irc333 Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 I was talking to a friend of mine, he was saying, when asking for a woman's phone #. Don't ask it like, "May I get your phone #?" , and better to say it THIS way, "How about we EXCHANGE phone #'s?" For some reason the latter is less aggressive or needy, right?
TaraMaiden Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 (edited) Yes, that would be right... It's all about taking the pressure off.... and it's an open-ended question... 'May I get your phone number?' can be responded to by either 'yes' or 'no'. his way means that it requires more than a one-word reply.... (Prefacing all questions with one of the 'six little friends' works a treat - it's a Sales Technique.) Edited August 4, 2012 by TaraMaiden 1
todreaminblue Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 I was talking to a friend of mine, he was saying, when asking for a woman's phone #. Don't ask it like, "May I get your phone #?" , and better to say it THIS way, "How about we EXCHANGE phone #'s?" For some reason the latter is less aggressive or needy, right? I agree the first option is a little aggressive(or I am overly sensitve because may is a charming word) i think it is the(get).The second option i smore friendly and affable so the reaction would be affable and friendly.Hopefully,cross your fingers just in case. That phone number is yours......deb
Author irc333 Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 I agree the first option is a little aggressive(or I am overly sensitve because may is a charming word) i think it is the(get).The second option i smore friendly and affable so the reaction would be affable and friendly.Hopefully,cross your fingers just in case. That phone number is yours......deb I don't even know what "affable" means. lol , but I never had given it much thought to the phrasing of the word, but I thought, that doing the latter, would be a ticket to the friendzone. Anyhow, either way, she said she doesn't like to give out her #, and just would prefer to talk on facebook and catch me at other events...and see what happens from there. And yes, this is a woman I met in person, and not online.
Radu Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 I was talking to a friend of mine, he was saying, when asking for a woman's phone #. Don't ask it like, "May I get your phone #?" , and better to say it THIS way, "How about we EXCHANGE phone #'s?" For some reason the latter is less aggressive or needy, right? I just pull out my phone and ask her to write it down. I also quickly press dial to see if it rings. The look on their faces when they realise you know they wrote a fake number is priceless. I really don't know if it's the right or the wrong way, but it worked for me.
dropdeadredtx Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Hmmm, as someone who is ONLY attracted to assertive, take-charge guys, any hint of insecurity or 'let's exchange numbers so we can be BFFs' would be negative. I prefer "May I have your number?" or even "Here is my number, call me."
soulm8 Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 (edited) Hmmm, as someone who is ONLY attracted to assertive, take-charge guys, any hint of insecurity or 'let's exchange numbers so we can be BFFs' would be negative. I prefer "May I have your number?" or even "Here is my number, call me." As someone who values her privacy and doesn't readily give out her #, I'd prefer a man to ask if I'd be into joining him for a coffee/dinner/activity. My reaction to that question would be an indicator as to whether he needs my # or not. So many people come across as insecure, needy or intrusive when they have a # to use. Some text you inappropriately or incessantly to the point where you no longer want to go on a date or get to know them. I agree with dropdead about assertively asking, "May I have your number?" but only after mutual interest has been established. Edited August 5, 2012 by soulm8 2
Author irc333 Posted August 5, 2012 Author Posted August 5, 2012 (edited) As someone who values her privacy and doesn't readily give out her #, I'd prefer a man to ask if I'd be into joining him for a coffee/dinner/activity. My reaction to that question would be an indicator as to whether he needs my # or not. No offense, as some woman who won't give out her #, after meeting a man at a friend's BBQ party, speaking with him/establishing rapport, if you won't give up your number. He WILL move on to someone who will, for one, any man that asks you for your number, and you come up with some lame excuse not to give it to him, he'll just automatically think you're not interested/attracted to him. I don't buy the "I am a private person" it's such a cop out. There's only 2 reasons why you wouldn't give him your phone # upon meeting someone. 1. You have issues, and you probably should not even be dating in this case. Until you can get over your issue, you can then proceed to date. 2. You're not into him. I'd prefer a man to ask if I'd be into joining him for a coffee/dinner/activity Oh, *lightbulb*, a phone number exchange would be a requisite to that, just an FYI. My reaction to that question would be an indicator as to whether he needs my # or not. Common sense would depict "Um yeah....in order to make arrangements to meet for coffee/dinner/activity, normal single people do this when they date. Edited August 5, 2012 by irc333
soulm8 Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 (edited) No offense, as some woman who won't give out her #, after meeting a man at a friend's BBQ party, speaking with him/establishing rapport, if you won't give up your number. He WILL move on to someone who will, for one, any man that asks you for your number, and you come up with some lame excuse not to give it to him, he'll just automatically think you're not interested/attracted to him. I don't buy the "I am a private person" it's such a cop out. There's only 2 reasons why you wouldn't give him your phone # upon meeting someone. 1. You have issues, and you probably should not even be dating in this case. Until you can get over your issue, you can then proceed to date. 2. You're not into him. Oh, *lightbulb*, a phone number exchange would be a requisite to that, just an FYI. Common sense would depict "Um yeah....in order to make arrangements to meet for coffee/dinner/activity, normal single people do this when they date. Hmm, not sure why I struck a chord here. I simply shared my pov on exchanging #s. I gave you great advice to weed out the flakes. Not all women are comfortable handing over their # after an initial conversation. You have no idea how many idiots flood women's #s with texts and asking for photos, checking up on them, etc. ASSuming those are the only points to not giving my # is a mistake. Not my problem. *lightbulb* Having the balls to see if a woman wants to see you again is a requisite to earning her #. Otherwise, you risk voicemail and no answer hell. Yes, common sense is that a man requires a # to date a woman. OK... it's actually the surest way to get friendzoned or ignored but whatever. Edited August 5, 2012 by soulm8
ThaWholigan Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 There is more than one way to say anything. Using the power of words to your benefit and experimenting with them can reap many rewards.
