Thebigirish Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 I would like to run the situation by you to see if you have any insight. I have known this woman since high school. 20+ years. I had a little crush on her back then but never acted on it. We moved on to our own lives after high school. When the dreaded Facebook came out, she friended me. I was in my second marriage and she was in her first. We just messages each other occasionally. It was innocent for a few years. Then I started having trouble in my marriage and her in hers. Neither Of us were aware of the others relationship troubles. Then, one day she posts that she is moving into an apartment with her kids and seperating from her husband. I send her a innocent comment and the next thing I know, we are constantly messaging each other. She had seen a few other guys since her separation so I never considered that I could be a rebound. One thing led to another and I ended up driving 180 miles to see her on the day she filed for divorce. The connection was magic and we ended up having incredible sex. I then went to see her baby more times never going more than two weeks between visits. All this time, I was married to my since divorced wife. We ended up falling for each other. Hard. Then a couple of months into it, my wife caught me. I came clean. She decided to go to her mothers and the separation began. We had a sexless marriage so it was bound to happen sooner or later. As soon as this happens is when the woman I was cheating on my wife with began to pull back. We continued to talk over the next 4 months but it wasn’t as frequent and as loving as before. She said she had to concentrate in her job and kids, which I understood. During this time, she started talking to another guy but they ended things shortly thereafter. I didn’t know about him until I went to see her 2 months later. I then panicked and decided to moved even further away due to my pending divorce. We saw each other one more time and talked about how we were destined for each other. And had sex again. When I moved to the new destination, 500 miles away. Things continued with the text messages and Facebook messages but the phone calls went down considerably. I had a feeling she was seeing someone else. Granted, we decided to be apart and together at the same time. Then this past weekend, she was going on a trip that she had been planning for a couple of months with a teacher she worked with. Well I guess she forgot to tell the teacher because the teacher posted in facebook that she was still in her hometown. Busted. I told her I knew she was lying and changed my number. She finished the trip without trying to contact be and I relented and texted her from my new number because I wanted closure. She finally texted me but didn’t want to talk to me because she said it would hurt so much. After finding our through texts that she had been seeing this guy and having sex with him for, what she said, two weeks. I finally got her on the phone and told her that we were friends before and we’ll be friends in the future. I told he that she was such an inspiration to my creativity (I’m a songwriter) that i didn’t know if I could let her go. I ended the conversation like a bitch. I told her that I thought we were soulmates and that she was scared of our love and that we would get together again. I told her I would always live her. We both cried and she couldn’t and didn’t want to get off the phone with me. Since that night, 6 days ago, I have talked to her once. She had been texting me and I wasnt responding. After she asked if we weren’t talking anymore, I finally texted her a short message: calm down girl. I’m busy right now. Glad you’re safe. That was my last contact with her. Then last night she posts a status update in Facebook about the guy she’s taking to, which she says us nothing, about go he was being pissy and was wondering why she didn’t want to chat the next day. This hurt a little so I decides to take her of my news feed so u wouldn’t see those types of status updates anymore. Will NC work in this situation or dies the distance make it inconsequential? I really love this woman. She loves me too. I know it. But she and I have some growing we need to do. Her divorce isn’t final until next month and mine just became final. I was very needy and clingy in the relationship, which I just recently learned that we were never really in one. I know this is long but I need an outside perspective to let me know what to do.
YorickBrown Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Your story is quite detailed sir and very well told so I'm going to give this a shot (let it not be said that YorickBrown shy away from such...uhmmm..."complications") First off, from what you've written, you're obviously way too much of a "veteran" than probably most of us here since you and your "flame" have and are in far more messy situations so none of our usual advice or counsel here would probably have that much effect or impact. You probably know more about it than any of us could understand or actually follow anyway. Except perhaps for....spellcasting! Second, c'mon?!? You're in a pickle?? How can that be? You're free again!!!!...I would think that your pickle is in relishing it! You can now get laid as much as you want....and not be in a "cheating" situation. Finally, and this is just my two-cents, just three letters for you and your ex-future wife number 3: FWB?!? If she doesnt want to....hey, there are strippers and hookers out there...better yet, strip-teasing spellcasters!!
Author Thebigirish Posted August 6, 2012 Author Posted August 6, 2012 Not the kind of advice I was looking for but it certainly was creative.
Samilia Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 Not the kind of advice I was looking for but it certainly was creative. I would give it some time and space (meaning cutting contact). Why bother now since she's with another guy? People like to think that they're crazy in love, it's just not the "right time", "busy with school, work", "waiting for her to find herself" etc.. for me it's a pile of "blahblah", when people want to be together, they are together. Unless a major trauma gets in the way, loss of a child, loss of a parent, I don't believe that one is too busy to be in a relationship, they simply don't want to, or just not with us.
YorickBrown Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 Not the kind of advice I was looking for but it certainly was creative. Uhmmmmm:rolleyes:....thanks I guess. But like I said, your're a big boy... there is really nothing much we could advise you here that you probably dont know about or have not thought about doing. Hence, the creativity in my reply...besides, you're a songwriter right? I would rather inspire you than just inform you. Let me know when you find strip-teasing spellcasters ok?
Ruby65 Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 It sounds like a very casual relationship that falls apart every time either one of you makes a move toward potentially becoming serious or available to the other. Where's the communication between you? Why did you move farther away from her after your divorce? You tell her you love her then don't contact her for six days and just answer with "calm down, I'm busy" when she thinks you've gone NC...... how old are you guys? Have you ever sat down like adults and discussed the future of this relationship and what you'd both like to see happen? I didn't reply sooner because after reading your post I don't understand (a) if you want to be together and (b) what's keeping you apart.
Chi townD Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 I think she was with you because, in the beginning, you were a safe bet. She could have fun with you and then you went home. You were giving her, her fix. You were just filling the void. But, you found out that (no pun intended) your weren't the only one filling that void. Dude, right now you both are damaged goods. Even though neither of you were happy in your marriages, you were still married. The two of you shouldn't be seeking a relationship right now. Just my opinion.
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