maxy1 Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 So I have been talking with this girl who seems great and funny that I met on pof for about a month. I had just started using pof and she's the only one who I had a decent conversation with. Well she ended up deleting her profile and before she did, she sent me her Facebook and said to add her and that I reminded her of her friends and she liked talkin with me. So I added her and we Facebook chat a good amount and she offers her number. So then we're texting a lot, sometimes till really late. I hinted at hanging out sometime the other day and she seemed pretty down so today I asked her to coffee and she says she doesn't feel ready to meet anyone and that she's really shy. So I just said cool but I'm a laid back guy and don't bite but that I understand and asked her why she's shy because she seems really fun. Now I'm here asking if anyone has any thoughts or similar experiences or insight, kinda threw me off? We seem like we would get along pretty well.
Author maxy1 Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 Just got another txt from her sayin she is fun but is just shy in general and doesn't have an explanation for it. I am definitely cool waitin for her but don't wanna be led on or anything. Any thoughts?
Kofybean Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Just got another txt from her sayin she is fun but is just shy in general and doesn't have an explanation for it. I am definitely cool waitin for her but don't wanna be led on or anything. Any thoughts? If you reverse the sexes, women typically say that if a man wants to meet you, he will do whatever it takes no matter what. And a "shy" excuse means he not that into you. Personally, I don't see why their rules don't apply to them as well. Therefore, if I were you I would hit the search button again and find someone else.
Author maxy1 Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 I hear ya but idk because I'm a shy guy and have actually been guilty of wussing out big time on girls I really liked. So i dont think it's necessarily true that shy=no interest..is this karma? Lol
Kofybean Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 I hear ya but idk because I'm a shy guy and have actually been guilty of wussing out big time on girls I really liked. So i dont think it's necessarily true that shy=no interest..is this karma? Lol Well, I assume there has to be SOME interest, you have her number after all. If anything, she likes the attention you are giving her, even if that's really all the interest she has about you. Sounds like you want to pursue it all the way. God speed, best of luck.
ChatroomHero Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 If you really want to go after it, you might suggest she bring a friend and meet you. I know women do those things to help each other whereas guys probably wouldn't dare, but I would guess she has a friend or two that knows she is shy and would do it and she might just go for that idea. Meet some place fun where 3 people would not be out of place and keep it light if she agrees. The thing about shyness is it goes away usually if you get that first contact and she might agree to use her friend as a first meet crutch. Can't hurt to ask.
mortensorchid Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 I'd forget about it if I were you. This has happened to me in the past - in that I could go on forever and ever having a correspondance with someone online. Then there are some who you move to the phone, perhaps you have one or two phone calls, exchange a few text messages, and ... that's that. You never meet the person face to face. She'll come up with a million and one (or maybe the same) excuse over and over. Move on. 1
Author maxy1 Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 Appreciate feedback here. And I hear you as well^^^ I have had the same kinda dead end encounters before but this one and I text a lot and have discovered a pretty large amount of common ground. Does she sound uninterested?
Kofybean Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Appreciate feedback here. And I hear you as well^^^ I have had the same kinda dead end encounters before but this one and I text a lot and have discovered a pretty large amount of common ground. Does she sound uninterested? Yes! However, since my answer has to be longer than 10 characters, I will say it again... yes! You are just a place holder for attention. Either take the advice, or experience it yourself. Your choice.
Shaun-Dro Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 So I have been talking with this girl who seems great and funny that I met on pof for about a month. I had just started using pof and she's the only one who I had a decent conversation with. Well she ended up deleting her profile and before she did, she sent me her Facebook and said to add her and that I reminded her of her friends and she liked talkin with me. So I added her and we Facebook chat a good amount and she offers her number. So then we're texting a lot, sometimes till really late. I hinted at hanging out sometime the other day and she seemed pretty down so today I asked her to coffee and she says she doesn't feel ready to meet anyone and that she's really shy. So I just said cool but I'm a laid back guy and don't bite but that I understand and asked her why she's shy because she seems really fun. Now I'm here asking if anyone has any thoughts or similar experiences or insight, kinda threw me off? We seem like we would get along pretty well. My only advice is to keep at her until she cracks. You don't have to put in the squeeze or anything, just little reminders that you're interested in her and you'd like to have a simple date with her. If she's serious, she'll do it, regardless of shyness. It shouldn't matter if she's really into you.
