NITRAMSRM Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Hi All, Thanks in advance for the advice. Divorced 3 years (married 14). He cheated. Just one serious relationship since, and one that almost got serious but suddenly broke up a month ago. Kinda sorta mutual, I was thinking about it but he pulled the trigger. I'm single but doing the online dating thing. Talking to several guys right now. Met one at Starbucks last night. He is insanely attractive and sexy as hell. He admitted he didn't read my profile, but only saw my picture. He asked if I would meet him the first night we chatted on the site (at 11:30 at night). I said no, so we met the next afternoon at Starbucks. His story is that he's been married twice and both times the wives cheated -- with his close friends. He says he keeps mainly to himself, only sorta friends with coworkers (law enforcement). Trouble is, I read his profile right before we met. His says he didn't want to date women with children. So I brought it up right away. He looked disappointed and like he was searching for something to say. He said he had dealt with a lot of drama with his two wives and didn't want to experience that again. We continued to talk, for the next six or seven hours. It was great. This muscle-bound gorgeous cop loves Barbara Streisand and Nancy Wilson and he fixes cars to pass the time when he's not working. Has driven all over the country and has a story for every occasion. Thoroughly interesting right? So we start asking these crazy questions of each other, and he asks me if I've ever had a one night stand. I said no, but that I had arranged one once. I didn't go through with it because having never had casual sex, I was afraid of developing feelings and getting heartbroken. That set him off. He told me he'd be off during the week and asked me to come by to "do something you've never done before." He was so intense about the questioning. I admit that I really wanted to say yes right there. I told him I'd think about it. Today, he text me again asking about it. Not inquiring too much about my day, my life. Just the sex. I don't know how to feel about this. I really would love to have a non-serious fling, but I don't know how to separate sex and emotion. I want him to want more than that. Do you think he possibly wants the one-night stand so he can hurry up and get me out of the way because he doesn't want to date women with children? He described our afternoon/evening as "beautiful" and something unexpected. But when it gets right down to it, am I about to get my feelings hurt?
yongyong Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 You described him as sexy and attractive as hell. You will claim you like his personality too (because that makes you look less slut) But you don't know Much about him at all. I think you are just attracted to his physical traits. So you won't be too attached to him even though he dumps you after having sex. Bottom line, What's wrong with getting banged by a hot guy?
veggirl Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Oh wow... Met one at Starbucks last night. He is insanely attractive and sexy as hell. He admitted he didn't read my profile, but only saw my picture. He asked if I would meet him the first night we chatted on the site (at 11:30 at night). Okay a guy asking you meet up for the first time at 11:30 PM is up to no good. You should have written him off as soon as he did that. So we start asking these crazy questions of each other, and he asks me if I've ever had a one night stand. I said no, but that I had arranged one once. I didn't go through with it because having never had casual sex, I was afraid of developing feelings and getting heartbroken. A guy who is interested in you does not bring up sex on a first date. that is sooo classless. Major turn off. Major red flag. That set him off. He told me he'd be off during the week and asked me to come by to "do something you've never done before." He was so intense about the questioning. I admit that I really wanted to say yes right there. I told him I'd think about it. why did you want to say yes? he is clearly trying to use you for sex and... Today, he text me again asking about it. Not inquiring too much about my day, my life. Just the sex. wow how charming... I don't know how to feel about this. I really would love to have a non-serious fling, but I don't know how to separate sex and emotion. I want him to want more than that. ...this right here is OBVIOUSLY why you should say no. ALL he wants is sex. You can't separate sex from emotion. So WHY would you put yourself through this? Do you think he possibly wants the one-night stand so he can hurry up and get me out of the way because he doesn't want to date women with children? yes. Guarantee he will stop talking to you if you don't put out quickly. He described our afternoon/evening as "beautiful" and something unexpected. yeah, that's called "a line". It's used to get women's panties off. But when it gets right down to it, am I about to get my feelings hurt? DUH!!!! Stop talking to this guy! Don't even give him a reason. Seriously. Do not respond to him. He is looking for NSA sex. You do not want that. So WHY would you continue engaging him?
Author NITRAMSRM Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Ha! Well, it's not fun feeling like a whore. But in all seriousness, what I learned about him, I really liked. I think it would be nice to get to know him better. Just don't know if he's interested in that. And well, intellectually, nothing's wrong with getting banged out by hot guy, except, I haven't ever had sex without being attached. The sex would attach me. What happens next? I would feel horrible if I never hear from him again and if he makes it clear he doesn't want to go further. How do I make that switch in my head?.
veggirl Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 omg. Ha! Well, it's not fun feeling like a whore. But in all seriousness, what I learned about him, I really liked. I think it would be nice to get to know him better. Just don't know if he's interested in that. He's not. He hasn't asked you about you or your life or anything other than fking him and having a ONE NIGHT STAND since after your first date. And well, intellectually, nothing's wrong with getting banged out by hot guy, except, I haven't ever had sex without being attached. The sex would attach me. What happens next? I would feel horrible if I never hear from him again and if he makes it clear he doesn't want to go further. Look he already said he doesn't want a woman with kids. You have kids. He has been sexual and basically only sexual since you met. Obviously he is not looking for a relationship with you. Just let it go. How do I make that switch in my head?. You don't. You accept that you are looking for more than just sex, and he is not. And you walk away.
