spooky48 Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 If you're a woman & your parents raised you to be "old-fashioned" is this then, a character flaw? (what I mean by "old-fashioned" is if you believe in chivalry & that the man should do EVERYTHING in his power to contact you if he's THAT interested in you). Are you "old-fashioned" w/ your traditions, ideals, morals, values, goals, convictions? Have they affected your dating possibilities, made them skewed or even turned-off people due to them?
Author spooky48 Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 a woman can be a tree and still get dates/laid. women dont need a personality to get a date. go online dating and see how many guys are trying to be charming just to get your number. you can talk about the most boring stuff as a woman and still get laid with 5 dates a week. an avg woman gets hits on 25/day. stop with the old fashion crap. What if it has been years? This has to be something to do w/it. What if whenever you go out, you're subdued, old-fashioned, traditional?
mysteryscape Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 First, I would ignore the character who replied first. Now as to your question, what is "old-fashioned" to you? More specifics as to your values and current situation. I'd say there's a range. If you mean willing to wait to have sex, there are plenty of both sexes. If you mean insisting on waiting until marriage, that is going to put a person outside of the mainstream, at least outside some religious and related groups.
Author spooky48 Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 First, I would ignore the character who replied first. Now as to your question, what is "old-fashioned" to you? More specifics as to your values and current situation. I'd say there's a range. If you mean willing to wait to have sex, there are plenty of both sexes. If you mean insisting on waiting until marriage, that is going to put a person outside of the mainstream, at least outside some religious and related groups. Hi, Old-fashioned to me means that you have morals, values, convictions that are like from the past. They have to do with how the man should approach the woman, only the man should be in-charge, women should not approach men, etc. Or, if you yourself are old-fashioned in that, you aren't a sexually active person, you don't hardly drink, sleep-around, hardly curse, you go to church & aren't into sexual things. You don't go to clubs, bars, places where there might be sexual items either.
Ami1uwant Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Hi, Old-fashioned to me means that you have morals, values, convictions that are like from the past. They have to do with how the man should approach the woman, only the man should be in-charge, women should not approach men, etc. Or, if you yourself are old-fashioned in that, you aren't a sexually active person, you don't hardly drink, sleep-around, hardly curse, you go to church & aren't into sexual things. You don't go to clubs, bars, places where there might be sexual items either. You are old fashioned and thus hopeless in finding someone to ask you out on dates unless (1) they are desparate, or (2) you are hot. Women cant have it both ways. You want guys to treat you like a princess but you want equality. This is at the heart of the relationship problems. Too many women are wrapped up in this unrealistic fantasy of prince charming coming to rescue them.
NoMagicBullet Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 a woman can be a tree and still get dates/laid. women dont need a personality to get a date. go online dating and see how many guys are trying to be charming just to get your number. you can talk about the most boring stuff as a woman and still get laid with 5 dates a week. an avg woman gets hits on 25/day. stop with the old fashion crap. If she's a hot looking tree. The average hot-looking woman gets hit on that often, not the average-looking ones. If you're a woman and not hot, you better have an outstanding personality (not that personality works with OLD -- people just look at pictures, really).
NoMagicBullet Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 If you're a woman & your parents raised you to be "old-fashioned" is this then, a character flaw? (what I mean by "old-fashioned" is if you believe in chivalry & that the man should do EVERYTHING in his power to contact you if he's THAT interested in you). Are you "old-fashioned" w/ your traditions, ideals, morals, values, goals, convictions? Have they affected your dating possibilities, made them skewed or even turned-off people due to them? It will be a character flaw to some, it will be a virtue to others. Whether you are male or female, if you have "old-fashioned" values, you want to look for soomeone who has the same. Actually, whatever your values are, old-fashioned or not, you're better off with someone who has the same. The best thing to do is find ways to meet those people who share your outlook and views. 4
Author spooky48 Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 You are old fashioned and thus hopeless in finding someone to ask you out on dates unless (1) they are desparate, or (2) you are hot. Women cant have it both ways. You want guys to treat you like a princess but you want equality. This is at the heart of the relationship problems. Too many women are wrapped up in this unrealistic fantasy of prince charming coming to rescue them. Are you saying me or women in general, just asking? I'm asking about is it a "problem" if say women have this character trait of being raised old-fashioned when it seems men want a sex-kitten or someone who's overly submissive where she does all the work at home, does not work outside of the home & when he first met her, she had very high morals, values & convictions? Is it not a good thing if you're not into heavy hard-core partying, you're not a loud-mouth, you don't sleep around or you say, go to church,etc? Some men equate if a woman is too old-fashioned than, she won't open up emotionally, intimately & sexually. I'm asking if it's a bad thing to have this persona.
