Anela Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 I'm going to go out on a limb and say she got nervous about meeting you and that's why she canceled. I think she realizes you're a nice guy and it scared her. Was her excuse lame? 100%. Her excuse though doesn't come across like someone who was intending to be disrespectful, more so panicking. She sounds inexperienced. That's my 2 cents. I wondered about this, too, because I've become nervous and backed out - only I told the truth about how I was feeling. I am in my thirties, though - I don't know how old this girl is.
Shaun-Dro Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 I really wish I saw this post before I called her last night . I left so many messages before she called me back. I was a dummy about it I'm sorry . I thought maybe things would work better but its not anymore. Anyway, I talked to her & asked her to the movies for tonight when she gets off from the job. She says she dont like movies for 1st dates & laughs. Then I try to make another plan & she cuts me off & says I'm a really nice guy & she thinks I'm really awesome but she dont have a lot of time to do stuff with people & she's so sorry & we can text as friends if I want. I know I know.. I'm getting rejected I know . Its gonna be real awkward at the dentist's office when I go back in for a check up. You can always avoid that particular dental office. Just something to keep in mind for next time. Anyway, we were right about her, weren't we? She finally decided to yank the plug on you after you kept calling her. She grew tired of your obvious desperation to take her out that she had enough and snapped...in a nice sort of way of course. It's a good thing this has happened sooner than later, because I can only imagine the heartache you would've felt if she allowed you to dine her and then dropped this bombshell on your lap. Move on, Bigkat. You'll be fine. You'll come across plenty more women and some will be like her and others won't. I still don't see why you can't leave women alone and get a job since you graduated college with an impressive degree? That's something worth focusing on more than anything else. 1
SJC2008 Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Wait, is she your dentist or the dental assistant? You might want to be extra nice to her, you don't want to end up like this guy. Never ever try to date anyone from a medical facility that you frequent. YIKES! Hell hath no fury like a woman scorn! English translation: There's nothing wose than a mad bitch!!!
SJC2008 Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Um yea. Just gonna try to play it out one more time. I hate to give up so fast. Lots of people make mistakes. I surely do . I know what she did to me was bad & I wont forget it but I dont wanna lose out if she does right next time. I'm just plan the movies so in case she dont show up I can just see the movie by myself & not look freaky standing there. Sorry that this happened to you OP. What youre doing here in this quote is RATIONALIZING stop it now it's a bad habit. Women who stay with abusive men are the queen rationalizers. Respcect yourself and don't put up with this bad behavior. By you calling her and trying again, you told her that you are ok with that behavior and it's ok for her to disrespect you like that. You should of left her a VM like the other poster and gave her a piece of your mind!!! Here's how to deal with flaking: Don't respond and on to the next one. Once they flake it's over so you can take it like a champ or a chump it doesn't matter because it's over anyway. The only time it's not flaking is when they offer a SOLID alterntive meaning place, date and time! 1
Radu Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 She's so nice & we talked all last night for 2 hours & we plan to go to the museum today 'cause she's off work. Well, I got to the museum at 2pm & she wasn't there . I tried texting & calling & texting & calling & no reply. I didn't know what happened. My heart was racing. I was sweating. A lot of people stared at me so so much. I probably looked freaky . Um, she called me when I was going back home & left a message on my phone. I wrote it down for u exactly as she says it ok? "I'm so so sorry I couldn't get there to see u. I couldn't figure out what to wear lol. I'm sorry really. Things happen so fast. Anyway text me tomorow & we make plans ok bye" Is she trying to play me? I dont know what to do. My confidence went up so high after she says she will meet me but now I feel so low. I really like her alot 'cause she's sounds so nice & most girls I meet aren't very nice. I wanna try again with her but I just dont know if she gonna do something else again . I got 2 good pieces of advice over this when it happened to me : - make alternate plans in case it's a flake; either go see a movie, or see a gallery, or go to a library ... something; something that turns it from a 'loss' to a 'meh' at least - if she flakes my line is 'well, let's meet when you have some free time, your plans'. The one who bails has the responsability to make ammends, do not chase these ppl PS: You made the comment 'looking freaky by myself' several times. It's obvious you are insecure about it, nobody can read your thoughts, nobody cares ... especially in NYC. Have alternate plans in place.
