justanothergirrl Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 I totally get where she is coming from, in fact I was starting to think the post was about me! I have been in 2 very long-term relationships, & don't have much experience in dating. I am on a site, & I have talked to some lovely guys, who I would like to meet, but the thought terrifies me. I know I will have to just jump in & do it eventually though. I am also very fun-loving, social, & talk to all kinds of people easily when I am out with friends, but meeting someone from a dating site, *especially* being someone I am interested in & attracted to, makes me very nervous...kind of like an interview - judging/being judged/rejecting/rejection etc... It has taken me some time to even give my number to one guy, then it took me a while before I could even talk on the phone to him. He was easy-going, & kind of persistant in a nice way (he just politely asked again when I changed the subject of the 'can I call to say hi?' texts) , until I finally took a few deep breaths, & just answered the phone. I know the next step is meeting up, but even at my not-so-young age, I'll probably want to meet up with a friend or 2 in tow. That way I'll be more in my comfort zone, & I definately think a glass or 2 of wine will be in order first. I totally could not imagine going out somewhere alone to meet up with someone, I'd be a bundle of nerves! I say, if you like her, be gently persistant & understanding...definately suggest that it's ok to meet as a group with other friends to start Good luck!
Author maxy1 Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 ^^hah yea not you, was hoping it was for a split second but we haven't talked on the phone, just a lot of texting, emailing, chatting, etc. I get shyness, I was very shy from the getgo and still kinda am. But, I feel like its kind of weird that she just got an okc account almost immediately after saying she's too shy to meet up.
Author maxy1 Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 Welp..it would appear you skeptics might be on to something here. I was perusing OKC and who should happen to pop up & was actually online? Yep, she did. But that's totally cool, and I will definitely be letting it go. Just strange and a little messed up that she has been so communicative and basically pulled me in it feels like. She initiated the convo just as much as me if not more really. But I guess she's just looking for some sap to keep her entertained with texts and show interest (EGO). Not gonna be that guy. ^^hah yea not you, was hoping it was for a split second but we haven't talked on the phone, just a lot of texting, emailing, chatting, etc. I get shyness, I was very shy from the getgo and still kinda am. But, I feel like its kind of weird that she just got an okc account almost immediately after saying she's too shy to meet up. Bringing these posts to the new page since Joe the woman-hating genius decided to multi-post like a weener instead of compiling all his highly opinionated comments into one simple and brief post. Thanks to everyone else that has made useful posts, skeptics and non-skeptics. What do you guys make of the new OKC profile?
It's Just Me Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 I have to say that I have a new appreciation for all the crap you guys go through with OLD! Max, I'd leave her alone for a while, and take yourself off her FB. If she contacts you later, go for it. Right now, she's not ready and you're dead in the water.
truth_seeker Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 (edited) I totally get where she is coming from, in fact I was starting to think the post was about me! I have been in 2 very long-term relationships, & don't have much experience in dating. I am on a site, & I have talked to some lovely guys, who I would like to meet, but the thought terrifies me. I know I will have to just jump in & do it eventually though. I am also very fun-loving, social, & talk to all kinds of people easily when I am out with friends, but meeting someone from a dating site, *especially* being someone I am interested in & attracted to, makes me very nervous...kind of like an interview - judging/being judged/rejecting/rejection etc... It has taken me some time to even give my number to one guy, then it took me a while before I could even talk on the phone to him. He was easy-going, & kind of persistant in a nice way (he just politely asked again when I changed the subject of the 'can I call to say hi?' texts) , until I finally took a few deep breaths, & just answered the phone. I know the next step is meeting up, but even at my not-so-young age, I'll probably want to meet up with a friend or 2 in tow. That way I'll be more in my comfort zone, & I definately think a glass or 2 of wine will be in order first. I totally could not imagine going out somewhere alone to meet up with someone, I'd be a bundle of nerves! I say, if you like her, be gently persistant & understanding...definately suggest that it's ok to meet as a group with other friends to start Good luck! After reading this, it could be possible she is like this. For her to start up a new OLD profile could mean she still likes you. She KNOWS you like her, so essentially, you're in her back pocket. Now she's exploring just to make sure there isn't anything better out there. Maybe curiosity more than anything else. Once she feels nothing is really out there. She'll be in touch with you. Edited August 4, 2012 by truth_seeker
Author maxy1 Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 I have to say that I have a new appreciation for all the crap you guys go through with OLD! Max, I'd leave her alone for a while, and take yourself off her FB. If she contacts you later, go for it. Right now, she's not ready and you're dead in the water. indeed, it's actually a good way to meet people you normally never would have. i am a regular guy, just as regular as the next, but online stuff still gets a bad rap because of "creeps" and whatever... but true story: you see more weirdos in your everyday life than online - even if you only get out of the house at a minimal rate. but seriously, the games are retarded. i am on those sites because i am done wasting time. i've been through very rough, depressing, and wasted relationships. one within the last year, but i just want to live life and i ain't gettin any younger! lol After reading this, it could be possible she is like this. For her to start up a new OLD profile could mean she still likes you. She KNOWS you like her, so essentially, you're in her back pocket. Now she's exploring just to make sure there isn't anything better out there. Maybe curiosity more than anything else. Once she feels nothing is really out there. She'll be in touch with you. well then i guess will back off her for a bit because i am not anyone's back pocket guy and refuse to be treated that way. though i won't delete her off fb.. that seems a bit much. if she saw these threads she would probably think i am crazy lol but hey it's just nice to look at these things through other eyes.
