Eliades Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 (edited) Alright, well I might as well start off by talking about the beginning to end of our relationship. And my bad if sounds annoying or repetive. My mind is just a mess. First it started off like we'd talk a lot on FB, while she was with this one guy she had been dating for a long time, but the thing is he cheated on her multiple times. She'd tell me about all the stuff he did and what not. So finally at the beginning of April she left him (apparently she kinda liked me, I didn't know at the time). Then by mid april I hung out with her the first time in a while, she was shy too (becasue she liked me kinda) we had a descent time then we started hanging out more and more the following week or so. Then by April 21 (bear with me I remember dates really well for some reason) she got a little drunk and ya know how people are when drunk inner feelings come out and she confessed she liked me a lot, and didn't think or know i feel about her, and to be honest I didn't feel the same at the time plain and simple. Then we chilled once the following a few days after, then a few more days after (April 27) after I hugged her I kissed her out of the blue something compelled me too. She was happy about it. Then about a week later I saw her for the first time since then, hung with her, my friend, and her friends all night and kissed her again before i left, but still didn't know I felt. Although, we hung a couple more times the following week, the on May 10 the night/ morning May 11 we making out a lot passionately, biting eachothers necks, etc. Then she asked me if we wanted to go to my car, then I said yes, and we had sex that night. It was great. Then we started being more intimate with eacother the following weeks, had sex more etc. Calling eacother babe, baby, etc. and passion ffrom her end. Then we basically started seeing eachother, like she wouldn't talk to other guys, and i wouldn't talk other girls really. She even told me once around that time, that I was always on her mind. I began to even have feelings for her myself too. So throughout the month of June we were having our thing, things were great. By the end of the month she said to me, "Wanna know something?" I said "What?" She said "You know you make me really happy, right?" I told her I felt the same and what not. But then by the end of that week June 30 she felt a bit insecure it seemed. She asked me how much I really liked her on a scale from one to ten or something. I called her up right after, to tell her I liked her a lot, she seemed happy. I told her I thought i was bothering her and what not, and she thought she was to me. Then she got really happy because I liked her we then had a good convo and it got a bit sexual in a good way that night. Then throughout July, things were good we communicated well with eachother about stuff like Jealousy and what not, i told her about how i didn't like it when other guys hit on her and stuff, and she felt the same about girls doing it to me, we talked about her past, my past too, etc. She even once told me after one of those talks that she liked me more. Then around the 14th of July after a very good sex session, she told me that she had feelings for me and i said i felt the same. The same thing basically happened the 17th, she said something about how i was always on her mind. And left me cute like stuff on my FB wall. Although, from the 20 to 27 of july I had to go on a trip away from town, she said she was gonna miss me a lot etc. But then on the 20th I finally decided to ask her out, she said she didn't know you she needed to think about it, it because of it wasn't that long since she dumped her ex. But then next day, she said she wanted to talk to me on the phone, she then told me she was cool with moving forward. Later that night she even told me, she was happy to be my GF. During that trip she would say stuff to me like "I ****ing miss you" "I can't wait to see you", "You've been on my mind" She even made FB statuses and stuff about that. I even felt the same about her. Then when I finally got back she got excited and everything to see me, we even had sex that night. Then a few days later I wasn't feeling good at all, it had to do with anxiety and her, I told her, she kept asking me what was wrong I wouldn't tell her she said stuff like she was there to help, and she wanted to help, like she truly cared. Then the next day I got to spend with her it was good, we saw a movie and went to the mall. During the movie she layed on me and cuddled with me, and at the mall she would always want to hold my hand and even PDA. Later we had a good evening with eachother and what not, even later she asked me if i wanted to have sex, I said yes of course. For a while it was going good until she got sick,a nd I wasn't feeling sympathetic if you know what I mean. I didn't find out 'till the next day she was mad about it. She really didn't even talk to me at all that day Until later that night she hit me up again and we talked and stuff, but I didn't apologize 'till yesterday. Even though we had been texting for a while during the day, I even asked her if she wanted to hang and she said "later for sure babe" we texted more then she didn't respond to me for a long time, so I hit her up on FB asking if she still wanted to she said "maybe when she's done watching her nephew" ANd we were going too... Although, she then sent me a message on FB while were conversing saying "Can I be honest with you about something?" Then she said She thought we rushed things way too fast and she had personal problems. She also thought she really didn't know me before, and mentioned something about how she'd have to get to know me like 2 or 3 more months idk. But that wasn't the point I guess, the point was she we rushed things way too fast, especially