Author NYC-BigKat Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 I wondered about this, too, because I've become nervous and backed out - only I told the truth about how I was feeling. I am in my thirties, though - I don't know how old this girl is. She says she's 23. I'm a year older. Are u really that shy? I'm thinking she might be really really shy too of certain stuff to do. I dont know though. I was texting with her some more today & she's so sweet & stuff. She says the dentist is impressed with my strong teeth. Oh man I feel so tempted to ask her out again. Um..to do it as friends u know just to get her out of the house so she wont be shy so much. I really dont wanna give up. Nice girls are so hard to find & hang out with .
Author NYC-BigKat Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 nice girls are super hard to find and she aint one. Thats not nice . She is nice & we been talking about lots of stuff & she asks me stuff about when I was in college & she wants to go to college & she really likes the dental field. I started texting her hints about making a plan with me but she isn't replying to it . She just keeps asking what am I doing or something but not to my hints of making plans to hang out. Maybe she dont understand it??
Anela Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Thats not nice . She is nice & we been talking about lots of stuff & she asks me stuff about when I was in college & she wants to go to college & she really likes the dental field. I started texting her hints about making a plan with me but she isn't replying to it . She just keeps asking what am I doing or something but not to my hints of making plans to hang out. Maybe she dont understand it?? She understands. I can be that shy, but I was also a mess emotionally.
ascendotum Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 'I started texting her hints about making a plan with me but she isn't replying to it' Again that points a bit to her being indecisive/a bit flakey. She likes you but just not enough to get her excited maybe. I hope you indicated to her how annoyed you were she flaked on you at the museum, and ribbed her over the pissweak 'I didn't know what to wear' excuse. I really think you should put it back on her to come up with a date plan (not hint but come out and say it) to make it up to you for her poor effort on the last one. I suspect you might not want to leave the ball in her court because you cant rely on her, but you should not give a free pass on disrespective behaviour. 1
Shaun-Dro Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 'I started texting her hints about making a plan with me but she isn't replying to it' Again that points a bit to her being indecisive/a bit flakey. She likes you but just not enough to get her excited maybe. I hope you indicated to her how annoyed you were she flaked on you at the museum, and ribbed her over the pissweak 'I didn't know what to wear' excuse. I really think you should put it back on her to come up with a date plan (not hint but come out and say it) to make it up to you for her poor effort on the last one. I suspect you might not want to leave the ball in her court because you cant rely on her, but you should not give a free pass on disrespective behaviour. He's right. You do need to tell her ass off, but evidently this isn't going to happen so who am I kidding? It appears you might be falling harder for her nice girl act. That's a shame because if I were in your shoes I'd been took the high road but not before blasting her first. I know women are going to tell you not to get upset when they do stupid things to you, and to let it roll off your back, because it impresses them that you're not as emotional as they are, but that's incorrect advice. You will never get anywhere with them if you listen to that silliness. Most of my escapades with women have been from showing them that I'd punish them for bad behavior and reward them for the good. Of course, it will be a challenging feat at first, but with practice, it becomes natural to master. Unfortunately, Bigkat, you're too nice a guy to do anything. So, my guess is you're going to wait it out and keep hinting her to make a date with you, am I warm? Better yet, you'll probably just flat out ask her to the movies or some other function because you can't wait any longer. Meanwhile you're falling deeper into the abyss of stroking her ego with all those sweet, tangy text messages.
leftfordead2 Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Thats not nice . She is nice & we been talking about lots of stuff & she asks me stuff about when I was in college & she wants to go to college & she really likes the dental field. I started texting her hints about making a plan with me but she isn't replying to it . She just keeps asking what am I doing or something but not to my hints of making plans to hang out. Maybe she dont understand it?? Please don't do that, you're making women run in the other direction when she already told you through her actions she is not interested in going out with you.
mario_C Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 If you can't take the heat, stay outta Hell's Kitchen! Anyway, I'm glad you at least found a date OP, even if she got cold feet. I strongly feel if you were acting very nervous while waiting for your date (guilty here - I've never broken a flop sweat, but I tend to shut down in very awkward social situations) then she might have seen you, had second thoughts, and sent you a text as a way to get out of the situation. I can only tell you practice makes perfect, and you're going to need to keep subjecting yourself to these social situations until you're used to them, e.g. not nervous anymore, and then you'll be able to do better and be a better date. But what do I know? My nerves issues are with instigating the date - everything after that would be a pleasure cruise, I'm sure...
Radu Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Ease up. You got a nice guy whose got a crush. He's not thinking with his head but acting with his heart. It happens. I can assure that he is thinking with his head, just not his big head.