xxoo Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 Oh, *lightbulb*, a phone number exchange would be a requisite to that, just an FYI. Common sense would depict "Um yeah....in order to make arrangements to meet for coffee/dinner/activity, normal single people do this when they date. If you are having a face to face conversation, why not ask her out in person? When she agrees to a date, then ask for her number. If she's on the fence about you, asking for her phone number won't sway her positively. She'll probably say no. But using the conversation to invite her on a date geared toward her interests might sway her in your direction.
Author irc333 Posted August 5, 2012 Author Posted August 5, 2012 If you are having a face to face conversation, why not ask her out in person? When she agrees to a date, then ask for her number. If she's on the fence about you, asking for her phone number won't sway her positively. She'll probably say no. But using the conversation to invite her on a date geared toward her interests might sway her in your direction. Meh, at this point, we're just splitting hairs.
melindalea Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 i think the second responce is better mainly because if a guy just wants my number and doesnt give me his, then usually he's got something to hide...
ThingsAreComplicated Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 if someone is into you (wants further contact) it doesn't matter at all. You could always ask for a number and drop a "hey I'm gonna send you a quick text so you have my number too" Thought processes are much too complicated
EasyHeart Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 If you are having a face to face conversation, why not ask her out in person? When she agrees to a date, then ask for her number. If she's on the fence about you, asking for her phone number won't sway her positively. She'll probably say no. But using the conversation to invite her on a date geared toward her interests might sway her in your direction.I agree. When I meet a woman and chat her up, I always want to make sure I'm the first one to leave the conversation. So after I have her hooked, I'll say something like "This is fun, but I really need to go. Let's finish up over coffee some time." Then she says, "Yeah, sure. Let me give you my number." If she doesn't volunteer her phone number, then I say, "Give me your number and I'll call you" and she gives me her number. Notice that I was in control of the entire situation. I never made a request, I just gave her gentle instructions. That's the only real trick to it. 1
Radu Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 Ladies, i agree, there are some nutjubs out there who are into sending d*ck pics to women they met only once as an introduction ... they even believe this will work. o.0 We are not all like that though. And in some countries it's normal for ppl to have multiple cell-phones [2 per person in mine]. I agree. When I meet a woman and chat her up, I always want to make sure I'm the first one to leave the conversation. So after I have her hooked, I'll say something like "This is fun, but I really need to go. Let's finish up over coffee some time." Then she says, "Yeah, sure. Let me give you my number." If she doesn't volunteer her phone number, then I say, "Give me your number and I'll call you" and she gives me her number. Notice that I was in control of the entire situation. I never made a request, I just gave her gentle instructions. That's the only real trick to it. This is good advice, you don't want the conversation to go stale and then ask for the number in that awkwardness, it doesn't end well. Keep it short, focused, friendly, same as for interacting via txt or ym or whatever. I'd just like to add also that i used to word the request with 'may' and 'please', the moment i dropped these 2 words from my requests my results improved. A word is just a word, but when you say it, there are so many ways to say it. You can say it in such a way to mean the complete oposite of what you want it to mean. I noticed [practicing in the mirror] that when i used these words my body language subcommunicated 'submissive', i tilted my head downwards, i did all sorts of signs that showed 'i am weak'. When i dropped them and practiced some more i came up with a body attitude and message of confident, nice, not agressive, a bit zany, which worked better for me. But don't expect this to improve the % of #s you get, for me 1 out of 8 when cold approaching gives a number, and a good chunk of those are fake. Some more of them are flakes. One good way to become better at cold approaching is to give out fliers for money, you will learn a lot by doing this. Or to give surveys.
dropdeadredtx Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 What is an assertive take charge guy? A man who is confident and self-assured, and doesn't hesitate or beat around the bush. Wishy-washiness (is that a word?) self-doubt and hesitation are immediate deal-breakers for me. Any sort of "Can I maybe have your number, if you don't mind, so that maybe I can call you - if it's okay?" Yeah NO.
soulm8 Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 What many men don't realize is that some women see right through the #s game. It's a huge turn off (for some) to recognize a man who collects #s. By NOT asking for her # right away, you set yourself apart from those men. It's also a turn off (for some) to recognize a text from a man who sends texts to his #s in the hope of anyone taking the bait. Texting is best reserved for after a first date or as a means to confirm logistics of a date. When getting to know someone new, try to keep communication face to face as much as possible. 1
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