I did it, I broke up with him...

[ThaWholigan]

lol thanks

 

 

 

His face and body, but mostly his smell.

 

Some men you just want to snuggle your nose into and breathe them in, and it's like a high. Other men you don't even want to sit close to.

 

He is number 2.

Hokie told me about a show that talked about that smell phenomenon, pheromones. Science of Attraction it was called.....

[AwkwardGuy]

lol thanks

 

 

 

His face and body, but mostly his smell.

 

Some men you just want to snuggle your nose into and breathe them in, and it's like a high. Other men you don't even want to sit close to.

 

He is number 2.

 

I know it's too late now, but couldn't you have told him to use a deodorant or cologne ?

[Leopard]

I know it's too late now, but couldn't you have told him to use a deodorant or cologne ?

 

Oh goodness he never smelt bad! He was a very, very clean person. Great personal hygiene.

 

I'm talking about his natural scent. Every individual has their own scent, it's just a natural smell from their skin, their hair etc. I didn't like his.

[Woggle]

Wow, a negative Nancy post that's not bashing men. Is this real life?

 

Despite the fact that she usually lives up to her name she actually is very fair. That being said the OP did it the right way thought I would suggest wishing him luck and cutting him loose completely.

[brahmabull117]

Oh goodness he never smelt bad! He was a very, very clean person. Great personal hygiene.

 

I'm talking about his natural scent. Every individual has their own scent, it's just a natural smell from their skin, their hair etc. I didn't like his.

 

 

 

Natural scent? Huh? Natural scent?

 

 

 

Wow and women make men feel bad for dumping their girlfriend because she got too fat

[Leopard]

Natural scent? Huh? Natural scent?

 

 

 

Wow and women make men feel bad for dumping their girlfriend because she got too fat

 

Would you date a girl with a smelly p*ssy? Even though she washed it before every time you had sex?

 

I don't think so. So yeah, natural scent.

 

[above was an example]

[kaylan]

Im proud of you OP. Dont settle on your next mate, and you will be happier for it. You already know how unfulfilling settling is, so go find a guy who truly sets your mind, heart, and loins a blaze. Top to bottom chemistry is where its at.

 

Good luck.

Edited August 6, 2012 by kaylan

[Badsingularity]

Natural scent? Huh? Natural scent?

 

 

 

Wow and women make men feel bad for dumping their girlfriend because she got too fat

 

 

When a women feels attracted to or feels strong chemistry with a man she will almost guaranteed tell you that she likes the way he smells, his natural scent.

 

If she is not attracted to him she will almost always say that she does not like his natuaral scent.

 

Also. A womans perception of a man is determined by whether or not she feels attracted to him. If she feels attracted to him she will usually percieve him as better looking than he realy is. Sometimes she will also percieve him as taller than he realy is. Little annoying things that he does will not seem so annoying.

 

If she loses attraction to him. She will perceive him as less handsome or cute that she thought he was before. He will seem shorter. She will no longer like his natural scent and all those annoying things he did before that did not bother her now drive her crazy and seem applified.

 

Women are such a complex beautiful puzzle.

[xxoo]

Leopard, I'm glad you were honest with him, and feel good about your decision.

 

Natural scent? Huh? Natural scent?

 

 

Yes, natural scent!

 

It's important. Science has shown that those with the most appealing natural scent (what is appealing to one person is offensive to another) have immune systems that complement their partner's, increasing the chance of healthy offspring. Chemistry at work!

[StrangeBehaviors]

Whatever! If the girl is attractive, successful, and she guy has a really special feeling about her and is REALLY into her - of COURSE he would stick around!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Unless he was not looking for a relationship, or was REALLY head strong and could ignore his strong feelings to a girl he was really into, and leave her due to her " issues"...

 

Top quality men have been with women with issues for ages; if the women is really worth it to them, he would at least TRY to stick by her..... if she turned into a mental lunatic and could not get better sure, he would/should leave....

 

Not necessarily. She was very accepting of things she did not like about her significant other as long as it provided her with what she "needed" and acceptance of her hair thing.

