rjl3wy Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Hi so ive been reading the forum and I thought I'd share my current dilemma I was dating this girl for a year and a half. I'm 23 she's 21. I'm her first bf and only guy she's slept with. We were crazy for each other. We had little hiccups throughout the breakup were we'd break up for like a few hours and get back together. We got in a fight June 11 and I broke up with her for something so stupid. When she came over to get her stuff she apparently broke down with my mom and was crying and saying she couldnt lose me. We started talking again and hung out everyday for a few days. But then she started acting weird and she officially ended it on June 22. I left work and basically begged her and we both cried and ****. Long story short for the past month I've been acting crazy trying to get her back, fighting for her. One minute she's like it's over and done with u hurt me etc and the next i kinda see some hope. the big reasons she won't get back with me is broken promises with some steroid ****, us fighting, and all the little breakups. Anyways I find out today she has been seeing a "friend" of mine for the past month, started talking to him a few days after we broke up. I called them both really early this morning when I found out and the guy fessed up and said she contacted him and said they've hung out twice and she's picked him up from the bar when he was drunk. I've always been a bit jealous of this guy and she knows that and she's said she doesn't like him and never thought he was good looking and didn't like the way he treated girls cuz he's a man whore. Anyways as much as this hurts I still love her and for some reason I want her back. My friends are worried about me and there saying I need to talk to someone cuz I'm not dealing with this the right way. My question is should I somehow keep fighting for her or do I give up completely. And if the latter how do I accomplish that:(
Chi townD Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Anyways I find out today she has been seeing a "friend" of mine for the past month, started talking to him a few days after we broke up. I called them both really early this morning when I found out and the guy fessed up and said she contacted him and said they've hung out twice and she's picked him up from the bar when he was drunk. I've always been a bit jealous of this guy and she knows that and she's said she doesn't like him and never thought he was good looking and didn't like the way he treated girls cuz he's a man whore. Uh huh....and yet SHE called him a couple of days after your break up (so much for not liking him). SHE hung out with him a few times (.i.e. went on dates) and SHE picked him up at the bar when he was drunk. If he's that much of a player and if he was buzzing hard, you don't think he put the moves on her? And remember she was the one that first reached out to him! Chances are she already had sex with him. So, then why chase after her? You need to go NC on her. Period. You deserve better dude. So much better.
Author rjl3wy Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 Yeah I'm just having a really hard time dealing with it. Both my parents have almost died this month so I got a lot goin on. Everyone tells me to keep moving on but I do love her. But I just don't know how to move on.
Chi townD Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 You need to go complete NC (no contact). That includes blocking her on your Facebook and canceling twitter! If she calls, let it go to voicemail, if she texts, ingore it. If she e-mails, ignore it. Post here instead. Is NC gonna suck? Hell ya it sucks....at first. But, after a while, you start to get better until one day you wake up and she isn't the first thing on your mind. Post here and post here often, I promise people will be here to walk you through this. Then, you need to start working on yourself. Making massive improvements to yourself. Different hairstyle, different clothes. Going back to school. Get a damn good paying job, hanging with friends and getting new hobbies. And travel! Take a trip somewhere. Give yourself stuff to look forward to. Work towards those goals.
Author rjl3wy Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 The only issue is I owe her and her mom money. Her mom bailed me out of school debt. Owe the ex $800 and owe her mom $5600 A part of me wants to say **** the ex. But still pay back her mom considering she has nothing to do with this. What u think
Mike_d Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 But I just don't know how to move on. sometimes it is as simple as just standing in place for awhile till you feel like you are starting to take the first steps, but it isn't backstepping. pay back the money, keep your dignity and character, do the right thing 1
Chi townD Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 I agree...honor your debts. I would pay off mom first and once you've repaid her, then continue to give the money to mom stating, " This is for the Ex, can you assure me that you'll give it to her?" Do NOT use the fact that you owe her money as an excuse to see her.
durentu Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 my guess is that none of you are brave enough for love... love takes moral courage and responsibility. What you got there is an extended fling.
Author rjl3wy Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 Yeah that's a good idea. Ill start with her mom and then afterwards pay her back. I was just gonna drop the money off in envelopes but that idea works better. Cuz I have a feeling she will message me at somepoint asking if I'm paying her back, in which I can ignore her. Your right keep my character and dignity. And I'll go out with respect.
Author rjl3wy Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 I'm also having a reall tough time dealing with this her and my "friend" thing. Apparently she's heard I've been sleeping around and talking **** about her from one of my friends. So idk if thats him telling her or another fried but it sucks because it's not true. I've been a hermit since she broke it off. But the though of them makes me sick. Like actually sick. I'm at like an all time low with all this ****
chrisusarmy2005 Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Its a hard blow, I mean my ex and I have been broken up for 4 mos and I still love her more then ever. A lot of people say move on but its hard. I live with her,working on getting out of there but it hurts me to see her with other guys doing the same thing I did with her. We were together 4 yrs. For me its a long time and it sucks.
Chi townD Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 I'm also having a reall tough time dealing with this her and my "friend" thing. Apparently she's heard I've been sleeping around and talking **** about her from one of my friends. So idk if thats him telling her or another fried but it sucks because it's not true. I've been a hermit since she broke it off. But the though of them makes me sick. Like actually sick. I'm at like an all time low with all this **** This is gonna hurt, but gee? I wonder who telling her that stuff? I think maybe your "friend" that she's been having sex with? Maybe so she won't feel guilty about screwing him if she thinks your doing it to? They're both scum and not worth your time or energy. AND STOP BEING A HERMIT!!! Do you think she's gonna be sitting at home on a friday night? Go out! Reconnect with friends; have fun for a change!!!