Author spooky48 Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 It will be a character flaw to some, it will be a virtue to others. Whether you are male or female, if you have "old-fashioned" values, you want to look for soomeone who has the same. Actually, whatever your values are, old-fashioned or not, you're better off with someone who has the same. The best thing to do is find ways to meet those people who share your outlook and views. I see your point here but, just say you're on a dating site. You meet a fantastic person. You go out for a nice meal. Then, say, you want to kiss & hug this person (nothing sexual) but, even that he/she will not do w/you b/c of their upbringing & how they're very reserved & old-fashioned. Is this then a "problem"?
the_Grinch Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 I wouldn't call it a flaw, but at the same time you need to give a little. A guy will chase, but you better let him know that he is getting somewhere. If he approaches you, does everything the way you prefer then you better at least not make him initiate every conversation or date. Paying for everything? Ah that's fine as that is something I too believe the guy should do. But I also wouldn't be above letting her pay every once in awhile.
grkBoy Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 It will be a character flaw to some, it will be a virtue to others. Whether you are male or female, if you have "old-fashioned" values, you want to look for soomeone who has the same. Actually, whatever your values are, old-fashioned or not, you're better off with someone who has the same. The best thing to do is find ways to meet those people who share your outlook and views. ^^^^ What he said. IRC333 seems very "old fashioned" as well, and I advise him like I would advise you to make sure you're not being so "moral" or "old fashioned" that it drives people away. A good man or woman would wait til marriage if you wanted to. A good man would open a door, pull a chair, and court a woman. A good woman would allow herself to be courted as opposed to calling the guy "creepy" and then hopping into bed with a Jersey Shore wannabe. However, if you're suddenly going over the top with a long list of "rules", then you're no better than those with a long "shopping list". Find balance, and learn moderation.
Author spooky48 Posted August 1, 2012 Author Posted August 1, 2012 I wouldn't call it a flaw, but at the same time you need to give a little. A guy will chase, but you better let him know that he is getting somewhere. If he approaches you, does everything the way you prefer then you better at least not make him initiate every conversation or date. Paying for everything? Ah that's fine as that is something I too believe the guy should do. But I also wouldn't be above letting her pay every once in awhile. I'm the type of woman that does NOT want my man to pay for everything this is b/c I've been independent since age 19. I don't want to be dependent or a burden to anyone. I'm just talking about getting to know someone initially in how your characteristics have to be judged especially if you're not attractive. I just see being old-fashioned (& this is the way I was raised) as a major character flaw in that, men will think that you won't open up, try new things or even be sexy with them.
Author spooky48 Posted August 1, 2012 Author Posted August 1, 2012 ^^^^ What he said. IRC333 seems very "old fashioned" as well, and I advise him like I would advise you to make sure you're not being so "moral" or "old fashioned" that it drives people away. A good man or woman would wait til marriage if you wanted to. A good man would open a door, pull a chair, and court a woman. A good woman would allow herself to be courted as opposed to calling the guy "creepy" and then hopping into bed with a Jersey Shore wannabe. However, if you're suddenly going over the top with a long list of "rules", then you're no better than those with a long "shopping list". Find balance, and learn moderation. I totally understand everything you said but, what do you mean that it would drive people away? Can you give me a specific example of this b/c I think I may be doing this in my profiles that I do have remaining? Thanks.
skyisfalling Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 spooky, just be yourself. One day, someone will adore you as you are. 1
durentu Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 It's not a character flaw. You are just in the wrong market. The highest concentration of girls that responds to chivalry is at the renaissance fair. This is probably going to be your best shot based on statistics and probability. I am old fashioned as well, including the relationship dynamics. But at the same time, I don't ask a girl out to assess marriage, because that is way too far. I start small and ask for a conversation over a drink/coffee, whatever mainly because I'm interested in people's perspectives (I'm an intellect). On main street, chivalry is defined in women's magazines and tv. 1
todreaminblue Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 If you're a woman & your parents raised you to be "old-fashioned" is this then, a character flaw? (what I mean by "old-fashioned" is if you believe in chivalry & that the man should do EVERYTHING in his power to contact you if he's THAT interested in you). Are you "old-fashioned" w/ your traditions, ideals, morals, values, goals, convictions? Have they affected your dating possibilities, made them skewed or even turned-off people due to them? Today being old fashioned is a character flaw, I don't even own a mobile, people keep giving them to me as gifts.So I promptly re gift them to somebody who really wants a mobile and cant afford one.I insist my family all have mobiles though:laugh: so I can find them when I need to check up how they are doing in the world.I am not fair that way I guess. That is me being old fashioned so it is hard for me to fit in the world of blue tooth and messaging.I write people old fashioned letters I have a fine writing hand so people who know me, care about me, and respect me, love my thoughtfulness and until lately I was always confident in my ability as I write poetry for individuals to add to those letters, that belief has been shaken. So just call me snail mail deb, at your service spooky...... But in saying that I have come to realize I do not fit in the dating scene in a modern world it is hard for me, instant chat windows are a nightmare,I am unsure of how to show exactly who I am.I suffer from mental illness and have many facets and life experiences that is hard to show to a date, or a potential friend by modern means. So I have the double whammy, I am old fashioned with a mental illness sounds like fun in blue tooth world doesn't it? I would like to think that is what makes me special that people would appreciate me for who I am I love meeting people I am friendly, accepting of differences and approachable, I would help anyone who asks help of me.I have been taking a haitus of late as I have become disillusioned with this modern world in general. My family history has held me captive of late with wonderful lives and gracious people stories of adventure and travel by sea, of poetry and literature,even philosophy, so I am self learning, still looking for quotes that deal with blue tooth..........not finding many, actually, not finding any, if you find a quote for blue tooth protocol please let me know. I think I need an update from a living person. I am unsure if I will ever fit in anywhere, in general, I am not one people understand quickly or if at all. I haven't made up my mind either way yet, but I am sure I will come to know what is best for me.As far as how others perceive me and dating goes that is not something I can predict. Infinite answers in a world not built for old fashioned hearts.