Shaun-Dro Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 You are me except i'm older and in boston. the same happens to me, I try again, call, text, message to no avail. Why so much effort? I'm not like that at all. Once I see a woman appears to be giving me the red light, I turn the next corner and forget her.
kaylan Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 Thats not nice . She is nice & we been talking about lots of stuff & she asks me stuff about when I was in college & she wants to go to college & she really likes the dental field. I started texting her hints about making a plan with me but she isn't replying to it . She just keeps asking what am I doing or something but not to my hints of making plans to hang out. Maybe she dont understand it?? Wow dude...shes got you wrapped around her finger.
Author NYC-BigKat Posted August 5, 2012 Author Posted August 5, 2012 because there's no lady around the next corner. it's months to a couple a years. Yup yup this is how I feel so I'm really hoping that this nice girl gives me a chance. I really like her . She just sent me a picture of her in leggings & a tight top & she has a really great body. I asked her if she works out but she laughs & says she just jogs & eats healthy. I really really need to lose a few pds though . Maybe if I do she'll be more into hanging out faster? I'm gonna give it a go today & try to do some jogging.
truth_seeker Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 Yup yup this is how I feel so I'm really hoping that this nice girl gives me a chance. I really like her . She just sent me a picture of her in leggings & a tight top & she has a really great body. I asked her if she works out but she laughs & says she just jogs & eats healthy. I really really need to lose a few pds though . Maybe if I do she'll be more into hanging out faster? I'm gonna give it a go today & try to do some jogging. She's teasing you, man. She knows she's got you under her spell and is going to have fun messing with you. I say you turn the tables and send her a picture of yourself in leggings and a tight top. Show her who's boss! 1
TheFinalWord Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 (edited) She's so nice & we talked all last night for 2 hours & we plan to go to the museum today 'cause she's off work. Well, I got to the museum at 2pm & she wasn't there . I tried texting & calling & texting & calling & no reply. I didn't know what happened. My heart was racing. I was sweating. A lot of people stared at me so so much. I probably looked freaky . Um, she called me when I was going back home & left a message on my phone. I wrote it down for u exactly as she says it ok? "I'm so so sorry I couldn't get there to see u. I couldn't figure out what to wear lol. I'm sorry really. Things happen so fast. Anyway text me tomorow & we make plans ok bye" Is she trying to play me? I dont know what to do. My confidence went up so high after she says she will meet me but now I feel so low. I really like her alot 'cause she's sounds so nice & most girls I meet aren't very nice. I wanna try again with her but I just dont know if she gonna do something else again . I know you are a nice guy and you try to give people the benefit of the doubt. But there is truth in "First impressions count". I've had this same thing happen to me and I would give the girl a million chances. In the mean time I did her homework for her, always answered all of her questions, stopped everything I was doing when she gave me a bit of attention... The problem is nothing changed. Nothing will for you either. This girl likes knowing that there are guys out there interested in her. It doesn't cost her anything to string you along. But when it will cost her something (time) she is no where to be found. That means she doesn't value you enough to sacrifice anything, even a couple hours of time. Sending you a text or pics isn't sacrificing anything. She probably sent that pic to all the guys she's flirting with. You don't want to develop feelings for anyone that will treat you like that. What happened is something or someone better came along. It's brutal but it's reality. The fact she blew off your second attempt, proves the first excuse she gave was a lie. Do you want to be with a liar? I have had girlfriends and I have had flakes. For the women who eventually became my girlfriends, communication and finding ways to meet up with them was never a problem. What you will find is that most women do not like to tell you they're not interested. They'd rather gnaw their arm off. What you have to do is interpret the actions. If she's blowing you off, making up excuses, and not willing to respect you time, she is telling you she's not interested. And having dealt with flakes myself, I can tell you she is doing you a big favor by showing you her true character upfront. Now you don't have to waste anymore time. Part of being a man is just accepting that this women isn't interested (unless you're a natural ladies man this is going to happen a lot), pick yourself up, and move on. This will probably happen to you a million times, which is why you can't dwell on it or try to analyze/justify her actions. Her rejection says nothing about you as a man. How you react though is what defines your manhood. Good luck! Edited August 5, 2012 by TheFinalWord 5