Author NITRAMSRM Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Oh wow... Okay a guy asking you meet up for the first time at 11:30 PM is up to no good. You should have written him off as soon as he did that. A guy who is interested in you does not bring up sex on a first date. that is sooo classless. Major turn off. Major red flag. why did you want to say yes? he is clearly trying to use you for sex and... wow how charming... ...this right here is OBVIOUSLY why you should say no. ALL he wants is sex. You can't separate sex from emotion. So WHY would you put yourself through this? yes. Guarantee he will stop talking to you if you don't put out quickly. yeah, that's called "a line". It's used to get women's panties off. DUH!!!! Stop talking to this guy! Don't even give him a reason. Seriously. Do not respond to him. He is looking for NSA sex. You do not want that. So WHY would you continue engaging him? LOL, when you put it like that. I wanted to say yes because I am attracted to him. I would love to be that kind of person who can have fun and guard her heart at the same time. I'm just not. I haven't responded at all. He hasn't texted again.
Author NITRAMSRM Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 omg. He's not. He hasn't asked you about you or your life or anything other than fking him and having a ONE NIGHT STAND since after your first date. Look he already said he doesn't want a woman with kids. You have kids. He has been sexual and basically only sexual since you met. Obviously he is not looking for a relationship with you. Just let it go. You don't. You accept that you are looking for more than just sex, and he is not. And you walk away. Harsh but true. (I still want to fk him. I guess I can do that in my head with a battery assist. Ugh!)
ascendotum Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 (edited) Do you think he possibly wants the one-night stand so he can hurry up and get me out of the way because he doesn't want to date women with children? For sure. He didnt read your profile and wanted to meet you there and then at 11.30, and now when he txts you its not to inquire about your day, just the sex. A muscle-bound gorgeous man in uniform, dream guy for many women online. So many women to ****, he skips the pretence and cuts straight to the chase. But when it gets right down to it, am I about to get my feelings hurt? Thats up to you, you know yourself best. If you really want more than than just a **** session when it comes to this guy, then forget it. If you are good in bed and dont make any demands of him you could get a fwb out it, and you said you'd like a non-serious fling. If you do though I think you would be naive thinking that it he would stop meeting other women in his time away from you. "been married twice and both times the wives cheated -- with his close friends"....lol yeah sure, thats a sympathy line. Edited July 30, 2012 by ascendotum 1
thatone Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Ha! Well, it's not fun feeling like a whore. But in all seriousness, what I learned about him, I really liked. I think it would be nice to get to know him better. Just don't know if he's interested in that. And well, intellectually, nothing's wrong with getting banged out by hot guy, except, I haven't ever had sex without being attached. The sex would attach me. What happens next? I would feel horrible if I never hear from him again and if he makes it clear he doesn't want to go further. How do I make that switch in my head?. Furthermore, his entire story is made up. He didn't just glance at your profile, he probably studied it in detail, making sure to 'like' everything you liked. And unless he's Will Smith from the movie he hasn't traveled the world on a cop's salary either.
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 The guy is essentially one giant red flag, there's really nothing to dissect here....he just wants to bang you and get you out of the way, he avoided the question/topic with kids because he didn't want to ruin it. The guy wanted to meet you that night, late. Then he pushed for sex on the date. Then he pushes for sex on a text and you're seriously thinking you're going to get the chance to know more about this guy? ha! You're probably number 30 on his hit list, and you're just another woman fascinated with his appeal and career that would be willing to fall into bed with him. Yes, you'll get hurt...will you care? of course...It just is what it is, for you to expect something more than just being a good time would be extremely naive, you've really got to take a look at this guys demeanor and posture, he's just trying to get you in bed he doesn't care about anything else right now, nothing more, nothing less. So you make the decision, If this guy really wanted to get to know you and the other women he's sleeping with, he'd probably actually put some effort into that instead of just putting in the time and effort just to get you into bed. He keeps mainly to himself because he's too busy trying to swoon women into bed from the dating site, that's his other hobby he didn't mention to you about. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Ha! Well, it's not fun feeling like a whore. But in all seriousness, what I learned about him, I really liked. I think it would be nice to get to know him better. Just don't know if he's interested in that. And well, intellectually, nothing's wrong with getting banged out by hot guy, except, I haven't ever had sex without being attached. The sex would attach me. What happens next? I would feel horrible if I never hear from him again and if he makes it clear he doesn't want to go further. How do I make that switch in my head?. It's just looks/attraction and initial charm....mainly looks because I don't see the charm You'd just have to dive into it...meaning go with the flow (he's already done this before anyway I'm sure he'll accommodate you into sleeping with, don't worry about that part) and then just spread your legs and wallah, you have had a ONS! then you'll get attached and wonder why he doesn't call anymore or only calls you at 1 am...but maybe you'll find out you can secretly whore around from now on...who really knows! but probably not.