dropdeadredtx Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Shy schmy. If she was interested she'd meet you. Sure, you can keep trying, but your efforts will be better rewarded elsewhere. Yep. She's keeping you on the back burner 'just in case'. 1
oaks Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 I contacted someone on a dating site last night and we sent several messages back and forth. She told me she was shy, amongst other things. I asked if she was free tomorrow (ie, today) and would she like to meet. She was... she would... we did. Turns out she is shy, but we still met. Maxy1, your girl might be shy... but she's stringing you along.
Author maxy1 Posted August 6, 2012 Author Posted August 6, 2012 Yep. She's keeping you on the back burner 'just in case'. assuming i choose to stay there, which doesn't look super promising
ChatroomHero Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I think you have gotten to a point where you can give her the shjt or get off the pot text. Basically tell her you were using your dating service to find a date not a pen pal. Tell her you appreciate her shyness but you thought she was there to date as well but it clearly is not the case. If she is not ready and willing to meet up with you then wish her luck and maybe suggest in future profiles she might want to mention she is only looking for a pen pal.
Author maxy1 Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 She's randomly contacted me a bit over the past few days, and I do think that this girl is just insanely cautious and socially anxious even, maybe. But, I have a feeling that it would be worth the wait to meet up with her so I am not forgetting her completely. In other news, you better believe I am enjoying other options in the meantime.
truth_seeker Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 She's randomly contacted me a bit over the past few days, and I do think that this girl is just insanely cautious and socially anxious even, maybe. I think it's a combination of this and her seeing one or two other guys right now, aka, weighing her options.
Author maxy1 Posted August 9, 2012 Author Posted August 9, 2012 hm.. well this is interesting: just got asked to go out with her this weekend. seems my gut feeling may be semi-legit?
photogeek Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 Go out with her and see how she is. Maybe she is socially anxious and nervous and this will convey. If she doesnt seem so, then obviously its a red flag.
vanek26 Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 Maxy, maybe I can offer some advice by echoing what some of the others on here have said. I've been doing the online dating thing for years and have met countless girls off the sites. I hope that things work out for you but from everything you've described, I have a bad feeling about this. In fact, even though she asked you to go out this weekend, I wouldn't be surprised if she flaked. Just promise me that if she does flake, you'll delete her from your life immediately (no matter how legit the excuse seems). Because trust me, it's just not worth it. The best way I deal with online dating is just to be as pushy as possible about meeting people. By trying to play the 'nice guy' and be understanding, it only validates the childish behavior these women are making you put up with. I mean... she signed up for a dating site. Of course you are going to want to meet her. There are so many women who use that site as a tool to stroke their egos and cure their boredom. If you looked through my phone, you would see texts from at least 100 girls who I've never even met. The fact that she gave you her facebook/phone # means absolutely nothing. Until she meets you in person, you shouldn't even stress over her. I'm not trying to sound like a know-it-all but I just really do feel your pain, bro. And I've been in your shoes. In the meantime, keep trying to meet up with more girls from online. My philosophy is to not waste any time with these women. I usually try to meet them within a day or two of contacting them. I always kiss them on the first date to make sure they know I'm not looking to be friend zoned. And then I take it from there. I hope things work out for you bud. Keep in touch
phineas Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 Maxy, maybe I can offer some advice by echoing what some of the others on here have said. I've been doing the online dating thing for years and have met countless girls off the sites. I hope that things work out for you but from everything you've described, I have a bad feeling about this. In fact, even though she asked you to go out this weekend, I wouldn't be surprised if she flaked. Just promise me that if she does flake, you'll delete her from your life immediately (no matter how legit the excuse seems). Because trust me, it's just not worth it. The best way I deal with online dating is just to be as pushy as possible about meeting people. By trying to play the 'nice guy' and be understanding, it only validates the childish behavior these women are making you put up with. I mean... she signed up for a dating site. Of course you are going to want to meet her. There are so many women who use that site as a tool to stroke their egos and cure their boredom. If you looked through my phone, you would see texts from at least 100 girls who I've never even met. The fact that she gave you her facebook/phone # means absolutely nothing. Until she meets you in person, you shouldn't even stress over her. I'm not trying to sound like a know-it-all but I just really do feel your pain, bro. And I've been in your shoes. In the meantime, keep trying to meet up with more girls from online. My philosophy is to not waste any time with these women. I usually try to meet them within a day or two of contacting them. I always kiss them on the first date to make sure they know I'm not looking to be friend zoned. And then I take it from there. I hope things work out for you bud. Keep in touch Good advice. I learned this stuff late in the game but when I did it was like a light-bulb appeared over my head and i knew what to do. Primarily not get attached or feel obligated to a women i've never met or at least not sleeping with. Also, google voice is your friend.