 

There was a tipping point for her, maybe everyone in this certain mindset, where these issues become no longer acceptable.

 

Each situation is different, but often these excuses for ending things later on can be unethically self serving. Especially when allowed to go on for a long period of time.

 

As I stated before, this breakup to him would be exactly like a significant other that she really loved and wanted to be with telling her it's over because he can no longer tolerate her Trichotillomania.

 

That's how he feels right now regardless of what he might say or let on.

[Leopard]

I don't see how the above is in any way correct. I am breaking up with him for reasons he knew of waaaaaaay before we got here.

 

I broke up with him before because I told him I wasn't attracted to him. His justification was "but we used to have sex" so he thought the problem wasn't him, but me for not wanting to have sex anymore.

 

Men need to understand that a woman has sex for many different reasons, and it's usually for herself (she is horny, she wants to feel sexy, the guy is hot and she wants to tell her girlfriends she "had" him, she is competing with another girl, she wants the confidence boost etc).

 

ADD: It's my fault because I just started forcing myself, I made sex a chore because I didn't want to offend him, so he thought we were "back on track" when really we weren't. That's probably what the above poster means, but he already knew I had trouble being attracted to him, so it shouldn't have come as such a huge surprise that it's one of the biggest contributing factors to why I broke up with him.

Edited August 6, 2012 by Leopard

[StrangeBehaviors]

I don't see how the above is in any way correct. I am breaking up with him for reasons he knew of waaaaaaay before we got here.

 

I broke up with him before because I told him I wasn't attracted to him. His justification was "but we used to have sex" so he thought the problem wasn't him, but me for not wanting to have sex anymore.

 

Men need to understand that a woman has sex for many different reasons, and it's usually for herself (she is horny, she wants to feel sexy, the guy is hot and she wants to tell her girlfriends she "had" him, she is competing with another girl, she wants the confidence boost etc).

 

No, you stayed in the relationship, maybe as sympathy towards him, and because you got acceptance.

 

However, you broke up with him for reasons that are beyond his control.

 

Just like your Trichotillomania is a certain amount beyond your control at times.

 

There would be no difference in you being in a relationship with someone that you really love, him noting early on that the Trichotillomania is an issue for him, but he would try. Then later on, he ended it because of this issue and it caused him to be "no longer be attracted to you..."

 

That's how your significant other feels tonight. You have to own that.

[Leopard]

 

I tried to be gentle with him.

 

However my case is different. This disorder is specifically about the inability to control impulses. His unattractiveness to me isn't a "disorder" or a "problem" of any kind, it's just nature telling me that my body doesn't want him.

 

It's my fault though. I shouldn't have dated him to begin with. But he just pressed and pressed and kept asking me "Why not? Why not? Why not?" and I can't just upfront say to a stranger "because I think you're ugly/gross".

 

I suppose that would be better than spending 10 months with the guy and then saying the same thing I thought of since day one. Then again, we both had a great learning experience, and I don't regret it one bit.

[StrangeBehaviors]

 

I tried to be gentle with him.

 

However my case is different. This disorder is specifically about the inability to control impulses. His unattractiveness to me isn't a "disorder" or a "problem" of any kind, it's just nature telling me that my body doesn't want him.

 

It's my fault though. I shouldn't have dated him to begin with. But he just pressed and pressed and kept asking me "Why not? Why not? Why not?" and I can't just upfront say to a stranger "because I think you're ugly/gross".

 

I suppose that would be better than spending 10 months with the guy and then saying the same thing I thought of since day one. Then again, we both had a great learning experience, and I don't regret it one bit.

 

I can't say it was "wrong" for you to end the relationship, even though that is probably the sentiment you get from me.

 

I was just bringing forward the fact that this is not a day of jubilation and a weight to be lifted off of your shoulders quickly.

 

You have emotionally harmed someone that-if you really think about it as you have represented it-has done NOTHING wrong but loved you. So why you feel great to get out of something, you should feel equally horrible about it ending. Just on a basic human empathy level.

 

Brings a question about all of this love and emotion B.S. to me.

