We were talking marriage.. kids.. a week after breaking up he's engaged to another?

[lovehurts82]

I posted the whole storyhere but it's a LONG long story. In short.. we had a long distance relationship, friends 7 years, "together" 2-3 yrs of it. We were talking marriage.. he asked my parents' permission, we talked about kids.. names.. dogs.. looked up houses. We broke up over some pretty yoyo crap, then a week later he's engaged to another chick (who had been rubbing his hand in the backseat of the car with me on the other side of him).

 

Everyone tells me I deserve better.. it's better that it happened now before we got married and had kids.. do I really want to be with someone like that? But I can't help still loving him. I have loved him for years and it seemed like things were just starting to look up. They tell me to have NC with him if he comes back around, that he'll probably do the same to her.. but it's so hard. It's making me physically sick with stress and nerves, especially after just having found out about his engagement.. when he swore there was no one else.

[changchewsoon]

But I really think the only way for you to walk out of this is to go 100% full NC on him.

 

I read your whole story, and what he did in the car was really disrespectful to you.

 

He has also said means things to you like he doesn't care for your feelings, right after you told him how you pictured a future with him and his dad.

 

He sounds like a total jerk to me.

 

You deserve so much more better than this.

 

That girl that he is engaged to has some baggage and issues and so does he. They both deserve each other.

 

I know you must be feeling really awful right now, but it is going to get better with time I promise.

 

And you, you deserve a guy who appreciates you. It is his lost, not yours.

[lovehurts82]

Thanks so much for your response. You all have been a great force of encouragement, here and in my other post. I know in my mind he was toxic to me, but I can't help but love him. Even now.. even still. I feel like a part of me is missing. I know this is the natural grieving process and things will get better. I keep holding onto some of the things folks have said here and have been trying to hand this over to my faith for guidance and healing. But thanks again to all.

[dinosaur]

It's not going to be better for a long time, period. Just focus on making yourself better for now, keep distracted, and remind yourself that it would never work out. Once you get past that bump of feeling physically sick, I promise things get way, way better. Do whatever you want outside of contacting him.

 

My guess is this other girl is just something he wanted to explore and he's using as a physical way to heal over you. When people break up, often the reason they jump into bed with someone else is because they miss that closeness. He'll realize it's not as exciting any more and be depressed but by then you'll have moved on. He just obviously wasn't ready for commitment with you and this other girl probably convinced him to get engaged or he did it out of guilt. Even if they were friends for a long time, he hasn't been in a relationship or lived with her, so he doesn't know her that well. Just let him hit his rock bottom and move on with your life.

[Canadian731]

You can't just stop loving someone because they have hurt you, I'm sure you will still love him weeks, months, and maybe even years down the road but that love will change to more of a caring love then a passionate love. I know I will always have love for my ex because we were together for so long, it's been 2 months and at this point I do still love her but you have to realize that no matter how much you love someone you can't change them into the person you want them to be. He sounds irresponsible and childish to me, I'm sure this thing with the woman he is engaged to will fall through and he will be back at your feet begging, I just hope that at that point you will be strong enough to turn him away because you know you can do better, I wish you the best of luck sweetheart.

[lovehurts82]

For those who have responded, I have heard from him a couple times.. there's more updates on my original thread.

[lovehurts82]

It's not going to be better for a long time, period. Just focus on making yourself better for now, keep distracted, and remind yourself that it would never work out. Once you get past that bump of feeling physically sick, I promise things get way, way better. Do whatever you want outside of contacting him.

 

My guess is this other girl is just something he wanted to explore and he's using as a physical way to heal over you. When people break up, often the reason they jump into bed with someone else is because they miss that closeness. He'll realize it's not as exciting any more and be depressed but by then you'll have moved on. He just obviously wasn't ready for commitment with you and this other girl probably convinced him to get engaged or he did it out of guilt. Even if they were friends for a long time, he hasn't been in a relationship or lived with her, so he doesn't know her that well. Just let him hit his rock bottom and move on with your life.

 

I finally broke off all ties with him.. I had only unsubbed from his Facebook feed, but tonight I unfriended him. Apparently, they flew back to the west coast together and are driving all his things back.. taking the cross-country trip that he and I were supposed to have been making together.. stopping at Yellowstone.. taking pictures of the falls. It was killing me to see those updates. Each time I saw their pictures, it tore my heart in two all over again, making me sick to my stomach. I still don't understand and probably never will, how this happened like it did. Im on NC day number 6 and I know he's probably going to be surprised when he finds Im no longer his friend. I know he's checked mine because after getting my hair cut and highlighted, the final time we talked he mentioned it and said it looked nice. He also noted the "smiling" pictures of me I had posted on my page and noted them as well. Oh well. I don't want him back. Well, I should say I can't have him back.