Over it all.

[AlexanderJames]

Im feeling completely sh*t so I'm going to post here and see if it does any good.

 

I've been broken up with my ex for longer than we dated now. Almost twice as long. Yet for some reason I'm more depressed now than I have been throughout the past 8 months. It's making me really angry at myself.

I feel so frustrated that I've tried to do everything right, I've taken all the right steps I can to move on, I've suffered through the let downs and the grey terrotiry. I've not fought any of my emotions, I've sat through them all and put up with each and every one of them. I've remembered the good times, and the bad times. And I've waited hopelessly.

So why am I going backwards. Why the fuc* can't the hurting just stop?

 

I've got such a short temper lately. Towards anything. My work ethic has dropped to sh*t. My social life has disappeared because I refuse to go out with anyone since I went out and bumped into my ex. Im lazy, have no drive to get up. If im not at work im in bed all day and night sleeping or watching movies. I havent gone to the gym in almost a week which to my friends is worrying because they know there's nothing I love more than going to the gym.

 

Every song I hear, every movie I watch, every couple I see, it all floods me with thoughts and memories of my ex. Why? Why wont these feelings just **** off. What kind of sick fu**ing heartless game is this where I can suffer for so long, try so hard, feel like I've moved on only to be picked up and dropped right back in the middle of all the **** when nothing has even happened.

 

I'm pretty much cutting myself out of everything now. It's the only thing I havent tried. I've stopped talking to people at work. I just go in, do my job and leave, I've thought about getting into drugs again, mostly because I remember feeling nothing when I used to take them. I bumped into my ex once on drugs and didnt feel anything, not sad not hurt nothing. I want this hurt to stop. I think I'll be a recluse for now, see if that helps.

[hinatticus]

Alex!!!

 

Sounds like you're in anger mode with a little depression mixed in. During the break up have fully felt the anger stage? Or is this the first time? You might need to go through this stage and then realize its time to pick yourself up. I've always felt being in anger mode or don't give-a-sh*t-about-anything mode the easiest to manage. I actually used to welcome it when I was down(post break ups).

 

Go through this stage but DON'T stay in it too long. I made that mistake. If you stay in it too long it will become your new personality.

 

If you're talking about hard drugs, I'd say stay away, but if it's only pot, try it out for a bit. You can easily quit smoking the reefer if you want. Do nothing, sit around, be short with people, it's just a part of grieving I think. Go through the motions, but I'll repeat... DONT do it for too long!

 

I had a feeling when you first joined you were fooling yourself with all that positive talk. But after awhile I just thought you were just a positive guy. I welcomed it! But you are only human, so feel what you gotta feel.

 

Man, I know how that **** feels. I feel for you bro.

 

Remember, don't let this girl how the power to ruin the positive good guy that you are!

 

Good luck man.

[hopelessromantic29]

OK...I've been following your posts, and I'm going to say something that is pretty obvious, but anyway, let's face the fact: You're still in love with her. And the fact that you saw her, and she hasn't tried to contact you makes you mad because on some level, you prob would have wanted to work things out with her had she contacted you, but the fact that she didn't makes you feel like you meant nothing to her.

 

She's prob feeling the same way you are, but the cons outweigh the pros for her. I'm sorry, but I know the feeling. I'm in your boat. I haven't run into my ex yet (thank God), but I know that I'll be depressed like you. Take the time you need to recuperate....you can't put a time period on it. Watch those movies, stay inside, but don't deprive yourself of any opportunities. When you're ready, you'll come out of this slump, and you'll see that there are many wonderful, beautiful, and successful girls going through the same things you are. And maybe...just maybe you'll find the girl that is meant for you. Good luck dude!

[zanzi]

sorry to hear this :/ we all have those times we feel like total ****. maybe seeing her at the club that time didnt help your state of mind much. All I can say is, pretty much everyone on this forum feels the same way you do. I could say things would get better soon but I get annoyed when people say that to me.

Its ok to feel like **** sometimes, as long as you dont get caught up in the feeling. Let the anger, grief, irritation, or rage go through your system and it will pass. All feelings are transient, means not forever. Hope that can help a little bit even.