 

What if the affliction you had was blindness?

[Leopard]

Why do you think it was so difficult for me to end it? Of course I knew I would hurt him, alot. That's why I always put it off and tried desperately to feel the same way about him. He deserves it, he is an incredible man, and in no way am I trying to make myself sound like the victim.

 

But you have to understand that it doesn't matter how incredible your partner is, if you're unhappy, you're unhappy. Getting out of this unhappiness IS a weight lifted off your shoulders. Besides, I know he will find an amazing woman who will make him happier than I ever did. And that's why I am not so worried about him.

 

Men like that don't stay on the market for too long. That's also another reason why I held on to him for as long as I did (because he is just a rarity, he is a darling and I hated that I wasn't attracted to him).

Edited August 6, 2012 by Leopard

[StrangeBehaviors]

Why do you think it was so difficult for me to end it? Of course I knew I would hurt him, alot. That's why I always put it off and tried desperately to feel the same way about him. He deserves it, he is an incredible man, and in no way am I trying to make myself sound like the victim.

 

But you have to understand that it doesn't matter how incredible your partner is, if you're unhappy, you're unhappy. Getting out of this unhappiness IS a weight lifted off your shoulders. Besides, I know he will find an amazing woman who will make him happier than I ever did. And that's why I am not so worried about him.

 

Men like that don't stay on the market for too long. That's also another reason why I held on to him for as long as I did (because he is just a rarity, he is a darling and I hated that I wasn't attracted to him).

 

I'll bet against this. This seems more like bargaining and justification to make you feel better and move on.

 

Check back in a month or two and let us know how he's doing. Don't have to contact him directly or ever. You know how. A friend will know if he's alone.

 

Hope I'm wrong.

[brahmabull117]

Would you date a girl with a smelly p*ssy? Even though she washed it before every time you had sex?

 

I don't think so. So yeah, natural scent.

 

[above was an example]

 

 

You know I was in support of you doing this from the beginning

 

 

I just get annoyed when the women here jump on every man's throat who has a fat girlfriend for wanting to dump his fat girlfriend (who was of course hot when they first started dating). I just hate the double standards

 

 

There's nothing wrong with you dumping a man who is clearly not right for you and is clearly not attractive to but there's nothing wrong with men doing that either

[kaylan]

I'm surprised at the amount of cheerleading the OP is getting here. For the man it is probably better in the long run, in fact I would tell him "GOOD RIDDANCE"; but I bet if any man had dropped his girlfriend for the same reason, he would have been raked over the coals here.

 

The hypocrisy in this forum is just unbelievable, I don't hold back with my opinions about men here, everybody knows that, but women make me feel embarrassed for my gender alot of times as well.

More and more you make me think you are simply a male troll posing as a female. If you really are a woman, Im sure the women of this forum are embarrassed that your usual behavior falls in line with the woman hating, bitter male trolls.

 

Anyways, I doubt most people here would have any issue with a man breaking up with a girlfriend he never found physically attractive. Why rob her of a truly happy relationship?

 

OP did nothing wrong here.

[brahmabull117]

 

I tried to be gentle with him.

 

However my case is different. This disorder is specifically about the inability to control impulses. His unattractiveness to me isn't a "disorder" or a "problem" of any kind, it's just nature telling me that my body doesn't want him.

 

It's my fault though. I shouldn't have dated him to begin with. But he just pressed and pressed and kept asking me "Why not? Why not? Why not?" and I can't just upfront say to a stranger "because I think you're ugly/gross".

 

I suppose that would be better than spending 10 months with the guy and then saying the same thing I thought of since day one. Then again, we both had a great learning experience, and I don't regret it one bit.

 

 

Why did you get involved with a guy who is not attractive, is boring and poor in the first place? How did it happen? The whole thing was a giant f*ck up on your end because all this pain would not have been caused if you just avoided it in the first place. Did you not see this day inevitably coming?