yongyong Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 This is the clear example of what I've been saying here. 'you need to make her pussy wet' Obviously he did some immature move (asking to meet right away late at night) but you didn't care. You became pretty much deaf to your mind. you knew he was after sex. but you met him anyways and it was true. As a woman, you control sex. As a man, we control commitment. (generally) Think of this way. you met this very nice and charming guy but he just doesn't have this 'x-factor' that makes you wet down there. But he is willing to have a relationship with you. Do you even care? I don't know what's going to happen. he might find great chemistry in bed and keep seeing you OR he will lose his fantasy and disappear. It's up to you to take a risk.
Author NITRAMSRM Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Thats up to you, you know yourself best. If you really want more than than just a **** session when it comes to this guy, then forget it. If you are good in bed and dont make any demands of him you could get a fwb out it, and you said you'd like a non-serious fling. If you do though I think you would be naive thinking that it he would stop meeting other women in his time away from you. "been married twice and both times the wives cheated -- with his close friends"....lol yeah sure, thats a sympathy line. I know for sure I wouldn't be the only one. I thought he was trying the sympathy move too, so I didn't respond much to that. What he was saying was that he had problems with their exes being too much in the picture because of the kids and feeling like they had a "right" to make demands on the women and him not wanting to deal with that. I asked him if he involved himself with his exes in that way. He said no. I told him I didn't have that problem with my ex and that I might laugh if he said anything like that. I guess what I really want to hear is there is a way to make this more positive and I can't.
Author NITRAMSRM Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Furthermore, his entire story is made up. He didn't just glance at your profile, he probably studied it in detail, making sure to 'like' everything you liked. And unless he's Will Smith from the movie he hasn't traveled the world on a cop's salary either. Well, not true on the first part. He talked at length about jazz, and I don't have that much interest in it. I talked about liking to hike and engage in water sports. He said I was tomboy and he'd be there only to make sure i got home safely as he can't swim well. I have been wondering about his money too. Hey, I'm a woman :-) He said he's flown twice in his whole life. He's a road trip guy. That's more believable. Not that it matters much.
Author NITRAMSRM Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 It's just looks/attraction and initial charm....mainly looks because I don't see the charm You'd just have to dive into it...meaning go with the flow (he's already done this before anyway I'm sure he'll accommodate you into sleeping with, don't worry about that part) and then just spread your legs and wallah, you have had a ONS! then you'll get attached and wonder why he doesn't call anymore or only calls you at 1 am...but maybe you'll find out you can secretly whore around from now on...who really knows! but probably not. LOL! Okay, okay. I get it. Darn.
Author NITRAMSRM Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 This is the clear example of what I've been saying here. 'you need to make her pussy wet' Obviously he did some immature move (asking to meet right away late at night) but you didn't care. You became pretty much deaf to your mind. you knew he was after sex. but you met him anyways and it was true. As a woman, you control sex. As a man, we control commitment. (generally) Think of this way. you met this very nice and charming guy but he just doesn't have this 'x-factor' that makes you wet down there. But he is willing to have a relationship with you. Do you even care? I don't know what's going to happen. he might find great chemistry in bed and keep seeing you OR he will lose his fantasy and disappear. It's up to you to take a risk. Well, geez. I didn't meet him that night. I know this makes no difference. I did bring up the fact that he asked me to meet him late that night. He made a point of clarifying that he did not ask me to meet him, he specifically asked me if it would "crazy to meet him right now." I know, nonesense. So yeah, you're right. There's a man I know is very interested in me and would probably treat me like a queen, but he doesn't do it for me (personality and attraction--geez I sound shallow), and no he doesn't have a shot in hell. I've had enough heartache in my life. I really couldn't withstand another break.
It's Just Me Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I would love to be that kind of person who can have fun and guard her heart at the same time. I'm just not. To me, this is the core of the matter. Everything else is just noise. If you think you can boink him, knowing that you'll never hear from him again unless he wants another booty call, go ahead, but PLEASE - safe sex only. God knows what kinds of cooties he's carrying. I'm the same way (can't do ONS). I avoided these clowns like the plague, because I knew I deserved better, and knew I'd feel like a big pile of poop if I went for it. My self-respect is a very strong compass, indeed.
Author NITRAMSRM Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 To me, this is the core of the matter. Everything else is just noise. If you think you can boink him, knowing that you'll never hear from him again unless he wants another booty call, go ahead, but PLEASE - safe sex only. God knows what kinds of cooties he's carrying. I'm the same way (can't do ONS). I avoided these clowns like the plague, because I knew I deserved better, and knew I'd feel like a big pile of poop if I went for it. My self-respect is a very strong compass, indeed. Agreed. I can't do this. I won't respond. Thanks everyone for setting me straight.
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