99% Straight GF

[MCMLXXXIX]

My GF told me she is 99% straight. Months ago she said she was bisexual. It made me uncomfortable, but I let it go. Months later, I felt like asking again and she told me 99% straight. It seems like she experimented once and does not want to erase that one (apparently drunk) experience from her sexual history, but isn't actually bisexual. The 1% is not a problem. This is not retroactive jealousy. She told me about boyfriends and I don't care.

 

The problem is that the girl she had had this experience with is her "best friend". They've been friends for years and they are still friends. She only recently earned that title however. Prior to that she had another "best friend" but they had a big argument. She spends a lot of time with her "best friend". Before I met my GF, the two of them got a tattoo together (which she now regrets) and they even tried cocaine on two occasions I believe (perhaps other drugs too). I fell like this "best friend" make my GF act in ways she otherwise wouldn't.

 

I shared my feelings about how I thought her friend was a bad influence to my GF. It did not go well. My GF said I had no right to comment on their friendship. I said I was sorry and that I had been disrespectful. In some ways, I was disrespectful... Nevertheless, the two of them still hang out once in a while.

 

Does anyone understand my predicament? I would expect my GF to be worried if ever I would call someone I had been sexually intimate with my "best friend" (I did not phrase it like that her yet though). I feel like her best friend, who is obviously bicurious, doesn't have a job, has rich parents and is bored to death (which is why she acts reckless), still has a crush on my girl. I've hung out with the two. I can sense it. I don't like being intolerant, but I can't seem to be cool with all this crap.

 

I'm in my early early 20s. She is 19.

 

Thanks for reading. Please, give me your thoughts on the matter.

[proseandpassion]

19 year olds rarely have their sexuality completely figured out. That's my thoughts on that for you.

 

When I was 19, I would have said I was 99% straight, too. Now I am in my thirties, and I'd say I am probably more like 25-30% queer.

[proseandpassion]

My GF told me she is 99% straight. Months ago she said she was bisexual. It made me uncomfortable, but I let it go. Months later, I felt like asking again and she told me 99% straight. It seems like she experimented once and does not want to erase that one (apparently drunk) experience from her sexual history, but isn't actually bisexual. The 1% is not a problem. This is not retroactive jealousy. She told me about boyfriends and I don't care.

 

The problem is that the girl she had had this experience with is her "best friend". They've been friends for years and they are still friends. She only recently earned that title however. Prior to that she had another "best friend" but they had a big argument. She spends a lot of time with her "best friend". Before I met my GF, the two of them got a tattoo together (which she now regrets) and they even tried cocaine on two occasions I believe (perhaps other drugs too). I fell like this "best friend" make my GF act in ways she otherwise wouldn't.

 

I shared my feelings about how I thought her friend was a bad influence to my GF. It did not go well. My GF said I had no right to comment on their friendship. I said I was sorry and that I had been disrespectful. In some ways, I was disrespectful... Nevertheless, the two of them still hang out once in a while.

 

Does anyone understand my predicament? I would expect my GF to be worried if ever I would call someone I had been sexually intimate with my "best friend" (I did not phrase it like that her yet though). I feel like her best friend, who is obviously bicurious, doesn't have a job, has rich parents and is bored to death (which is why she acts reckless), still has a crush on my girl. I've hung out with the two. I can sense it. I don't like being intolerant, but I can't seem to be cool with all this crap.

 

I'm in my early early 20s. She is 19.

 

Thanks for reading. Please, give me your thoughts on the matter.

 

Also, is the issue her bisexuality or the lack of trust? Because it sounds like you do not trust either person. Bisexual or not, if the trust isn't there the relationship is broken.

[MCMLXXXIX]

I may have a difficulties trusting people. Sometimes I don't even think of my own friends as actual "friends" (let alone having one "best friend"). She is the first partner I ever committed to.

[Casablanca]

What exactly was her bisexual experience? Was it just kissing and touching, or was there more?

[YellowShark]

Dude. When I was in my early 20s and had a GF who was 19, with a hot rich horny female friend, that was a win win. I am missing the problem.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Central to this isn't your girlfriend's 'best friend', OR the fact that your girlfriend is a 19yo who isn't likely too sure of what she wants.

 

 

What is most significant is her having bothered to tell you that she is bisexual.

 

The only purpose for so doing is to let you know in advance that she is going to cheat at some point.

[kaylan]

Dude. When I was in my early 20s and had a GF who was 19, with a hot rich horny female friend, that was a win win. I am missing the problem.

Um..you do know plenty of guys arent into that right?

