kourix Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 basically, before i jump the gun as i always, i would like feedback on whether i should do this... i don't want to come off desperate to this guy. met this guy in a club, he's from germany and has been here about 1-2 months on a 3yrs contract. he just rented a new apartment and will be moving in in about 1-2weeks. anyway, the day we met, we hooked up, left his house abruptly in the morning for work but i left him my number and he got in touch the next day. talked for abit. a few days later, he messages again asking about places to get furniture but he didn't trust my advise so it ended kinda weirdly haha. we don't talk for about 1-2weeks, and i randomly messaged him a "hey!" when i was bored, and he said hey we haven't been talking for awhile, then he asked me out. funnily enough, i bump into him at a club(total coincidence) the same night we text, and we dance for abit and head to his place after. we talked, hooked up and slept. in the morning, same thing, i dashed out because i had work. he took the day off, and said "you could if you wanted to" but obviously i wasn't gonna do it for someone i barely knew. so anyway, since we alr made plans, i went out with him on sunday, but made plans to meet someone else after(since he did mention he was gonna have a busy weekend) so i left pretty early, about 2 hours later. it was just lunch. generally, the "date" went okay - nothing special. it was actually kinda weird because in bed we would cuddle etc but being in broad daylight, we were just kinda reserved, i think. i've never actually had sex with a stranger before going out with them so i wasn't used to this. i didn't feel butterflies or whatever, and i didn't think it went very well personally; he was new here, and wanted to go chinatown at the last minute, but i had no idea what to do in chinatown so we basically didn't do much there (another factor was because i wanted to leave early and didn't have time to plan something else for him), and i felt terrible that i couldn't show him a "good time" in my own country! - we didn't have a shortage of topics to talk about, but there just wasn't any "chemistry". he was nice and nice to talk to, interesting even - but that's it. just... nice. when we parted, he said "we should meet again, for dinne" - and i text him that same night saying i had a nice time and we talked for abit - but we never made other plans. then i ended the texting and it's now thursday and i haven't heard from him at all since. to be honest, i don't think he's very interested, i've read books and asked my friends in general about guys and have always been told the same thing - if a guy is interested, he will take the initiative and ask you out within 3-5 days, or at least keep in touch - this guy isn't even bothering to. also, i don't know if my actions might have turned him off on the first date, perhaps i wasn't engaging enough, he found me boring etc etc who knows? but i'm also making up excuses for him - eg. he's in the midst of moving into his new apartment(this is true, he's been shopping around and also goes between the two places to move things around, pack his stuff etc during the weekdays and weekends) while working in a new country and is too busy to think about me, or text me. another excuse iv'e come up with - he's german and from what i've read and heard about german guys in general, they are pretty shy and tough to crack and will not usually make the first move on girls. (different cultures) however, i've also read that men like women who play hard to get and don't wish to make the first move. i don't think i like him, but i'm not sure i don't. and iw ouldn't mind seeing him again to find out. i mean, first dates are sometimes awkward, right? i was thinking of asking him out again - worse-case we end up as friends - but i wanted to plan something fun to show him the fun side, but i don't have the time as my work takes up my weekends as well. now i'm thinking of asking him out on friday night, to watch a movie and perhaps chill at his place after (if he invites me), i just don't like conceding defeat because maybe it's an ego thing of mine? i've never had guys not following up after a "date". i also don't like how the first date went - i felt like he couldn't see the "real" me and it wasn't fair. (stupid, i know) i wanted to postpone initiating contact till next week, but it seems like friday's my last chance of spending a decent of time with him - work's gonna engulf me from next week onwards. however, will it come off desperate, randomly messaging him? i don't want this to turn him off and cause him to write me off. i know how men love women who play hard to get... or so i've heard. if i make the first move, he would have all the "power", right? coz' he'll definitely know i'm interested. the excuses i've made up for him - are they really just simply stupid excuses and i should cut my losses and move on, cutting off all contact? or wait a couple of weeks till i'm free (if he doesn't ever contact me again), and text him and show him a nice time around here? i know this is long, and i'm sorry, but i would just like advice on what to do next, whether to ask him to hang out or not, back off etc, and any opinions on this matter. at this point, i'm not sure what i want with him, to be friends or lovers? i'm just curious... and it's always nice meeting people from a different country!
Negative Nancy Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 it's a different culture, yes, so just text him or better yet, call him. he'll most likely appreciate it and perhaps he is thinking the same about you (different culture, do i come off as clingy or desperate if i text her?). if he doesn't reply, forget him. but if you're not sure what you want from him, why even bother?
yongyong Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 I didn't bother to read your post. but can you just put down your ego and at least contact him?
maxy1 Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 i have a really really simple solution to your problem, k? here ya go: if you like him and want to see him again, hook up again, hang out again, what ever again, then just friggin make a move. it's not weird and at this point it doesn't matter because he's asked you out and has made plenty of first signs of interest. sometimes guys need to be shown a little interest too, sheesh.. in this day and age, it is not weird for women to make any sort of moves and is actually a very good thing because everyone should be able to express themselves. in short: do it if you want, don't do it if you don't want. it's really that easy. cut the games. 1
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