Author maxy1 Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 Interesting view..so you think it would be semi-reasonable keep chatting with her every now and then and see what happens?
phineas Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 My only advice is to keep at her until she cracks. You don't have to put in the squeeze or anything, just little reminders that you're interested in her and you'd like to have a simple date with her. If she's serious, she'll do it, regardless of shyness. It shouldn't matter if she's really into you. This. Sure she's just looking for attention. Doesn't mean you have to give it to her. Friendzone her. Limit your interactions with her. Only text her once a month if that. Let her text you & when she does be "busy" with something & only be able to give her a few texts. Hell, tell her you need to get ready for a date & you'll text her later. Then don't. LOL! I've done this a few times with women & eventually they wind up wanting me. It just takes time & you have to date others to show them other women want you. but I caution you, these types of women are usually trainwrecks & not long term material.
Author maxy1 Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 She says she would rather meet with friends whenever she is ready to meet. I think it's a pretty good idea because I have no idea who this person really is either. And I'm not in too big a rush..who knows Also, what makes you think girls like this aren't long term material? From your experience
truth_seeker Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 I have to agree with a couple of other guys here and that you have to be persistent but not overly persistent. Keep tabs on her and float it out there from time to time about going out. It seems at some point she will crack and go out with you.
Author maxy1 Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 (edited) Yeah I'll just keep doin my thing. Not like she's the only girl I can have an interest in at this point. But I would like to know why that one guy on the last page thinks girls that aren't just overly enthusiastic to get into a relationship doesn't think they could be a serious option at some unforeseen point down the road. I am just talking in general here and am not really thinking in terms of my situation. Edited August 3, 2012 by maxy1
oaks Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Shy schmy. If she was interested she'd meet you. Sure, you can keep trying, but your efforts will be better rewarded elsewhere.
phineas Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 She says she would rather meet with friends whenever she is ready to meet. I think it's a pretty good idea because I have no idea who this person really is either. And I'm not in too big a rush..who knows Also, what makes you think girls like this aren't long term material? From your experience Let's see, she is on an online dating site but tells you she is too shy to go on a date? Do I need to go on? She is def. trying to lead you on for attention and you probably aren't the only guy. That screams selfish to me & just kinda messed up altogether. how long can you can deal being with someone like that? Me personally i'd say about 6 or 7 months. Here is an example, I dated a woman for 2 months. no sex, barely kissed because she needed to get to know a guy first. Then she came over for a movie & I made my move. denied. Next day she tells me we are just friends & there is nothing romantic between us. Now, a few months ago she wanted to date me & didn't want me dating anyone else. Then she told me she didn't want a relationship right now & just went *pof* literally & figuratively. I ran across her newly updated profile on POF. Almost a yr later after i lost a ton of weight she texted me about how she hasn't seen me in forever, blah,blah blah. We goto lunch. She's flirty talking about us dating ect. Calls me up & switches dating to "hanging out" & I told her it's dating or nothing because she blew me off last time. She said ok then flaked on me & POF'd again with new pics on her dating profile. See what i'm getting at here? A woman who is really interested in you will do what it takes (within reason) to make sure you don't get with someone else. Don't talk to other women. Date them.
Author maxy1 Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 Sounds like a very lame and annoying situation you had there. If a woman straight up told me there is no romantic connection, i would drop it and never look back. If this heads in a direction like that I will not be hanging around. But she did delete her pof and made sure I got her Facebook info before she did..then made sure i got her number. Like I said I'm not just holdin out for one person either though, I'll continue to meet people and do my thing and leave the option open for her. She said she wants to wait till she's doing something with friends for us to meet so ball's in her court till/if she's ever down to give it a shot.
