steveblack Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 So I am over a month of NC and I had a question. We mostly broke up due to our futures not going along the same path almost a 3 yr relationship. I want marriage and a family at some point, she doesnt want to have kids. I wanted to move in the next couple of years, she did not. I know there are other examples out there, but how do we cope with something like this? I mean I know its for the better, and I know (now) that neither of us is going to change or bend on some of these issues. How do you move on from a good relationship at the present time, but breakup because of future differences?
RomanceLow Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Two people in different people in two different stages and mindsets of life can be a restrain in a relationship. If neither of you compromises then it's best to move on. If the other doesn't want to settle then they either fear long term commitment or they want to see what else is out there. Similar situation... Sucks when one person wants something more and the other doesn't :-/ good luck... Remember if it doesn't work out it wasn't meant to be
k100danny Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 I think you have to handle it the same way really, rather than of love or betrayal one or both have you have realised that unless someone compromises on something they really want which would make them not satisfied then the relationship has to end. It is a more mature way of breaking up I think and it takes a lot to walk away when there isn't anything drastically wrong but you know the long term future for one of you would end up not being what would make them happy. This reason for breaking up although it is different from the I hav fallen out of love with you or I don't feel the same about you anymore in many ways is exactly the same, they once thought it would work and now they know it wont. It may be very hard to you to see now but think how much you are willing to compromise on what you want from life for the safe of a relationship? and how much would you be willing to let someone else give up that would make them happy on the long run? It is sad to see but you two just weren't meant to be and walking away is probably the best thing. We all have to compromise some things in relationships this is natural, you now have another person to think about and not just yourself but the core things you want out of life should never be ignored as this will lead to resentment and anger later on in the relationship. Many couples don't realise this and say things like "well I love them" if we are in love it will just work out ect ect but the truth is it doesn't and our ultimate aim I think for anyone wishing to settle down and have a nice relationship is to find someone who completes us, who we mainly just want the same things and can help each other achieve this. I'm sorry you are going through a break up and it will hurt for a long time but not as long as a divorce 5 - 10 years down the line would have. harsh but true.
Author steveblack Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 danny great response. You hit it on the head to say the least. I have been compromising my boundaries (and so did she) because of the love feeling we had. Its hard to walk away from something that felt so good, but really might of been a disaster in the long run. I am taking away a lot from this relationship. I really ignored these future issues because I was afraid of the end result. I always thought love would push through everything...****ing movies
k100danny Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 listen to ever fallen in love with someone by the buzzcocks. This sums up perfectly how I think a lot of people feel when they start to compromise on things because of love.
Floored Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Cope by knowing you had a more mature breakup than most. One wants one thing, the other knows they won't have it, instead of living with that horrible dynamic, it was best to move on before things got real rotten. She didn't want kids, you could have told yourself for years that she'll come around, but barring an all out birth control disaster (and believe me, when someone doesn't want kids there are very few accidents) that wasn't going to change. You'd have to have your hand in some sort of sabatoge, and that's not a loving relationship, or you'd have to live with the fact that you'd never have kids, and develop resentment toward her. This is just one aspect of why you had your break-up, but I've witnessed many times first hand how horribly this dynamic plays out. You both want different things, best to find out now than 5 or 10 years into a marriage that was formed on false hopes. It sucks now, but it's far better than it could be. I don't know if that helps you cope, but you 'did the right thing'.
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