InJest Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Yes, get out now. Get out yesterday. Once you're a week or two removed and are out having fun, you'll realize you don't want a LDR with someone who doesn't care enough to maintain contact.
TG1 Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Yes cut your losses and move on, but if you really love her, I would suggest you talk to her about this
Author fray5 Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 Yes, get out now. Get out yesterday. Once you're a week or two removed and are out having fun, you'll realize you don't want a LDR with someone who doesn't care enough to maintain contact. She still maintains contact with me, slightly- asking me how work is and how I'm doing but not nearly as frequent as she was. It seems she always wants to tell me about what she's doing too. I guess this may just be a mental health issue?
Author fray5 Posted August 2, 2012 Author Posted August 2, 2012 Yes cut your losses and move on, but if you really love her, I would suggest you talk to her about this I do really love her so I think I'll try to talk with her about it. If she refuses to talk about it or just doesn't want to listen to me I guess that'll be my queue to call it off?
Emilia Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 She still maintains contact with me, slightly- asking me how work is and how I'm doing but not nearly as frequent as she was. It seems she always wants to tell me about what she's doing too. I guess this may just be a mental health issue? I only had that when I thought a guy was distancing himself from me and I was trying to work out why. I thought maybe he didn't feel we had a strong enough connection as I had distance issues in the past (not for depression reasons and I'm ok now, it was something else). Maybe she is trying to connect with you in her own way? It's really hard to guess though
InJest Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 The girl is an attention whore. She took sex off the table but still wants to text you about what the **** she is doing. Honestly though, you sound like such a sap that at this point I think you deserve what she's doing. At some point, you deserve what you allow.
TG1 Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 The girl is an attention whore. She took sex off the table but still wants to text you about what the **** she is doing. Honestly though, you sound like such a sap that at this point I think you deserve what she's doing. At some point, you deserve what you allow. As much as InJest is saying here, I have to admit InJest is right about your girlfriend as much as I hate to admit it
Author fray5 Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 The girl is an attention whore. She took sex off the table but still wants to text you about what the **** she is doing. Honestly though, you sound like such a sap that at this point I think you deserve what she's doing. At some point, you deserve what you allow. I agree with a lot of what you said, InJest- I think she does like attention because she is insecure. I don't think I'm a sap, but I just care very much for this girl. She's coming around and talking more now. She told me thanks for giving her room and she gets in phases like that where she doesn't want to be around anyone. She told me one thing she was overwhelmed with was that she wants to stay where she's at and not move anywhere else even if things went really well for us in the future. We both have very good jobs so I can respect that. I think at some point her soon I'll have to back off. I keep thinking about what if I did move up there to be with her and she continued to have these mood swings. Right now, we're only seven months in and it's happening. I've heard things like this only magnify once you live together. Now, I'm trying to figure out how I should break it off. I'm worried to be honest bc I don't want to make a bad decision. Should I break it off and have no contact or tell her we should try to remain friends? And Injest, you're absolutely correct, at some point you do deserve what you allow. I'm putting myself through much more of this than I have to right now. Thanks for being blunt and laying that out for me.
Author fray5 Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 As much as InJest is saying here, I have to admit InJest is right about your girlfriend as much as I hate to admit it Thanks for all your help TG1 and I think InJest is right too. It's just hard bc I love her a whole lot and worry that once I let her go I'll regret something. Fear of the unkown I believe is what they call it.
Emilia Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Thanks for all your help TG1 and I think InJest is right too. It's just hard bc I love her a whole lot and worry that once I let her go I'll regret something. Fear of the unkown I believe is what they call it. I think talking to her one last time might help that fear
Author fray5 Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 I think talking to her one last time might help that fear I think you're right and I think it needs to face to face. I've only had conversations with her recently on the phone. She wants to stay together until we just get sick of the distance, but I'm thinking that's just going to make things harder for me. She did tell me that when she's been with me, it's the most happy she's ever been. Emilia, thanks for all your help too. I'd feel completely alone in this matter if it weren't for you all here giving me advice.
Emilia Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 You are very welcome, I hope you get the best possible outcome from this, even if it's not easy initially.
Author fray5 Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 You are very welcome, I hope you get the best possible outcome from this, even if it's not easy initially. Thanks Emilia! It's just weird bc if someone was asking me what to do in a similar situation, I'd tell them to get the heck out. It's so much different when you have feelings attached.
Author fray5 Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 So what happened when you talked to her She told me she gets really down and isolates herself like that. She said she knows it's a problem but doesn't understand why it happens. One of the things that was bothering her is that she is looking for land where she lives now (4 hrs away) and said once she gets it she won't want to move and she loves the area she lives in now. It pretty much sounds like if things ever did work out, I'd have to move and leave my job to be with her. I can respect her wanting to stay there but also feel a little weird she'd just say that bc I'd be leaving more of my family than her. She said we might as well continue as we are and see what happens. I'm still trying to figure out what I think about all of that. Right now, I don't think it'd be wise to leave my job/family for her while she I'm having to deal with her mood swings.
in_absentia Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 I just wanted to weigh in and say that UTIs can be a very big deal, I went through a phase early last year where I got a UTI EVERY single time I had sex. It was beyond agony, I was taking all kinds of prescription drugs including morphine for the pain (I have chronic pelvic pain syndrome and UTIs make it extremely painful, intolerably so). I get pain even when not infected but for months at a time we can't have sex because it is just so painful, and all the operations, drugs, laparoscopies, cystosopies, bladder instillations, epidurals and wires into the nerves in my lower back won't and don't help. My boyfriend is a saint for sticking by me through this. I know this is pretty off topic but I just take issue with the notion that the UTIs are no big deal. It's possibly hard for a guy who has never had one to imagine, but yes it does feel like red hot sharp needles stabbing in your urethra, and sex is unbearable. I can totally understand her reluctance to have sex when every time she does, she is put in terrible, terribly agony.
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