It's Just Me Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Sorry, but I smell a rat. Quick question: do her FB pics check out? Are they really her? Some girls are 'shy' (as are some guys) because there are other issues, whether physical or other, at hand. You don't put a profile on a very public dating site when you are really 'shy'. There's something else going on here.
Author maxy1 Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 (edited) ^^very good point, i forgot to point that out. her facebook definitely represents that she is single and has a smaller social circle in the fact that that the same people (the very vast majority of which are female) comment/like her posts every time..and from the looks of it they are all mostly relatives or siblings. none of her pictures have her with any dudes. sounds stalkery but i wanted to research a tad so i knew what i was dealin with here. i dunno about you but my female friends take lots of pictures when we are out and always post em to facebook next day (if not immediately), so you know when the last time I have gone out is just by looking in my pics, if that makes sense. from the looks of hers it appears as though it's been a while (months) for her in the going out area.. and again, she deleted her pof which, from what she says, she started up maybe a day before i did.. and i haven't been on mine since a week after i made it in the beginning of july. and i do remember her profile saying that she was skeptical of the whole online dating thing, and her favorite friday night activity was hangin at home playing video games, which is kind of a reason i contacted her. plus, she's super cute so double whammy. i am not huge on going out but i do it because i can't bring myself to just chill at home alone sometimes. i get bored, but, i would be MORE than happy doing it if i was at home on a friday night with someone rather than by myself. Edited August 4, 2012 by maxy1
Shaun-Dro Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 She says she would rather meet with friends whenever she is ready to meet. I think it's a pretty good idea because I have no idea who this person really is either. And I'm not in too big a rush..who knows Also, what makes you think girls like this aren't long term material? From your experience Meet with friends? This seriously sounds like high school. I can't remember the last I've agreed to that nonsense. Actually it was once. I was 22 and the girl was 18. She begged to meet me because she loved my voice and my photos but wanted to drag her friend for the ride. I went with it but the date ended quickly on my note. She tried calling me to set up something else later but I told her I started messing with some one else, which was true. This was back when finding girls in online chat rooms were popular. Now those places are filled with bots. If you agree to the group meeting where her friend can assess you, this potential date won't turn out well. They will look for reasons to not like you. Just keep at her until she agrees to a proper one-on-one. Just allow yourself a time frame of how long you're willing to wait for this to happen. Just don't tell her about it or you won't hear from her anymore. And then there's the option to let her be and drop her. It's all on you.
spiderowl Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 She may genuinely be shy and afraid of meeting you in person. If that's the case, then being genuine and reassuring her you are not going to judge her will help and she might decide to risk it. Tell her you're likely to be just as nervous as her but that it would be a coffee with a friend not a big, worrying date. Just see what happens. If she doesn't change her mind after a week or two, then she's probably never going to. Have you seen a picture of her? Reassuring her you like her picture might help. She might be afraid she won't match up to your expectations in person, but from the sound of it, you two are getting on well and there is a good chance you would in person too.
Author maxy1 Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 Welp..it would appear you skeptics might be on to something here. I was perusing OKC and who should happen to pop up & was actually online? Yep, she did. But that's totally cool, and I will definitely be letting it go. Just strange and a little messed up that she has been so communicative and basically pulled me in it feels like. She initiated the convo just as much as me if not more really. But I guess she's just looking for some sap to keep her entertained with texts and show interest (EGO). Not gonna be that guy.
melindalea Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 i have did the same thing to several men on pof..why? well im a big woman, and i state that in my profile , but i feel like ok they say they like big girls but when they see me they are onna be like, thats too big, so i talk good and when it comes down to the actual meeting them i give excuses like this girl did to you...too insecure, too scared of rejection.. 1
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