Author sdonna Posted August 6, 2012 Author Share Posted August 6, 2012 Wow... This a great forum, I didn't expect all the great advice. I'll try to address all the concerns but don't have a lot of time now. First, the sex only twice remark was in a message where she mentioned something like "it's been 4 years and we have only slept together twice". They did not know I could/would read it, so it couldn't be a lie. He would also back out of sex encounters, or she would. Recently, she had contacted him for something else, and from what I could understand, they made a date on the phone and when she asked him if she was sure in an email, he said he "had been thinking the same thing". I don't think it happened, because about 6 weeks later, he emailed her apologizing... Saying he "got scared" and wanted to see her. Then she emailed him saying no, but that she would always love him but he needed to forget what they had because she wanted to be happy and "honorable"! A couple of weeks later what I described in the 1st question happened - she said she was worried about his work situation, etc. But this is where I'm stuck - my husband knew she was in love with him. If she was only sex, wouldn't he have ignored her after she asked about his work situation? And he was all respectful in his reply, trying to make her feel better. And how could she be more than sex if all their interactions have had a sexual component, dirty emails, phone sex they gushed over afterwards, erc. No trips, dates. 4 years! I'm confused!I I know I am focusing on something strange, but why didn't he ignore her? I mean, your booty call tells you she's in love with you, you cut her off - right? Am I in denial? I have to go now, but I will address the other issues when I'm able to write more. I don't know what she means, I can't make sense of this affair. But I appreciate all the help. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 6, 2012 Share Posted August 6, 2012 Why didn't he ignore her? Because he didn't want to. It's nothing more complicated nor complex than that. The bottom line...he is STILL IN CONTACT WITH HER. Which means...hope you're ready for this...HE IS STILL CHEATING ON YOU WITH HER. Whether it's physical, emotional, aphabetical...it doesn't really matter. He knows how you feel/felt about it...and he is still doing it. What matters? What you're going to do about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sdonna Posted August 6, 2012 Author Share Posted August 6, 2012 I don't want to sound dense. But he is not cheating. And what does it mean that he wanted to reply? Thats really my question. He didn't ask to see her. He respected boundaries she had set, which upset me more than anything else. Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixRise Posted August 6, 2012 Share Posted August 6, 2012 I don't want to sound dense. But he is not cheating. And what does it mean that he wanted to reply? Thats really my question. He didn't ask to see her. He respected boundaries she had set, which upset me more than anything else. Now I am confused. How exactly is he NOT cheating? Didn't you say they have been involved for 4 years and have had sex 2x? You don't consider this cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sdonna Posted August 6, 2012 Author Share Posted August 6, 2012 He is not cheating bc in his last reply to her he didn't ask to see her. Yes, he cheated on and off for 4 years, but he's not cheating right now because even though he replied, they're not seeing each other. I wish I had more time to write, sorry! Link to post Share on other sites
GLDheart Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 He is not cheating bc in his last reply to her he didn't ask to see her. Yes, he cheated on and off for 4 years, but he's not cheating right now because even though he replied, they're not seeing each other. I wish I had more time to write, sorry! But if tomorrow they "bumped into each other" then they would be cheating again... but the day after that back to not cheating? What everyone is saying is that they have a relationship behind your back. That is cheating to 99% of us reading your story.. but if it's ok with you, then you have a stronger stomach than I. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sdonna Posted August 7, 2012 Author Share Posted August 7, 2012 But why is it a relationship?! They only had sex twice, no dates or anything! Maybe it's just my lack of knowledge about affairs, but how does she even qualify as more than just a booty call? Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 There are things called Emotional affairs. You said that they work for the same company - maybe they send emails back and forth all day. I'm guessing that the emails you're reading are not from his work email account. (There could be work lunches, coffee breaks, non stop daily emails that you don't know about) Clearly, there is a lot of info that you're missing. Also, yes, people can have a love affair for a long time and not have it include sex (all forms of it). Sorry for what you're going through. Link to post Share on other sites
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