 

And plenty of dudes also like being intimate with just one girl they care about.

[MCMLXXXIX]

What exactly was her bisexual experience? Was it just kissing and touching, or was there more?

 

I won't divulge, but it happened only once.

 

Central to this isn't your girlfriend's 'best friend', OR the fact that your girlfriend is a 19yo who isn't likely too sure of what she wants.

 

 

What is most significant is her having bothered to tell you that she is bisexual.

 

The only purpose for so doing is to let you know in advance that she is going to cheat at some point.

 

She wants a relationship with a man. That is what she says she wants.

 

I did find it weird that she had to tell me that. It was quite early in the relationship. We had been sharing every one of our opinions and experiences. Maybe she thought I was cool with just everything. She despises people who cheat. However, get that, her "best friend" help out another friend cheat (meaning she got intimate with that person) and she did not blame her for anything. That is when I started to feel uneasy.

[manup]

My GF told me she is 99% straight. Months ago she said she was bisexual. It made me uncomfortable, but I let it go. Months later, I felt like asking again and she told me 99% straight. It seems like she experimented once and does not want to erase that one (apparently drunk) experience from her sexual history, but isn't actually bisexual. The 1% is not a problem. This is not retroactive jealousy. She told me about boyfriends and I don't care.

 

The problem is that the girl she had had this experience with is her "best friend". They've been friends for years and they are still friends. She only recently earned that title however. Prior to that she had another "best friend" but they had a big argument. She spends a lot of time with her "best friend". Before I met my GF, the two of them got a tattoo together (which she now regrets) and they even tried cocaine on two occasions I believe (perhaps other drugs too). I fell like this "best friend" make my GF act in ways she otherwise wouldn't.

 

I shared my feelings about how I thought her friend was a bad influence to my GF. It did not go well. My GF said I had no right to comment on their friendship. I said I was sorry and that I had been disrespectful. In some ways, I was disrespectful... Nevertheless, the two of them still hang out once in a while.

 

Does anyone understand my predicament? I would expect my GF to be worried if ever I would call someone I had been sexually intimate with my "best friend" (I did not phrase it like that her yet though). I feel like her best friend, who is obviously bicurious, doesn't have a job, has rich parents and is bored to death (which is why she acts reckless), still has a crush on my girl. I've hung out with the two. I can sense it. I don't like being intolerant, but I can't seem to be cool with all this crap.

 

I'm in my early early 20s. She is 19.

 

Thanks for reading. Please, give me your thoughts on the matter.

 

Don't be a dumbass is this the chick you're going to marry. **** no you're 20. Can you convince you're girl to have a threesome, maybe. Be smart and have a threesome w/ this girl and be the envy of men everywhere.

[Radu]

My GF told me she is 99% straight. Months ago she said she was bisexual. It made me uncomfortable, but I let it go. Months later, I felt like asking again and she told me 99% straight. It seems like she experimented once and does not want to erase that one (apparently drunk) experience from her sexual history, but isn't actually bisexual. The 1% is not a problem. This is not retroactive jealousy. She told me about boyfriends and I don't care.

 

The problem is that the girl she had had this experience with is her "best friend". They've been friends for years and they are still friends. She only recently earned that title however. Prior to that she had another "best friend" but they had a big argument. She spends a lot of time with her "best friend". Before I met my GF, the two of them got a tattoo together (which she now regrets) and they even tried cocaine on two occasions I believe (perhaps other drugs too). I fell like this "best friend" make my GF act in ways she otherwise wouldn't.

 

I shared my feelings about how I thought her friend was a bad influence to my GF. It did not go well. My GF said I had no right to comment on their friendship. I said I was sorry and that I had been disrespectful. In some ways, I was disrespectful... Nevertheless, the two of them still hang out once in a while.

Does anyone understand my predicament? I would expect my GF to be worried if ever I would call someone I had been sexually intimate with my "best friend" (I did not phrase it like that her yet though). I feel like her best friend, who is obviously bicurious, doesn't have a job, has rich parents and is bored to death (which is why she acts reckless), still has a crush on my girl. I've hung out with the two. I can sense it. I don't like being intolerant, but I can't seem to be cool with all this crap.

 

I'm in my early early 20s. She is 19.

 

Thanks for reading. Please, give me your thoughts on the matter.

 

Your problem is not her bisexuality Mr. 1989.

 

Your predicament is your gf's immaturity, for which there is no cure.

 

About the bolded part, you messed up.

You don't 'share your feelings', you say what is on your mind, you are not a girl, you are a man [you are over 21].