Mike_d Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 that's a huge breach of the primary guy rule: you don't date your friends ex's, or in this case you don't date your friends current gf. Your "friend" is anything but, he should be dead to you. If you can, it is possible to see a silver lining in this. Your "friend" actually did you a solid on his way to sticking the knife in your back, he showed you his true colors, and he showed you that your girl was garbage. You're in a temporary zone of insanity where your brain is clouded by the strong chemicals of love and the deep sting of rejection - when your brain clears you'll be able to see just how horrible she really was for you, no one that loves you would even begin to consider treating you that way. You can check this theory by considering how strongly you felt about this person, and then consider that, with those strong feelings, is there any way you would have done this same thing in return to her? So what does this say about her true feelings towards you? Just don't worry about what other people think, be true to yourself, maintain as much dignity as you can, stay NC and just keep on keeping on, you will come out of it. Lows happen, and that's ok, it is temporary. Allow yourself the time to heal up, you'll get there. keep posting, it'll help
Author rjl3wy Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 Wow those last couple posts were really helpful. I agree totally. Obviously it still hurts big time but it going to for a while I assume. My buddy told me that I should focus 100% on me. Hit the gym hard, get super ripped, get myself back on track financially and that way, down the road you can be happy with the fact you improved yourself as she'll probably regret her decision to do this to you.
Author rjl3wy Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 And I'm struggling because I want her back still because I love her. But then again I know I shouldn't because of all this that's happened
Author rjl3wy Posted August 5, 2012 Author Posted August 5, 2012 So update on this situation. It's 100% done. For the entire time she barely is talking to me, her friends don't talk to me either. Well yesterday he bestfriends boyfriend called me and basically as a friend, he's telling me to move on. And to back off messaging her and ****, beause she's scared?... And he doesn't want it to turn into her taking legal action against me, which is ****ing insane beause I'm nowhere near that bad. So now I'm definitely not messaging her or hoping for the best. Now my big question is other than time, space and nc is there any other helpful ways to get over her, and to stop thinking abou her and my so called friend
Mike_d Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 ....So now I'm definitely not messaging her or hoping for the best. good to hear Now my big question is other than time, space and nc is there any other helpful ways to get over her, and to stop thinking abou her and my so called friend journaling, getting thoughts out of your head, reading some self help books that will bring you back to who you used to be and allow you to better yourself so that you don't make these same decisions again. exercise to get the chemicals in your brain sorted, make your body feel better, help with self esteem. and just let the clock tick, small steps to work on making new memories so that the old ones can start to slowly be replaced. and learning acceptance, this isn't a fast process that any of us are going through, allow that to be ok even when it isn't. get in social situations so that your brain is not allowed to f*ck with you as it does when you are alone. this is a period of time to become better in all phases of live.
Author rjl3wy Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 Well thanks for the advice mike. I do something on Sunday night that I shouldn't have. The "friend" came to a place where I was working, it's like a strip of bars. Anyways I got cut early from my bar and went ang hung out at the bar he went to, prior to his arrival. When he came I let my emotions get the better of me and went in an asked him to come talk to me outside. He refused and I eventually grabbed him and it ended with me feeding him a few shots to the face. Broken nose and bloody face later he left. I also heard rumors that my ex had said I broke into her house and that I had hit her... So that set me off again. I texted her askin to speak with her and her mother about it because those are serious lies. Well no reply from her and I'm assuming she's pissed off at me for the fight.
Mike_d Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 the anger will eat you from the inside out. while you didn't help yourself at all as you acknowledge today is a new day. get some help if you can so that you can learn new tools for dealing with what is eating you up inside, right now it seems your toolbox is pretty empty. but it can be better, much better.
Chi townD Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 So update on this situation. It's 100% done. For the entire time she barely is talking to me, her friends don't talk to me either. Well yesterday he bestfriends boyfriend called me and basically as a friend, he's telling me to move on. And to back off messaging her and ****, beause she's scared?... And he doesn't want it to turn into her taking legal action against me, which is ****ing insane beause I'm nowhere near that bad. So now I'm definitely not messaging her or hoping for the best. Now my big question is other than time, space and nc is there any other helpful ways to get over her, and to stop thinking abou her and my so called friend Really dude! We've been telling you to go complete NC. Not to e-mail her text her or call her. This tells me that you were still doing all of that. You saw the dude out on the town and beat the hell out of the guy. The only thing you've accomplished was to justify her reasoning for dumping you because you're a stalking and violent asshat. Why do you even post here looking for advice when you won't even follow it when it's given. WAKE UP DUDE!!!
Author rjl3wy Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 Nah I haven't really talked to her since posting here. We had convo so I could get my stuff back but that's it. What he's telling me is from previous o posting here. And that guy came to my bar so it not stalking. The violent part isn't who I am. Just got angry and regret it. Ah well
Chi townD Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Nah I haven't really talked to her since posting here. We had convo so I could get my stuff back but that's it. What he's telling me is from previous o posting here. And that guy came to my bar so it not stalking. The violent part isn't who I am. Just got angry and regret it. Ah well Okay, so your reasoning is sound......to you. For your Ex, she will use any excuse to demonize you and you're giving her the ammo to do it. Did the douche rocket have it coming to him? Yeah, probably. Did he deserve an ass whoopin for sleeping with your (then) girlfriend? Yeah, Probably. But, here's the rub, she will never see it that way. So, from this point on. Complete NC because now the sh*t is going to get deep! I have a feeling that she won't take you beating the hell out of the guy she was sleeping with laying down. Best to just move on.
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