FearfulFuture Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 What does it mean when the dumper after 3 months no contact reaches out and says 'i miss you', 'i regret things' and 'i want to see you again'? Then when you agree to hang out and see each other they do a full 180 and say 'they are not sure things will work', 'i don't want to confuse things' and 'im happy being single'? Honestly, i can't believe this has happened. I thought those words were more than breadcrumbs but now i feel so stupid and upset, again. Why would a dumper do this? I was getting on fine. Sorry, just needed to vent but im so angry at myself and her for letting this happen. Will she pull this stunt again if i go nc? I know i cant trust anything that is said anymore. Please help me understand
TaraMaiden Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 It means "Are they still thinking of me, and do they still jump when I suggest it to them? Oh, good, I see the answer is 'yes'... that is so cool! I still have what it takes! Well, I don't actually want to go back out with them again, but it's nice to see that when I snap my fingers, something happens!" May I suggest you thoroughly and carefully read The All-New Caliguy No Contact Guide in my signature, until you know it inside-out, upside-down and back-to-front? Your very dilemma is covered in it... Good luck! Hang in there - she might have fooled you once, but if you read the guide, you'll see she'll never manage that again! (Providing you stick to what it says, that is.....)
theskyisblue Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 That really is mean! How are you feeling? Sounds like it would be worth NC - but then I think you're probably doing that. Keep strong.
Chi townD Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Breadcrumbs dude! You fell for it. Don't feel bad. You weren't the first to ever fall for it, and you won't be the last. But, now you can chaulk it up to lessons learned. 2
Author FearfulFuture Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Thanks for the feedback guys. To answer the above question i feel truly terrible, just when i was beginning to feel myself again. I have been so proud of myself for initiating no contact and sticking to it, i wouldn't have replied if she hadn't been so up front and direct, i thought it was more than breadcrumbs (an actual invitation to reconcile). I didn't just go running back like a fool, we talked and i was quite straight with her but after a few weeks she pulls this, what a disaster. It takes so long to bury emotions and feelings but just a split second to bring them back to the surface. Of course as has been suggested im fully back into nc but what if another few months down the line she comes back and im still in love? How can i ever know that this time it is meant, am i suppose to never give it another chance? Another victim of a ruined love and i held all the power just for 1 minute a few weeks ago, what i would give for that feeling once again. Thank you so far to all who have helped out.
SeventhFloor Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 i thought it was more than breadcrumbs (an actual invitation to reconcile). If it was, she would let you know. As in, she would be saying, "I want to get back together with you." Anything other than that is breadcrumbs. 1
flitzanu Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 yup. sounds like a moment of self-doubt and she needed an ego boost. you proved to her you're still on-deck waiting if she chooses.
weallfalldown Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 soorry dude.....i wish my ex would say that to me....my reply would be " GET ****ED"
TaraMaiden Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 .....what if another few months down the line she comes back and im still in love? How can i ever know that this time it is meant, am i suppose to never give it another chance? .... That point is also covered in the No Contact guide I suggested you read. Take your time, and consider the manner of her approach, and what, exactly, she communicates. Anything short of "I have to see you because I think I made the most dreadful mistake of my life" - is, unfortunately, in all likelihood going to be wiener schnitzel coating....
Author FearfulFuture Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 @weallfalldown: I really wish my reply would have been "GET F****D" now but i could never live with not knowing the outcome. Unfortunately it is a devastating one for me but i guess i know (again)! @TaraMaiden: I have studied the No Contact guide and heard all the advice to do with the subject and i put it all into practice as soon as i had the chance. The words she said to me face to face were very much, "i have made a terrible mistake, i want to see you again and take things slow", i didn't realize that was breadcrumbs, it is very similar to what has been mentioned above. I feel a fool for thinking this could be the happy ending i had been longing for but yet again i am reduced to tears and she has taken all the power back, how many more times will she do this to me? I know that is up to me ultimately but when you love someone, you will try anything. Part of my successful nc was the thought she may one day return, now its happened and the chance has slipped away i will find motivation hard to come by. Maybe that was my second chance and i blew it by returning too soon, how should i have played it? Falling in love is cruel.
flitzanu Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 @weallfalldown: I really wish my reply would have been "GET F****D" now but i could never live with not knowing the outcome. Unfortunately it is a devastating one for me but i guess i know (again)! @TaraMaiden: I have studied the No Contact guide and heard all the advice to do with the subject and i put it all into practice as soon as i had the chance. The words she said to me face to face were very much, "i have made a terrible mistake, i want to see you again and take things slow", i didn't realize that was breadcrumbs, it is very similar to what has been mentioned above. I feel a fool for thinking this could be the happy ending i had been longing for but yet again i am reduced to tears and she has taken all the power back, how many more times will she do this to me? I know that is up to me ultimately but when you love someone, you will try anything. Part of my successful nc was the thought she may one day return, now its happened and the chance has slipped away i will find motivation hard to come by. Maybe that was my second chance and i blew it by returning too soon, how should i have played it? Falling in love is cruel. why do you think this was your "second chance"? nothing at all suggests that. going NC is for your benefit, and if you were thinking she would come around because you went NC, that's the worst reason to be doing it.
weallfalldown Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Actions my friend........do you see any?.....is she breaking down your door to see you?..........chasing you?....no?......well then leave it be......dead and buried!...
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