SJC2008 Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Do you tell the person that you are dating you are not a multi dater and do you ask them if they are?? If so how many dates in??
monkey00 Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 I usually don't ask. If I met them online then likely I assume that they are doing it. But if we reach the 4th or 5th date, at that point I hope that they aren't or we'll have some kind of talk.
Silly_Girl Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 I'm honest from the off if I think there might be something with that person. If I know it's going nowhere I don't get in to all that as it's just not relevant.
january2011 Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 When I was doing OLD, I asked very early on if they were "in conversation" with anyone else and also their opinions about multi-dating and online dating in general - especially their experiences on the site. A lead-in to asking them if they are seeing anyone else and finding out if they are actually free to date.
Andy_K Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 I generally don't bring it up if they don't. Most girls here tend not to multi-date anyway. Also, most girls won't sleep with more than one guy at a time, so if you're sleeping together after 2 or 3 dates then you probably don't need to bring it up.
RedRobin Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 I don't tend to date total strangers, but when I do, it is usually something I sort out in the first couple of dates... Sometimes it takes a bit longer... but after the 3rd or 4th date... you should get a straight answer. If not, then it's time to move on... I'd suggest not using the term 'multidating' though. You'll have to find ways to get at their dating style that are a bit more subtle... Alot of them won't be honest about it because they want to keep lots of people on the hook. I do recommend being upfront with your style... starting with the first date or two. That way, if they can't come clean or answer questions directly... or even straight out lie, you can just beg out with a diplomatic "Looks like our values and goals aren't compatible. Good Luck!" 1
RedRobin Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 (edited) I generally don't bring it up if they don't. Most girls here tend not to multi-date anyway. Also, most girls won't sleep with more than one guy at a time, so if you're sleeping together after 2 or 3 dates then you probably don't need to bring it up. OP... I don't recommend this approach. Men who try to sex me up without asking/volunteering these kinds of things... I assume they aren't serious, are just into casual sex, or are multidating... and I next them... If that is the impression you want to leave, then OK. It is both people's responsibility to communicate. If a guy tries to leave it all up to me, I assume he's going to be expecting me to drag lots of other things out of him down the road too. That's not the kind of relationship, I want... Edited August 2, 2012 by RedRobin
miss_jaclynrae Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 OP... I don't recommend this approach. Men who try to sex me up without asking/volunteering these kinds of things... I assume they aren't serious, are just into casual sex, or are multidating... and I next them... If that is the impression you want to leave, then OK. It is both people's responsibility to communicate. If a guy tries to leave it all up to me, I assume he's going to be expecting me to drag lots of other things out of him down the road too. So boring and predictable. DONT LISTEN TO HER OP!!!!
RedRobin Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 DONT LISTEN TO HER OP!!!! He's already made up his mind about multi-dating... sounds like he's not a fan. ... and yea, OP... do yourself a big favor and take a look at MJ's posts... classic multi-dater BS and selective phrasing. She sleeps with guys, then tells a new guy she's 'single' if they ask if she's seeing anyone. Stuff like that... Gotta keep your eyes open, man.
miss_jaclynrae Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 He's already made up his mind about multi-dating... sounds like he's not a fan. ... and yea, OP... do yourself a big favor and take a look at MJ's posts... classic multi-dater BS and selective phrasing. She sleeps with guys, then tells a new guy she's 'single' if they ask if she's seeing anyone. Stuff like that... Gotta keep your eyes open, man. It was a joke. Sheesh. Want me to pull the pole out for you?
RedRobin Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 (edited) It was a joke. Sheesh. Want me to pull the pole out for you? He asked a serious question. See... some non-multidaters are serious about avoiding multi-daters. As for poles... I'd rather you shove one up yours for all the BS you tell men. Behavior like yours just makes it tougher for the rest of us... But thanks for chiming in!... gave me the opportunity to give him a good example of what to avoid... Edited August 2, 2012 by RedRobin 1
miss_jaclynrae Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 He asked a serious question. See... some non-multidaters are serious about avoiding multi-daters. As for poles... I'd rather you shove one up yours for all the BS you tell men. Behavior like yours just makes it tougher for the rest of us. But thanks for chiming in!... gave me the opportunity to give him a good example of what to avoid... Didn't you block me? Speak for yourself red, you seem to be having a tougher time than most... maybe you should try multi-dating! Just because you give advice, doesn't mean it is automatically the best way to go about things.
miss_jaclynrae Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 She sleeps with guys, then tells a new guy she's 'single' if they ask if she's seeing anyone. Yeah, because if you decide you want to get laid you automatically are in a relationship right?
RedRobin Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Yeah, because if you decide you want to get laid you automatically are in a relationship right? To a non-multidater looking for a serious relationship... um, yea... that is often what it means. Sex = relationship. But you don't get that. Nor do you feel the need to be honest with someone so that they can make the best choice for themselves in advance. Kinda sad, really.