[KatZee]

Yeah you definitely don't need drugs. You're depressed and you're in a rut. It's normal so don't beat yourself up. We all move on at different speeds, clearly this meant a lot to you. Maybe you need to get out and just have a complete change of scenery. Meet new friends. If going out with your circle leaves room for you to bump into her, get out of that circle. Try thinking of something that interests you (a passion, a craft, etc) that you would like to try, or learn, or become experienced in (cooking, some sport, etc). I know you don't want to do anything but lay in bed and watch movies, but being alone just leaves way too much room for you mind to go apesh*t and over think everything. You need to FORCE yourself to get out and "do" even if you are so indifferent about it.

[AlexanderJames]

Thanks everyone, seriously.

 

Hinatticus - I'm not sure if I have felt the anger 'stage' before. I've definitely felt anger during the course of the breakup, and lots of it, but I always got it all out either at the gym or by talkin it out with mates and stuff. So I dunno if my 'healthy outlets' just prolonged me feeling the full of it or whatever..

 

Hopeless - You are right. I had a talk about it with a close friend last night and we spoke about exactly what you've said. I still love her, of course. I said I was feeling ****ty cause she used to txt me all the time even tho I didnt reply. And then she see's me in public, says nothing and I dont hear from her at all. I liked feeling important through her contact, even if it was just cause she wanted attention or whatever. Despite the fact I more often than not ignored her.

 

Zanzi - Thats a big factor in why I'm increasingly frustrated. I feel like I have already sat through the feelings and let them linger then pass. But now theyre back again. How many times am I going to have to deal with this shi*?...

 

KatZee - Thanks, I guess sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the idea of taking the easy way out. But I do think I need a little time to myself. My housemates convinced me to go down to the pool lounge with them last night when I really didnt want to and I almost got arrested.

 

I think other factors are adding weight to my depression too though. All opportunities in my current career have long gone. It's dried up and has become a dull life sucking abyss. A part of me wants to change careers into the mining industry, because its great money and it sets me up for a good life. But another part of me is scared to do so because I'd pretty much have to say goodbye to any form of love life because I'd be working away for 2 weeks and I'd only be home for 1 at a time. It's stressing me out.

 

I know if i change jobs I'll quickly be able to build my own home, and have lots of nice things. I will be well off, but I wont be able to share them with anyone. And everyone always says money cant buy happiness. And I know what I get like when I'm single for extended periods of time. I hate it. Maybe Ill just follow my heart and go fo it. The work is so hard and the conditions are so rough. Its true gritt dangerous work. Being in some of the most extreme conditions on earth doing extreme work wont leave much room to think about my ex. Im sure I'd get over her pretty quick if I was up there.

 

Also as much as I wont admit it to friends or anything, I think that being rejected by this girl over the weekend kind of disappointed me. She said she doesnt see herself being more than friends with me 'right now' and she's unsure of exactly what she feels for me but wants to still hang out as friends. But I pretty much summed that up as nothings gonna happen. Which is frustrating becase her ex before me was a nobody. I'm everything she wished he was but I dont even get a chance? Maybe she just wasn't ready to date again.

[DMS]

Hang in there brother. I have been having a rough week as well as I approach 2 months NC. Just remember what we talked about about a month and a half ago. You will hit these low points but soon will find yourself feeling better than you ever have in this break up. Good work on posting here. It will turn soon.

[zanzi]

ahhh, now that she isnt texting you all the time, has got the message and is moving on with her life, you are experiencing a sense of loss?

her continued unwanted presence with the constant texts has stopped as she pulls away from you.

[todreaminblue]

Im feeling completely sh*t so I'm going to post here and see if it does any good.

 

I've been broken up with my ex for longer than we dated now. Almost twice as long. Yet for some reason I'm more depressed now than I have been throughout the past 8 months. It's making me really angry at myself.

I feel so frustrated that I've tried to do everything right, I've taken all the right steps I can to move on, I've suffered through the let downs and the grey terrotiry. I've not fought any of my emotions, I've sat through them all and put up with each and every one of them. I've remembered the good times, and the bad times. And I've waited hopelessly.

So why am I going backwards. Why the fuc* can't the hurting just stop?

 

I've got such a short temper lately. Towards anything. My work ethic has dropped to sh*t. My social life has disappeared because I refuse to go out with anyone since I went out and bumped into my ex. Im lazy, have no drive to get up. If im not at work im in bed all day and night sleeping or watching movies. I havent gone to the gym in almost a week which to my friends is worrying because they know there's nothing I love more than going to the gym.