 

 

BTW you know what you said about this guy isn't true. As bad as his self esteem is and as much as he's struggling in the areas you mentioned, it's going to take him a long long while to find somebody again. Quality personality traits are great but they don't mean anywhere near as much as being a good talker and being good looking (which are far and away the 2 most important traits for dating in the 21st century). My guess is that he's going to be hit pretty hard for a certain time period and then he can start to recover. I hope I'm wrong and he can find somebody tomorrow but common sense tells me that's probably not likely

 

 

Anyways, you did what you had to do. Don't feel bad about it, the mistake was getting it started in the first place and this was going to be inevitable. If you had delayed it any longer, it would have just made it more and more excruciating for him and for you. Let the man recover in peace

[brahmabull117]

OP did nothing wrong here.

 

 

Not at all, but neither does the guy who dumps his fat girlfriend who shows no interest in getting into shape (assuming guy is in shape himself)

 

 

 

I just don't want to see the double standards in the future with the female posters here jumping all over a guy who dumps his fat girlfriend

[mickleb]

Can those choosing to bash the OP remember that she has just done something that is extremely productive. For herself, and her ex?

 

I don't think anyone here is saying that people with low self-esteem (as the OP had/has) should settle but my God! - it happens! The OP has identified the issue, after a hugely painful struggle with her emotions, and been able to let go of her emotional crutch. She knows she was 'using' her ex in this way. She's admitted to that. As she said, that's why she struggled so much with this.

 

Of course I feel bad for her ex. Of course, someone who has been dumped, after two years (for ANY reason) should have our sympathy/empathy. And I definitely feel he sounds more okay with this than he truly is - i.e, that he will suffer some significant pain over the next few months. I get the impression that the OP has not been through many experiences like this, so lacks this understanding at this point? He is better off, though - again we're (pretty much) all agreed on this, aren't we?

 

The above, however, does not take away from the achievement of the OP. She has battled for a long time with her feelings and has, finally, resolved them. Her progress (from the time she began her confession, a few days ago) to now, is remarkable.

 

She does not deserve to be bashed. If people have issues with the OP's view on an ideal partner, that's fine - and I'm sure she'd be open to evaluating them - but this thread is about her brave act. It's not an opportunity to take a pot shot at someone who is still in a vulnerable state of mind.

 

There are too many posters in the Dating section with personal issues that project them onto posters with real issues here. There are too many rants in this section. This forum can, and should be, utilised for people who have a specific problem in their lives. It is somewhere to ask for help. It is the job of the members here to help individuals to progress with their specific situation. If you can't help the OP, start your own ranty thread in the Personal Rants sections. It's why it's there. It's not why the Dating section is here.

 

Badsingularity's post is excellent, btw, and illustrates how complex physical attraction can be.

 

Leopard - I'd still recommend you post in the Coping section. You will get some questions about your choices there, but I feel your original thread on this issue explains your process sufficiently (so it'd be wise to link it in). What you should find over there is a group of people during a painful transition period in their lives. They are a pretty empathetic bunch and will want to support you.

[Els]

Not at all, but neither does the guy who dumps his fat girlfriend who shows no interest in getting into shape (assuming guy is in shape himself)

 

 

 

I just don't want to see the double standards in the future with the female posters here jumping all over a guy who dumps his fat girlfriend

 

If a guy said that he was really not in love with his overweight girlfriend and was just with her because he didn't want to be alone, I think most people would advise him to leave.

 

The OP did make a mistake getting with the guy in the first place, but she is trying to set that right now. Breaking up with him was the best choice she could have made under the circumstances, and I commend her for having the bravery and dignity to do it. This break up benefits him as well, not just her.

[Leopard]

Thank you so much mickleb <3

 

Why did you get involved with a guy who is not attractive, is boring and poor in the first place? How did it happen? The whole thing was a giant f*ck up on your end because all this pain would not have been caused if you just avoided it in the first place. Did you not see this day inevitably coming?

 

Boredom (we used to go out a lot so I "might as well date him"), I was sick of being single, I wanted to experiment what it would be like dating a man like him (someone I wouldn't usually date).

[DepressedinDenver]

By the title it sounds like you want a gold medal.