df1304 Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 (edited) Hey everybody. Some of you might remember me from my post a few months ago about a bad breakup I was going through. Now I have to be the one to sort of break up with someone else, a close friend who's seen me go through a lot, who I don't want to hurt, but I kind of have to. For those who aren't, I'm 16, that's an important factor in this whole thing I'm about to type out. The guy in question is only 18, and has never had a girlfriend in real life. That is also important. Basically I have a very good, close friend over the internet - he lives across the country from me - who is in love with me. He is so in love with me that he is convinced that we're soul mates. He has informed me this morning in a long letter that he poured his heart into that he is planning to move to my state soon so that we can meet in real life and possibly be together. Here's how I feel about him: I feel really close to him, and I care a lot about him, but there's not that special "spark" or sense of longing to be with him. I want to feel that special spark for someone before I get into a relationship, and so I feel like we can't be together. Here is how he feels about me: I am the only person he has ever loved or ever can love, basically. That's really what he thinks. He wants to move here and be with me, and eventually get married and have children. This is what he has told me. There was a time when I thought maybe we COULD be together, and I even hinted at having a relationship with him in our conversations, but that was about two years ago, and I'm a different person now. Now that he is actually taking action and possibly coming to meet me, it's become real all of a sudden, and it's overwhelming to me. This is not what I want. I don't want to be so committed to one person and be "soul mates" and have a fairytale perfect relationship forever when I'm only 16 and have little life experience at all, and I want to be free and date different types of people and see the world on my own. He does not agree. He is convinced that I'm the only person for him and he doesn't seem to want to believe differently. I just sent him a message saying as much. I told him not to be upset, but that I wanted to see and do more and grow, and that I'm not ready for such an intense level of commitment yet. I told him that I wanted him to do the same, and that if he would just rule me out as a possibility for a while and keep an open mind to the rest of the world, everything would be okay. I don't want either of us to limit ourselves this much yet. He hasn't responded but I'm afraid that I've hurt him really badly. How can I make him understand? How do I put it into perspective that there is an entire world out there to explore and that both of us need more time? Please give me advice, I feel really overwhelmed here. Sorry if this was completely incoherent, but I'm feeling really anxious about hurting him and my thoughts are a little bit jumbled. Edited August 5, 2012 by df1304
CarrieT Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 I'm 16, that's an important factor in this whole thing I'm about to type out. The guy is only 18, and has never had a girlfriend in real life. That is also important. Here is how he feels about me: I am the only person he has ever loved or ever can love, basically. That's really what he thinks. He wants to move here and be with me, and eventually get married and have children. This is what he has told me. I'm highlighted some really important things... You need to reiterate to him over-and-over-and-over that you are NOT the only person he can ever love. First love always feels this way. We know - we all remember. He will survive and you will survive and it will get better. But don't let him move and don't entertain thoughts of marriage, at least!
Recommended Posts