Sav Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Hi guys, just recently broke up with my girlfriend, or should i say ex-gf of 2.5 years. Was really heart-broken as the break-up came out of the blue, with her giving me the "I need to find myself back again" and "I still love you but my feelings have faded" talk. 10 days have passed since we broke up and today is day 4 of NC. Honestly i didnt think NC would be so hard and it really hurts to not contact someone I have been contacting daily for the past 2.5 years. I've been immersing myself by reading and going out but it's just hard in the morning when i wake up and reality hits as well as at night when i'm all alone. Do you guys think I'm moving on? Because I dont hurt THAT much and I've stopped crying. Its just I think of her with another guy and I get jealous and have that awful feeling in my chest. But I would like to move on very very much :\
KatZee Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 I think you're probably in the shock stage. Moving on is going to take a hell of a lot longer than 4-10 days. Moving on is also something that has to come naturally and gradually. You can't rush through it, or by pass certain stages... you're going to have some TRULY terrible days. And once you hit the anger stage it's really going to be annoying. Especially since this is extremely new and fresh, there are likely to be some things you find out as time goes on... and it'll set you back, or push you a bit forward.
Author Sav Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 @ Katzee : ah well that sucks then. But as a guy its hard to admit a girl can make me fall so hard. I remember the first three days I went without food and called all my female friends on the phone and cried out loud. Not to mention booking a ticket overseas for the weekend alone. It made me think alot. My friends are like my pillar of support right now and reading stories here really made me think that I will survive this. I hope I will pass this stage soon then if what you said is true ..really wanna move along
KatZee Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 It'll happen as time goes on but don't force it. You gotta let yourself feel these emotions one at a time. If this was your first love it'll probably take longer to move on than if it was a second or third. Just keep doing what you're doing, relying on friends, etc. Sounds like you got a great support system.
Author Sav Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 Yeap! im really glad to say I have so many friends that I can depend on. And now I've found this site which is really something that helps me go forward. This is my 2nd love but she's just nice :\ maybe too jealous and sensitive but overall a nice girl. Thanks KatZee, I hope I'll do better and yea, I wont try to force it
theskyisblue Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Hey Sav, It sounds, like Katzee said, that you're in shock a bit. My girlfriend dumped me about a month ago and I've only spoken to her twice, once to arrange to get my stuff and once when actually getting it. I thought I was doing well and then started crying at the smallest sad things that usually would not get to you. TV shows you used to watch or places you used to go. Then occasionally you get this anger where you just want to go a bit crazy and need to do physical exercise to get rid of the frustration. Then you might get the ridiculously lonely stage and doubt yourself and think how happy she is with her life while you are struggling with yours. There's so much good advice on here and the community is so helpful. I've been coming by to post as and when and trying to help others as well. You sound like you've got good friends to help you. Keep strong. 1
Author Sav Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 @theskyisblue: ahh dang. Just woke up and felt like total crap. As I've mentioned, waking up is really one of the hardest thing to do. I keep telling myself that she's not coming back and its impossible to return to where we are, just have to keep reminding myself i guess :\
LvRorynVan Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 @theskyisblue: ahh dang. Just woke up and felt like total crap. As I've mentioned, waking up is really one of the hardest thing to do. I keep telling myself that she's not coming back and its impossible to return to where we are, just have to keep reminding myself i guess :\ I hear you there! Its only been a week since I was left and I ABSOLUTELY HATE waking up and realizing that this IS really happening to me and there's nothing I can do to change it...worst feeling ever. Now its night time and Im feeling it now. Venting on this site helps so so much.
kyle77 Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 ya personally i really struggle with the little things! sometimes just a smell you smell or a place or an inanimate object can just break you down... several times I have been hanging out with friends and then all of a sudden I just feel terrible because of a picture i see or a memory....it can be really tough....even to the point where i wanted to kill myself....but you just have to keep on struggling! it does get better.....I don't know if it will ever get good.....because personally I haven't been happy since me and my ex broke up but I can tell you it gets a lot easier!
Occu3.14'd Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 I hear you there! Its only been a week since I was left and I ABSOLUTELY HATE waking up and realizing that this IS really happening to me and there's nothing I can do to change it...worst feeling ever. Now its night time and Im feeling it now. Venting on this site helps so so much. It's just amazing how all-consuming this experience really is. I feel miserable and depressed when I wake up. Then I spend all day at work trying to keep it together, just waiting to get out of there. Then I get home and try to do something to keep my mind off of it (never works). Then I try to go to sleep, but I end up having a staring contest with the ceiling. Then I try to think about any other possible thing in the world to fall asleep to, but somehow my mind makes the few (often illogical) leaps back to her. Then I finally fall asleep and spend the night dreaming about her, only to wake up and do it again. And again. And again. The worst part is, there's no objective at the end. It's not like you have a long shift at work where you know that you'll eventually finish. It's not like pushing your way through final exams where you know that eventually you'll finish. All it really is, is just passing the time. And then comes the weekend. I used to live for the weekend. I would spend all of it with my ex. I loved weekends more than anything. But now, there's nothing. Tomorrow is Friday, and I don't even care, because it'll one step closer to having two full days to either let my mind go crazy, or to go out and force myself to be social. But that never works, because the entire time I'm out with my friends, my body is there, by my mind is somewhere else. Anyone want to guess where? Sorry for rambling. I'm just having a rough night (not the first, and definitely not the last). This ****ing blows.