Emilia Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 OP... I don't recommend this approach. Men who try to sex me up without asking/volunteering these kinds of things... I assume they aren't serious, are just into casual sex, or are multidating... and I next them... If that is the impression you want to leave, then OK. It is both people's responsibility to communicate. If a guy tries to leave it all up to me, I assume he's going to be expecting me to drag lots of other things out of him down the road too. That's not the kind of relationship, I want... Andy and I live in the UK just like oaks does too. Things are different here, multidating is not the norm (though in OLD it happens here as well). It is seen as cheating by most people as you are supposed to be exclusive as soon as you start dating. 2
RedRobin Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Andy and I live in the UK just like oaks does too. Things are different here, multidating is not the norm (though in OLD it happens here as well). It is seen as cheating by most people as you are supposed to be exclusive as soon as you start dating. Thanks for clearing that up for the OP... Makes me want to move to the UK! It's ok that people have different styles... I just wish people would be up front about it, that's all. 1
Emilia Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 I think it's a little less confusing over here but then again I think you go on fewer dates with fewer people (talking about people at the age of 21+) because it isn't as casual as in the US as far as I can see. I don't mean casual as in 'casual sex' but when a guy and I start seeing each other, we usually know we want to date. We don't just go for a coffee to see whether we click. You still talk about how things are going after a couple of months but there is no exclusivity talk because there aren't coffee dates with other people.
oaks Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Andy and I live in the UK just like oaks does too. Things are different here, multidating is not the norm (though in OLD it happens here as well). It is seen as cheating by most people as you are supposed to be exclusive as soon as you start dating. I guess I didn't get the memo.
rocketman122 Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 The woman here in Israel are not multidaters on the whole. but I mainly date woman 45+ (im 40btw) so its not an issue. all the woman I dated have told me they want me all to themselves and im all too happy to oblige. I dont believe in multi dating. its not right and not fair. but besides that, I can smell a multidater right away and if I didnt pick it up in my filtering system then when it comes to the dating, I simply walk away. I dont believe in competing with other men for love. I dont have to. I get my fair share. the fact that im picky is something else. and with more woman than men here, I can If I close a date with someone from OLD and we hit it off, I am no longer online. I dont close my account till we start getting serious (2 months or so) but I dont log in either. but those woman I date..they check me to see if and when I logged in. because when I come to freeze the account I can see they clicked my profile. if its around the time we just started then I can understand because maybe they want to read about me, or show the profile to a friend..but if its a month into it (it didnt happen yet) I will have to confront them..but they check.
chphan Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 It is seen as cheating by most people as you are supposed to be exclusive as soon as you start dating. I sort of take this view too and not fond of multi-dating. The questions is this... what would you or anyone else here consider the start of dating someone? Once you start kissing them, hugging them, ect, ect? Being affectionate. I don't have a problem with a woman going around and meeting guys for say coffee, lunch, ect, just to see if there's chemistry and stuff (from OLD) but if it's get to the point where she's meeting them a few times and there's interaction such as kissing and stuff it gets to the point where it turn me off. My personal preference is that I don't want to kiss a girl that's out kissing a lot of other guys too even if it's nothing serious. Mind you I'm in the 35+ age group so things maybe different. 1
rocketman122 Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 The questions is this... what would you or anyone else here consider the start of dating someone? first date. plain and simple. If we hit it off and we kiss and hug then first date. If you hit it off, why the need to check more woman? you will never find love if youre constantly looking. those multidaters are the ones who will never get settled because they think something better will come along. but it doesnt. its just another variation of what you had and gave up. you will never find perfect. find someone as ****ed up as you and when you see it, hold it as tight as you can.
chphan Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Hitting it off doesn't mean much to me since it could be I like that person as a person or as a friend hence why I consider being open to meeting someone else at this early stage. It means that I haven't really establish a physical attraction to them yet. That can come later once you get to know the person. However for me once you kiss than it does become more official as a date. Until that happens I just consider 2 people getting to know each other as friends.
oaks Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 The questions is this... what would you or anyone else here consider the start of dating someone? The first date! (but not, say, the first email, first phonecall etc if those things happen before the first date, because you're hardly "dating" someone if you haven't had date #1.)
rocketman122 Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 (edited) Hitting it off doesn't mean much to me since it could be I like that person as a person or as a friend hence why I consider being open to meeting someone else at this early stage. It means that I haven't really establish a physical attraction to them yet. That can come later once you get to know the person. However for me once you kiss than it does become more official as a date. Until that happens I just consider 2 people getting to know each other as friends. youre just making an excuse for yourself and want acceptance on your point of view so you feel its ok to multidate. but if you hit it off and youre attracted to them, then thats it. otherwise, tell them you want to be friends and move on. but you have that multidating seed in you looking to come out. do what the hell you want. but its first date. if you hit it off and she gave clear intentions she wants another date (and you do too), then its dating. first date and kissing. gaming is over. Im a mature adult and I dont play games like you seem to do. I see something, I like it, I buy it. bam, done. first date. and if the first date didnt go well then why would there be a 2nd? Edited August 2, 2012 by rocketman122
mysteryscape Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Multi-dating! How many people should you be dating at the same time? - Yahoo! Shine she is a monogamy enthusiast but encourages multidating but suggests cutting it off as soon as you find somebody you actually like. Is this a healthy approach? Is it what is usually meant by "multidating"? Is it consistent with non-multidating? Comments appreciated but please read the article first!
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