kourix Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 x and i used to date but it didn't work out, after some time(and much drama), we've somehow managed to remain as friends and hang out about once a week. we're very comfortable with each other, and people have remarked that we act like a couple... but we have no plans to get back with each other. i guess it's just one of those, "since we're both single..." kind of things. i know when he eventually moves on i'll be affected, but i try not to think about that. however, something happened today that's got me thinking... so i message to hang out at the beach this weekend but he didn't want to, complaining about how dirty it was and how the people there were posers etc. i also mentioned that he needed to get back to me ASAP if he didn't want to hang out, because this is my last weekend of freedom before work, so i wanted to do something, with or w/o him, preferably outdoorsy. this happened on thursday morning. in the afternoon, he texts me "do you wanna watch xx movie this weekend?" it wasn't outdoorsy, but i said "yeah i don't mind, but i wanna watch yy as well". (what a great sunday right, 2 movies in one day, yup that's how boring this place is:p). he starts protesting, saying the movie i suggested is boring and stupid and gay (chick flick) and that he doesn't want to watch it and i quote "i fall asleep just reading the sypnosis". now i've known him for awhile and he can be really stubborn, so i just drop it, no big deal, i can get others to watch it with me. friday morning, he texts me at 9ish (i start work at 11, so i get up late), asking, "do you want to watch xx tonight at 10pm? need to book fast"(the movie just started on thursday). i saw the text, but i had just gotten out the shower and was getting ready, so i decided to reply later. half hour later when i reach to reply him, he's sent another two messages. 10 mins after he asked whether i wanted to watch it at 10pm, he texts "too late". 10 mins after that, he texts "sorry my friends wanted to watch it and you didn't reply so we'll just watch the gay movie you want on sunday instead..." my first reaction - i was pissed, i wanted to watch that movie and we alr agreed to do so tgt! so i text back, "you gave me 10 mins to decide and went ahead when i didn't reply, very classy. luckily i alr have dinner plans, but thanks for ditching me for the movie." half hour later, he replies "ok so that's good i didn't book ticket for you". which pissed me off even more. you know how people say not to reply when you're pissed? i was so mad and i controlled myself. but a few minutes after i get another text from him saying "and you are too aggressive" (which basically means he thinks i'm being a bitch and overreacting). i was like "excuse me? are you kidding me right now?" and he says No. at this point my mind goes into overdrive, and i start wondering, maybe i am overreacting, especially after reading the text where he said "so that's good i didn't book a ticket for you". i start to think maybe he could - and was gonna - get me an extra ticket if i didn't reply so harshly. so i calm down and i text him "i'm sorry, i was just upset this morning because i was looking forward to watching the movie but you went ahead to book it with your friends without waiting for a reply from me". he replies "yeah bad timing, but on the bright side, you won that gay movie, to offset your loss". like that's all matters! i try to highlight that that's not the point and he says "okay so does that mean we can skip that movie? haha!" and i tell by all means yes, don't have to force himself to watch it, but i would have said okay to watching xx after my dinner if he had just waited instead of telling me "too late". then he clarifies "when i said too late, i meant it was too late because we booked the last seats, no more seats for you". at this point, i realise, when he said "ok so that's good i didn't book for you", it wasn't to get back at me for being so harsh, it was that he really didn't think about my feelings at all and all that mattered was that he could watch the movie earlier with his friends, so he did. upon that realisation, i tell him "nvm what i said, i thought you were inviting me along, but i see that's not the case." he then replies "no, i was planning to watch it with you since the beginning. and the plan was to also go with my colleagues, we (referring to him and his colleagues) talked about it yesterday and i told them i would bring you, but didn't know when. and this morning they told me it was tonight" at this point, i'm very confused because he had never mentioned this to me. so i tell him i had no idea this was the case sine he never brought it while when we were talking yesterday, (i've never met his colleagues btw but i know he's talked about me to them - just not sure what), and if it was so urgent that you had to book it right then, you could have called me at the very least, or reserve an extra ticket, no harm. he then says "okay i get it now, i'm sorry, but please don't be so upset because it wasn't intentional". i stop replying him because i call BULLSH** on this whole thing. it doesn't even make any sense to me, and i don't think i deserve this. if any friend of mine made movie plans and bailed on me because someone else could watch it earlier, i would have been a lot harsher, believe me. the fact he didn't even give me 10 mins before he went ahead to book it says it all. and to add insult to injury, i'm expected to be "grateful" because he's, against all odds, gonna suck it up and watch my "gay movie" on sunday. i'm not even angry now, i'm disappointed and upset at how little respect he has for me, and i feel like he doesn't give a crap about my feelings. just a total inconsiderate bigot. i'm just a second thought, maybe because he thinks that whatever crap he throws my way, i would smile and accept it eventually. you just don't make plans and bail like that, right? i've always known him as being hardheaded, and he's always been very forthcoming with me. for eg. if he doesn't want to do something, he won't compromise and he'll just outright say no (like the beach thing and the movie). and i have a sneaking suspicion he's only like that with me btw. sometimes i get annoyed, because even friends compromise, but we're really close and get along very well tgt, so when he's in one of his moods i'll usually just find someone else and tell myself "he doesn't owe me anything so that's fair". just last week, while hanging out, he got all upset suddenly, and told me, i think it's time for me to leave, if i stay i'm gonna be horrible company, and then he just left. now i know he was upset because 1) his best friend's leaving for good in nov, 2) he can't find a girlfriend, so i just let it be. he never apologised or said anything after btw. just acted like nothing happened. i'm generally very, very nice and patient with him, but does this cross the line? any advice would be appreciated, i can't help feeling like dirt right now, but i don't know if i'm overreacting and should just chalk it up to simple miscommunication? i'm only asking this because i'm seriously considering never speaking to him again, like i don't need a friend like that in my life who does this to me. i think he thinks we're still meeting on sunday, but i just don't feel like seeing him anymore. i know not catching a movie together isn't a big deal - i can just get other people to watch it with me - but it's the principle of the matter, the way he handled it, that really bugs me. i've previously mentioned to him during one of our arguments that i feel like he doesn't treat me with respect, but he said that that's not true and i'm the one person he knows he can count on when everyone else lets him down and that i'm one of his closest friends and someone he can trust. so why do i just feel like a sucker now?
madjac74 Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Whew! The title of this thread scared me. I thought it was going to be another Lorena Bobbit incident! Anyhoo You guys bicker like friends sometimes do. I don't think there is any need to end your friendship but if you feel disrespected then you should let him know that you won't stand for it and see how he responds. 1
TaraMaiden Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Truly, this sounds like the kind of argument my 14-year-old daughter would have had....
Author kourix Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 Whew! The title of this thread scared me. I thought it was going to be another Lorena Bobbit incident! Anyhoo You guys bicker like friends sometimes do. I don't think there is any need to end your friendship but if you feel disrespected then you should let him know that you won't stand for it and see how he responds. i had to google lorena bobbit, and that made me oh i know what he'll say - that i'm being a total girl and overreacting. i've told him in the past i feel like he doesn't care about my feelings at all and he just dismisses me as being overdramatic, ignores it, and texts me a few days later like nothing happened.
veggirl Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 That all sounds awfully dramatic. Yeah I'd cut it off, not because of this incident in particular, but because you said you'll be upset when he gets a new gf. That means you aren't ready to be friends so just do yourself a favor and end it now. Plus, a friendship with bickering like this? Unless it was a one-off, I don't see the point in putting the energy in.
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