Author maxy1 Posted August 9, 2012 Author Posted August 9, 2012 thanks for the replies vanek & phineas. i am a bit curious as it seems you guys have been doing the online dating thing a minute: what is your ultimate goal with the people you meet through online dating?
Author maxy1 Posted August 9, 2012 Author Posted August 9, 2012 thanks for the replies vanek & phineas. i am a bit curious as it seems you guys have been doing the OLD thing a minute: what is your ultimate goal with the people you meet through OLD? edit: and i am not getting the connection with your google voice statement, phineas.
truth_seeker Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 hm.. well this is interesting: just got asked to go out with her this weekend. seems my gut feeling may be semi-legit? Make sure you have definite plans (where and what time you're going to meet) and also make sure to have a plan B, in case she flakes. Go into this "date" cautiously optimistic. Do not be surprised if she cancels on you. If she does, you text her: "Not surprised. Figures. Good thing I made plans with another girl tonight in case you turned out to be a dud. Best of luck in your dating search."
Author maxy1 Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 Arite well here ya go: got a text saying the hang out is going to be "somewhere chill/intimate and will be all really close friends" for a friend of hers birthday and she says "I dunno if that's something you'd really wanna go to hahaha"
kourix Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 i think it's great that she's meeting you - it probably took alot for her to do so. i tried online dating once, and it took alot for me to even meet one guy. but i liked him enough so i did it. however, it is kinda weird she's "bringing you out" to meet all the close friends, and on a friend's birthday no less. i would say she's definitely interested in you, and probably will have her friends judging you and giving her feedback...
Author maxy1 Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 Does it sound like she really still wants me to go though?
Author maxy1 Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 (edited) i am thinking i should just straight up ask her if she stillwants me to go, yea? Edited August 11, 2012 by maxy1
vanek26 Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 I've seen this song and dance before, it's a flaking strategy that girls tend to use. She's trying to see if you will bow out on your own terms so she won't be the bad guy. Saying that she doesn't think you would want to go is her way of trying to slip out of this. If I were you I would insist that it sounds like a great time and that you would love to go. After all, she invited you. Don't let her get away with this. Force her to ditch you so you'll know to never talk to her again. What I've found with these dating sites is that the goal is to meet the girl at all costs. No matter what it takes, meet the girl! You won't go anywhere with her until you actually meet. So even if the situation is less than ideal, you gotta meet them. Example: about a year ago I was talking to a girl from Ok cupid and had been trying to meet her. She was really wishy-washy like most girls and didn't seem like she was interested. One day out of the blue she texts me asking for a ride home because she's stranded at some job interview. Now, I didn't want to be a doormat but I also knew this was an opportunity to meet her. I ended up driving her home, and immediately after got a text saying "you're really cute :)". That same night, she invited me over and we had crazy sex. That being said, you need to realize that some (most) girls never will meet you. You've already invested way more time in this girl than you should have. If she blows you off for this get together, she's done-zo
vanek26 Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 thanks for the replies vanek & phineas. i am a bit curious as it seems you guys have been doing the OLD thing a minute: what is your ultimate goal with the people you meet through OLD? edit: and i am not getting the connection with your google voice statement, phineas. Ultimately, my goal is to find someone worth committing who feels the same way about me. Obviously that's a needle in a haystack whether it's online or at the bar or whatever your chances for a relationship will always be slim. I used to be like you and zero in on a girl i really liked. Now, I use online dating more as a tool to get quick, easy hook ups. I've gotten laid by some stunning girls through pof and okcupid, but most of the people i meet up with and mess around with are really not people I would ever commit to. It kind of works out for the best in the longrun because I'm constantly replenishing my supply of girls. I may find someone who seems really awesome and is quite gorgeous. We may even have a date and have an awesome time. But you'd better believe I'm back online checking out the latest batch of girls the next day. Because anyone you meet from there could disappear in an instant.
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