theskyisblue Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 Hey well I’ve not posted much in the forum recently. Not sure why but it’s helped seeing what other people say and I’ve not been too sure about a lot of things. Wanted to come to the forum again and get some advice. My exgf (we’re both mid 20’s and been together a bit on and off for about a long while) broke up with me, took me back a couple of weeks later, broke up with me again (urgh that was tough) and then since then I’ve only spoken to her once on the phone and then went over to collect my stuff. Awful conversation where she said she didn’t love me. I asked for closure and she said she didn’t think we’d ever be together. Am in NC but because of where I live I’ve actually seen her without meaning to – it’s always a sucker punch when you do. Here’s a question – can a woman be emotionally invested in another female to the point where, even if there isn’t a physical relationship occurring, that just having that emotional connection gets rid of the requirement of a boyfriend? I really started to feel like I was replaced, had a couple of arguments with her about it before we broke up as well. It was as if the affection that I hoped I would get as a boyfriend was actually being directed to this female friend of hers. They are coupley in the way they talk to each other and the things they do. Anybody have any thoughts on that?
Ruby65 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 You might be misintepreting "coupley" behavior for just close friendship. After all, friendship is a really important part of being a couple and most people say they feel their bf/gf was their best friend. Lots of times when a relationship is ending, people get really close with a friend and make THEM the best friend for a while instead. Makes sense, doesn't it? I know whenever my girlfriends start calling more often and talking to me A LOT about the problems in their relationships, that relationship is usually on its way out. There's an increase in contact even before the breakup which sets the stage for more time spent talking during and after the breakup. I give this support to my close girlfriends and know they're always there to step in and give me extra support during tough times too.
Author theskyisblue Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 Hey thanks for the reply. It does make sense - it just hurt thinking about it I guess. The relationship has absolutely messed with me. Struggling with sleep and working out what to do from here. I see her and this one female friend and they're always so close. They live together and hang out and do things. I guess it hurts because I rented a place near to where she lives to then be told a week or two after signing that she doesn't love me or want me and then I see how excited she is about living with her friend. I'm stuck in this house, by myself, which was supposed to be our place whilst she is so excited about her and this friend of hers living together. I think I feel like it should be me and her getting a place and getting excited about it but instead she dumped me and is getting on with her life. That's what makes it difficult.
Ruby65 Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 I hear you. But the love she feels for her girlfriend comes from a different account. It doesn't have anything to do with her feelings for you. Imagine yourself a year from now sharing that same house with your amazing new girlfriend, so happy to be starting a life together.... and meanwhile your ex is still living with her female best friend..... her situation would seem kind of silly and immature by comparison, don't you think?
Author theskyisblue Posted July 30, 2012 Author Posted July 30, 2012 That is actually very true. Got to try concentrate on getting on with my life and meeting new people that want to be part of it. That's what I like about this community. The people here are great, the advice is good and people are understanding. Had such a tough day today. Not even really sure why - just waves of sadness absolutely crashing in to my routine. You can't even stop it - I guess you have to just feel sad. Coming back to where I live isn't always great either. Having this community that you can share things with people is a lot of help. The realisation is also that the sadness comes from all the aspects you have lost. The girlfriend, your plans with her, the companionship, self respect (a bit), and then realising that you have to make a plan without her. People say you use this time to work out who you are which makes some sense. Maybe the problem is being defined by your relationship? Hmm, might be rambling a bit here. Thanks for the reply though.
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