Romeofud Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 Yup yup this is how I feel so I'm really hoping that this nice girl gives me a chance. I really like her . She just sent me a picture of her in leggings & a tight top & she has a really great body. I asked her if she works out but she laughs & says she just jogs & eats healthy. I really really need to lose a few pds though . Maybe if I do she'll be more into hanging out faster? I'm gonna give it a go today & try to do some jogging. This **** is funny LOL. It aint even about you dropping 5-10 pds just to go out with this chick. Its about how you interact with her. Aight, first off, stop being so ****ing nice. Chicks only dig sweetie boys in friendships not for dating. And definitely not as f*ck buddies. And second, cut out the lame texts and phone calls. Just drag your ass to the job and tell her what you want from her. You'll need to already have a plan of attack for this to work. And last, if this chick dont respond right, walk right out with out a word. I aint kidding either. Just do it. Because your problem is no confidence not being a couple pds overweight. My cousin is 30 pds overweight and does sweet with the broads so I already know it aint that bull****. 2
Radu Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 Yup yup this is how I feel so I'm really hoping that this nice girl gives me a chance. I really like her . She just sent me a picture of her in leggings & a tight top & she has a really great body. I asked her if she works out but she laughs & says she just jogs & eats healthy. I really really need to lose a few pds though . Maybe if I do she'll be more into hanging out faster? I'm gonna give it a go today & try to do some jogging. I hope your lowest moment, the one when something breaks in you and anger starts to surface at how you were treated comes soon. That's the moment when your life will change. 1
Author NYC-BigKat Posted August 5, 2012 Author Posted August 5, 2012 I hope your lowest moment, the one when something breaks in you and anger starts to surface at how you were treated comes soon. That's the moment when your life will change. I dont wanna be that kinda guy. A couple times I started getting annoyed but thats about it. I hate to have a grudge on people. Its wrong u know. I went jogging & its so humid out. I could only run for 5 mins. I text her this afternoon & told her & she give me advice to take it slow by doing a quick walk & then do a little jogging later. Thats very nice of her 'cause I didn't even know if I was doing things right. And um..I asked her what kinds of food she likes & she likes the same food as me & we both laugh about it. I think I might have a chance but I gotta be cool about it like my friend say to do .
chphan Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 I dont wanna be that kinda guy. A couple times I started getting annoyed but thats about it. I hate to have a grudge on people. Its wrong u know. I went jogging & its so humid out. I could only run for 5 mins. I text her this afternoon & told her & she give me advice to take it slow by doing a quick walk & then do a little jogging later. Thats very nice of her 'cause I didn't even know if I was doing things right. And um..I asked her what kinds of food she likes & she likes the same food as me & we both laugh about it. I think I might have a chance but I gotta be cool about it like my friend say to do . Wow dude you so desperate that you are delusional. You nothing but a text chat buddy and that's it. She doesn't even want to be with you as a friend to hang out for fun. There's nothing wrong with being a text chat friend if that was your goal but it's very clear that you want more so you keep playing this stupid game with her like a fool getting baited each time. You need to start interacting with more girls than just singling on one girl which is why you acting like a pathetic fool. 1
Cracker Jack Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 I dont wanna be that kinda guy. A couple times I started getting annoyed but thats about it. I hate to have a grudge on people. Its wrong u know. I went jogging & its so humid out. I could only run for 5 mins. I text her this afternoon & told her & she give me advice to take it slow by doing a quick walk & then do a little jogging later. Thats very nice of her 'cause I didn't even know if I was doing things right. And um..I asked her what kinds of food she likes & she likes the same food as me & we both laugh about it. I think I might have a chance but I gotta be cool about it like my friend say to do . I have a feeling you have no clue about this entire situation. Like, no clue at all. Just reading your responses leads me to that conclusion. I really wish we could see how you come across IRL, because the way you describe things can be mind-boggling at times. You'll have to learn the hard way. More times than not, that's the best thing that can happen for certain people. 2
Shaun-Dro Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 (edited) I dont wanna be that kinda guy. A couple times I started getting annoyed but thats about it. I hate to have a grudge on people. Its wrong u know. I went jogging & its so humid out. I could only run for 5 mins. I text her this afternoon & told her & she give me advice to take it slow by doing a quick walk & then do a little jogging later. Thats very nice of her 'cause I didn't even know if I was doing things right. And um..I asked her what kinds of food she likes & she likes the same food as me & we both laugh about it. I think I might have a chance but I gotta be cool about it like my friend say to do . What are you rambling about now? These nonsense chats with this woman has already landed you in the friend zone. I don't see why because it's so clear as day to me and everyone else! Go on, keep getting your hopes up about her. I guarantee you that'll all come crashing down, dropping you into a squishy, pile of sad jelly. Edited August 6, 2012 by Shaun-Dro missed a word
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