about the official relationship. She said it wasn't me, and she also said she didn't want a relationship with anyone right now. So, I talked to her about some more details on the phone, and we continued it over text becasue her phone died. Asking if we could still chill, text, talk, and we were cool in general, she said yes. Then I said how that was good, and I ended up saying "Good night "her name" :)" and she said the same thing. But the she ended up hitting me back on facebook saying "We can still talk here if you want, if not it's cool." So we're just talking on here, but not about anything like i mentioned earlier. All in all I'm confused, I don't know what to think, I feeling angry, confused, and sad. I just want to win her back, and I'd even go through hell and back to do it. I know it's a lot but could you guys please help me out here? I'd appreciate it a whole lot . Thanks in advance. Edited August 2, 2012 by Eliades
Appleness Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Hey Eliades, There's no need to stress it. This whole thing really only lasted a few months. It reads like a total fling. I don't mean that you didn't like her alot (or that she didn't like you back). But I would like to point out a few things: 1. Your story is very detailed with exact dates. I noticed that neither of you have said "I love you." 2. Age matters alot in these situations. Is she 18-25? It might be GIGS because she sounds she's not sure what she wants. Because she started dating you cause she liked you enough in the beginning but then someone else is paying her attention and now she's rethinking what she has with you? 3. Unless you see yourself in a real long term relationship with her, this might be great time to quit while you're ahead. Whatever you do, don't beg or plead or try to change her mind. Stuff like that doesn't work in your favor cause you didn't do anything wrong.
Canadian731 Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 I agree with appleness, this relationship was only a few months long, may hit you hard but I see her using you as a rebound, you said her ex wasn't very good to her so maybe she used you to verify that she is worth something and someone does want her. You will get over it and you will love again, try a 4 year relationship and having her cheat on you lol consider yourself lucky my friend.
KathyM Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Something happened to chill her off from you, and I can take a pretty good guess at what it is. When she didn't feel well that one night and got sick, you were not sympathetic, you said, and appeared to be unconcerned about it. That sunk in for her, and her perception of you negatively changed. It showed a callousness on your part that she could not get past. I saw this same thing do serious damage to my sister's second marriage. When my sister was ill and feeling really horrible, her husband showed a lack of concern, lack of caring, was very indifferent, and he basically spent the evening messing around on his computer and ignoring her. The lack of caring and concern really made my sister see her husband in a different light that she had never seen him before. One that showed he was not a kind person, and did not have the kind of loving nature that one would expect from a spouse. This was a side to him that she had never seen before, and she was shocked and dismayed. Needless to say, this was the beginning of the end of their marriage. It is during times of stress, pain, challenge, and hardship that we see the true character of our partner, and if that character is not what we want in a partner, those times can be a turning point in a relationship that leads to its demise. I'm guessing she saw your lack of empathy or concern when she was sick as a negative sign, and that was a dealbreaker for her.
Author Eliades Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 Hey Eliades, There's no need to stress it. This whole thing really only lasted a few months. It reads like a total fling. I don't mean that you didn't like her alot (or that she didn't like you back). But I would like to point out a few things: 1. Your story is very detailed with exact dates. I noticed that neither of you have said "I love you." 2. Age matters alot in these situations. Is she 18-25? It might be GIGS because she sounds she's not sure what she wants. Because she started dating you cause she liked you enough in the beginning but then someone else is paying her attention and now she's rethinking what she has with you? 3. Unless you see yourself in a real long term relationship with her, this might be great time to quit while you're ahead. Whatever you do, don't beg or plead or try to change her mind. Stuff like that doesn't work in your favor cause you didn't do anything wrong. Yeah, a fling, or a thing. I'd say. 1. Nope, we never did. I ended up loving her I'd say. She told me she had feelings for me, she even once said she was getting attached to me sometime in July. She said a lot of other stuff too. 2. Yeah I forgot our ages, she's 17 and I turn 19 in a few weeks, but honestly I don't think it had to do with someone else more like her wanting to be single. Because she made a status last night on FB saying "Feeling like a free spirit, let's get high." 3. Well, we're pretty much broke up the night I made that original post. And, yeah I'm not going to beg or anything like that, but she did hit me up again last night, the night after we broke up. I don't get that. Although, I do really want to win her back bad. I hope you get through this! Thank you I'm trying. I agree with appleness, this relationship was only a few months long, may hit you hard but I see her using you as a rebound, you said her ex wasn't very good to her so maybe she used you to verify that she is worth something and someone does want her. You