 

Every song I hear, every movie I watch, every couple I see, it all floods me with thoughts and memories of my ex. Why? Why wont these feelings just **** off. What kind of sick fu**ing heartless game is this where I can suffer for so long, try so hard, feel like I've moved on only to be picked up and dropped right back in the middle of all the **** when nothing has even happened.

 

I'm pretty much cutting myself out of everything now. It's the only thing I havent tried. I've stopped talking to people at work. I just go in, do my job and leave, I've thought about getting into drugs again, mostly because I remember feeling nothing when I used to take them. I bumped into my ex once on drugs and didnt feel anything, not sad not hurt nothing. I want this hurt to stop. I think I'll be a recluse for now, see if that helps.

 

 

You say recluse like it is a bad thing.The bad part happens only when it is an extended period of time sometimes you need to take a little time to reflect to recoup and to build strength so when you do go out you wont be taken advantage of so that you can gain confidence to be approachable because you need some time to yourself to plan........to follow dreams to write books to learn how to cook whatever your heart desires........

 

you know what the problem with people is .....they dont take the time out for themselves to readjust to change and to dream....i am dreaming at the moment but meeting people from all over the world in here sharing caring and building hopefully unknown friends....I have a globe and I am going to mark down every place I want to visit the world is so huge......so many infinite possibilities.I have two choices do I take up my first passion creative writing or do i go justice of administration(so i can work in the juvenile justice system) the two certificates i want to chase, but meeting survivors is very important so i think creative writing would give me that opportunity and then also travel to promote first my children's book for abused children and then the adults book for abused children..and to meet th esurvivors and write their stories for them..and ill maybe meet loveshackers on the way...drag them with me.i want to be an embassador for the protection and healing of abused children....my story is extensive and would provide me this opportunity.. small dreams huh....smilin....my dreams and your dreams are as small as you want them or they can go to the sky.....you decide i knwo where mine are, already they are gliding around my globe whispering to me....... soon

[AlexanderJames]

Thanks mate. I know it's not a bad thing. But I've got so many people telling me I need to go out and have fun and pressuring me into hanging out that it's starting to stress me out. I kind of just wanna be alone for a while. To make sense of everything.

 

I've been in the middle of it all for so long. Trying to juggle friendships, friends problems, attempts at reconciliation with the ex, trying to be there for her when she needs me without letting myself get romantically attached, trying to sort out my own problems. I just want to step back and have me time. Nothing else. Like find a massive rock to crawl under for however long I need.

[AlexanderJames]

ahhh, now that she isnt texting you all the time, has got the message and is moving on with her life, you are experiencing a sense of loss?

her continued unwanted presence with the constant texts has stopped as she pulls away from you.

 

 

It's funny it only clicked when I went to reply to this. But I'm getting down at the thought of her not messaging me. Yet I specifically told her that we can't have contact for a while until I sorted myself out.

 

So I told her not to message me. And I'm feeling crap because she listened?

I'm sitting here thinking she's not messaging me cause I'm not important but then maybe she's just doing what I asked.

 

Either way I shouldn't want to be important to her. Not anymore.

[RogerWallace111]

Feel for you man, that **** sucks. It's bound to come and go in waves, as everyone says, and I too have found myself severely frustrated with that feeling of being back in a dark place after a long optimistic period. As you've basically said, it seems it's a combo of her finally stopping her contact attempts, the disappointment of the sh*t w/ the other girl, and generally dismal work outlook. I can relate to all three. Though no one specific girl's kept me off I know I feel particularly like sh*t the day after an optimistic night out yields no results female-prospect-wise.

 

I think entering true no contact leaves you angry, frustrated and depressed in part cause you no longer have the distraction she provided, as confusing/sh*tty/irritating as it may have been. It still gave your mind something to mull over, and like you said, may have given you a strange kind of comfort. Now you're left to really stew over everything you find unsatisfying in your life. And even things that should give you satisfaction seem lackluster and worthless at times. I know it too well.

 

That being said, as unappealing as it may sound, get back to the gym soon ! I've noticed even a three day break from exercise leaves me feeling sh*tty mentally. Your brain is probably having a sort of withdrawal from the nice chemicals exercise was stimulating the release of.