phineas Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 ^^^^ What he said. IRC333 seems very "old fashioned" as well, and I advise him like I would advise you to make sure you're not being so "moral" or "old fashioned" that it drives people away. A good man or woman would wait til marriage if you wanted to. A good man would open a door, pull a chair, and court a woman. A good woman would allow herself to be courted as opposed to calling the guy "creepy" and then hopping into bed with a Jersey Shore wannabe. However, if you're suddenly going over the top with a long list of "rules", then you're no better than those with a long "shopping list". Find balance, and learn moderation. sadly at my age I have met the bolded in abundance. "Old fashioned" doesn't exist anymore. when someone says old fashioned I think of Leave it to beaver, the Mary Tyler Moore show & even Meat head & Archie bunkers daughter. "Old Fashioned" = men running the house hold & women basically indentured servants & prostitutes. Sorry but that's "old fashioned" to me & I personally don't care for that life style. My dad, my uncles, their all around 70. They have adjusted to the times well enough, but their wives are not their equals in their eyes. Hell, the fact their still married instead of divorced like a lot of people who marry this age just tells me "old Fashioned" is in the past.
carhill Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 OP, based on your traditional perspective, presuming that's your style, how do you show a man you like him in a romantic fashion/way? As an example of effect, a few women I've loved, including my exW, opined that I 'doted' on them too much, being attentive to their expressed needs/wants. I came to understand that this was a result of a combination of factors, one being socialized by a traditional father, who 'doted' on my mother, so that was the example I observed, and selecting incompatible potential partners, though I didn't realize it at the time of selection. IMO, 'old-fashioned' is a style of interaction; a style of loving, and is as valid as any other style. With a compatible person, it can be incredibly synergistic and satisfying; with the wrong person, well, it's just as I noted prior, generally unwanted and unappreciated. That's about it.
Leopard Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 It's not a flaw, but it becomes extremely difficult to find someone else with the same mentality since the world is so "liberated" and "feminist" now.
Woggle Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 It only is if somebody feels old fashioned should only apply to the other person. I am a big proponent of being able to deliver the same thing that you demand in others.
Author spooky48 Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 Bottom line, if you have this character trait on top of not being what the world would call "attractive" it seems like you would have to really work harder to find/meet someone...ugh.
skyisfalling Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 spooky, if you were interested in the guy, would you not even hug someone at the end of the date?
TheMeatloafJuggler Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 If you're a woman & your parents raised you to be "old-fashioned" is this then, a character flaw? (what I mean by "old-fashioned" is if you believe in chivalry & that the man should do EVERYTHING in his power to contact you if he's THAT interested in you). Are you "old-fashioned" w/ your traditions, ideals, morals, values, goals, convictions? Have they affected your dating possibilities, made them skewed or even turned-off people due to them? I'm trying hard to distill your opening post into what I think you might be asking, from what I can gauge, I think you are asking is there something wrong with consistently waiting for guys to ask you out and if that poses some kind of problem or unattractive element in the dating process with men around you. ( Is this correct?) I think you would need to define what you mean by "old fashioned" in a more specific sense to see if there is a specific situation or element of your personality that might be offputting to men. My guess is most women wait for guys to make the approach and initiate contact with them, so if that's what you mean, then I don't know if it's a flaw, moreso it's just that you do what most women do. If you generally aren't getting asked out consistently by men you find attractive, and that has been an ongoing pattern, your choices are probably to do what you are doing now and accept the results ( waiting and getting infrequent contact) or start initiating more direct contact with men you find attractive to date.
Author spooky48 Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 Thanks for all of your suggestions & tips. If there's any people here that are old-fashioned, please feel free to share your experiences in how you're doing in the dating world. I appreciate this.
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