Today marks the anniversary of the day i fell in love with a bitch who used me

[yopman]

I remember this date every year.

I fell in love with her on a business trip to NYC.

She knew I liked her and used me.

She used me for money, rides, free dinners, movies, concerts, birthday presents, x-mas presents.

She was no amateur at using people. Whenever she sensed that i was getting frustrated, she'd give me a little something. She'd kiss me, or hug me, or tell me how I was the kind of guy she wanted, etc.

She drove my self-esteem into the dirt. For years I sought after her. Turned down relationships with other women. Lost so many chances sitting around waiting for her to call when she said she would.

I finally "dumped" the charade relationship on st patties day. I called her a cocktease and slammed her car door. I'm certain she laughed about it for weeks.

I had never been used like that before. It was a terrible time.

[january2011]

How long ago did this happen?

 

What have you done in moving your life forward and away from the experience since then?

 

Why are you still "celebrating" this anniversary?

[yopman]

She ****ed me up worse than anything else I ever went through. Even worse than my parents dying.

 

I was never so low in my life. Never had so little faith in myself. never felt as much of a nothing.

 

I remember this date the way an alcoholic remembers the day he hit rock bottom.

 

This wasn't lust or "golly, that girl is hot"

I was in love with her. i looked at her and saw grandkids and time-shares.

i spent 20-30 hours a week with her. We'd hang at work. go to lunch. drinks after work. we'd go out on weekends.

 

She was basically the girlfriend, except i got nothing out of it.

 

Looking back now, I realize she was an expert at this and had done this to other guys before and after.

 

She gave me the illusion that she liked me back, but I needed to prove myself to her.

 

Over the course of 3 years, my self esteem nose-dived. Can you imagine being in love with someone that long and not knowing what was wrong with myself to get her to love me back.

I really become the most beta loser imaginable.

 

And she take advantage. SHe never turned down a ticket, or trip, or lunch. She'd hint for me to take to new places and shows.

And then she'd tell me what a great friend I was...

[january2011]

Sounds like you need to speak to a therapist. After a year, I'd expect most people to be "over" a break-up or every close to it. But more traumatic relationships and break-ups can be a lot harder to process.

 

Based on how you are still referencing her with regard to your current life, you still have a lot of anger and haven't let go of what happened. You need to move on so that you can get on with the rest of your life. If you continue to reference her in everything else you do, you will give her more power than she deserves, even if it's only power to her memory. Your thoughts are keeping her memory alive and thus your pain continues. Speak to a health professional so that they can help you to process this better.

[yopman]

I used to think I was over her.

 

But, lately I've realized that despite all she did to me, if she showed up back in my life and begged me to be with her, I'd probably bite.

 

I don't understand the power she has over me. It's like gatsby. He just is driven to have her even though daisy saw him as someone to slum with one summer.

 

I just thought this girl was my soul mate. Instead she was a grifter who used my emotions.

[bentnotbroken]

I used to think I was over her.

 

But, lately I've realized that despite all she did to me, if she showed up back in my life and begged me to be with her, I'd probably bite.

 

I don't understand the power she has over me. It's like gatsby. He just is driven to have her even though daisy saw him as someone to slum with one summer.

 

I just thought this girl was my soul mate. Instead she was a grifter who used my emotions.

 

 

Counseling is in order. You need to build your self esteem in a healthy way that will benefit you in future relationships.

[davesoprano]

Ok let me ask you this:

 

What is it about this woman that you like exactly that's making you feel like you're going through cocaine withdrawal symptoms?

 

Do you just like her because she's hot? If that's the case than thats a real petty excuse and I strongly implore you to continue the bitch withdrawal process. There are plenty other women in the sea who are 10 times better looking than this man-eater which you speak of.

 

Think of the number of all the good times with this woman versus the number of all the bad times with her. Which outweighs the other?*

 

Every relationship has its downs, sure, but if the downs are pervasive and there are barely any ups ever, than its really not worth the headache to see how far it goes.*One great piece of ass can't be worth all this drama. There are plenty other asses out there 10 times greater than this particular piece of ass. This piece of ass ain't the only one.*Trust me I've been in your shoes and i can tell you right now that she's REALLY not worth it. Man shall not live by pus_sy alone*

 

And if I also have to ask, you're still seeing her aren't you? Or the last time you saw her face was sometime this year at least? Because the best way to heal is to severe all ties and contacts with this woman (be it talking to her or SEEING her). Thinking about her is totally different from seeing her. You have to avoid physical contact with her to the point where you'll forget that she even existed on this earth. If you go see her while trying to heal, you'll screw up the whole healing process and then you'll have to start the healing process afresh. It's like peeling off a wound right after it has clotted and then it'll have to start all over again to clot.

Edited August 5, 2012 by davesoprano

[Radu]

I remember this date every year.

I fell in love with her on a business trip to NYC.

She knew I liked her and used me.

She used me for money, rides, free dinners, movies, concerts, birthday presents, x-mas presents.

She was no amateur at using people. Whenever she sensed that i was getting frustrated, she'd give me a little something. She'd kiss me, or hug me, or tell me how I was the kind of guy she wanted, etc.

She drove my self-esteem into the dirt. For years I sought after her. Turned down relationships with other women. Lost so many chances sitting around waiting for her to call when she said she would.

I finally "dumped" the charade relationship on st patties day. I called her a cocktease and slammed her car door. I'm certain she laughed about it for weeks.

I had never been used like that before. It was a terrible time.

 

Do the counseling.

 

I was in 3 such relationships, though i didn't lose to this extent.

It's now 4yrs later after my last one, and i still have anger.

She was into public humiliation, probably had a fetish for cuckholding.

I hit rock bottom when i was publicly humiliated while holding the engagement ring in my pocket ... i was going to propose that night.

 

Get to a therapist, in my country therapy is not looked at in a good way and is quite expensive so i didn't do it, but i regret not having had good help in getting over this when it happened.

[FitChick]

I think the OP is angry with himself for being so gullible. I can see this going on for a year, but for three years? It's not about her, it's about you. Get your head together. I'd recommend the Lefkoe Method to prevent history repeating itself. She was merely the manifestation of your self beliefs which you have to eliminate.

[whichwayisup]

I think the OP is angry with himself for being so gullible. I can see this going on for a year, but for three years? It's not about her, it's about you. Get your head together. I'd recommend the Lefkoe Method to prevent history repeating itself. She was merely the manifestation of your self beliefs which you have to eliminate.

 

Not gulliable enough though. Seems he didn't learn his lesson..see below.

 

But, lately I've realized that despite all she did to me, if she showed up back in my life and begged me to be with her, I'd probably bite.

[whichwayisup]

This will be over when you stop reliving and remembering everything. You talk about it as if just happened yesterday. You haven't healed. you've hung onto anger, bitterness, pain and heartache. No wonder you can't move on and let go.. Deep down you think she might want you back and you *might* take her back.

 

Seems you haven't made peace or any kind of closure with what happened.

[venusianx13]

You have to forgive her. And yourself. But first, forgive her, because the anger you are holding, while it is meant to harm her, is only harming you and is preventing you from moving forward.

 

She taught you something. I don't know what, but you DID get something from the relationship... figure out what that was, forgive her, and eventually you will be able to move on.