davebla8 Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Can totally sympathise with all of these feelings mentioned! Although i am the 'dumper' it has not made it any easier. I ended it 2 months ago as i knew it wasnt going to work long term, but i still feel totally sick about it now. I was convinced at the time and long before that it needed to happen as the relationship was so full of arguments, but getting past that broken attachment to my ex feels impossible. Everyone says give it time.... i hope theyre right. 1
Author Sav Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 Yea I get all those feelings mentioned above. This is my 2nd serious relationship. I was with my first love for 4 years and I still remember how it sucked. I just dont want to go back into the cycle of being a depressing guy after a break up. The people on this site are really AMAZING and reading stories as well as words of encouragement from you guys really perk me up and let me know that I'm not alone. Well, it's 430am where I'm at. I just reached home. Thing is, I try to hang out with anyone I can find till as late as possible before coming home where all the memories are. Just want to tell you guys HANG IN THERE and you're all definitely not alone as I'm feeling every single **** that comes with a breakup. We will get through this, I believe I will.
KatZee Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Can totally sympathise with all of these feelings mentioned! Although i am the 'dumper' it has not made it any easier. I ended it 2 months ago as i knew it wasnt going to work long term, but i still feel totally sick about it now. I was convinced at the time and long before that it needed to happen as the relationship was so full of arguments, but getting past that broken attachment to my ex feels impossible. Everyone says give it time.... i hope theyre right. I like seeing this. Not that you're in pain of course, but the other side. My ex left me almost three months ago and my ego constantly tortures me with, "He's so happy! He's out living the good life, has a new girlfriend, he's perfectly fine, he doesn't miss me at all." We were together close to three years, and this past week I found out he was seeing this new girl. I'm assuming it was rebound central since it lasted a month and now it's over with. She even looks like me. It's nice to think that maybe, just MAYBE he's going through some of the turmoil he put me through.
Author Sav Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 I like seeing this. Not that you're in pain of course, but the other side. My ex left me almost three months ago and my ego constantly tortures me with, "He's so happy! He's out living the good life, has a new girlfriend, he's perfectly fine, he doesn't miss me at all." We were together close to three years, and this past week I found out he was seeing this new girl. I'm assuming it was rebound central since it lasted a month and now it's over with. She even looks like me. It's nice to think that maybe, just MAYBE he's going through some of the turmoil he put me through. The dumper is bound to hurt I guess. :\ No one is truly immune to breaking up. My ex gf that dumped me gave me all the how the feeling has faded and how she kind of likes someone now but I found her squatting outside my condominium bawling her eyes out the very night she broke up with me. I guess it hurts for her too :\ a slight consolation to me nonetheless
not-a-drive-by Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 I like seeing this. Not that you're in pain of course, but the other side. My ex left me almost three months ago and my ego constantly tortures me with, "He's so happy! He's out living the good life, has a new girlfriend, he's perfectly fine, he doesn't miss me at all." We were together close to three years, and this past week I found out he was seeing this new girl. I'm assuming it was rebound central since it lasted a month and now it's over with. She even looks like me. It's nice to think that maybe, just MAYBE he's going through some of the turmoil he put me through. Yes, I cannot think of anything else other than he is living happily with his life without. So seeing the other side of how a dumper may not be living as we imagine, can be somewhat relieving (probably the wrong word - and sorry davebla8). I was browsing another forum and it had the perspective of how dumpers feel after breaking. From the bunch of responses, it seems like the main feeling is guilt. Something they dreaded doing so much, but it was inevitable (so it seems). It actually made me cry and set me back even further, thinking that my ex may possibly be going through that too. It really hurt reading those posts by the dumpers (some reason). Sav, it'll probably take a month to realise what has happened. I feel for you. My ex was my first love (2.5 years). We basically contacted each other every day. And all of a sudden, he has disappeared out of my life. It's the most painful thing. It's almost 2 months since the BU, and I'm still missing him like crazy. But I can say, I am better than I was during the first few days/weeks of BU. It hurts thinking about all the pain I felt during that time.
Author Sav Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 @ not-a-drive-by: Sigh. It's exactly as what you said. 2.5 years of daily contact and suddenly to none at all really hurts and sucks. I can't just throw all my emotions and forget everything that happened between us. One step at a time I guess, no matter how hard I want it to end, I have to grit my teeth and hope it heals
Recommended Posts