about. I know she hasn't been good to me, but I can't help my feelings and she's all I think about and all I've ever been thinking about, and I feel like I've failed myself and wasted the past few years by ending without being with her at all.

 

Realistically, I don't want a long distance college relationship with her, but getting what I want in the end would just make me feel so much better but I don't see it happening.

 

If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. I just really need some encouragement because I don't see myself getting what I want, and frankly she's not worth the trouble in the first place, but I can't seem to get that into my head. I'm hurting a lot and any advice is appreciated

 

Thanks

Posted

Hello Panthers Fan. When I was in high school, I had a boyfriend like you and you are telling me a story I already lived. I did care/love this boy very much, but bottom line was that he was too nice. It was just too simple. Simple unfortunately doesn't occupy the attention span of teens for long. Like the difference between playing a video game or watching grass grow. Something always going on with a video game, and its nice to watch grass grow, relaxing, eat a picnic, read... but it soon gets boring so ya go do something else, after all, the grass will still be there, "it told me so". My guy and I dated as sophmores for about a year, then off and on. At one time, we even made a date to marry after we had 2 yrs of college. Even after not dating for 2 whole years, he hunted me down in the dorm where I lived at 2am and asked... begged me to follow thru and crawl out my dorm window right then and go get married... at the time our colleges were about 4 hours apart and we hadn't spoken in that 2 yrs either. Looking back, I know he loved me without question, but I would not have been good for him. I had too much to experience and explore. Through the years, I hurt a countless number of boys/men and do look back in regret, but especially for that special boy in high school. I pray often that he forgives me and I do look fondly back on the memories.... But you should walk away now and not look back as she will break your spirit and tear you down.

Posted

Biggest mistake was when my high school gf followed me to college. We had a awful breakup and I was a wreck my fresh, and soph. years in school.

 

Give you some advice. Get out now, focus on your schooling and college fun. High school love is high school love. Trust me.

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Posted
Hello Panthers Fan. When I was in high school, I had a boyfriend like you and you are telling me a story I already lived. I did care/love this boy very much, but bottom line was that he was too nice. It was just too simple. Simple unfortunately doesn't occupy the attention span of teens for long. Like the difference between playing a video game or watching grass grow. Something always going on with a video game, and its nice to watch grass grow, relaxing, eat a picnic, read... but it soon gets boring so ya go do something else, after all, the grass will still be there, "it told me so". My guy and I dated as sophmores for about a year, then off and on. At one time, we even made a date to marry after we had 2 yrs of college. Even after not dating for 2 whole years, he hunted me down in the dorm where I lived at 2am and asked... begged me to follow thru and crawl out my dorm window right then and go get married... at the time our colleges were about 4 hours apart and we hadn't spoken in that 2 yrs either. Looking back, I know he loved me without question, but I would not have been good for him. I had too much to experience and explore. Through the years, I hurt a countless number of boys/men and do look back in regret, but especially for that special boy in high school. I pray often that he forgives me and I do look fondly back on the memories.... But you should walk away now and not look back as she will break your spirit and tear you down.

 

You sound a lot like her. I wish I could walk away but it's hard knowing soon she won't be in my life at all and I wish I could have a good last few weeks with her and just get closure with our relationship by getting what I want, but I know that's just unrealistic.

Posted

I'm going to college this month

 

That's where your head should be. You can still get into a relationship later. That's the bottom line, anything else is just a distraction.

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