You have every right to comment on their friendship as long as the both of you are still together.

The relationship between partners who are in a LTR with thoughts of maybe marriage, has the potential to develop with time over the friendships that the partners from the couple have with others.

If a woman tells you this, it means that to her you do not have a right to question her friendships, this kind of person does not belong in a relationship with you.

But what you did next was stupid. You took the blame for being disrespectfull and apologized ?

Are you serious ???

This girl snorts coke, gets tattoos, has a crush on your gf, has this much influence on your gf and you have to apologize ?

 

Look, it's very simple, it depends on the outcome you want out of this process of thought.

You can either :

1] leave her and find a girl that appreciates you, or

2] keep using her for sex, maybe push for a 3some with both of them.

 

Either is a good option, notice how the option of continuing a serious LTR with her is not there ?

That's because if you value your sanity long term, you will not do this and grow a damn backbone.

 

And as for the best friend, many relationships were ruined like that.

A friend who is ok with cheating corrupted your gf to cheating.

Don't you know that many girls up to 23-25 are very impressionable and will listen more to their group of friends than to their bf's ?

 

1989, be honest with us ... did you have a male rolemodel growing up ?

Edited July 31, 2012 by Radu

[MCMLXXXIX]

Radu,

 

I'm going to have to say what's on my mind again to her otherwise I'll be coming to this blog for the duration of the relationship. The friend is not a wreck though. She just seems to have little bit more leisure time than other people.

 

I do think my GF was immature on some levels. However I think I made her become more mature while she made decisions on her own that made her more mature also.

 

However I don't like your outlook on this. I am not going to partake in a threesome. That would be like asking for the relationship to end right then and there.

 

I've had sexual partners before, but she's my first actual partner. Everything is so damn good with her that sometimes I wonder if I am not just looking to shot myself in the foot.

 

My mother is my role model. I grew up with her. She would never approve of either drugs or bisexuality. Besides that, I made up my own male role models. What are you suggesting?

Edited July 31, 2012 by MCMLXXXIX

[MCMLXXXIX]

Me too! Unless the BFF is a lesbian.

 

Although I do find threesomes arousing, the thought of having someone else partake in our current sexual intimacy does not arouse me at all. Threesomes are good for FWB situations, not actual partners. Stop bringing it up.

 

I guess my mind is more concerned with my GF having this special bond with someone she was intimate with in the past. Although she trusts me and try my best to trust her, I would not expect her to allow me to be best friends with a fling.

[Andy_K]

Does anyone understand my predicament?

 

Totally! I'd be concerned if my gf said she was 99% straight too.

 

I'd prefer the number be a bit lower...

[MCMLXXXIX]

Totally! I'd be concerned if my gf said she was 99% straight too.

 

I'd prefer the number be a bit lower...

 

Funny, but not helping with the best friend issue.

[Radu]

Radu,

 

I'm going to have to say what's on my mind again to her otherwise I'll be coming to this blog for the duration of the relationship. The friend is not a wreck though. She just seems to have little bit more leisure time than other people.

Don't defend or backpadel what you said.

You said she snorted coke with your gf at one point.

You said she was involved physically with her at some point.

You said that she convinced your gf to both get tattoo's.

You said that you can see in her eyes that she still has the hots for your gf.

 

This is a problem, because a BFF like this is in a position to truly poison your relationship.

It is also a problem because girls of her age usually listen to their social circle more than anything else.

The whole wording being BFF is idiotic, it's a title that is given too lightly.

 

 

I do think my GF was immature on some levels. However I think I made her become more mature while she made decisions on her own that made her more mature also.

To be honest, you did not mention these decisions, but you know best i guess.

 

However I don't like your outlook on this. I am not going to partake in a threesome. That would be like asking for the relationship to end right then and there.

Fine, but keep in mind that to be together with this woman forever is not an option at this point.

You have a choice in this matter, and so does she.

Do not bring another life into this [child], untill you get these problems straightened out, and by this i don't mean her saying 'you are right', i mean watching her actions for a long time to see that she matured.

 

I've had sexual partners before, but she's my first actual partner. Everything is so damn good with her that sometimes I wonder if I am not just looking to shot myself in the foot.

Let me be blunt, you are not shooting yourself in the foot.

Take it from those on this forum who have been in relationships and are older, we have been there, we know this feeling, your life will not end if this relationship doesn't work ... you are not even a fully grown human being yet.

The brain finished development at around 25 ... your gf is still in her teens.

 

My mother is my role model. I grew up with her. She would never approve of either drugs or bisexuality. Besides that, I made up my own male role models. What are you suggesting?