 

And I don't know what drugs you're talking about, but aside from a bit of alcohol or weed I would refrain. Though a one-time type experience with something else might not be terrible for providing an outlook change, I suppose. Just not coke, heroin, prescription pills or meth !

[RogerWallace111]

It's funny it only clicked when I went to reply to this. But I'm getting down at the thought of her not messaging me. Yet I specifically told her that we can't have contact for a while until I sorted myself out.

 

So I told her not to message me. And I'm feeling crap because she listened?

I'm sitting here thinking she's not messaging me cause I'm not important but then maybe she's just doing what I asked.

 

Tell me about it. Some part of me still wishes mine would try to get a hold of me even though I told her I didn't want to talk to her for weeks to months and that I would get in touch eventually.

[zanzi]

thats normal, there was a time when she was special to you.

Perhaps she asked for advice and someone told her to cool it, and move on.

Thats all I get told, so I have done. The hope is that the ex will start think the same way your thinking, but judging by the silence...oh well. Other opportunities will present themselves. They say there is no way to get over the first one like on to the next one. Flirting like mad, flinging your cat around, or however they say it. Or perhaps a casual relationship.

Once I realized I could get affection from other men, I went " hold on...what am I sad about? look at all the attention I'm getting from men who have heard Im single now. Hoo mama."

 

I have found one persons leftovers is another persons gold.

what Im saying is, try getting out there in a non serious manner and you'll soon forget all about her.

[RogerWallace111]

You ladies have it soo easy ^

 

 

If only I had a cat to fling around

[zanzi]

thats what I told my friend we were going to do this weekend, fling our cats at people. male people.

 

Last one to score has to chug a whole lot of cheap chinese beer. So neither of us wants to lose. and every time I think of my ex I will say " I'll drink to that." which wont be many times.

We shall see who flings the first cat the furthest in these girl olympics.

If you know what Im meaning.

 

Why did I ever want to stop being single, haha. ha. Things are getting pretty groovy ever since he left.

[todreaminblue]

Thanks mate. I know it's not a bad thing. But I've got so many people telling me I need to go out and have fun and pressuring me into hanging out that it's starting to stress me out. I kind of just wanna be alone for a while. To make sense of everything.

 

I've been in the middle of it all for so long. Trying to juggle friendships, friends problems, attempts at reconciliation with the ex, trying to be there for her when she needs me without letting myself get romantically attached, trying to sort out my own problems. I just want to step back and have me time. Nothing else. Like find a massive rock to crawl under for however long I need.

 

 

thats exactly it you cant attach when you don't understand what you are attaching doesn tmean you cant flirt or have fun though you can still keep yoru sense of humour....cant kill mine i tell ya.........im going to paly with soemdude now going to invite him on a virtual date...i call it kamikaze dating...you be good to your self alexander (name is pretty hot by the way.....its a whispered name aaaaaaaaalllllllleeeeeexxxxx aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh)smile you just got whispered by a kitty....slinkslinkslink have fun and take time all the time you need....the world will still be there when you are ready for it.....kissssssses ....gone

[AlexanderJames]

You ladies have it soo easy ^

 

 

If only I had a cat to fling around

 

Haha! Thanks for the input roger, always good to hear from you.

You always seem to know what to say lol.

 

And I agree women get it easy. They get attention without wanting it. And without trying. If they want something they can get it pretty easily.

 

Men on the other hand, it's hard work! We cant just go out and get swarmed by girls giving us phone numbers and all that. Unless we are famous or something lol.

 

Men are expected to give the attention and to ogle over women. Women eye off men and ogle men too, but they tend to know that if they wanted it they could get it so they need not try.

 

 

 

I just want to be me again. And be happy. Not happy with someone esle but happy I am who I am. I want my ex's cold icy grasp to be no more.

[whichwayisup]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/337989-no-contact-nc-guide-long-walk-consolidated-discussion

 

This little gem in the coping section should help you do NC.

[ihateslowjams]

alex, i'm in the same boat as you are, except I've only been broken up for 2 months (NC 7 weeks).

 

Lately, everyone gets on my nerves and I struggle to keep my anger in check. I work a customer service job at a retail bank... and omg, the customers I help tick me off like no other. Ive also stopped producing as well as I used to, which has been giving me problems with my boss... =T So, Ive decided to quit my job and focus entirely on school.