will get over it and you will love again, try a 4 year relationship and having her cheat on you lol consider yourself lucky my friend. Hmm maybe, I definitely considered that, and I hope to god not. But the thing is, she did like me while she was with him, and cheating on him. She also liked me last year when we first met (I didn't like her at the time) before she went out with her ex. Something happened to chill her off from you, and I can take a pretty good guess at what it is. When she didn't feel well that one night and got sick, you were not sympathetic, you said, and appeared to be unconcerned about it. That sunk in for her, and her perception of you negatively changed. It showed a callousness on your part that she could not get past. I saw this same thing do serious damage to my sister's second marriage. When my sister was ill and feeling really horrible, her husband showed a lack of concern, lack of caring, was very indifferent, and he basically spent the evening messing around on his computer and ignoring her. The lack of caring and concern really made my sister see her husband in a different light that she had never seen him before. One that showed he was not a kind person, and did not have the kind of loving nature that one would expect from a spouse. This was a side to him that she had never seen before, and she was shocked and dismayed. Needless to say, this was the beginning of the end of their marriage. It is during times of stress, pain, challenge, and hardship that we see the true character of our partner, and if that character is not what we want in a partner, those times can be a turning point in a relationship that leads to its demise. I'm guessing she saw your lack of empathy or concern when she was sick as a negative sign, and that was a dealbreaker for her. Yeah, that's a very very valid point, all the girls I"ve talked to about were like "You can't do that too a woman" but still I apologize a lot for it. ANd, she should've accepted better. All in all, I'm feeling very up and down. I want her back bad and want to know how, although at the same time I think I may need to move on, but I don't think I'd ever find a girl like her or get one like her.
KathyM Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Yeah, a fling, or a thing. I'd say. 1. Nope, we never did. I ended up loving her I'd say. She told me she had feelings for me, she even once said she was getting attached to me sometime in July. She said a lot of other stuff too. 2. Yeah I forgot our ages, she's 17 and I turn 19 in a few weeks, but honestly I don't think it had to do with someone else more like her wanting to be single. Because she made a status last night on FB saying "Feeling like a free spirit, let's get high." 3. Well, we're pretty much broke up the night I made that original post. And, yeah I'm not going to beg or anything like that, but she did hit me up again last night, the night after we broke up. I don't get that. Although, I do really want to win her back bad. Thank you I'm trying. Hmm maybe, I definitely considered that, and I hope to god not. But the thing is, she did like me while she was with him, and cheating on him. She also liked me last year when we first met (I didn't like her at the time) before she went out with her ex. Yeah, that's a very very valid point, all the girls I"ve talked to about were like "You can't do that too a woman" but still I apologize a lot for it. ANd, she should've accepted better. All in all, I'm feeling very up and down. I want her back bad and want to know how, although at the same time I think I may need to move on, but I don't think I'd ever find a girl like her or get one like her. Sometimes, you don't get a second chance once you screw up, no matter how many times you apologize. I'd suggest you accept the break up and move on. Consider this a learning experience--when a woman is going through a difficult time or is ill or stressed out, you have to be there for her, be sympathetic to her and take care of her. If you do that, it will make such a huge, positive impression on her. If you don't, she will see you as uncaring and callous, and her feelings will turn more negative towards you. Acts of caring are what bond people together and create lasting feelings for a person.
Author Eliades Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 Sometimes, you don't get a second chance once you screw up, no matter how many times you apologize. I'd suggest you accept the break up and move on. Consider this a learning experience--when a woman is going through a difficult time or is ill or stressed out, you have to be there for her, be sympathetic to her and take care of her. If you do that, it will make such a huge, positive impression on her. If you don't, she will see you as uncaring and callous, and her feelings will turn more negative towards you. Acts of caring are what bond people together and create lasting feelings for a person. That is true, but I did a lot for her too, cared for her a lot when she was down. She doesn't know what she lost. I don't want her to pity me or anything, I just want her to want me back. I still feel things aren't over yet. Plus, we're still supposed to go to a show on the 17th together.
KathyM Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 That is true, but I did a lot for her too, cared for her a lot when she was down. She doesn't know what she lost. I don't want her to pity me or anything, I just want her to want me back. I still feel things aren't over yet. Plus, we're still supposed to go to a show on the 17th together. I hope it works out for you. Maybe you could do a little reminiscing with her before or after the show about all the good times you had together, and let her know you're really going to miss her. Maybe that will help to soften her heart. Might be worth a try.
Recommended Posts