I'm suggesting that she is walking all over you.

Literally, women don't love men they don't respect.

And that interaction you had with her ended up with you bowing down to her.

 

Now, before you think i'm a mysoginist or anything like this, i don't mean to hurt her, to abuse her or to do something bad to her.

What i mean is to show strength in how you implement the decisions you make.

Claiming responsability, facing stuff even when there is danger of social dissaproval, they like these things in us, it turns them on.

That's one of the reasons they ****-test us.

 

Whenever i see a guy bowing down to a woman like you mentioned in your OP, i immediately go to my RL experience, and almost every time i saw that his mother wore the pants in the family or he was raised by a single mother ... his mother was dominant in his life.

 

Look, you are 23, all grown up. If you value your mom's opinion, why don't you tell her word for word what you wrote in this thread and ask her opinion on this.

I think with some minor exceptions she will back up what the guys here wrote.

Though tbh, i have seen a case where the mother literally will not be forward about how women truly think with her son, to keep up the facade of her gender ... but i don't think it will happen like this for you.

[kaylan]

Although I do find threesomes arousing, the thought of having someone else partake in our current sexual intimacy does not arouse me at all. Threesomes are good for FWB situations, not actual partners. Stop bringing it up.

 

I guess my mind is more concerned with my GF having this special bond with someone she was intimate with in the past. Although she trusts me and try my best to trust her, I would not expect her to allow me to be best friends with a fling.

Dont mind the immature dorks in this thread. They are the same guys who end up whining when they realize women actually pose them great competition to their ladies.

 

If it bothers you OP, then just break up with her and date a straight girl. Thats all I can tell you.

 

And staying close friends with an ex or fling is a big no-no for anyone imo.

 

Dump her I say.

[MCMLXXXIX]

Radu,

 

You have been of much help. Thank you.

 

I did take a step back, perhaps bowed down, after the initial conversation, but I am still investigating the whole ordeal. BFF titles are extremely stupid I concur. I don't give them to anyone myself. I feel it's a title girl (and I say girls, not women) give each other so they can talk about you behind your back.

 

Anyhow, out of nowhere yesterday my GF started talking about her high school friends in general. So I asked her why she felt like she needed a best friend and why that specific friend was now her best friend. She said she liked her as a friend because she was so cool with everything and they could just talk about stuff and that she thought she could be her friend for years to come. I didn't say anything, but I certainly wasn't happy about that last statement. I'm definitely not going to stick around for ever if that BFF sticks around.

 

You are not a misogynist. I have been very careful with girls myself. My current GF does not play games (at least not deliberately). That is why, for the first time, I wanted to commit. My GF did try to walk over me once before. I stood my ground and now she is grateful I did. It did feel like a test.

 

I know for certain my mother would tell me that I am playing with fire. I often discuss these things with her. My GF lost a parent at a young age and according to my mom this is still impacting her behavior to this day. I didn't tell her about the whole BFF thing yet because I'm kind of ashamed that I can't just deal with it.

 

I am going to have to confront my GF about it once and for all.

[Radu]

Like i said, you know her best ... what i saw in the way you worded some stuff is that she was immature/she lacks experience.

 

The wording of your later replies seems to indicate that this girl was a sort of 'damsel in distress' scenario.

Those are nice fantasies [and make for great love stories/movies] but i don't think they work that well IRL.

 

In the end, you are just 23, it's not the end of the world ... see this through if you want, but pls ... be paranoid about the baby part.

[MCMLXXXIX]

Like i said, you know her best ... what i saw in the way you worded some stuff is that she was immature/she lacks experience.

 

The wording of your later replies seems to indicate that this girl was a sort of 'damsel in distress' scenario.

Those are nice fantasies [and make for great love stories/movies] but i don't think they work that well IRL.

 

In the end, you are just 23, it's not the end of the world ... see this through if you want, but pls ... be paranoid about the baby part.

 

Thank you for the support. Everyday my GF lets me know she is happy for us. Sometimes I feel I owe her more trust. What I get from her is that us is now and whatever was then is then (sometimes I sense shame). It's still hard to sit back and enjoy the many good things about us, especially when a big part of her then is still around.

 

She is not a distress fantasy however. I've known a girl like that. I stopped being involved. Sometimes I just feel she wants her cake and eat it too, meaning no compromise, as if she thought the only integral part of being together was being exclusive to one another.

 

Don't worry, I don't want babies! I've always been careful with that stuff. Babies will come around when I want them.

Edited July 31, 2012 by MCMLXXXIX