 

As for going out, Im doing the same thing. Ive become a hermit and stay home. Once in a blue moon, Ill hang out with a few friends and just "chill" at a sushi bar, but that doesn't really make me feel better. I used to love clubbing, but Im afraid to see my ex at any of them so Im avoiding them for now.

 

I'm tired of being miserable and just want to be happy once again, and i don't mean with another person either. I feel ya bro...

[todreaminblue]

Haha! Thanks for the input roger, always good to hear from you.

You always seem to know what to say lol.

 

And I agree women get it easy. They get attention without wanting it. And without trying. If they want something they can get it pretty easily.

 

Men on the other hand, it's hard work! We cant just go out and get swarmed by girls giving us phone numbers and all that. Unless we are famous or something lol.

 

Men are expected to give the attention and to ogle over women. Women eye off men and ogle men too, but they tend to know that if they wanted it they could get it so they need not try.

 

 

 

I just want to be me again. And be happy. Not happy with someone esle but happy I am who I am. I want my ex's cold icy grasp to be no more.

 

 

cat skids in pfffffffffffft who expects you to ogle.... you think because i am unbuttoning my shirt for you

top button.............undone

second button...... undone

third button undone.......undone

music is below if you need some background

 

fourth button done why would you think women would want you to ogle them

fourth button undone

fifth button undone ahhhhhhhhhhhh last button.......i know you dont want to see

last button undone mmmmmmmm i dont think that you want me to go any further how cheeky of me to use my charms....i just wanted to show you the pearl on my new lingerie sitting right between my breasts i could almost reach it with my tongue but yeah your right i dont have to try....sigh...i was so looking forward to showing you up and close and personal.but that would take effort .mmmmmm ...**** it....bye...........evil grin....slinkslinkslink

[zanzi]

O_O'

[AlexanderJames]

I like pearls.

[fificremefarben]

OK...I've been following your posts, and I'm going to say something that is pretty obvious, but anyway, let's face the fact: You're still in love with her. And the fact that you saw her, and she hasn't tried to contact you makes you mad because on some level, you prob would have wanted to work things out with her had she contacted you, but the fact that she didn't makes you feel like you meant nothing to her.

 

She's prob feeling the same way you are, but the cons outweigh the pros for her. I'm sorry, but I know the feeling. I'm in your boat. I haven't run into my ex yet (thank God), but I know that I'll be depressed like you. Take the time you need to recuperate....you can't put a time period on it. Watch those movies, stay inside, but don't deprive yourself of any opportunities. When you're ready, you'll come out of this slump, and you'll see that there are many wonderful, beautiful, and successful girls going through the same things you are. And maybe...just maybe you'll find the girl that is meant for you. Good luck dude!

 

 

Totally agree with this! I think seeing her has brought you down more than you think. I can imagine that seeing an ex post-BU is awful! I'm 1 year post-BU and I still haven't seen my ex, but i know that when/if I do that it will be hellish. I thought I saw him once in town and my heart started racing and I felt like I couldn't breathe. It wasn't even him! Just be glad that you got the viewing out of the way early.

 

I know you're low, but you should appreciate it in some ways because you can't fully appreciate the joys of being healed without that basis of comparison for how low your mood sank. Don't stay down too long though, or it'll be a harder mood to climb out of. I know it sounds difficult but you literally just have to force yourself into action with a big smile on your face. Fake it til you make it (and you will make it, trust me).

[not-a-drive-by]

Haha! Thanks for the input roger, always good to hear from you.

You always seem to know what to say lol.

 

And I agree women get it easy. They get attention without wanting it. And without trying. If they want something they can get it pretty easily.

 

Men on the other hand, it's hard work! We cant just go out and get swarmed by girls giving us phone numbers and all that. Unless we are famous or something lol.

 

Men are expected to give the attention and to ogle over women. Women eye off men and ogle men too, but they tend to know that if they wanted it they could get it so they need not try.

 

 

 

I just want to be me again. And be happy. Not happy with someone esle but happy I am who I am. I want my ex's cold icy grasp to be no more.

 

Quite funny, I'm currently reading a book called "The Game" by Neil Strauss. It's about pick up artists. It's amazing how you don't need to be "someone" in order to get chicks all over you (including handing you their number). I'd recommend it for a light read .